Goodmorning everyone.... been a member of this forum for a while now and it's been a source of daily inspiration for me. I need your advice on this issue cus I consider you all as elders.

Am from a family of 3 My Dad, Mum and I.
Here's how it all started.
My dad was a technical engineer for Nitel and my mum was a cook for one of those top politicians of then, somehow she met him and they both had a chemistry that produced me without doing the needful (no payment of dowry or even marriage). After all said and done, I was brought into this world and that was when the whole misery started. At the age of 4, my dad lost his job and mum lost her twins, things became hard. My dad could no longer pay my fees till this moment, my mum has been the breadwinner of the family. She had the chance of going to abuja with one of those politician's but she refused, due to the love she had for him. She has abandoned such opportunities twice because my dad. Now the situation has grown worse cus my dad now has become so lazy that he doesn't want to do anything anymore. It's making 17 yearz now and he's still jobless not even making an attempt to do anything. My mum suggested he learns how to drive, so probably he can work as a driver in an organisation like that close to the south african embassy. After much pleading, he refused to do it. She also went ahead to introduce him to learn how to drive a tricycle but he waz being arrogant, just becuze he felt people will talk and make jest of him. My mum ended up resigning at were she was working as a cook due to the fact thT her boss was relocating to Abuja and she still didn't want to leave me behind, despite all my pleads with her to go so she can have little rest of mind. Now she sells food in her shop, my dad is not even showing concern at all. He only goes there to eat and when it's time to help in packing or arranging, that's when he'll start forming one sickness or the other. Now my mum is in serious dept, even if I give her a million naira now, am sure she would use it paying debts. To cut the story short, my mum and I are fedup of him due to his laziness. We have called his brothers that are all doing well but instead of helping they just tel us to calm down and wait for a miracle to happen. Pls nairalanders wah do you suggest we do My mum is hypertensive and I am not ready to lose her now, not even for the sake of my dad.

Cc:lalasticala

Mehn dis one gidigan o, when we still dey hustle to get a job na him one man dey chop from his wife's sweat, ur dad is not gonna change, forget him and u as a guy hustle for yourself , some fathers are useless

Na waah!!! He is taking a good wife who loves him for granted

since ur dad has refused ti change, Ur mum should get intouch with one of her former employee, ask to continue working for them and relocate with u joorr

u, ur mum needs to go as far as possible away from him

when he has no one to put his weight on, he will learn to carry it and possibly carry urs n ur mum

but for nw, get away from him fast!

Your mum is in debt which shows her current business isn't going well.. what could be the cause?? If not redeemable, then ↓↓

I suggest she contacts her former employer for a chance of coming back, relocates with you, then sends money to your dad if she can and when she wishes. ..

Eehhh, what are you doing as a grown up to help your mum? you should get something doing to ease her burden. ..

How old r u? If older than 18 then⬇⬇⬇

You need to man up and take charge.
Insist your mom goes to Abuja with her boss.. Tell her u will take care of things on the home front.
Then take up some menial task to keep body and soul together until mom breaks even.
The father of the house is down.
The onus lies on you to be the man.

If younger than 15 then am sure the nairaland feminists will have advice for you.

She should have ran away with you and her other children to go and meet the abuja big boy when she had the opportunity to she was doing the girl is good for a lazy man. Anyway I don't blame your dad in anyway I blame your mom for being so unwise and letting a lazy man ride her anyhow. He for come lagos and see where husband paid for the wife food in her restaurant. Failure to pay she will leave him at the mercy of hungry angry boys that you just need to give them 500 naira each to panel beat him . he won't even be able to send am away because he is not even the breadwinner.na hunger and poverty go deal with am



When a lazy man knows he has a subservient hardworking wife with helpless children what do you expect. I'm even surprised that he didn't come with his friends to come and eat free food



Anyway op just consider your self as the son of a widow because a poor man is not even a man talk more of a poor lazy and over dependent man. Just buckle up your shoe and face your career. Tufiaaaaaaaaa

@Gidzbobby
whatever you decide to do is irrelevant here, your mum wont let go of that man now...... she is the problem here, not you nor him. if she had said NO to that lazy man from the get go, then all would be well today but she has left your dad get used to freeloading all these yrs, to not giving a fukc about anything.... and now, you want to change anything?
good luck with that.

