chika98:

Men are men. They will cheat and do all sorts if they want to. These things aren't limited to tribe
or anything. Igbo men like to make noise about everything. . A good man is a good man and so is a wonderful family.
These things aren't tribe related. You all should be praying for God to give each and every one of you a man/woman
who will love, care and take care of you. . Also a family that will be nice enough to know their boundaries.
That is all. All the other talk here is rubbish and tribalistic because at the end of the day a man that will treat you like crap
will regardless of where he is from!

Very true.

Dont mind OnlyTruth jare

^^ Oh Sheesh FLG
You categorical said people should avoid inter tribal marriages.

dayokanu:

Maybe your inlaws might be the of the same opinion about you.

Just the same way I feel about Daughter in law - Mother in law feuds. A lot can be resolved if both parties put themselves in the other persons shoes

LOL. . . . whatever you say is not going to change what I previously said.
Like I said, I wont be necessarily evil. Just saying. . . . there are very crappy useless donkey azz claiming to be men/women out there. I'm just protecting them, no?

chika98:

^^ Oh Sheesh FLG
You categorical said people should avoid inter tribal marriages.

Yes, but I didnt say that one should avoid inter-tribal marriages because of factors like cheating or how he/she treats you.

If anyone cares for same culture, proximity of language, tradition, then inter-tribal is not for them. I cant be speaking English in my own own nau, I dont want to give an explanation every time I do something "abnormal".

Point is, I love my culture, language, tradition, people, etc. . . . and I'll like to share that with a man with the same foundation. My preference.

Ileke-IdI:



Yes, but I didnt say that one should avoid inter-tribal marriages because of factors like cheating or how he/she treats you.

If anyone cares for same culture, proximity of language, tradition, then inter-tribal is not for them. I cant be speaking English in my own own nau, I dont want to give an explanation every time I do something "abnormal".

Point is, I love my culture, language, tradition, people, etc. . . . and I'll like to share that with a man with the same foundation. My preference.

I understand you well BUT compatibility isn't always about speaking the same language. . In the sense that the said man
could be Nigerian but a different tribe. Don't withhold yourself because you are looking for Ekiti man. . Go and ask some of the people
who sat down waiting what happened to them. A man who loves you to bits will do everything to get on with you and your traditions albeit a tad different
We are Nigerians and so our cultures are very similar. It is what it is.

chika98:

I understand you well BUT compatibility isn't always about speaking the same language. . In the sense that the said man
could be Nigerian but a different tribe. Don't withhold yourself because you are looking for Ekiti man. . Go and ask some of the people
who sat down waiting what happened to them. A man who loves you to bits will do everything to get on with you and your traditions albeit a tad different
We are Nigerians and so our cultures are very similar. It is what it is.

And that is exactly what I'm not looking for lol.

You're right. . . I shouldnt restrict myself when the time comes, but I prefer to. But I would def prefer to settle with a Yoruba man, Ekiti man is going to far. Who wants unnecessary agidi?

LOL @ Love. I think love is just the characteristics of a man [human being] packaged together, NOT just one thing. Ch. such as devotion, trust, loyalty respect etc.
There might be a Yoruba man out there that has all these characteristics you mentioned above. . . . or not. Time will tell. [ Lol what am I saying sef? I'm just 27, still young and blossoming]

Ileke-IdI:

And that is exactly what I'm not looking for lol.

You're right. . . I shouldnt restrict myself when the time comes, but I prefer to. But I would def prefer to settle with a Yoruba man, Ekiti man is going to far. Who wants unnecessary agidi?

LOL @ Love. I think love is just the characteristics of a man [human being] packaged together, NOT just one thing. Ch. such as devotion, trust, loyalty respect etc.
There might be a Yoruba man out there that has all these characteristics you mentioned above. . . . or not. Time will tell. [ Lol what am I saying sef? I'm just 27, still young and blossoming]

Love isn't all it takes . . It has to come with all you've listed above and many more
Like you rightly said. . You are mega young and as time goes on . . You'll come to understand that
getting the right fit is more important than anything else.

Nothing

chika98:

Love isn't all it takes .  . It has to come with all you've listed above and many more
Like you rightly said. . You are mega young and as time goes on . . You'll come to understand that
getting the right fit is more important than anything else.

