Please, a friend of mine, Mrs. AB got married as a virgin to Mr. B when she was about 22. Both of them are christians. The marriage is about 17 years old now with 4 fine and brilliant children( all boys). One is about gaining admission into a higher sch. My friend married this man when he was a mere council worker, but rose thru the ranks and by providence based on where he came from, he became a Council Vice Chairman. This is where the problem started. This man started womanizing at will and now not only has he married about 3 women outside his marital home, the latest is that this same man, as am typing this post is in his village celebrating another girl whom he impregnated as well and the girl's parrents hurriedly packaged the girl's marriage to the man. The main wife , who is my friend, is in another city where they live, the 3 other women live in separate locations and now the new wife is in the guys house(a house he struggled with the first wife's effort to build) in their village(they are both from the same place). My friend, who is the authentic and senior wife is helpless and dying in silence. The husband does not show love to her anymore and for more than a year now, no intimacy between then, no caring for her and children and he can even stay for weeks without coming home. We have been advising the woman not to despair, that God will intervene. Now, the woman says she is fed up with her husband womanizing and keeping of 4 other women outside. Worst still is that the husband do not care for the children; she takes care of the children alone, pays their fees and other welfare from the meagre salary she earns from her office. Now, ths woman needs constructive advice from me on what to do. As for me, I have, as I have always done for the past few years that her travails started, advised her to take it easy that God will intervene and she will laugh last, but she is refusing to take it anymore. She is thinking of divorce, but she fears what the world will be like for her and her children when she divorces. I, along with other concerned persons have bene advising her against that option especially because of the children. Today when she heard the news of her husband's new wife, she fainted again, she is feeling really downcast. She can't stop crying now. Before she takes bad option(s), pls leave you palliative advice here, which I will convey to her. Who knows, your comment can save a home and save souls.

And I thought NL boys said woman that surffers with her man always enjoys to the end. As in men always stick to the women that treck and drinks garri with them

Ehm OP, do you still think she is married? That is not marriage fa! Better she officialy get out of it than stay there till she drop dead from HBP

The best she can do is claim for child support for the children and move on with her life is she values it. After 4 women i doubt there is a marriage to save anymore

She should move on with her life.She's not in a marriage anymore and the earlier she comes to terms with it,the better.

My dear they are now roommates or better still house mates. She should do the needful before the man officially does the needful. He has impregnated different women and she is still sitting there. Ok na . The Lord is the husband to the husband less

She knows what to do

Hmmm.... vice council chairman, he don get 4 wives, what if he bcoms d vice president? Any woman that struggles with a man, shouldn't be treated like this...

Op ur friend should talk to d relatives of her husband, as regards d children's welfare & wellbeing, the man should be involved in d children's upbringing, financially, it's very important, it's gonna be draining, handling it alone...

But she shouldn't consider divorce for now...

delishpot:
And I thought NL boys said woman that surffers with her man always enjoys to the end. As in men always stick to the women that treck and drinks garri with them

Ehm OP, do you still think she is married? That is not marriage fa! Better she officialy get out of it than stay there till she drop dead from HBP

My dear, it doesnt work that way. Most men show their true character when they have money. Then they begin to look down on the same woman who stood by them faithfully through the struggling years. Its so painful

The lord will intervene
Maybe the lord will kill the other wives or turn back the hands of time.

She better move on and sue his assss for her share of the house she sweated to build.
God forbid I build house for another lady to come and live in.

Na the kind thing some guys dey like.
A system where their women are powerless to reap the rewards of their labor should the man loose his senses in future and start misbehaving.
She should take him to court and at least get him to pay for his kids education.

That's all I know how to say.

OP be patient. The wait-on-lord/wear-red-pant-and-bra/endure-and-commit-it-to-God-in-prayers/African-men-are-polygamous-in-nature crew are coming.

lilmax:
She knows what to do

What?

The story is fake, as in it's recycled gossip you heard and brought to nl.

There is no woman who will react strongly at the news the husband is bringing wife #5.

Op your tale is not well written.

Lord have mercy.

Pls tell her to concentrate on other successes in life that makes her happy and fulfilled.

Happiness is a choice

What is your friend afraid of since she already single handedly caters for the kids?