5minsmadness:
How old r u? If older than 18 then⬇⬇⬇

You need to man up and take charge.
Insist your mom goes to Abuja with her boss.. Tell her u will take care of things on the home front.
Then take up some menial task to keep body and soul together until mom breaks even.
The father of the house is down.
The onus lies on you to be the man.

If younger than 15 then am sure the nairaland feminists will have advice for you.

am into supply of printed polo shirts and bed spreads, its sumfin I choose to do after my 1st year in school (yabatech)... with little gain am supporting her too. am also considering shifting to part-time so as to have enough time to support her financially.

MRBrownJ:
@Gidzbobby
whatever you decide to do is irrelevant here, your mum wont let go of that man now...... she is the problem here, not you nor him. if she had said NO to that lazy man from the get go, then all would be well today but she has left your dad get used to freeloading all these yrs
, to not giving a fukc about anything.... and now, you want to change anything?
good luck with that.

thank you sir, you are right cus I have pleaded with her to let go but I dunno wah holds her back when she's about to take an action. sometimes when he is in need of money or when it's time to pay the rents for the house, he behaves so well. I think that's wah he uses against my mum.

SAMBARRY:
She should have ran away with you and her other children to go and meet the abuja big boy when she had the opportunity to she was doing the girl is good for a lazy man. Anyway I don't blame your dad in anyway I blame your mom for being so unwise and letting a lazy man ride her anyhow. He for come lagos and see where husband paid for the wife food in her restaurant. Failure to pay she will leave him at the mercy of hungry angry boys that you just need to give them 500 naira each to panel beat him . he won't even be able to send am away because he is not even the breadwinner.na hunger and poverty go deal with am



When a lazy man knows he has a subservient hardworking wife with helpless children what do you expect. I'm even surprised that he didn't come with his friends to come and eat free food



Anyway op just consider your self as the son of a widow because a poor man is not even a man talk more of a poor lazy and over dependent man. Just buckle up your shoe and face your career. Tufiaaaaaaaaa

thank you foe your comment... I have told her already that he's as good as dead. am just hustling now, even if it's a self contain apartment I want to move her out of his sight and reach. I earn 20k per month and am still working on it. by this year I hope we leave him for good.

Your mum sacrificed her job for the love she had for her husband.

Your mum probably doesn't know that her relocation to Abuja might be another chance for your dad to bounce back.

We humans don't know that sometimes there's always a blessing in disguise.

Please talk to your mum to relocate to Abuja. She has to!

gidzbobby:


am into supply of printed polo shirts and bed spreads, its sumfin I choose to do after my 1st year in school (yabatech)... with little gain am supporting her too. am also considering shifting to part-time so as to have enough time to support her financially.

Good job.
As long as it fetches u at least n1000 a day on average then u r good to go.
Insist your mom gets her job back.
Unless u r afraid that the politician has other things in mind apart from work.

gidzbobby:


thank you sir, you are right cus I have pleaded with her to let go but I dunno wah holds her back when she's about to take an action. sometimes when he is in need of money or when it's time to pay the rents for the house, he behaves so well. I think that's wah he uses against my mum.

Don't listen to those telling u to let ur dad go and it's a pity u regard him as good as dead. You really don't know what is holding your mom back, you don't know of the possible contributions he made to her life when he was working. He could have well have abandoned u lot since he never legally married her but he chose to stay. Now he has nothing and has grown lazy and possibly depressed people are telling u to kick him away like a dog. Such is life.
Don't get carried away by your raging hormones.

Be the man of the house. Take over the responsibility and send your mom to Abuja. In fact it is possible that your doing this will shame your father into picking up a job even if it is labourer work.

Hmmm
I do understand this very much. I will bluntly suggest such a Man be abandoned. Once he finds it difficult to feed himself, he will find something to do.
Mummy and Son should find a way to relocate, start afresh, work hard and forget Daddy ever existed. I can assure things will get better.

