Nothing anybody can do about it. .

But have you tried talking to him about his attitude? Like heart to heart. .. You said he doesn't gist with you, have you tried to bring up conversations and he shunned you?

Just try and lighten things up, gist about how you spent your day at night and stuffs that happened, etttccc... You can play indoor games like chess, scrabble, ludo et al, Go out together, see movies, friends, relatives together ettccc, attend weddings together...just anything that will keep the bond strong because just as flowers need water for continuous growth,, love demands nurturing too... what are those stuffs you did together while dating?

I say all these because from your write up i think what your family lacks is that togetherness, the bond seems weak, you live like strangers. ..

Just try all you can dear, all the best...

Fablady:


Me too. I wonder where they all are.

About the romance thingy, you can always make the first move na ... abi he disagrees?

@Op,did you date this man and have a proper courtship before marriage?
I'm sorry but I think you just wanted marriage and jumped into this.

thorpido:
@Op,did you date this man and have a proper courtship before marriage?
I'm sorry but I think you just wanted marriage and jumped into this.

Nope..... Dated him for 2 years. And it was not like this during dating. The bond was stronger and we use to do stuff together. Just not happening anymore. He is only interested in me visiting his family with him so they don't ask him y he is coming alone.

MarvellousGod:
About the romance thingy, you can always make the first move na ... abi he disagrees?

I do.... But I get ..... Oh I am tired, I want to sleep. Or ah! Abeg I am feeling hot. Lol.

Fablady:


Nope..... Dated him for 2 years. And it was not like this during dating. The bond was stronger and we use to do stuff together. Just not happening anymore. He is only interested in me visiting his family with him so they don't ask him y he is coming alone.

You don't have kids yet?Could that be a source of frustration?

MarvellousGod:
Nothing anybody can do about it. .

But have you tried talking to him about his attitude? Like heart to heart. .. You said he doesn't gist with you, have you tried to bring up conversations and he shunned you?

Just try and lighten things up, gist about how you spent your day at night and stuffs that happened, etttccc... You can play indoor games like chess, scrabble, ludo et al, Go out together, see movies, friends, relatives together ettccc, attend weddings together...just anything that will keep the bond strong because just as flowers need water for continuous growth,, love demands nurturing too... what are those stuffs you did together while dating?

I say all these because from your write up i think what your family lacks is that togetherness, the bond seems weak, you live like strangers. ..

Just try all you can dear, all the best...

I know it sounds strange but I try to bring up those conversations. He either ignores me or finds a way to put the blame on me. Oh...and all those together things you mentioned, he is not interested in them. So I have to do those things alone.

tearoses:
op sorry I dont really understand what you are saying

Are you saying that your hubby doesnt have sex with you at all or are you saying that the tecnique is poor?

Please also give examples of his insensitivity.

Seldom does - can go as long as once in 2 months. And when I try to force it, it does not end well.

rudebouy:


Okay now I want to say sth u mite not like.

Stop frustrating urself! Yes! Stop expecting him to change. Just relax and be nice to him.

Its like living with an alsatian dog and expecting it to stop barking. It will always bark but u just adapt to d noise.

Just be nice and good to him. Dont push him for anytin. Just accept dat you're in a prison and familiarise with ur temporal situation. And have hopes dat tins will change in d future as notin is permanent.

At least u will have peace while u wait for tins to change or get beta.

Thanks!

Fablady:


I know it sounds strange but I try to bring up those conversations. He either ignores me or finds a way to put the blame on me. Oh...and all those together things you mentioned, he is not interested in them. So I have to do those things alone.

nawa oo...Seems he's lost interest in you...

But then, why won't you guys lose interest in each other when you don't nurture your love.. you don't gist, you don't go out together, you don't see movies, even sex hard kwa.. what then do you do together? Nne, you have to try and bring back that spark you had while dating, maybe there were some things he loved about you, do you still do those stuffs? Eehh, u guys never went out while dating or what? ... don't know what else to say, your husband's case hard ooo

Anyway, I will say quit only when you've tried nne...

There's a possibility he's cheating on you cos he's acting like one(don't this seriously cos no evidence, only saying what I think)...

Fablady:


Nope..... Dated him for 2 years. And it was not like this during dating. The bond was stronger and we use to do stuff together. Just not happening anymore. He is only interested in me visiting his family with him so they don't ask him y he is coming alone.

it wasn't like this, then something must have triggered the current situation, find it and fix it.... would have been easier if he atleast shows a lil interest.. but then, just try. ..

Eg, Maybe if he wants to go out, you can tell him you wish to go with him...

What you are going through is not new it happens in most marriages especially in naija but most women esp on NL will lie about it.The days of dating is different from marriage but what I don't understand is the intimacy part
Did you say once in 2 months?he doesn't want kids from you or what
Hmmn

Fablady:


I have no idea. When I try to ask him, it ends up in a quarrel. I have cried and begged. Does not work at all. You will be surprised he mentions divorce in some instances. I never thought of it. He said there is no point me forcing it if it is not working.

