Mozilla: I got married less than two years ago after dating for about one and a half year. Our courtship was fun with lots of good memories. Although we had some disagreements during the courtship, it was on the whole a very positive and enjoyable experience.

My wife was very friendly with members of my family when we were dating, but starting from the wedding night, all that changed. I asked her about the sudden change of behaviour but she wouldn't offer any explanation saying that nothing had changed.

Nothing I do is appreciated by my wife. I've done everything I could possibly do to support her financially and emotionally, to help her develop her career. She is always nagging and takes great pleasure in humiliating me in front of her folks especially her mum. I guess she reckons that she'll get a great pat on the back that she is in-charge in her house just like her mum is in charge in her own house. I can't talk to her without getting shouted at. She only cooks whenever she feels like and whenever I ask; she just ignores me or she complains about being tired. I cooked occasionally especially when she pleads tiredness but had to stop when that was taken for granted.

My wife is always suspicious of everything. Always suspicious when I'm speaking with anybody on the phone, always like to eavesdrop on the conversations, she want to know what email I sent from my sent item, she want to know how much is coming in and going out of my bank account. She said I am too close to my brother ( I wonder where she got that from, like she is not close to her sister). She had my e-banking pin which I changed when she started transferred money from my account on the charge that I sent a very negligible and unprintable amount of money to my mum in one year! She charges that I didn’t send the same amount to her mum and dad even though the same amount will never be appreciated by her parent (instead I will be ridiculed).

I realise we have different family value system because in my parents marriage, the woman’s approach was more conciliatory than confrontational. My mother was submissive to my father but I guess my wife wants me to be submissive to her. The nagging is really getting to me and really affecting my health. It's even more challenging after engaging in lots of power politics at work and on getting home I have to start another round of power play. I've been telling my friends and family that I'm moving my work back to Nigeria soon but I didn't tell them that I'm running away from a marriage that is killing me. I've tried to evaluate what I have done wrong or what I'm doing wrong. I have tried all kinds of concessions but nothing is working. We have a kid. My wife might have a hard time coping on her own if I leave. She doesn't want me to leave with the kid or leave at all. She doesn’t believe she’s doing anything wrong. Will I be fair if I just walk away?

Mozilla:

Thank you Tope for your comments. What I wrote is true. But then I suppose it is from my own perspectives. I guess the story will be a bit different if it was posted by my wife. But then, I have tried several times to bring all the issues to the table with her so that it can be addressed. So far, all I've got are baseless accusations such as being married to my brother when the accusation can't be backed up with facts even though I tried to keep my distance from my brother.



The Trust thing has been there even from when we were dating. I've encouraged her to bring whatever she had against me to the table. The only thing she had brought to the table is her imaginary rivalry with my brother and I have done everything I think I can to address that. I don't even pick my brother's call when she's around and she refuses to get close to my brother or any member of my family to see that there is no reason for any insecurity because of them. She was close to all of them just before our wedding. Our relocation from Nigeria has not done anything to address her concerns in that area. I don't talk about any member of my family with her since she seems not to want to hear about them. But she wants us to talk about members of her family all the time and I've played along with that. She's always suspicious about me sending money to my mum even thought she has the pin to my account and she knows where all the money is going. I have sent a total of £110 to my mum in Nigeria over the last one year even though she is not working and partially paralysed with stroke. My wife is still not happy. What else should I do? Should I kill my mum and brothers because I got married so that my wife can be happy? She is always coming up with unexpected expenses (that throws the finances in disarray) saying that it is because I always send money to Nigeria when she knows that is not true (she has the PIN to my account). I don't know what else I could have done to make her happy.

onyinye2: I think the poster is leaving a HUGE chunk of his story out. There is no way in hell that his wife could have concealed herself so well you couldn't see she was trifling

I think it is either he is leaving something out of his story or he really sugar coated his side of the story. Because it sounds so damn faulty.

Cause you know I'm anti-submissive but like WTF game recognize game. How the hell did you not pick up on this?? Something aint right. Too many loop holes.

Until the truth is actually told, there isn't a damn thing any of yall suggest that will help this man.

osisi2: As a married woman myself, I'll say that there are 2 sides to every story.
Unless if this woman has mental problems,there's no smoke without fire.

Mozilla: @davidylan, Busy_body and chihums

Thank you for your comments. She is a Nigerian. We relocated to the UK together shortly after our marriage. One of three things happens when I try to reason with her, I either get shouted at, get a hiss + murderous look and get completely ignored.