I'd like to believe that my age has something to do with it, but even the elders on this thread have echoed my opinion.
So it's safe to say that it all boils down to one's preference.
I doubt my preference would change.

In due time, I hope to get the right fit with a Yoruba man. . . . But like I said before, I wouldnt stick with him IF he mistreats me just because he's Yoruba. I'd drop it like it's hot.

chika98:

Men are men. They will cheat and do all sorts if they want to. These things aren't limited to tribe
or anything. Igbo men like to make noise about everything. . A good man is a good man and so is a wonderful family.
These things aren't tribe related. You all should be praying for God to give each and every one of you a man/woman
who will love, care and take care of you. . Also a family that will be nice enough to know their boundaries.
That is all. All the other talk here is rubbish and tribalistic because at the end of the day a man that will treat you like crap
will regardless of where he is from!

you're quite right but the major thing here is what happens after the honeymoon phase when all eyes have cleared and you see your partner's bedhead every morning.

that hitherto beautiful lady who once stopped traffic, and now you get to see her before the tweezers, soap, and makeup have done their work. The handsome guy all the other women were fighting over- now his snoring no dey gree you sleep again.

after the kids nko? To even comb hair na by appointment.

when the rose tinted glasses are off, that's when the tribal issues begin, and most experienced naijas know this.

that's when you start noticing attractive people from your hitherto boring tribe. And noticing all the stuff you cant stand about the other tribe.

not that couples from the same place wont have problems, but in mixed marriages the issues might get hinged on tribe, that's all.

^^^ Exactly. But even if you're from the same tribe, comes next is state bashing.

Yea, that even happens on NL.

tpiah:

you're quite right but the major thing here is what happens after the honeymoon phase when all eyes have cleared and you see your partner's bedhead every morning.

that hitherto beautiful lady who once stopped traffic, and now you get to see her before the tweezers, soap, and makeup have done their work. The handsome guy all the other women were fighting over- now his snoring no dey gree you sleep again.

after the kids nko? To even comb hair na by appointment.

when the rose tinted glasses are off, that's when the tribal issues begin, and most experienced naijas know this.

that's when you start noticing attractive people from your hitherto boring tribe. And noticing all the stuff you cant stand about the other tribe.

not that couples from the same place wont have problems, but in mixed marriages the issues might get hinged on tribe, that's all.

These are the realities in life and should be expected. The same way a woman should be expected to
gain some weight after having children . . that is the same way a man will do things that will annoy you as well.
These are non-issues and like I said before( who cares about tweezing et all?). . Marrying from the same tribe doesn't guarantee a successful marriage
and those that have married from other tribes aren't all going through hell by their in laws. Some families are nice and accepting( This is key in any tribe)
Basically it is all a matter of choice and we all tend to think some things are taken care of because you married your own? Lai Lai!
We are Nigerians need to be a bit more open minded about a whole lot of things . . Till will do . . It is foolery to ever say One Nigeria
because that in itself doesn't exist.

Ileke-IdI:

I'd like to believe that my age has something to do with it, but even the elders on this thread have echoed my opinion.
So it's safe to say that it all boils down to one's preference.
I doubt my preference would change.

In due time, I hope to get the right fit with a Yoruba man. . . . But like I said before, I wouldnt stick with him IF he mistreats me just because he's Yoruba. I'd drop it like it's hot.

Good for you.

I'm rolling on that floor. . 

chika98:

These are the realities in life and should be expected. The same way a woman should be expected to
gain some weight after having children . . that is the same way a man will do things that will annoy you as well.
These are non-issues and like I said before( who cares about tweezing et all?). . Marrying from the same tribe doesn't guarantee a successful marriage
and those that have married from other tribes aren't all going through hell by their in laws. Some families are nice and accepting( This is key in any tribe)
Basically it is all a matter of choice and we all tend to think some things are taken care of because you married your own? Lai Lai!
We are Nigerians need to be a bit more open minded about a whole lot of things . . Till will do . . It is foolery to ever say One Nigeria
because that in itself doesn't exist.

Good for you.