There is no pity in this, irrespective of what he did when he had a job. It was & is his responsibility to fend for his family. Pitying him will not help anybody now.

I just don't understand these silly men who are a set of disgrace to good Men around the world.

MzJackBaueress:
Your mum sacrificed her job for the love she had for her husband.

Your mum probably doesn't know that her relocation to Abuja might be another chance for your dad to bounce back.

We humans don't know that sometimes there's always a blessing in disguise.

Please talk to your mum to relocate to Abuja. She has to!

big sis am just having a conversation with my mum now and funny enough can u imagine now my mum is telling me that she even offered to pay him if He could help her working at the shop.

gidzbobby:


thank you foe your comment... I have told her already that he's as good as dead. am just hustling now, even if it's a self contain apartment I want to move her out of his sight and reach. I earn 20k per month and am still working on it. by this year I hope we leave him for good.

the better for you and her. Let me see who will indulge him. Nobody go tell am when hunger comes knocking at the door. You know hunger and poverty is not far from a lazy man. The first symptoms is landlord flinging his stuffs out for failure to pay house rent and ladies of this days hate men who don't have money with perfect hatred so them nor even fit near am so that one is out of the equation. The people wey fit even give am face na maybe im mama or his sisters and his sisters gan maybe on the condition of their husbands




He go know say he just loose diamond when rain start falling on his head and there's no one to run to

Your Mum has become an enabler, until she stops supporting him he will continue to be lazy. A lazy man should not eat since he feels his pride is more important than contributing financially for his family , let her go away from him. When he sees that false pride will not feed him or pay the bills no one will tell him before he go gets any job sef.

He is a leech and he will suck her dry if she doesn't go away. At least for sometime till he starts acting responsibly, her business sef will thrive better when he's not around sponging off and just eating free food

gidzbobby:


big sis am just having a conversation with my mum now and funny enough can u imagine now my mum is telling me that she even offered to pay him if He could help her working at the shop.

Chaiii your mama sef no try. Mr man you better talk senses into your mom's head . tell her that if she does that and you leave the house you're not leaving with her and whatever she sees there she should not complain. She had better enjoy her misery quietly.


Apart from that I've never seen a man indulging a lazy indolent woman this long. He for don abandon her Tey Tey. Brace up o

gidzbobby:

big sis am just having a conversation with my mum now and funny enough can u imagine now my mum is telling me that she even offered to pay him if He could help her working at the shop.

Now this got me laughing

Some men shaa

you need to mind your biz. Your mum has been with him all these years. She knows why.
Just let it be. YOur father may be having some condition like depression and it is not easy for a man to stand up when he falls. Some men never make it up and then they get depressed and cannot cope. Stop putting pressure on your mother to do what her heart does not want to do.
You struggle and in a few years time you will be able to relieve your mum.
That is why mother is supreme! She carries all the load and she sacrifices.

Shoro leleyi. First of all I blame your mom on several grounds she lived with your dad for so long. Born 1st second and probably 3rd no legal marriage. After the first she no gree legalize am . The second come she no gree legalize am. Why your papa no go dey misbehave anyhow.



It's a pity he no marry lagos woman. Na for owanmbe party she no go come back home. It's even in the Bible that a man that cannot fend for himself is worse than an infidel. Even the elders say the wife of a lazy man is easy to snatch. If she behave like only her children exist nobody go tell him to go find work




it is only indolent people they beg to work

5minsmadness:

Don't listen to those telling u to let ur dad go and it's a pity u regard him as good as dead. You really don't know what is holding your mom back, you don't know of the possible contributions he made to her life when he was working. He could have well have abandoned u lot since he never legally married her but he chose to stay. Now he has nothing and has grown lazy and possibly depressed people are telling u to kick him away like a dog. Such is life.
Don't get carried away by your raging hormones.

Be the man of the house. Take over the responsibility and send your mom to Abuja. In fact it is possible that your doing this will shame your father into picking up a job even if it is labourer work.