Maybe he is cheating, I do not know. But he claims he is not that kind of person and Everytime I bring that topic up, he is always edgy and defensive, and of course makes me feel bad about bring it up.

But really..... How long can a woman cope without good romance in her marriage?

Fablady, what is your everyday life like? Do you work? What do you do in your free time?

Fablady:


Thanks!

Am not a marriage counsellor, am not even married sef. But d little I know abt relationships is dat how u feel abt ur marriage is more important dan wot is going on in ur marriage. So pls do not give in to frustration, apathy and hopeless. Rather accept the situation and be hopeful.

Also I think u shd get some or all of Pst. David Ibiyeomie's messages on marriage. He's d pastor of salvation ministries. I advice u get d dvd and mp3s, and try playing the video when he's around so d two of u can watch it togeda. But if he's not interested, I advice u play the mp3 with a device just loud enof and close enof for him to hear, maybe when he's in d lobby and ur washing. Dont make it look like u want him to hear it oh. Just pretend like ur playing it for urself. Its no garanti but if he can listen to some of dose messages, I think he might decide to change.

Maybe u shd give it a try.

Fablady:



Seldom does - can go as long as once in 2 months. And when I try to force it, it does not end well.

If you say he wasnt like this before then something has changed

Is he working?
Is he healthy?
Is he depressed?
Is he happy at work?
Does he have erectiooon problems?
Does he have financial problems?
Is there another woman in the picture?


You need to get to the root of the problem so that you can begin to resolve it. 2 months is a very long time not to make love. Do you sleep on the same bed everynight?

Fablady:



Seldom does - can go as long as once in 2 months. And when I try to force it, it does not end well.

Sorry sis,gotta hit the nail on the head. If its has bad as once in 2 months and he comes home everyday from work. Abeg e be like say somebody dey service am outside oo.

S3X is too important in a happy marriage oo. If he wasn't coming home everyday is different but seeing you everyday and laying next to you on the bed and not touch you for that long. Oga o. Abeg which kain tiredness be that or hotness him dey feel.

But of course you dint expect him to admit he is cheating on you when you raise the topic na * who does that * ,he will definately deny and defend himself o.


WHAT SHOULD YOU DO Start the game of ignoring him jare. Make imaginary calls like you chatting with girlfriends and gist all the way. Continue with your normal life. Be happy and strong, dress beautifully has you do when you were dating which attracted him.

Even if you not happy, pretend you are and ignore him. Treat him like you dint know he was in the house. Fake calls in his presence and laugh out loud BUT DO NOT CHEAT ON HIM O, my assumptions my be wrong.

* you could also fake you are sell servicing yourself * moan out loud such that he wakes up from his sleep. You sabo this tricks na, you are a woman.

If he truly loves you, jealousy will make him run back to your arms BUT if nothing works then you are on a lonhg thing oo..

innervoice:


Fablady, what is your everyday life like? Do you work? What do you do in your free time?

Yes I work. I come home and do house chores. In my free time, I try to talk to him but when he is not willing, I watch tv or read books.

taryour:


Sorry sis,gotta hit the nail on the head. If its has bad as once in 2 months and he comes home everyday from work. Abeg e be like say somebody dey service am outside oo.

S3X is too important in a happy marriage oo. If he wasn't coming home everyday is different but seeing you everyday and laying next to you on the bed and not touch you for that long. Oga o. Abeg which kain tiredness be that or hotness him dey feel.

But of course you dint expect him to admit he is cheating on you when you raise the topic na * who does that * ,he will definately deny and defend himself o.


WHAT SHOULD YOU DO Start the game of ignoring him jare. Make imaginary calls like you chatting with girlfriends and gist all the way. Continue with your normal life. Be happy and strong, dress beautifully has you do when you were dating which attracted him.

Even if you not happy, pretend you are and ignore him. Treat him like you dint know he was in the house. Fake calls in his presence and laugh out loud BUT DO NOT CHEAT ON HIM O, my assumptions my be wrong.

* you could also fake you are sell servicing yourself * moan out loud such that he wakes up from his sleep. You sabo this tricks na, you are a woman.

If he truly loves you, jealousy will make him run back to your arms BUT if nothing works then you are on a lonhg thing oo..

Thanks!

rudebouy:


Am not a marriage counsellor, am not even married sef. But d little I know abt relationships is dat how u feel abt ur marriage is more important dan wot is going on in ur marriage. So pls do not give in to frustration, apathy and hopeless. Rather accept the situation and be hopeful.

Also I think u shd get some or all of Pst. David Ibiyeomie's messages on marriage. He's d pastor of salvation ministries. I advice u get d dvd and mp3s, and try playing the video when he's around so d two of u can watch it togeda. But if he's not interested, I advice u play the mp3 with a device just loud enof and close enof for him to hear, maybe when he's in d lobby and ur washing. Dont make it look like u want him to hear it oh. Just pretend like ur playing it for urself. Its no garanti but if he can listen to some of dose messages, I think he might decide to change.