From your post I assume you are a man, and I suspect you have already committed yourself to something contrary to popular wisdom here.
As an Igboman, believe me, I know there are one million reasons why an Igbo man/woman may be desperate to marry from another tribe. When it comes to marriage, Igbos are VERY SERIOUS about it.

They would dig up the last information about your family (up to tenth generation if need be ) before they give you their daughter in marriage or allow their son to marry you. They will dig and dig and dig . . . unless of course your family is clean.
That is just one reason. There are others. So in that sense, it is VERY CONVENIENT to marry from another tribe. Just don't come here telling us that tribe doesn't matter in Nigeria.

I had to do this strong rebuttal because some innocent kid might actually take your advise and end up regretting his/her life later. The two women above gave very wise reasons why this is a BAD idea. So, please let it be. 

chika, do you mind Aligator she speaks from both side of the mouth .
i think she likes ofe nsala  and akpu

Onlytruth:

I'm rolling on that floor. . 

From your post I assume you are a man, and I suspect you have already committed yourself to something contrary to popular wisdom here.
As an Igboman, believe me, I know there are one million reasons why an Igbo man/woman may be desperate to marry from another tribe. When it comes to marriage, Igbos are VERY SERIOUS about it.

They would dig up the last information about your family (up to tenth generation if need be ) before they give you their daughter in marriage or allow their son to marry you. They will dig and dig and dig . . . unless of course your family is clean.
That is just one reason. There are others. So in that sense, it is VERY CONVENIENT to marry from another tribe. Just don't come here telling us that tribe doesn't matter in Nigeria.

I had to do this strong rebuttal because some innocent kid might actually take your advise and end up regretting his/her life later. The two women above gave very wise reasons why this is a BAD idea. So, please let it be. 

OnlyTruth. . . . isnt the seriousness of marriage an individual priority? Referencing that to a tribe doesn't work.

Yoruba women dont divorce their husband easily, and the traditional ones barely remarry.  My grandma's husband has been dead for more than 30yrs and she's yet to re-marry.  Should I also not say Yoruba women are not Serious about marriage?
While Nigerian men [irrespective of tribe] marry oyinbo women for money, while they have wife [-ives] at home. Nko?

*Hauwa*:

chika, do you mind Aligator she speaks from both side of the mouth .
i think she likes ofe nsala  and akpu

Are you still here?

Onlytruth:

I'm rolling on that floor. . 

From your post I assume you are a man, and I suspect you have already committed yourself to something contrary to popular wisdom here.
As an Igboman, believe me, I know there are one million reasons why an Igbo man/woman may be desperate to marry from another tribe. When it comes to marriage, Igbos are VERY SERIOUS about it.

They would dig up the last information about your family (up to tenth generation if need be ) before they give you their daughter in marriage or allow their son to marry you. They will dig and dig and dig . . . unless of course your family is clean.
That is just one reason. There are others. So in that sense, it is VERY CONVENIENT to marry from another tribe. Just don't come here telling us that tribe doesn't matter in Nigeria.

I had to do this strong rebuttal because some innocent kid might actually take your advise and end up regretting his/her life later. The two women above gave very wise reasons why this is a BAD idea. So, please let it be. 

And this is the part where I leave you to your close mindedness and keep it moving.
I laugh at strong rebuttal.LOL

What we are saying is that all 'exotic' babes are more safer in the arms of an Igbo man. dig it?

Ileke-IdI:

OnlyTruth. . . . isnt the seriousness of marriage an individual priority? Referencing that to a tribe doesn't work.

Yoruba women dont divorce their husband easily, and the traditional ones barely remarry.  My grandma's husband has been dead for more than 30yrs and she's yet to re-marry.  Should I also not say Yoruba women are not Serious about marriage?
While Nigerian men [irrespective of tribe] marry oyinbo women for money, while they have wife [-ives] at home. Nko?

Stop fooling yourself, if you believe marriage is solely on love, then you can believe anything. Race and tribe plays an intrinsic role in marriage and no matter how open minded you are, you can never bypass those factors. Even in civilized world, race is still a stumbling block in marital unions. If you think a Fulani family will wholly accept your Ekiti behind when you marry their son, then think again. Same is applicable to other tribes.