Davidylan was quite right. I did notice the stubborn, disrespectful, shouting part while we were dating. But she was always apologetic and conciliatory when she gets hold of herself. The apologetic and conciliatory part disappeared starting from the wedding night.

@Hauwa, I have been working on this marriage starting from our wedding night! My efforts seem not being appreciated and there was no reciprocity!

Mozilla: I got married less than two years ago after dating for about one and a half year. Our courtship was fun with lots of good memories. Although we had some disagreements during the courtship, it was on the whole a very positive and enjoyable experience.

My wife was very friendly with members of my family when we were dating, but starting from the wedding night, all that changed. I asked her about the sudden change of behaviour but she wouldn't offer any explanation saying that nothing had changed.

Nothing I do is appreciated by my wife. I've done everything I could possibly do to support her financially and emotionally, to help her develop her career. She is always nagging and takes great pleasure in humiliating me in front of her folks especially her mum. I guess she reckons that she'll get a great pat on the back that she is in-charge in her house just like her mum is in charge in her own house. I can't talk to her without getting shouted at. She only cooks whenever she feels like and whenever I ask; she just ignores me or she complains about being tired. I cooked occasionally especially when she pleads tiredness but had to stop when that was taken for granted.

My wife is always suspicious of everything. Always suspicious when I'm speaking with anybody on the phone, always like to eavesdrop on the conversations, she want to know what email I sent from my sent item, she want to know how much is coming in and going out of my bank account. She said I am too close to my brother ( I wonder where she got that from, like she is not close to her sister). She had my e-banking pin which I changed when she started transferred money from my account on the charge that I sent a very negligible and unprintable amount of money to my mum in one year! She charges that I didn’t send the same amount to her mum and dad even though the same amount will never be appreciated by her parent (instead I will be ridiculed).

I realise we have different family value system because in my parents marriage, the woman’s approach was more conciliatory than confrontational. My mother was submissive to my father but I guess my wife wants me to be submissive to her. The nagging is really getting to me and really affecting my health. It's even more challenging after engaging in lots of power politics at work and on getting home I have to start another round of power play. I've been telling my friends and family that I'm moving my work back to Nigeria soon but I didn't tell them that I'm running away from a marriage that is killing me. I've tried to evaluate what I have done wrong or what I'm doing wrong. I have tried all kinds of concessions but nothing is working. We have a kid. My wife might have a hard time coping on her own if I leave. She doesn't want me to leave with the kid or leave at all. She doesn’t believe she’s doing anything wrong. Will I be fair if I just walk away?

