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Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Parents, Is This The Best Way To Purnish Your Child?(photo) / Spare The Rod - Spoil The Child / Spare The Rod And Spoil The Child. Do You Agree? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by owen1968: 6:15pm On Sep 29, 2006
Analytical: I don't see where the definition of discipline includes beating, cane, rod, stick, switch etc. Punishment inflicted by way of correction (that is, show me what I am doing wrong, correct me, show me the right way) and training. If all you want to do is discipline then do it by the book.

Coco: all I am saying is that there is a more difficult method of achieving what you obviously want for your kids and I believe its the better way.

And yes this topic is important to me because I have siblings that believe in beating their children and I have had this argument with them many times. I was also beaten as a child and I was the wildest of children. Was that because of the beating or was the beaten because of the wild in me? I don't know. All I know is that at the time I was beaten the last thing in my mind was how "Oh I have to be a good boy next time", what was in my mind was how not to get caught the next time.

From both your statements you are moving away from beating as a cure all to once in 6 months etc. That is good. But be careful when you advocate beating because there are many people reading this now and going to buy koboko, who might not understand how little you beat. Now I tell you this, if one of these people are hot tempered and they beat and kill there children that blood will be on your hand. So be careful what you advocate. Start all your postings with "DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME - UNLESS YOU ARE A TRAINED COMPASIONATE BEATER".

Please think about this: If you were to do to a stranger on the street what you do to your own kids in the house, in the name of beating, you will be assaulted for assault. How can it be right that it is acceptable for your 4 year old, when you will be jailed for the same offence committed to a 20 year old stranger?

PS
KOKO: My hat to off to you as a single parent (I think you mentioned that). I can't imagine how hard that is. Hang in there and treat them right (I'm sure you do in all other ways - apart from this beating thing (and that's my crusade))
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by Coco29(f): 6:22pm On Sep 29, 2006
owen do not get me wrong, i was beaten by my mother to the point where i was 18 and i looked her in the eyes and said that if she hit me again i would have to sin and hit her back.


i do not slap them for every thing, but i stand by my word when i say some kids should get a slap and when i say slap i do not mean mercy-less beating no way one or two slap is enough.


yes i am a single mother of 4, 3 boys and one girl i do not need to slap them now because they are getting older now i do more talking than anything.
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by Analytical(m): 2:01pm On Sep 30, 2006
Owen1968,

Punishment inflicted by way of correction (that is, show me what I am doing wrong, correct me, show me the right way) and training.

Why did you talk about the correction and overlook the punishment?  I can't see anything like punishment in what you wrote.  I maintain there has to be appropriate punishment for you to discipline.

For every stage of a child's development, you must balance grace with truth and reality, love with discipline. Grace shows love, encouragement, empathy, affection while truth balances these with discipline, structure, limits, responsibility, consequences.  You can't tend to one side of the spectrum alone.  Grace without truth will raise kids that are loved but not responsible.  Truth without grace will raise kids that are obedient but detached and withdrawn.  Here lies the division between the two sides.

I have thus chosen to maintain the balance between the two in raising my kids.  I tell you, you can't love a child too much, but you can discipline not enough!  While you pour all the love upon a child, show them too that there are consequences for wrong actions.  As the choice is theirs to make, the consequence is yours to apply .  Punishment has to be painful, but not harmful.  There is a world of difference between the two.  The nature of the elements of grace and truth you apply from stage to stage of the development differs.  But the approach using the two should be maintained.

I never said I used beating as a cure to all.  I have always maintained using the cane sparingly and when it's necessary and appropriate for the offence.  Why would anyone want to assault anyone, talkless of a stranger?  Assault is a crime,  but training your child appropriately is never.

Since we don't seem to agree on this issue, can we then agree to disagree.  I respect your views and hope you can still sincerely say this same thing in 3 years time.  Likewise you have to respect my views too since it's producing desired results in my kids.  I have never seen perfect parents before, neither you nor I.  I have never seen perfect kids too, neither yours nor mine.  But I have seen great people of all ages.  I guess the reason we are so passionate about our different views is because we want to raise great, and not perfect, kids.  Right?  Shall we then as parents strive to achieve that as much as we can.  God help us all.

