I'm shocked at some of the responses on this.

Especially those saying she should have "consulted" her husband, before she lost weight!
What sort of control does her selfish oaf of a husband have over her - that she needs to seek his "permission" before she loses weight??
It's her body! It's almost like her asking his "Lordship's" permission if she decided to change from wearing glasses to contact lenses. What sort of guy is she married to??

If he can't accept the fact his wife's happy with her new size, and comfortable with her weight loss, do you suggest she puts on weight just to please this excuse of a man, and make herself unhappy in the process?

I think this guy needs a woman without her own mind, a mere puppet / object, certainly not a wife.

God help this "marriage", but I think they're better off apart.

DeltaVAG^TM

There seem to be little or no understanding in the marriage.
Marriage is all about suport i.e. husband compliments wife's weakness and vice versa.
There are other ways to skin a cat, than gaining back the wieght.
Do something he likes to get back his attention and put things on the right tracks.
He can't just be annoyed for single reason, go check yourself and see what you've done.
As a woman you should be submittive but not stupid.
You know the worst thing in life is to regret an action.
you could move to a 11 to convince him that you understand his needs,
but let it be clearly stated that you like your current shape and would like to stay like that (but don't be offensive).
Men love women that can convince them using their own ideology (the man's idea).
Try this and mail me for the response.
Chao.

Some people cannot just formulate a good story.
I dont blame them
Afterall, they are getting comments already

Your tale is a fabricated one but has a resemblance to reality,
Personal experience, For those whose case might be true, You better holdon to your marriage and please your husband, Let those girls that said your husband is Daft donate thier Boyfriends to you so that you wont end up comfortless, or let them allow you move into thier homes so you wont be homeless, cos when your marriage fails, your weight would be the least of your problems,

I dont believe parts of the tale either.

However, she should have known why the guy was attracted to her in the first place. If a man is attracted to you for something that you had before and you know it, you should either not go into marriage or you decide to keep that which makes him happy.

Those talking about the girls happiness dont seem to care about the man's happiness as well. it's a 2-way thing.

I know a guy who married his wife and they already agreed as to what profession was good for the woman to be in for the sake of the family. However, the woman decided that, after a little more qualifications, she wanted to go into another profession (better pay). the guy completely refused to have his wife change her profession and even the woman's family agreed that since it was something they had both known from the start, the woman should stay in her prefession rather than seeking better pay on another job. chikena. they have stayed married for over 2 decades now.

Tope how u dey o jare. My advice 2 poster is since she's happy with her look there's no need to panic. The man will come to his senses again. He's just being unrealistic. Nlanders watz up!

No, I don't think he will come to his senses. He likes what he likes. Either she leaves and keeps her health or she gains it back, where is the OP anyways?

@ poster

The question I ask is this: Didn't your husband see u loose this weight all the while or are u both not living together? Why is it that after 4 years, he is now complaining?

Personally, i just think he's looking for an excuse to flirt. But i guess it's up to you to make a GENUINE choice. I'll go for my marriage though, but is it really worth it? If u gain ur weight back, is it an assurance that he'll come back to you. But i guess you'll do what's necessary to save your marriage. Wish u luck!

well I am not a Nigerian woman i am european. When i met him I was about a size 12 then when we got married and had our daughter I was a size 18 then after a year or so I gradually went to size 14 without any diet. I didn't seem to lose much weight after that so I decided to join gym and do aerobics and weight training and cut my calorie intake to 800kcals per day at the very most. In the space of less than 2 months I was down to size 10 I haven't been training for a while so my weight has stalled but I'm still on the strict 800kcal a day. My goal is size 8. Well I'm not going to gain weight thats for sure I told him last week that if he dosen't like it then he should file for divorce but he said he won't divorce me so what can I do.

sara j:

well I am not a Nigerian woman i am european. When i met him I was about a size 12 then when we got married and had our daughter I was a size 18 then after a year or so I gradually went to size 14 without any diet. I didn't seem to lose much weight after that so I decided to join gym and do aerobics and weight training and cut my calorie intake to 800kcals per day at the very most. In the space of less than 2 months I was down to size 10 I haven't been training for a while so my weight has stalled but I'm still on the strict 800kcal a day. My goal is size 8. Well I'm not going to gain weight thats for sure I told him last week that if he dosen't like it then he should file for divorce but he said he won't divorce me so what can I do.