A friend of mine broke up with his Ekiti fincee because the girl's mother refused to accept him due to the fact that he is Efik. As a matter of fact, she started by calling him Omo ibo and no matter how hard her daughter try to educate her about his ethnic group, she still complains he is omo Igbo.

Another Ekiti guy I know could not marry his fiancee because his family refused to support the union and threatened to boycott the marriage simply because the lady is Ijebu. Even though both of them resides in UK and the lady was born in UK, they couldn't continue with the marriage because of pressures from the guy's family back home.

Many Igbos do not want their children to marry from Mbise or Ngwaland and it is a fact. They will rather have their children marry Yoruba or oyibo than Mbise or Ngwa and you know Yorubas feel the same about the Ijebu tribe.

So, one can defy family politics and continue with the marriage like some people have done but one also need to think it over because of who will have your back when trouble comes from such unions.

Aloy+Emeka:

Stop fooling yourself, if you believe marriage is solely on love, then you can believe anything. Race and tribe plays an intrinsic role in marriage and no matter how open minded you are, you can never bypass those factors. Even in civilized world, race is still a stumbling block in marital unions. If you think a Fulani family will wholly accept your Ekiti behind when you marry their son, then think again. Same is applicable to other tribes.

Thats not true Fulanis have ALWAYS married outside tribe. You would be dumb to think the fulanis running around in Nigeria are pure fulanis- cause theyre NOT. Infact theres no such thing as a pure fulani, they intentionally married and father children by different ethnic groups to swell their numbers-

Fulanis marrying dont have a problem with tribe or religion of a woman- everyone knows that.

Isa yaguda- has a yoruba wife, so does Atiku  . . .

sbeezy8:

Thats not true Fulanis have ALWAYS married outside tribe. You would be dumb to think the fulanis running around in Nigeria are pure fulanis- cause theyre NOT.
Fulanis dont have a problem with tribe or religion of a woman- everyone knows that.

Isa yaguda- has a yoruba wife, so does Atiku  . . .

Another foolish talk, does my statement mean that there are no Fulanis married to other tribes?. Does that mean that we should deny the existence of strife in Inter tribal marriages?. Emeka Anyoku, Ike Nwachukuw, Ekene Dili Chukwu, Godwin okpara(ex Super Eagle) etc are also Igbos who married Yoruba women; Marwa and Atiku also have Yoruba and Igbo wives; IBB had an Igbo wife, Murtala Mohammed had a Yoruba wife, etc. Does that mean that Igbos and Fulanis have always married outside their tribes.


Stick to your Harvard law and Wharton MBA abeg.

Aloy+Emeka:

Another foolish talk, does my statement mean that there are no Fulanis married to other tribes?. Does that mean that we should deny the existence of strife in Inter tribal marriages?. Emeka Anyoku, Ike Nwachukuw, Ekene Dili Chukwu, Godwin okpara(ex Super Eagle) etc are also Igbos who married Yoruba women; Marwa and Atiku also have Yoruba and Igbo wives; IBB had an Igbo wife, Murtala Mohammed had a Yoruba wife, etc. Does that mean that Igbos and Fulanis have always married outside their tribes.


Stick to your Harvard law and Wharton MBA abeg.

actually fulanis have always married outside their tribe- EVERYONE KNOWS THAT-

Aloy+Emeka:

Another Ekiti guy I know could not marry his fiancee because his family refused to support the union and threatened to boycott the marriage simply because the lady is Ijebu. Even though both of them resides in UK and the lady was born in UK, they couldn't continue with the marriage because of pressures from the guy's family back home.

Many Igbos do not want their children to marry from Mbise or Ngwaland and it is a fact. They will rather have their children marry Yoruba or oyibo than Mbise or Ngwa and you know Yorubas feel the same about the Ijebu tribe.

So, one can defy family politics and continue with the marriage like some people have done but one also need to think it over because of who will have your back when trouble comes from such unions.

I dont know any Goat family that thinks like that- maybe the low class ones- hmmm says alot about the folks you hang around.

as a yoruba Ive never heard any stories about "dont marry from ijebu or ekiti or ondo" LOL seriously.

infact Ijebu the best place to marry from- EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

sbeezy8:

as a yoruba Ive never heard any stories about "dont marry from ijebu or ekiti or ondo" LOL seriously.

infact Ijebu the best place to marry from- EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

Yea, I hear this a lot. . . . why IS that?