What does she want God/prayers to do?

nickxtra:
Please, a friend of mine, Mrs. AB got married as a virgin to Mr. B when she was about 22. Both of them are christians. The marriage is about 17 years old now with 4 fine and brilliant children( all boys). One is about gaining admission into a higher sch. My friend married this man when he was a mere council worker, but rose thru the ranks and by providence based on where he came from, he became a Council Vice Chairman. This is where the problem started. This man started womanizing at will and now not only has he married about 3 women outside his marital home, the latest is that this same man, as am typing this post is in his village celebrating another girl whom he impregnated as well and the girl's parrents hurriedly packaged the girl's marriage to the man. The main wife , who is my friend, is in another city where they live, the 3 other women live in separate locations and now the new wife is in the guys house(a house he struggled with the first wife's effort to build) in their village(they are both from the same place). My friend, who is the authentic and senior wife is helpless and dying in silence. The husband does not show love to her anymore and for more than a year now, no intimacy between then, no caring for her and children and he can even stay for weeks without coming home. We have been advising the woman not to despair, that God will intervene. Now, the woman says she is fed up with her husband womanizing and keeping of 4 other women outside. Worst still is that the husband do not care for the children; she takes care of the children alone, pays their fees and other welfare from the meagre salary she earns from her office. Now, ths woman needs constructive advice from me on what to do. As for me, I have, as I have always done for the past few years that her travails started, advised her to take it easy that God will intervene and she will laugh last, but she is refusing to take it anymore. She is thinking of divorce, but she fears what the world will be like for her and her children when she divorces. I, along with other concerned persons have bene advising her against that option especially because of the children. Today when she heard the news of her husband's new wife, she fainted again, she is feeling really downcast. She can't stop crying now. Before she takes bad option(s), pls leave you palliative advice here, which I will convey to her. Who knows, your comment can save a home and save souls.

You and all her friends are advising her against divorce but to pray for God to intervene and in all these years you have been praying,the number of wives are increasing
No intimacy for a year,he goes weeks without coming home to his bonafide wife and kids and provides nothing for their upkeep
You have been telling her that she will laugh last but instead her tears are flowing like River Niger and Benue combined.
I think you folks and your prayers may be her biggest problem and hindrance from moving forward
My prayer is that God sends her some new friends quickly

That kind thing.
I think people are more concerned with sounding holy than actually saying something that might work to help someone in need.

Fast and pray. Submit. Love him more. Red pants and bra.(can't resist that phrase )
Wife number two came.
Same advice.
Wife number 3 came.
Same advice.

Even in the hospital bed struck with HIV, they will still ask her to pray and wait until she will laugh lastmaybe in the grave)

Smh

babyosisi:


You and all her friends are advising her against divorce but to pray for God to intervene and in all these years you have been praying,the number of wives are increasing
No intimacy for a year,he goes weeks without coming home to his bonafide wife and kids and provides nothing for their upkeep
You have been telling her that she will laugh last but instead her tears are flowing like River Niger and Benue combined.
I think you folks and your prayers may be her biggest problem and hindrance from moving forward
My prayer is that God sends her some new friends quickly

cococandy:
That kind thing.
I think people are more concerned with sounding holy than actually saying something that might work to help someone in need.

Fast and pray. Submit. Love him more. Red pants and bra.(can't resist that phrase )
Wife number two came.
Same advice.
Wife number 3 came.
Same advice.

Even in the hospital bed struck with HIV, they will still ask her to pray and wait until she will laugh lastmaybe in the grave)

Smh

You forgot wife number 4 and 5
There are now 5 solid wives

tpiadotcom:
The story is fake, as in it's recycled gossip you heard and brought to nl.

There is no woman who will react strongly at the news the husband is bringing wife #5.

Op your tale is not well written.

Lord have mercy.

It's not all posts on nairaland are fake, simply because it does nt appeal to you. Please, if you can't drop ur advice, leave the thred for others. Am telling u something I know and am chatting with the woman now. The situation is even worse than I wrote. Get out of here, pls

nickxtra:
It's not all posts on nairaland are fake, simply because it does nt appeal to you. Please, if you can't drop ur advice, leave the thred for others. Am telling u something I know and am chatting with the woman now. The situation is even worse than I wrote. Get out of here, pls

Why are you more concerned about one person who thinks the story is fake than every other person here who somehow believe your story and have given their advice?

...@op with all due respect..i must say that you and other so-called 'concerned friends' should kindly park yourselves to one corner with your silly advices and allow this woman to have a life for heavens sake!!!...


...do you all want her to die before your blind eyes open??..so in your minds now you believe she is still married? ..

....what rubbish!..Nigerians and their twisted mentality of what marriage actually is..Tufiakwa!!!