Love you all.
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by swat(m): 2:32pm On Sep 30, 2006
@Coco, i blive u have said it all, ur contributions v bin 'word'


Hey y'all, Truth is without sentiments(which is also biblical), "spare d rod and spoil d child", its not like u shuld beat d child 4 just anythin and anyhow but it as 2 b 4 a good reason n most importantly d child must b made 2 realise y he/she was beaten, disciplinin a chiild is different 4m instillin fear in them(i guess dats d mistake most parents make), u can discipline ur child wen necessary & still make urself their best friends by simply givin them dem d freedom of speech, every cild sure needs d rod @ one point or d other cos no child is goina come 4m heaven 100% obidient,
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by swat(m): 2:49pm On Sep 30, 2006
READ AND ASSESS:


A young girl was drinkin milk 4m d fridge & her father saw her in d act, d gurl just simply looked @ him & started laffin & even offered him some & d father just smiled & collected d milk 4m her &told her 2 go watc TV,
A year afta, dsame gurl was caught drinkin milk 4m d fridge by d dad but dis time d girl was frightened & there was so much guilt on her face, & d father spanked her,
Do u tink it was wrong 4 d dad 2 have spanked her?, hell naaaaah!, d difference btw d two situations is dat she knew she was doin d wrong thing in d second instance yet she went ahead, she was ALREADY aware of dat knowledge of good & evil but decided 2 go for d evil which sure deserved a lil bit of spankin 2 prevent further occurence, KAPISH!
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by kiki(f): 11:45pm On Sep 30, 2006
@sawt
well from ur story d first time the father caught her he didn't tell her wat she was doing was wrong he only said go and watch TV so when he caught her again he was suppose to talk to her and tell her wat she is doing is wrong and it is called stealin next time u do it i'll spank u so next time if she does it again then u can give her a lil spankin and moreover when d father saw that she is srinkin milk from the fridge he's suppose to know she love milk and buy alot for her instaed of spankin her it ain't her fault she love milk
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by mamaput(f): 8:55am On Oct 01, 2006
Beating a child for drinking milk beats it.
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by swat(m): 9:30am On Oct 01, 2006
@mamaput, Dis is a NIERIAN family dat keeps milk in d fridge 4 family consumption, not all of dem can afford 2 buy milk 4 their children(u shuld undastand wat m talkin about)

@kiki, i feel u but my point is d child didnt need 2 b told cos it was obvious from her rxn dat she knew she was doing d wrong thing(stealin & disobidience), i dunno about how heavy d spankin was cos it was a story i was told too but i hope u get ma point,
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by mamaput(f): 9:38am On Oct 01, 2006
Sorry my mistake,
But a child is never too young to learn wrong from right.
The Father should have told her the first time "No, no no" This child felt she would get away with it.
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by pymexys(f): 11:51am On Oct 27, 2006
I am also a supporter of bringing up children without flogging. it can be done. its not impossible. it may not be easy but, just like any other important thing in your life, it needs dedication, commitment, quality time, careful thinking and self-discipline, in doing it right. (and who says your children are not important in your life). Do a lot of talking, teaching and explanation with them. Its important to be friends with them, and have fun with them. And bet u they wouldnt want to wrong u. even if they do one day, take time to point out their wrong to them, and don’t just resort to flogging and insultive words on the slightest provocation. flogging is a weak, lazy, and less-intellectual approach. Im not saying we expect the children to reason as adults, but step down to their level and explain things to them, after reprimanding them, be it teenager or under-teenager. also take your time to understand each kid individually. Each child could have a different temperament, some learn fast, some learn slow, be patient with those that learn slow and persist, they will learn. Some could be hurt bad by abusive words, some could be hurt bad by being embarrassed in public, whatever they may be sensitive to, try not to always hurt their feelings deliberately. Always commend and praise them when they do good, u may not always reward it, but show u r pleased. Always show them u have trust in them and their abilities, and u’ll b surprised, they wouldn’t want to let u down. Never show favouritism. Never accuse them falsely ofn commiting something , or causing an accident, without knowing the truth ,even as adults we know that hurtrs, instead encourage them to be truthful , and noty to lie to u out of fear. Now(here’s the twist),sometimes, things can start really, rreally out of hand. When they do, u may have to flog. If u have to use flogging,(which ,first and foremost, u have to admit to yourself, it’s a failure on your part as a parent, which led to that, before blaming the poor kid),use it with love , not excessively, not to injure them, and not often, or u’ll end up being feared and not loved which is not healthy for the kids.both love and fear is needed, but in the correct proportion. The main aim of flogging is to show u strongly disapprove of their wrong,(and don’t forget, u must follow up with lots of non-aggressive talk and dialogue later),and not to show that u’re powerful, and u have the power to folg them anyday, anytime, ahyhow u want. Y’re not competing for power with them,don’t reduce yourself to that. I know many parents use or used flogging out of ignorance, they didn’t know or believe better methods, either way its time for a change. My message is still SAY NO to flogging. If u start right from the beginning, u have no reason to flog.