You know what to do, you just don't want to do it.

hi Sara J

THe fact that he is your husband means u av to honour and respect what he wants since he cant seem to understand hw nice you are, be patience, give him want he wants, ADD a LITTLE weight, or perharps put on big dress or clothes that will look big on u, also try as much as possible he doesn't see u naked most times, let him hunt and thirst for u,
also give him time, he will definately accept u.
Also tell him u will like him to be the opposite of what he is now i.e if he is leepa, tell him u like him big also, so he can see what he wants to put u thru, am married and l like my wife to be a matchstick but she isnt so av accepted her like that.
We dont get all what we want in life,
God gives us what we need and not what we want

be blessed

sara j:

well I am not a Nigerian woman i am european. When i met him I was about a size 12 then when we got married and had our daughter I was a size 18 then after a year or so I gradually went to size 14 without any diet. I didn't seem to lose much weight after that so I decided to join gym and do aerobics and weight training and cut my calorie intake to 800kcals per day at the very most. In the space of less than 2 months I was down to size 10 I haven't been training for a while so my weight has stalled but I'm still on the strict 800kcal a day. My goal is size 8. Well I'm not going to gain weight thats for sure I told him last week that if he dosen't like it then he should file for divorce but he said he won't divorce me so what can I do.

Then, divorce him!
He's seeing another woman, and rubbing your nose in it! What more grounds for divorce do you need?
If you even began eating like a hog, became a couch potato, and blew up to a size 20, do you think he'll stop his extra marital affairs, and online porn?
He's hooked! He'll most likely say you're larger than you were when you guys got together, and carry on cheating.

Gosh, don't understand some folk - are you waiting for him to bring home a present, in the shape of an STD?

DeltaVAG^TM

Well last time i checked marriage was about compromise. You are slimming yourself down, great. But you are no longer attractive to your husband. That's a big problem. He don't like you like that obviously and he is not going to all of the sudden change and like you the way that you are. Since you are both unwilling to compromise on something. Then maybe its best if you both get a divorce. Dont let him send you to an early grave.

To be honest it doesn't look like he gives a rats ass about you. Nor do you care about him. You know what he wants and you steady trying to slim down. don't be supprised that hes finding what you lack.

Akinagirl:

Well last time i checked marriage was about compromise. You are slimming yourself down, great. But you are no longer attractive to your husband. That's a big problem. He don't like you like that obviously and he is not going to all of the sudden change and like you the way that you are. Since you are both unwilling to compromise on something. Then maybe its best if you both get a divorce. Dont let him send you to an early grave.

Akin, that's the part that bugs me - the OP didn't suddenly shrink - her weight didn't just suddenly drop of like a snake shedding it's skin!
Weight loss is a gradual thing, so it's not like her husband went to bed one night, woke up, and she was slim!

He just sees an opportunity to cheat, and takes it.
So, what happens to wives that get married at size 10, and in the course of married life and a couple of kids, goes up to a size 16?
Does that make it right for her husband to go seeking his "pleasures" elsewhere? What about when some husbands develop pot bellies, would it be right for their wives to get their rocks off outside the matrimonial home?

The fact is, people's bodies change in time, either gaining weight, or losing it. If there's enough depth of feeling, more than skin-deep, it shouldn't be an issue.

The OP's husband just likes to cheat, and he'll continue to do so regardless.

DeltaVAG^TM

Well maybe their problem goes beyond the weight. Maybe her husband just flat out dosen't like her anymore. That all i can think of.

well sara j,
you might just hav to give up that beauty figure 8. casue in the long run its not so much what others on the outside think of you, but he who lives, eats and sleeps with you. Why not return to your former size; see what happens; as in , how he reacts.


