bennyrazz:
eeehyyyaaa! well I can only tell you sorry for the hurt, pick yourself up and get over it. Forgive and forget if he's a first time offender, it's allowed (men make that mistakes once in a while, only for them to find out their wife is better) or forgive and do your own if he's a serial offender.

Note: Eating EBA everyday can be very boring, same old taste, trying Semi once in a while isn't a bad idea but all men/women should have the fear of God by respecting the vow they made at his altar

mulanbaba:
ok , i will start from the beginning Hubby and i met in University.I was a virgin but not because of religion as such, i just chose to wait for the one thats all. We have been married for 12years now and i can safely say it was happily so until three months ago,when i found out that he has been having an affair with my best friend and kicked him out of the house.

now since then all my married friends have been on my case that i am pushing him into the other womans arms etc,and that i shouldnt hev come that close to single woman. No one is recognising that i am deeply hurt, i am depressed, i cant even clean my house or bath my kids and myself. i am in this deep dark hole and i have contemplated suicide

i had to get sick leave from work because i feel incapacitated right now, i can barely leave the house unless i fetch the kids from school. i had to hire a maid cos even cooking wasnt possible.

Now all the advices i am getting is how i must not push him away and still act as a wife and stop being hurt and forgive him as if one can just stop coughing even though they have TB!!,
coming to our marriage we have always had a kinky sex life so there is no position available that we havent tried axcept anal cos he is not interested. i am a very open minded person so he knows no subject is a taboo between us, but he knows that cheating and abuse are a deal breaker for me.

He has shown remorse and hev been apologising but my pain is just so deep right now. i hev asked him why and he doesnt hev any reasons because i had even suggested we explore swinging to spice our sex life which he said a big NO. So i am so confused cos i know i am a good looking woman who doesnt look older than 23 and i work out so am very toned and i do get attention a lot from other men still. so why did he do it? and why are people more concerned about him than my pain? at the moment i really dont care whether other woman take him or not because i feel injured and the wound is very deep.

so ladies please help me understand why should i be the one acting as if its my fault even though my heart is bleeding?

No one is recognising that i am deeply hurt, i am depressed, i cant even clean my house or bath my kids and myself. i am in this deep dark hole and i have contemplated suicide

bennyrazz:
eeehyyyaaa! well I can only tell you sorry for the hurt, pick yourself up and get over it. Forgive and forget if he's a first time offender, it's allowed (men make that mistakes once in a while, only for them to find out their wife is better) or forgive and do your own if he's a serial offender.

Note: Eating EBA everyday can be very boring, same old taste, trying Semi once in a while isn't a bad idea but all men/women should have the fear of God by respecting the vow they made at his altar

He has shown remorse and hev been apologising but my pain is just so deep right now. i hev asked him why and he doesnt hev any reasons because i had even suggested we explore swinging to spice our sex life which he said a big NO. So i am so confused cos i know i am a good looking woman who doesnt look older than 23 and i work out so am very toned and i do get attention a lot from other men still[b]. so why did he do it?[/b]

Sophyrocks:


And this is supposed to comfort a human who is hurt?

Caveatemptor:


Does this apply both ways?
Can the wife/woman/ladies eat Semo too once in a while?

bennyrazz:
if it does not comfort her, what will? crying? or pampering? cajoling? begging? I only said the bitter truth and she needs to suck it up. Period. Some Men cheat, live with it deal with it.

Sophyrocks:


O.k. This is the kind of talk you also want to hear when your wife cheats with your best friend. Issorait.

Caveatemptor:


Does this apply both ways?
Can the wife/woman/ladies eat Semo too once in a while?

bennyrazz:
cheating is not meant for women.

bennyrazz:
that is even if they have the mind to eat the semo. Those that have tried it know where they are now.

Sophyrocks:


If women cant cheat, why are they cheating now? Why arent they killed by firing squad? Who help women to cheat? Dnt worry you will be privileged to experience what the op is experiencing. Lets see hw you will handle it.

Sophyrocks:


Where are they now? Why havent heavens fallen down since women started cheating? Who are the men cheating with?

bennyrazz:
@op, divorce your husband cuz he cheated on you, no problem. He will simply fill in the gap.

bennyrazz:
I will not experience such because I have laid my bed very well with the help of God. I did not say women can't cheat, I said it is not meant for them and there are consequences in taking what is not yours.

mulanbaba:
ok , i will start from the beginning Hubby and i met in University.I was a virgin but not because of religion as such, i just chose to wait for the one thats all. We have been married for 12years now and i can safely say it was happily so until three months ago,when i found out that he has been having an affair with my best friend and kicked him out of the house.

now since then all my married friends have been on my case that i am pushing him into the other womans arms etc,and that i shouldnt hev come that close to single woman. No one is recognising that i am deeply hurt, i am depressed, i cant even clean my house or bath my kids and myself. i am in this deep dark hole and i have contemplated suicide

i had to get sick leave from work because i feel incapacitated right now, i can barely leave the house unless i fetch the kids from school. i had to hire a maid cos even cooking wasnt possible.

Now all the advices i am getting is how i must not push him away and still act as a wife and stop being hurt and forgive him as if one can just stop coughing even though they have TB!!,
coming to our marriage we have always had a kinky sex life so there is no position available that we havent tried axcept anal cos he is not interested. i am a very open minded person so he knows no subject is a taboo between us, but he knows that cheating and abuse are a deal breaker for me.