Hmnn mind his business indeed while they continue leeching on the struggling woman's sweat.




A case of monkey dey work baboon dey chop. Op mind your business you hear until they run down your mom business. After e run down na you be the next person she will pour all her financial expenses on. Maybe when there is no money to pay for shop rent you will also mind your business

mutter:
you need to mind your biz. Your mum has been with him all these years. She knows why.
Just let it be. YOur father may be having some condition like depression and it is not easy for a man to stand up when he falls. Some men never make it up and then they get depressed and cannot cope. Stop putting pressure on your mother to do what her heart does not want to do.
You struggle and in a few years time you will be able to relieve your mum.
That is why mother is supreme! She carries all the load and she sacrifices.

Exactly my thought. If he was handicapped due to an accident or sickness that is understandable you can rally around him and support him but he's not sick he's not handicapped and he's an adult. Then he should work. Even the physically challenged work. There's a woman who uses crutches yet she's a fantastic tailor. If he lost his job so what. Even aaliyah said if you fall dust yourself up and try again

johnlegend01:
Hmmm
I do understand this very much. I will bluntly suggest such a Man be abandoned. Once he finds it difficult to feed himself, he will find something to do.
Mummy and Son should find a way to relocate, start afresh, work hard and forget Daddy ever existed. I can assure things will get better.

There is no pity in this, irrespective of what he did when he had a job. It was & is his responsibility to fend for his family. Pitying him will not help anybody now.

I just don't understand these silly men who are a set of disgrace to good Men around the world.

gidzbobby:


thank you sir, you are right cus I have pleaded with her to let go but I dunno wah holds her back when she's about to take an action. sometimes when he is in need of money or when it's time to pay the rents for the house, he behaves so well. I think that's wah he uses against my mum.

your dad don already know the password to get to your mom wey go make am simmer

Op, I Hope your dad didn't use jazz for mum or someone use jazz on dad because I have heard of a similar case before!
The best thing to do is for u and mum to leave dad for a while, by the time hunger wire dad he will find something to do!
If not your mum will just be there, and Nothing for u too.

mutter:
you need to mind your biz. Your mum has been with him all these years. She knows why.
Just let it be.[/b] YOur father may be having some condition like depression and it is not easy for a man to stand up when he falls[b]. Some men never make it up and then they get depressed and cannot cope. Stop putting pressure on your mother to do what her heart does not want to do.
You struggle and in a few years time you will be able to relieve your mum.
That is why mother is supreme! She carries all the load and she sacrifices.

Depression for 17 years? . You are just giving a lazy man an excuse. Everyone has a story. That's what life is all about. He needs to man up and work abeg.

Its easy for you to sit back and tell your mom to leave him, Only your mom knows why she is staying.

She is an adult and probably wiser than you

after 17 yrs of him being like this , u can't expect him to change , u can't expect your mom to leave him either . women don't leave their husbands easily . she has def enabled him n will continue to. u can only look after urself and make sure you're ok

Jeez kulyie. Why do you always have to say some thing extreme gosh.

SAMBARRY:
She should have ran away with you and her other children to go and meet the abuja big boy when she had the opportunity to she was doing the girl is good for a lazy man. Anyway I don't blame your dad in anyway I blame your mom for being so unwise and letting a lazy man ride her anyhow. He for come lagos and see where husband paid for the wife food in her restaurant. Failure to pay she will leave him at the mercy of hungry angry boys that you just need to give them 500 naira each to panel beat him. he won't even be able to send am away because he is not even the breadwinner.na hunger and poverty go deal with am



When a lazy man knows he has a subservient hardworking wife with helpless children what do you expect. I'm even surprised that he didn't come with his friends to come and eat free food



Anyway op just consider your self as the son of a widow because a poor man is not even a man talk more of a poor lazy and over dependent man. Just buckle up your shoe and face your career. Tufiaaaaaaaaa

cococandy:
Jeez kulyie. Why do you always have to say some thing extreme gosh.

as e dey vex me for body na im I talk am my dear ejeema

SAMBARRY:
as e dey vex me for body na im I talk am my dear ejeema

i can see