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Before You Marry That Igbo Girl,know These Facts - Culture - Nairaland

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Before You Marry That Igbo Girl,know These Facts by tonychristopher: 4:57pm On May 05, 2015
Igbo Ideas of Marriage

Inu nwunye (marriage) states Dr. Basden, "has a foremost place in Igbo social economy. It looms upon the horizon of every maid and youth as an indispensable function to be fulfilled with as little delay as possible after reaching the age of puberty". Since the Igbo are a patriarchal people, marriage is deemed an indispensable factor for the continuation of the family line of descent Children occupy the central point in Igbo marriage. The first and foremost consideration is the fertility of the couple. Parents long for this and the father of the family requests this every morning in his kolanut prayer. The mother begs for it while giving cult to her chi during annual festival. In other words, if you ask the ordinary Igbo man or woman why he desires to marry, the spontaneous answer will be: "I want to marry in order to beget my own children, to get a family like my parents".

This love for having children is manifested in Igbo names. Let us take a few typical names. One of these is Nwabu-uwa - a child is all the world to me. This name exposes the Igbo man's sentiment and the high-water mark of his ambitions. Other things in life rank second to this desire. Then there are names equally very expressive Nwakasi, a child is priceless, most precious; Nwaka-aku or Nwakego, a child out-values all money, all wealth; Nwadi-aguu, a child is desirable, man is literally famished with the hunger for children. Basden further supports this view with this remark: men and women are mocked if they remained unmarried. A childless woman is regarded as a monstrosity....". This idea is still present in. the Igbo society today. A childless marriage is universally recognised as chi ojoo. On this Basden again comments: "A childless marriage is a source of serious disappointment and sooner or later, leads to serious trouble between man and wife".

The position of a wife in her husband's family remains shaky and unpredictable until she begets a child. She becomes really secure after the birth of a male child. At this stage she is specially welcome as a responsible housewife in her husbands extended family and Umunna. In fact the birth of the child gives her the title of wife, before this time she may be said to be a wife only in anticipation. The fate of a sterile woman is very hard one indeed. Not uncommonly she is made the object of conversation and ridicule by some of her female neighbours. If an occasion for a quarrel arises, she gets the most painful telling off. Her women rivals would call her Mgbaliga, Nwanyi-iga (lit. the sterile woman, the barren one) sterile monster who has her maternal organs for mere decoration.

Women in this category of childlessness, never get tired of going to the Dibias - native doctors who sometimes can only give a psychological help. They dispose the woman well to take her 'accursed fate' with resignation. She is condemned to a diet of medicinal roots and herbs. In the far distant past childlessness was considered an irrevocable scourge and caused much despair. This is understandable since the fundamental causes were not and could not have been known by the Dibias, ill-equipped as they were with scientific medical instruments. Today, however the cases are better handled in hospitals and maternity clinics spread all over villages in Igbo land.

Not infrequently, a child is born to a woman after much anguish and long years of waiting. In her joy and gratitude she may name the child Chukwuemeka (God has been very generous towards me). On the other hand, she is now a proud mother. Her reproach among men has been-removed.

The child is a practical vindication of her womanhood. As an answer to her critics, this child may be called Ekwutosi (ekwutozina Chukwu) cease your criticising God; or Beatokwu (Benata-okwu) (cut-short-word) meaning, "lessen now your loud-mouthed criticism".

ii) Definition

We are not here concerned with the learned definitions by law students. Rather our problem is: How would two local people getting married define the step they are about to take? What does Igbo custom or tradition call marriage? The present author put the question to several people of different walks of life. Surprisingly enough, some did not consider it necessary to answer the question. An old farmer called it a union of a man and a woman leading to that of the two extended families. Another informant said it is a lasting union between a man and a woman.

Dr. Obi defines it as: "... the union between a man and a woman for the duration of the woman's life, being normally the gist of a wider association between two families or sets of families" (cool. This learned definition repeated what my informants who are simple people, have said and added more specification, with regards to the length of time and its social import for the woman.