He has shown remorse and hev been apologising but my pain is just so deep right now. i hev asked him why and he doesnt hev any reasons because i had even suggested we explore swinging to spice our sex life which he said a big NO. So i am so confused cos i know i am a good looking woman who doesnt look older than 23 and i work out so am very toned and i do get attention a lot from other men still. so why did he do it? and why are people more concerned about him than my pain? at the moment i really dont care whether other woman take him or not because i feel injured and the wound is very deep.

so ladies please help me understand why should i be the one acting as if its my fault even though my heart is bleeding?

Wedon:


I can't even begin to imagine what you are passing through now. Having your trust broken by someone you have given everything . . Heart, body, soul, life . . . I totally understand your pain!!!


And yes, Nigerians are hypocrites. We live in a society where women are not even considered are real humans. Yes, we are wives, and mothers and people expect you to be just that. No one understands you are also a person with feeling and opinions.

Cheating is generally accepted for men in Nigeria. Very soon they will tell you to start praying for your husband that he has been possessed by some evil spirit. They will start seeing visions for you of how the devil wants to destroy your home. They will tell you the other woman went to juju to charm him bla bla bla. They will generally make excuses for HIM and help him justify his actions and avoid accepthing how badly he messed up.

I don't know wht to tell you. I wish I can say forgive him cos I can't. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness. You can forgive him whne you are done being hurt and angry. But for now, hate him all you want, he deserves it. HIM!!! Not the other woman, or the devil or the evil spirit, him your husband.

The man who held you all those night and took everything you had to offer, and still had the mind to betray your trust in the worst way possible (with your best friend).

I don't know how you can every recover from such betrayal. I pray for strength for you.

For now you need to pick yourself up and hold your head high. This is on him, not you. Your kids need you . 'You' need you.

Get back to your job and be awsome. Live your life and try to find hapiness again. Nobody deserves killing yourself over. Your life is a gift and your children need you.

I will say a prayer for you!

mulanbaba:
Wedon,Sophy and free
at least you guys understand where i am coming from. my husband hurt me a lot and i need to take neccessary steps of healing instead of acting as if nothing happened like my friends are suggesting.
he cheated with my best friend!!! both of them were acting so normal infront of me that had i not seen a whatsapp arriving on his phone while he was showering i wouldnt have believed anyone who came and told me such

i then went to the bathroom and asked when was the last time he spoke to my friend and he lied saying three weeks, which was a lie because i saw his call logs that they were talking three times a day 20minutes at a time and that he had her pictures as well so i was definately pissed and shouted and screamed.

i probably looked like a mad woman that day

mulanbaba:
i hear what everyone is saying and yes its the first time he cheated thats why i am breaking apart, so much because i wasnt expecting it and that its with my best friend so, its a double sword on me. its weighing me down. i havent told my family because they dont like him so they will use this to make me leave him. Maybe i will forgive him someday i dont know. i am currently seeing a counsellor so yeah i hope to snap out of this two.

as for my best friend i cut her out already maybe one day i will ask her why,but for now i am more concerned about myself and healing. he is very remorseful but i dont know if its because he was caught or not!!

he asked his friend to plead on his behalf instead his friend is now propositioning me and suggesting divorce lawyer for me and that he will help me financially!!! so now i see how easy to be betrayed by a friend thats why i havent told folks to come and escalate things. I am just hurting and needs like mind to say my feelings to cos i clearly cant talk with his friend since he doesnt have my hubbys interest at heart two. SMH. Humans are really deceitful indeed

bennyrazz:
I will not experience such because I have laid my bed very well with the help of God. I did not say women can't cheat, I said it is not meant for them and there are consequences in taking what is not yours.

Wedon:


I can't even begin to imagine what you are passing through now. Having your trust broken by someone you have given everything . . Heart, body, soul, life . . . I totally understand your pain!!!


And yes, Nigerians are hypocrites. We live in a society where women are not even considered are real humans. Yes, we are wives, and mothers and people expect you to be just that. No one understands you are also a person with feeling and opinions.

Cheating is generally accepted for men in Nigeria. Very soon they will tell you to start praying for your husband that he has been possessed by some evil spirit. They will start seeing visions for you of how the devil wants to destroy your home. They will tell you the other woman went to juju to charm him bla bla bla. They will generally make excuses for HIM and help him justify his actions and avoid accepthing how badly he messed up.

I don't know wht to tell you. I wish I can say forgive him cos I can't. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness. You can forgive him whne you are done being hurt and angry. But for now, hate him all you want, he deserves it. HIM!!! Not the other woman, or the devil or the evil spirit, him your husband.

The man who held you all those night and took everything you had to offer, and still had the mind to betray your trust in the worst way possible (with your best friend).

I don't know how you can every recover from such betrayal. I pray for strength for you.

For now you need to pick yourself up and hold your head high. This is on him, not you. Your kids need you . 'You' need you.

Get back to your job and be awsome. Live your life and try to find hapiness again. Nobody deserves killing yourself over. Your life is a gift and your children need you.

I will say a prayer for you!

Wedon:


Wow!!

Human beings are really terrible.

If your husband keeps such friends then its not so strange that he will stoop so low as to cheat with your friend.

Na wah. I'm just soo shocked. Things are hapenning sha.

I think you took the right step by seeing a counsellor. If eventually you want to restore your marriage then you may need to go with your husband.

He needs to at least realize that what he did was unacceptable.

Na wah!

5minsmadness:

If you are this hurt then maybe you still need him a lot.
You've driven him out of the house, you have shown your displeasure. Don't cut your nose to spite your face. Call him back for a reconciliation.

Men are beasts and make stupid mistakes. I believe he is sorry as well. Be kind to him and to yourself and forgive.