Then you can then objectively know what he wants, see if you are up to it, then make your decision whether to compromise a little or bail out.

well i guess if the husband married a plus- size lady then he must like plus- size women, he's not gonna change what he likes simply because you're the wife, I'm sure we all know by now that the husbands never change, they're the same old people, they never change, girlfriend u know the man whom u married, u should know what to do to keep him coming back. despite having said all of these, i still believe no human should make another feel less of themselves, husband or wife, friend or foe, boy or girl,

I was hardly plus size when I married him I was a size 12

May my husband never put in the position to choose between him and myself. No one is more important than myself.

Like I said, seems the issue has gone far beyond the weight. You all might want to try marriage counseling. But why are you trying to get all skinny when you know that's not what he likes? Then expect him to touch you and like you?

first of all ur husband is heratless in doing what he is doing.there is no love in him. You on your part need to know u are now one and has to work as a team not being selfish. Understanding is the keyword. I pray to God to help build the relationship back.

well, i think ur hubby has other issues with u besides the weight issue going on rite now, datz if this story is real. since u still av ur womanly curves still in places and u r happy about ur new weight, i,l advice u talk it over with him. U didnt state if u av kids cos if not,when they start coming ,u,ll fill up again .
The watchword here is communication and love, does it exist in ur marriage? cos if it does,this problems will not arise in the first place.
Nway, good luck to you

Beware of HIV from your husband!!!!

Oh yeah and don't sleep with him again until you all resolved your issue.

the most important thing is that u feel good with yourself and u r happy.

fat doesnt add any value to anyone.

if he doesnt appreciate your new look, some other man will do that for him.

your husband is just using this as an excuse to cheat on u !!!! even if u still gain the weight back, he'll still cheat on u.

u must love yourself first before any other person.

wish u all the best.

Dear poster,

Is like you dont like your marriage. If your husband says he likes you fat then give to him. Are you looking for another man outside or who are you shedding the weight for? Habah! women be wise.

Before i got married, i was size 12, but now i am about 16 not because i like it but my husband. whenever i try to complain about my size he tells me he likes it like that.

If that is what will make your husband happy and take his eyes away from adultery then do it and save your marriage.

benedictac:

Dear poster,

Is like you dont like your marriage. If your husband says he likes you fat then give to him. Are you looking for another man outside or who are you shedding the weight for? Habah! women be wise.

Before i got married, i was size 12, but now i am about 16 not because i like it but my husband. whenever i try to complain about my size he tells me he likes it like that.

If that is what will make your husband happy and take his eyes away from adultery then do it and save your marriage.

JEEBUS.

benedictac:

Dear poster,

Is like you dont like your marriage. If your husband says he likes you fat then give to him. Are you looking for another man outside or who are you shedding the weight for? Habah! women be wise.

Before i got married, i was size 12, but now i am about 16 not because i like it but my husband. whenever i try to complain about my size he tells me he likes it like that.

If that is what will make your husband happy and take his eyes away from adultery then do it and save your marriage.

Never have I heard a more daft statement.

Every human being, male or female should be comfortable with their bodies, be it slim or fat.
You're saying she should make herself miserable, just to satisfy her scumbag of a husband?
Read between the lines here - he doesn't like her anymore, and it goes beyond the weight issue!!
If she gained weight, do you think he'll stop cheating?

You come from the deluded school ot thought, that if a woman likes to look and feel good, then she's looking for a new guy.
Has it ever occured to you that people like looking good, and it's not necessesarily to do with getting a partner?
If that's the way your mind works, then when people get married, they might as well stop taking care of themselves, afterall, "they've gotten their partners."

Your way of thinking is unhealthy - the emboldened text above proves that you don't like the way you look, but are staying bigger just to please your man. That doesn't show love, it merely shows "control" on the part of your husband.

DeltaVAG^TM