ofpeaceandroyal: The beginning of this thread, as the OP has described. Its as if we are in thesame boat. He described everything I am going through as well with marriage. And i'll add to my situation. I saw alot of red flags during dating which i didnt ignore, but i try to change her, advice her, counsel her with word of God and refer her to alot of websites about relationships and life etc... I love her so much and i believed i could shape her into what i want, believing about the saying that there is no perfect person but you can work on people to be what you want. She is not educated, i enrolled her to study online. After paying the tuition , she only logged on twice. Money wasted and all. But she can sit all day watching series and entertainment news. She dresses in appropriately which i always also talk to her about, would even take her shopping to replace any of her dresses that i find not okay. Dont get me wrong, am a young guy and sociable. We still go to clubs and all, I admire good looks but with class and respect. She is not a good cook, i taught her how to cook different foods and found a website for cooking nigerian foods that i introduced. Yet, i still cook like 5 days in a week, other 2 days we eat out. I dont wake up to breakfast or get home from work to expect food waiting on the table. I started skipping church because she wouldnt even motivate me for it, and i have gone alone a few times and being challenged that maybe am going to look for young girls, even though she wont wake up for church. She finds it boring and have even made us leave early once because pastor is talking too much and its not interesting. Whenever i talk about prayer, she says she knows when she prays and if i dont see her praying doesnt mean she doesnt do it.
A time came when i had enough and thought i was wasting my time with her. We were still dating and living together. All these lasted for almost 2 years and my friends, even hers that we talk to about the problems have advised me personally to give up.She even tried cheating on 2 different occassions and cried blood just to be accepted back. She had no excuse other than " I have not been in a committed relationship before, men have hurt me and am scared to put my eggs in one basket" then she went on saying " You are too good and kind and give me alot of freedom'' and i just got tempted" . For this... we broke up. I was done, relieved, happy but still trying to get over her and all, until one day, 3 weeks later i got a call from her to tell me she was pregnant. I couldnt deny that, i cant advice anyone to abort, my family is against that. All i did was told her to come home so we talk and that i will accept the child but we have to go for a dna. Fast forward to 3 hours later, friends call me to tell me they saw her at a bar with another guy. I sent her a text of how shameless she is bla bla... it was like she flew to my place. already covered in tears, once again apologizing., promising, swearing etc. I let go, asked her to come back to live in the house and again, believing pregnancy and a man taking responsibility will change any woman who has been blaming alot on insecurities.
2 weeks later, 12midnight, a call came in, she was sleeping, so the person decided to send message on whatsapp. I was tempted to open and to my surprise it was a guy asking if she hadnt forgot about their date. Though previously, the guys number and chat were nt on her phone, but the new message came with the history of chats, i scrolled up. and saw she had even told this guy she was living alone and depressed. That shes pregnant for her boyfriend and he denied responsibilities. I have all these chats in my email, all the messages av sent to her, apologies, fights etc. All these am keeping for oneday to come. I took the situation very lightly, but greatly let her know the amount of damage she has caused with that. she started calling people, even my mom to beg me for her. I told them all things are fine, and never told them what she did. Only one of her friend that i told to talk with her knows.
I did 80 percent of houseworks till she gave birth, within the months, we still had problems. I was against her drinking alcohol. I stooped drinking as well to motivate her but still caught her doing it. She gave birth.. 4 months later, i still find myself with thesame workload. I reported her to her mom, the drinking..starving..house cleaning etc. As usual, her mom cant control her and whenever you report her, she brings more fire and attitude. I always try to cope, but for every single event, i keep records and let her know what is wrong. We got to a stage where we just have sex based on wanting it. I dont feel the need to cheat or get sex from outside.
I have been stressed, depressed, sick and all. I think i may just die young if life continue like this. I have lost the good girls that i can stand for anywhere to this woman whose love and beauty blindfolded me. Now i have to correct my steps. I woke up one weekend and called her to talk, i made her know how important it is for a woman to give a child 100 percent attention and time during the first 2 years, i told her we dont need a nanny and she also needs some rest and change of environment. I convinced her totally until she agreed to relocate back home for a year. After she left, I have been a new person, i look fresh and new, i feel free and happy. I cook for myself, go out when i like and am starting to meet new people. I care alot about the child and thats the major reason am still with this woman. I read alot about family affairs online and there are mixed stories, some women change, some do not. I decided to write her, to her email. Even though we talk over the phone always and chat. I reminded her int he email about the times we met, the good things, its a whole lot of message about how to make relationships work, how to make a man happy and be a good wife and mother. I told her why i sent her back that its like for separation, and that she will be away for 6 months and visit back to stay with me for a few months again. And if things didnt work out perfect within this time frame. It will be all over btw us and maybe God has just brought us together for a reason, but we deserve happiness elsewhere. She replied and promised to be a better person and will work on herself. I am at the door, already walking out and i know i will have no regrets.
My situation is far more worse than the OP'S, and since his wife was even able to come out to tackle his words. I believe they are just two people who have alot of communication problems. They both need counselling, maybe separation, or a vacation together. Talk about what they dont like and their expectations, Iron things out and get their priorities right. OP should know once hes married, his wife is the priority and the factor of his new happiness. They should be ready to apologize and forgive each other and not bring about any past issue again. They need to sort of start refresh.
I would advise single men out there to WATCH deeply before choosing a man. Men are bad, but on the surface. Women are very poisinous and can hold more secret. Choose wisely. Make a list of what you want in a WIFE and what you wont take. When you meet any lady, access her based on your plan. No matter how much you are being blindfolded, Avoid ladies with red flags at all cost, the harm they will cause will not only affect you.
Ladies should know that no matter how difficult a man is, treat him like a king and you will get the treatment of a queen. If 2face ends up with Annie, dont think he doesnt know what hes doing. He can marry prettier and richer ladies. Nothing beats peace and happiness. LIFE IS SHORT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR DAYS COPING WITH SOMEONE AND RISKING YOUR HEALTH .