It is quite painful cause no one would want to be in her shoes or even sniff it.
it will be wrong to advice her to divorce her infidel husband but all her hopes should be on God...notwithstanding as a woman and a mother she should live a life her children will learn from...i hope she is working,if not she should dust her cert or any trade she is into...and work for her children and forgetting the tales of one man....


it is not easy but she shouldn't end her life because of him..and she should take her health into consideration

let her sit her children down and tell them the reality of life..and encourage them to pray as an individual and as a family

no infidel man is worth dieing for

this is superstory



a life of strive and sorrow



SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW.

this is superstory



a life of strive and sorrow



SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW.

I have said dis and I will still say it again
" when a man is buoyant dat is when u will know his real nature". Abegi lets forget dis suffer with a man and he will stick with you forever,na big lie oooo. When a man is poor or managing he will marry any available lady dat might not be his choice. When he become rich he will look for a lady dat appeals to his taste.
This is exactly want is happening to a family friend. She started dating her husband in the university. She got pregnant and had to drop out of school(4 2yrs) to take care of d baby. Her parent took care of her and d baby until she went back to school. D guy graduated and couldn't get a job. D girl supported him financially for 4yrs, until he got a job a very juicy job. He married her officially and treated her well. But right now things have changed cos he is dating anoda girl and plans to marry her as second wife. He said the first wife does not befit his status and taste. Dat he just married her because she was der wen he had nothing.
When u re suffering with a man,do it for the love u have for him. Don't expect the impossible frm him. Don't think he will not cheat or take another wife because u suffered with him. A good man will be good no mata d financial status.

Adaezeagu:
I have said dis and I will still say it again
" when a man is buoyant dat is when u will know his real nature". Abegi lets forget dis suffer with a man and he will stick with you forever,na big lie oooo. When a man is poor or managing he will marry any available lady dat might not be his choice. When he become rich he will look for a lady dat appeals to his taste.
This is exactly want is happening to a family friend. She started dating her husband in the university. She got pregnant and had to drop out of school(4 2yrs) to take care of d baby. Her parent took care of her and d baby until she went back to school. D guy graduated and couldn't get a job. D girl supported him financially for 4yrs, until he got a job a very juicy job. He married her officially and treated her well. But right now things have changed cos he is dating anoda girl and plans to marry her as second wife. He said the first wife does not befit his status and taste. Dat he just married her because she was der wen he had nothing.
When u re suffering with a man,do it for the love u have for him. Don't expect the impossible frm him. Don't think he will not cheat or take another wife because u suffered with him. A good man will be good no mata d financial status.

.

Ada, u are too much. I love this ur write up. It is full of wisdom. Thanks a million.

amtheone:
.

Ada, u are too much. I love this ur write up. It is full of wisdom. Thanks a million.

nna tanks for d compliment

What makes it wrong?
And why exactly is God supposed to do for her in this case?

What example do you think she should live her tech her kids?

pinkhill:
It is quite painful cause no one would want to be in her shoes or even sniff it.
it will be wrong to advice her to divorce her infidel husband but all her hopes should be on God...notwithstanding as a woman and a mother she should live a life her children will learn from... i hope she is working,if not she should dust her cert or any trade she is into...and work for her children and forgetting the tales of one man....


it is not easy but she shouldn't end her life because of him..and she should take her health into consideration

let her sit her children down and tell them the reality of life..and encourage them to pray as an individual and as a family

no infidel man is worth dieing for

Do you question God
A case i witnessed but the man did not marry the other woman but he did abandon his wife and three children...she prayed and seek the face of God while she worked hard to fend for her children....i wasn't told,i witnessed it..after years the man came back...how the turnaround happened nobody can explain...since she has life there is hope

she should not use this trouble period to find solace in the bed of men or indulging in unspeakable act so her children wont see life that way..
well as for the divorce issue...when a man and a woman fight,they use te third party to settle..whatever decision on divorce she wants to take should come from within her

cococandy:
What makes it wrong?
And why exactly is God supposed to do for her in this case?

What example do you think she should live her tech her kids?

cococandy:
What makes it wrong?
And why exactly is God supposed to do for her in this case?

What example do you think she should live her tech her kids?