Maybe u shd give it a try.

Thanks!

Fablady:


Yes I work. I come home and do house chores. In my free time, I try to talk to him but when he is not willing, I watch tv or read books.

You are a strong woman oo, for 4 years. You have really tried.

rolled:
What you are going through is not new it happens in most marriages especially in naija but most women esp on NL will lie about it.The days of dating is different from marriage but what I don't understand is the intimacy part
Did you say once in 2 months?he doesn't want kids from you or what
Hmmn

No point lying. I did not come here to waste anybody's time. I came here to get opinions and a possible way to fix my problem. And I have asked him the intimacy question.... He said to get child no be by force. That it will come when it wants to come. Lol.

tearoses:


If you say he wasnt like this before then something has changed

Is he working?
Is he healthy?
Is he depressed?
Is he happy at work?
Does he have erectiooon problems?
Does he have financial problems?
Is there another woman in the picture?


You need to get to the root of the problem so that you can begin to resolve it. 2 months is a very long time not to make love. Do you sleep on the same bed everynight?

Yes he works
I don't know if he is depressed. He prefers to be left alone and does not want to talk
He is healthy
He is very happy at work, lol
He does have erectioon/ejaculatioon problems when he does not want to have sex and I want to
No financial problems. We are not rich but we are doing ok
I don't know if there is another woman
Yes we sleep on the same bed every night

Fablady:


Yes I work. I come home and do house chores. In my free time, I try to talk to him but when he is not willing, I watch tv or read books.

Don't try to talk to him anymore. He is not ready to talk or even listen. The more you try, the more he will pull away.
Take care of yourself. Go to work, do what you have to do in the house, watch TV, read books but do more FOR YOURSELF, also outside of the house.

Stay calm and friendly but take some distance to take care of yourself. Be less predictable and more interesting.

Let him be. If he starts to miss you, good but if he doesn't, then you will have to continue living your life without him, which you already kind of do.

op,
- one question before i give my contribution, what was the circumstances surrounding your marriage. Was it arranged, did you guys court, for how long? if u can answer this, i just might have an insight.

DonTim1:
op,
- one question before i give my contribution, what was the circumstances surrounding your marriage. Was it arranged, did you guys court, for how long? if u can answer this, i just might have an insight.

Not arranged. We courted for 2 years.

Fablady:


Not arranged. We courted for 2 years.

i dont want to tell it all..... but i think am sure of this

beg ur man to tell you that which he has found elswhere and wishes you have, tell him you want to try or learn.

if you still dont understand...i'll come back to spill it all

DonTim1:


i dont want to tell it all..... but i think am sure of this

beg ur man to tell you that which he has found elswhere and wishes you have, tell him you want to try or learn.

if you still dont understand...i'll come back to spill it all

I understand what you mean That one sef go cause katakata if I ask. But I will. Thanks.

Fablady:


I understand what you mean That one sef go cause katakata if I ask. But I will. Thanks.

i no say make u ask, i say make u beg, asking a man such would anger him.

eg. form cry before e gets home, or when he is around, if he comes to u (jackpot!) then beg that you want the hapiness you guys used to have et al, if he doesnt then its worse than i thought

quick question, does he tell you about his day ? spend time at home with u when not working ? am asking cos you mentioned somwhere he is only concerned when its time to visit his folks

Hmmm.. This one pass me. Now I'm scared of getting married

DonTim1:


i no say make u ask, i say make u beg, asking a man such would anger him.

eg. form cry before e gets home, or when he is around, if he comes to u (jackpot!) then beg that you want the hapiness you guys used to have et al, if he doesnt then its worse than i thought

quick question, does he tell you about his day ? spend time at home with u when not working ? am asking cos you mentioned somwhere he is only concerned when its time to visit his folks

Hmmmm..... My cries don't make any meaning to him anymore. You know how you go cry die thinking it will move him. For where, my guy no send.... When you tire to cry, you go stop by yourself.
He can stay at home from morning to night without saying anything to me. Only when I call him to eat, he will come and eat. Then back to status quo. He is actually not the type that goes out a lot.

XtraSmooth404:
Hmmm.. This one pass me. Now I'm scared of getting married

My dear, sometimes I wish I was still single. But please don't be afraid, yours might be better.

Fablady:


Hmmmm..... My cries don't make any meaning to him anymore. You know how you go cry die thinking it will move him. For where, my guy no send.... When you tire to cry, you go stop by yourself.
He can stay at home from morning to night without saying anything to me. Only when I call him to eat, he will come and eat. Then back to status quo. He is actually not the type that goes out a lot.

can you tell me somthing that you fancied most about him while you were courting and if you still do now, then tell what u thought he fancied then about you. Also state precisely when you began to notice the insensitivity issue.

about the se.x part, when precisely did it diminish to 2x a month

all this question are aimed at determining the time frame things went south