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Hello macsika. Its a good thing you've decided to share this with us, I hope it makes an interesting read.

Few observations: Has the story started or you're just still introducing it to us? If the former is the case, then please indicate the start of the story.

Also, are you writing the story in present or past tense? Please choose one and stick to it throughout the story. I'm not sure my mind has mastered the art of time travel and I can say the same for your other readers.

You might want to consider separating your conversations/dialogue.

Lastly, you see that letter 'I', it's one annoyingly proud alphabet, it doesn't like being written in lower case, especially when it's standing alone. Rude yeah? I know, I want to smack it too, but let's just treat it with the respect it deserves.

I'll stop here so I don't kill your vibe with plenty talk before you've even started the story. More observations will come with more updates, which I hope will be as frequent as possible.

Cheers!

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