For the ordinary Igbo, marriage is the lawful living together of man and woman of different families for the purpose of begetting children after some rites have been performed. It is regarded as a mite-stone in the life of a man and a woman, which will enable them to immortalise their remembrance through their children. They regard consent as the most important element.

iii) Love and Courtship in Igbo Marriage

Anybody who has the misfortune of having to define love finds himself in a great difficulty. This is because the word 'love',, like 'justice' is subject to many bewildering and often contradictory interpretations or connotations. Many a murder, many an abortion and other crimes and shocking sins have been committed in the name of love. Here our purpose is not to discuss love and love stories such as are found in many novels today. Rather we want to explain how the Igbo young man and young woman are attracted to each other when about to marry and what keeps them together in married life. In the past young men and young women associated occasionally. "Company keeping' and ",going steady" as a prelude to marriage among Europeans and Americans were unknown. During feasts and dances, women had their group while the young men also kept to their own group. The practice of a boy marching up and down the town with a girl did not exist, although it is coming in gradually today. This however does hot mean that the two groups lived in two different worlds or that they were like parallel lines that never meet. On several occasions they meet and talk freely. Moreover, none of them cola ever grow up in a ghetto since, each village usually farmed in a common land, fetched water from the game stream frequented the same market and played on the same play-ground. It must have been this that Dr. Marwick had in mind, when he remarked that "in Africa, the traditional way of life is intensely personal ... one cats and drinks, talks and works and plays and hunts and perhaps fights alongside the same set of people. This constant succession of face-to-face relationship covering all the activities of living gives to tribal life a special quality and makes the rules governing the formal relationships between people particularity important. Nowhere is this more true than in the case of marriage".

His remark applies to the point we are making.

Before marriage, a young man who loves a girl would speak to his parents about her. The parents will examine not only her physical beauty, but also her physical, mental and moral fitness, then her resourcefulness, graceful temper, smartness and general ability to work well. Her parental background must also be investigated. This is as it should be for "Such a tree, such a fruit" tel père, tel fils" as the saying goes, or "by their fruits you shall know them". Parents inquire very meticulously vices like murder, theft, lying, obstinate disobedience, wanton violence and other undesirable qualities would be introduced into their family. If the girl's mother is known to have been lazy, idle, gossipy, quarrelsome, way-ward, insubordinate to her husband, it may be concluded that the daughter would have these vices. This conclusion is based, for what it is worth, on the assertion that daughters usually take after their mothers. "All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his". It is necessary to note that the inquiry is done by both parties - that is, the family of the girl and that of the young man.
Re: Before You Marry That Igbo Girl,know These Facts by Nobody: 5:00pm On May 05, 2015
Best wife material in the whole world.. what we have are Igbo girls and others...

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Re: Before You Marry That Igbo Girl,know These Facts by shakazuldadon: 5:08pm On May 05, 2015
what's d methodology behind this?
Re: Before You Marry That Igbo Girl,know These Facts by Godfullsam(m): 5:12pm On May 05, 2015
Waoh shocked shocked shocked

I don learn something. Thank God for this thread, I thank God say I never propose marriage to Chineyen grin.
Re: Before You Marry That Igbo Girl,know These Facts by maajin007(m): 5:20pm On May 05, 2015
I will be back
Re: Before You Marry That Igbo Girl,know These Facts by OKUCHI11(m): 5:42pm On May 05, 2015
so igbos no be gud people to marry from abi or you want to admit THE FALLACY OF HASTY GENERALIZATION ......everlasting bastard
Re: Before You Marry That Igbo Girl,know These Facts by Penssuwa(m): 8:47am On May 06, 2015
What is wrong with you. You insinuate that igbo ladies disrespect their husbands and call them names. Guy your misrepresentation is unjustifiable. Husband is the pride of his wife in Igbo land. Respect is always primary. Against ur position, Igbo ladies know how to fan the embers of their husbands cos they believe that they can get anything once his ego is well fed.
Who the hell is doing the oriaku rubbish. Your post holds no truth. Igbo ladies are very industrious and enterprising.

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