Hauwa1: Mozilla

do you know that once you get married all other female friends should be something that must be in the open? let say you have female friends not gf but just friends, it is your responsibility to intro them to your wife same with her, her male friends if she has any. when they call you, give your wife the phone to talk to them. what are they calling you for that they can't call your wife for? so she is right.

i don't like women who go abt calling other women's man. once you know this person is married, move! befriend the wife not the husband!

open marriage is important to prevent suspicion which is one of your problem. yes no any woman i say no any woman would want to share her man with another woman be it just friends or something. same with a guy too. you wouldn't want your woman to be cooking your meal and chatting with her male friend on the phone. please be honest with yourself. i don't blame her for embarrassing your female friend, you seems to have proudly said it. na wah!
i hope you have sorted it out. i hope for the interest of your kid you have both settle the problem. always remember your wife comes first. you both should sit down and make a decision how to help both family and when. no hide hide in marriage. things should be done in the open. there is nothing wrong if you say ' honey let's send money to mama' and wifey says oh ok or let's do it next pay check. it is a simple thing to do.

you running away for a problem is not a way to solve it. know your mistake and avoid it. i hope you and your woman are enjoying the marriage again since you both last posted. you are in our prayers.

run away from titi, ngozi or hauwa won't help you because you wont learn by running. deal with it.

Alexis0:

sandijey: The other day, I complained about why all these women who are not so good get the best men and why the good girls seem to be left wiv the bad ones that come around. Someone replied me, I can see the evidence of such unions in today's world wiv divorce cases.

Mozilla:
I got married less than two years ago after dating for about one and a half year. Our courtship was fun with lots of good memories. Although we had some disagreements during the courtship, it was on the whole a very positive and enjoyable experience.

My wife was very friendly with members of my family when we were dating, but starting from the wedding night, all that changed. I asked her about the sudden change of behaviour but she wouldn't offer any explanation saying that nothing had changed.

Nothing I do is appreciated by my wife. I've done everything I could possibly do to support her financially and emotionally, to help her develop her career. She is always nagging and takes great pleasure in humiliating me in front of her folks especially her mum. I guess she reckons that she'll get a great pat on the back that she is in-charge in her house just like her mum is in charge in her own house. I can't talk to her without getting shouted at. She only cooks whenever she feels like and whenever I ask; she just ignores me or she complains about being tired. I cooked occasionally especially when she pleads tiredness but had to stop when that was taken for granted.

My wife is always suspicious of everything. Always suspicious when I'm speaking with anybody on the phone, always like to eavesdrop on the conversations, she want to know what email I sent from my sent item, she want to know how much is coming in and going out of my bank account. She said I am too close to my brother ( I wonder where she got that from, like she is not close to her sister). She had my e-banking pin which I changed when she started transferred money from my account on the charge that I sent a very negligible and unprintable amount of money to my mum in one year! She charges that I didn’t send the same amount to her mum and dad even though the same amount will never be appreciated by her parent (instead I will be ridiculed).

I realise we have different family value system because in my parents marriage, the woman’s approach was more conciliatory than confrontational. My mother was submissive to my father but I guess my wife wants me to be submissive to her. The nagging is really getting to me and really affecting my health. It's even more challenging after engaging in lots of power politics at work and on getting home I have to start another round of power play. I've been telling my friends and family that I'm moving my work back to Nigeria soon but I didn't tell them that I'm running away from a marriage that is killing me. I've tried to evaluate what I have done wrong or what I'm doing wrong. I have tried all kinds of concessions but nothing is working. We have a kid. My wife might have a hard time coping on her own if I leave. She doesn't want me to leave with the kid or leave at all. She doesn’t believe she’s doing anything wrong. Will I be fair if I just walk away?

omosegose:
ehnnnnnnn,      

@Mozilla

You are a perfect liar! I just came across this whilst using the system. Guessed you forgot to log and figured out it was u my husband!

@Nlanders,

Theres absolutely no truth in what mozilla just said. Whilst we were courting i met his Elder Brother who finished univeristy in 2000 and has NEVER worked. I helped him secure his first job in life in 2006 which he is still doing to this very moment. The brother had been living with him all the while.

Whilst courting the Elder brother was always in our company when we go shopping even when we were going for MARRIAGE COUNSELLING!!!!!!! Hubby has other brothers but this Elder one is so attached to him and he doesnt have limit,

Anytime i pointed it out to my husband he says you hate him, you hate my family and i stop compalining and kept mute.


I was surprised that even after getting married the elder brother was still living in the house and there was no sign of making moves to leave the house and husband didnt bother as he cannot tell his brother the truth that it was wrong. Imagine a newly wedded, with the Husband's Elder brother in the house (ladies would underrstand better), not that he didnt have money he was working but he didnt feel any need as we got along until i couldnt tolerate it anylonger that was when he moved and i apologised the day he moved out if i have wronged him in any way,   

He moved closed to our house and always wanted a free lift to work,  i have never complained (because if i did hubby will say you hate my bro) -I guess he wont go to work since his brother isnt around now though hes got my hubbys's car to himself now

My husband started extra-marital affairs 4 months after marriage, i called the girl and told her to keep off if she knows what its good for her politely. The girl called me back apologising that shes sorry that My hubby never mentioned he was Married besides he never wore a ring whilst they had an affair!