Nigerians really do know how to use the name of God in vain
I don't know any woman that escaped an abusive marriage that ended up regretting it down the road
Many of them are grateful they picked up the courage to finally leave and regain their sanity
I am a Christian and these religious talkers should quit mentioning God in a union he is not part of
The bible says God makes a way of escape for his people and yet these marriage at all cost friends will advise a woman to stay and suffer
Isn't that wickedness masquerading as spirituality
Tomorrow now when the thing manifests in a full blown clinical depression,they will be the first to tell everyone she is now mad
But now that she is crying out year after year,they are all advising her to fast and pray

Is it to pray that God will kill off the other women and their children
Or take away his appetite for other women
Or love you with the other women
What exactly is the prayer they pray in these situations

A man has rejected and humiliated you and doesn't care if you lived,disappeared or died and you are there praying

There is a woman right now going through hell and I advised her to use wayo and lay low stay for a while for one reason only
To use a high powered plan to get some millions of naira out of him get her visa and for her kids then make her move
He thinks all is now well,the plan is just about to mature
This one will do him like film trick
You don't beat a woman continually and make her a laughing stock in the neighborhood and expect it to be that way forever
Any man that thinks he is smart,let his wife be smarter
If he gives love give him love but if he carries agbero come,you too you bring out agbero and teach him a lesson he will never forget

And you young women when you marry an eediot don't keep the abuse stories to yourselves
Marriage is not endurance
It should be a journey of love
Open up and tell people what you are passing through
Let people hear you and advise you
Don't use fine lace and George wrapper and cover your pain,tell people
If you want to marry and he doesn't want marriage,don't kill yourself trying to force marriage on someone who is not interested

I'm not questioning God. I'm questioning you.
You mean the miracle God did was to Make the man abandon the other kids he made elsewhere and come back to her? Those kids are not human beings?
That's not a solution from God Nne.
How will a man go sowing wild oats all over town and then come back tired, drained and disease ridden and it is considered an answered prayer?

Pls leave God out of matters where he has blessed one with one with common sense to fend for themselves. That's why when you see danger, you run from it. You don't stand in the way of a moving train and call on God instead of moving away. He will let it crush you.
Same way you don't put yourself in harms way by welcoming a bag of fleas and diseases in the name of husband into your laps and call on God. Wetin do you, no blame God o.

Who's talking about other men? Her goal now is to survive first. Take care of her kids and then if she falls in love again at her middle age, great. If not, nothing bad there.

pinkhill:
Do you question God
A case i witnessed but the man did not marry the other woman but he did abandon his wife and three children...she prayed and seek the face of God while she worked hard to fend for her children....i wasn't told,i witnessed it..after years the man came back...how the turnaround happened nobody can explain...since she has life there is hope

she should not use this trouble period to find solace in the bed of men or indulging in unspeakable act so her children wont see life that way..
well as for the divorce issue...when a man and a woman fight,they use te third party to settle..whatever decision on divorce she wants to take should come from within her

pinkhill:
Do you question God
A case i witnessed but the man did not marry the other woman but he did abandon his wife and three children...she prayed and seek the face of God while she worked hard to fend for her children....i wasn't told,i witnessed it..after years the man came back...how the turnaround happened nobody can explain...since she has life there is hope

she should not use this trouble period to find solace in the bed of men or indulging in unspeakable act so her children wont see life that way..
well as for the divorce issue...when a man and a woman fight,they use te third party to settle..whatever decision on divorce she wants to take should come from within her

Please leave God out of this.

A man gets tired of his responsibility somewhere and returns to the available woman who will do anything to have him and you are giving the glory to God?
Is he out of work?
Sick?
Yes o
What disease has afflicted him?
Has he told you people?
I have heard these stories and almost always they are now down and out and they go crawling back
I hope she dusted him for fleas and HIV and other things for her own sake

cococandy:
I'm not questioning God. I'm questioning you.
You mean the miracle God did was to Make the man abandon the other kids he made elsewhere and come back to her? Those kids are not human beings?
That's not a solution from God Nne.
How will a man go sowing wild oats all over town and then come back tired, drained and disease ridden and it is considered an answered prayer?

Pls leave God out of matters where he has blessed one with one with common sense to fend for themselves. That's why when you see danger, you run from it. You don't stand in the way of a moving train and call on God instead of moving away. He will let it crush you.
Same way you don't put yourself in harms way by welcoming a bag of fleas and diseases in the name of husband into your laps and call on God. Wetin do you, no blame God o.

Who's talking about other men? Her goal now is to survive first. Take care of her kids and then if she falls in love again at her middle age, great. If not, nothing bad there.

If this my Oga that I love to bits steps out and refuses to come home,in as much as I love him,I will wish him well
Finders keepers
The one who finds him should keep him,he is a grown man that can make his own decisions
How can I be dragging for man with my fellow woman
Mbanunu
Not possible