I have also experienced some of these things while growing up. And I was just a real cool and quiet kid then. Imagine! Not stubborn, not troublesome . I think that’s whats responsible for the lack of friendship between me and my parents now, and I also have a bit of a problem relating/talking to other elderly people outside. Anyway ,I love my parents, they love me, and I appreciate all the support theyre givin me. Sometimes , looking back on all that and other things, it really gets me angry, but im learning to forget all that. The lesson has been learnt, and I guess they too are learnin ‘cos they’re no longer doing same to my younger siblings.(so I was the “sacrificial lamb”, ha!, ha!!, ha!!)but I think the no friendship thing has grown and come to be like that. Im not interested in any friendship with them. Sometimes they do make some moves, but, it just doesn’t feel s natural, u know. thingz wont just suddenly change like that, after 26 yrs. Maybe it would naturally grow amd thingz would change in future, whatever. ThankGod its not a sin not to be friends with your parents. I’ve learnt and I wont let it happen in my family when I marry n have kids.





Now, my question. So much for the home, what about the floggings and corporal punishments going on in our schools? Primary and secondary schools. Im sure almost every Nigerian , who has passed through primary and/or secondary education in Nigeria, had an experience. Do u encourage or discourage it? Is d school a different scenario all together? Or does the same non-violence apply here? cos it does happens in most of our schools. Teachers, staff, prefects all flog. What reason do they have? (pls, any teacher in the house?) some say they cant just transform a child, wwho wasn’t brought up properly from home(blamin parents now). But is flogging the solution? What of other forms of punishment such as digging pits, cutting grass, sweepin, etc,not effective? Though some schools employ people to take care of all that. So , I don’t know, whatchuthink?
Also, how important do we take our parent-teacher relationships (in our kids schools), here in Nigeria? I think taking it seriously is a step in the positive direction.
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by Nobody: 3:11am On Dec 07, 2006
well my parents actually did not slap me not beat me when i was growing up but they really threatened to several times
in fact my mom sees to it that she buys cain (bulala) when ever she is coming back from work and i saw to it that the cain gets missing just in case they might be tempted to use it they wont know where to look for it grin


but my mom devised another method that was more hurtful, try and commit a crime she wont beat u, no more search for the cain she would nag ur life out, she would bring up all the past evil u have committed most times i would go and look for the cain and give her mummy please flog me make e end abeg, abeg flog me i need the flog the talk its way out of hand


but the threat of flogging the children should not be kept far, we are Nigerians and our children are getting smarter each generation

they now know how to go around crime, so we would give them lesson also that we r also Nigerian parents,

spare the rod spoils the child and exercising the rod also kills the child

the best method at extreme cases threaten the child with the rod.

i had a friend that her children grew up in the US they were highly hyper active, she trick them to follow her back home once and they did right form the airport one wanted to misbehave men she gave the child a dirty slap, the child could not hold it he went to call the cops, well the cops came indeed and then in turn gave the boy another slap - u think say na yankee u dey shocked

she was happy in a way, she had always wanted to do that back in the states
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by Eurphoria(f): 1:01pm On Dec 07, 2006
I am against hitting chiildren, for the simple reason that , it is done out of anger and frustration at what the child does and not necessarily about separating the parents emotion from actually getting the child to see right from wrong. I think many parents have abused their children all in the name of discipline, there are many many ways of doing this without violence. Parents should endeavour to lead by example and not force morality into children via hitting. Morality which themselves can not up hold. I am truly appalled by violence against children. Those who hit the hardest are the one with the most failings within themselve. what message are they sending if they can not control thier own emotions and are quick to raise the hand? What about all those ppl that were beaten black and blue and yet still go on to be nothing but the cause of countless grief for the society? it acheives nothing.
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by superman(m): 2:25pm On Dec 23, 2006
Eurphoria

infact i wish u are in saudi ! i swear i need like around 200 lashes on ur yansh hmmm u think its all over !

now leave the children alone hope u not micheal jackson impersonation
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by Eurphoria(f): 6:01pm On Dec 23, 2006
go to the gays thread superdummy you are wanted, some dicks need a spit and polish from you alrite. you know and i know you are fake wink now hurry along child
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by superman(m): 7:22pm On Dec 23, 2006
hahah well u still need some koboko from me!
Re: Parents: Is It Time To Spare The Rod? by bintudon(f): 11:57am On Aug 21, 2014
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