Ileke-IdI:

Yea, I get what you're saying and I fully support the "be careful" warning.
My mom that has never been tribal before surprised me a few days ago. She advised me not to bring a non-yoruba man home [not that I intend to anywaz], esp Igbo men because of their hate for the Yoruba people. She said that nothing can separate an Igbo man from his mother, that even if the man loves his wife, the mother would control the marriage. At the end, the woman suffers the most.

In any inter-tribal marriage, the woman carries the burnt the most. The man has authority to protect his wife in their marriage [ell some men], and can let his family know that she's his closest kin.

[size=13pt]My own lil advice, love aint even up to 10% of a marriage. If you can avoid it, plz avoid inter-tribal marriage. 
[/size]

Aloy+Emeka:

Stop fooling yourself, if you believe marriage is solely on love, then you can believe anything.

Are you retarded or blind?

Dont quote me if you dont know what da hell you're talking about.  Try to read next time before trying to sound "sophisticated", madam agony aunt.

It is not like Ileke-Idi been in a inter-tribal marriage.

Most Nigerians in America do not care who they date. The older generation normally think like this. Pity Ileke-Idi. . .


Anyway, my people the Aro, were known to marry outsiders. We do not care.

EzeUche22:

It is not like Ileke-Idi been in a inter-tribal marriage.

Most Nigerians in America do not care who they date. The older generation normally think like this. Pity Ileke-Idi. . .


Anyway, my people the Aro, were known to marry outsiders. We do not care.

I dont get you uchenna, why the pity? And I already told you that I am VERY traditional 

You think I want to sleep one night and not wake up? Just because my hubby has a deep hatred for my people, and he took out his anger on me?

Good for your people, your people also wants to find enemies everywhere they tread, or is that JUST you.

Ileke-IdI:

I dont get you uchenna, why the pity? And I already told you that I am VERY traditional 

You think I want to sleep one night and not wake up? Just because my hubby has a deep hatred for my people, and he took out his anger on me?

Good for your people, your people also wants to find enemies everywhere they tread, or is that JUST you.

And what does traditional have anything to do with it? Your 'traditional' future husband may not be a good man. But everything for the sake of tradition right?

And would you not wake up? How would your husband take out his anger on you?

And who are my people? I have no enemies, only interest.

EzeUche22:

And what does traditional have anything to do with it? Your 'traditional' future husband may not be a good man. But everything for the sake of tradition right?

Being traditional has a lot to do with my decision.

And I already answered the second part of your post

Ileke-IdI:

. . . But like I said before, I wouldnt stick with him IF he mistreats me just because he's Yoruba. I'd drop it like it's hot.

EzeUche22:

And would you not wake up? How would your husband take out his anger on you?

Uchenna, now you know the answer to that question, sweety.

EzeUche22:

And who are my people? I have no enemies, only interest.

Oh so it's just you that loffs finding enemies, okay.

What I dont understand is how some men can so much hate a tribe [or many tribes], yet pick from that tribe. Are those ppl okay?

EzeUche22:

What do you mean? I only date outside my comfort zone. I have only dated one Igbo woman. The rest have been from other groups ESPECIALLY YORUBAS.

And EzeUche, I dont think you have any ground in this.

Esp since you keep harping about marrying from Ibibio/efik tribe

When are we going to have the defining moment on this thread? Many of the authors here have pointed out why folks need to stay away from intertribal marriages. I think the only point that has continued to remain in the grey in all of these arguments is how an intertribal marriage spells disaster.

One thing i know is that as long as cultures are allowed to mix, the possibilities of the sparks of romance between the unlike kinds will and MUST continue to be ignited right under our very nose. So why try to swim against the current? It makes no sense because it's pure hardwork. No matter how ill we speak of it, it's not going to stop it from happening.

Personally, my stand on it changed from negative to positive, considering the fact that it's bound to happen and there's not much that anyone of us can do about it, as long we dont plan to restrict ourselves to our small villages.