MOZILLA FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I DONT HATE YOUR MOTHER AND ANY MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY,
There's a limit to everything!!!

We dont communicate as Couple should, I had a Baby here in the UK, I called his Mother and one of his brothers to tell them. His Elder Brother didnt call me up till this very moment to congratulate me and hubby didnt see anything wrong with it.

None of his family members has even picked up to call to say hi to me up to this very moment instead they keep flashing him and he calls back immediately they need money, mama is lonely, mama is sick, they want him to buy car (they will send the money which they havent sent oo), i want to receive some money in your details, whats your bank details etc.

Life in uk is very very easy you know. My family members keep calling me and my hubby to say hi and know how we are doing, 900 pounds was even sent to assist us till we settled and we returned it.

His Elder brother got married after we left and had a baby and told hubby. Hubby called him and his wife. I didnt not! The Brother goes around tell his mummy bad stories about me. shortly before i left nigeria my mother in law called me that my brother in law has been saying bad stories about me that she knows her son and they often dont get along that i should try to tolerate him. which i m doing,. I sincerely do not have anything against his elder brother afterall i called him few days ago when i told my mum the issue on ground and she counselled myself and hubby. i took up the phone and called his elder brother to say hi.

Brother in law complains about me to hubby referring to past happenings whilst he was staying with us, which i apolosed,  hubby sends an email telling him to ignore me and he insulted me too (imagine i thot marriage was about a man clinging to his wife) mine own clings to his brother believing everything he says.

Since the begining of our marriage it has always been about His Elder bro and for weeks he wouldnt talk to him, eat my food, he comes home late, i was pregnant he keeps sending text messages like i regret marrying u, u hate my family, my bro etc) I will just be home alone crying my eyes out. We dont communicate,


All his brothers are working, but everything concerning mama he does everything all alone. His brothers dont contribute a penny (as they all claim they dont have money) hubby isnt the first born ooo, even up to the bed we were sleeping on, mama said she needed a new bed, the elder bro calls to tell him (hubby didnt have money at that time i was heavily pregnant, do you know i gladly gave the bed out to mama and i was sleeping on the floor with pregnancy) if i hated his mum will i? What stops any of his brothers even hes elder one from doing the same.

We have no savings whatever. I am a mother myself and I dont hate his mum for whatever reasons. My point is If any issues arises regarding mumsie call your other brothers make them involved dont keeping doing everything all alone and let your elder brother know theres a limit to everything,


He sends money to his mummy without telling me what really got my annoyed was the fact that i begged him to send even 30 pounds to my folks (its not about the amount but the love behind it) he shouted saying he doesnt have money, remember i sent money to my mum in law before ooo, i got to know when i checked his account. He changed his pin and email password. If you have nothing to hide why did you change you password and pin?

He even went to the extent of installing a spyware software on the system to get my passwords, emails and chats, I discovered that and removed it and asked me why hes doing that?

I am not being bossy or a nagging wife but you have just made up your mind about me, and you are looking for a perfect wife.

It's a shame that you wrote this story on the internet. Every marriage has up and downs and If you want to run away from me and our son, its up to you.

I work so why did you say i dont and pls learn to speak the truth at all times, your story is filled with lots of lies!

Safe trip back home and all the best

Just remember I Love you and always do


@NL,

Please what wrong  have i done? Thanks

davidylan:
Hauwa you are just singing poetry.
no i dont encourage divorce but how does what you have just said solved the poor man's dilemma? I dont think anything is bugging the woman, he was unfortunate to get yoked to a poisonous snake.

Mozilla:
@davidylan, Busy_body and chihums

Thank you for your comments. She is a Nigerian. We relocated to the UK together shortly after our marriage. One of three things happens when I try to reason with her, I either get shouted at, get a hiss + murderous look and get completely ignored.

Davidylan was quite right. I did notice the stubborn, disrespectful, shouting part while we were dating. But she was always apologetic and conciliatory when she gets hold of herself. The apologetic and conciliatory part disappeared starting from the wedding night.

@Hauwa, I have been working on this marriage starting from our wedding night! My efforts seem not being appreciated and there was no reciprocity!