Such confessions from the OP usually never help women. The relationship end with the end of the confessions unknown to the women. Even if the relationship goes on a while after, it is just for the man to buy time for the next available flimsy excuse to dump her so that it wont seem like the confession caused it. Many women have woken to the sudden unexplained and unrealistic end of their relationship without knowing the confession some days, weeks, months back actually caused it.
Bf dont accept it, how much more husbands. In the most of the few cases where the husband stayed because of marital ties, he does so for his image or selfish interest and if you ask closely the wives of such men, they will prefer death to what they are getting from the men/marriage only.

keppyy:



I lied to my Ex about my virginity status and it hurt him so bad that he almost broke up with me...

I explained why I did it and apologised with the intervention of friends..

He said he'll only accept to it if I go for a comprehensive medical check-up, I told him it's not necessary because I've been celibate for 2years, I check my HIV status every 6months and I've never had an abortion...

He said the trust is broken and he needs medical proof...I was to test for HIV, Hepatitis B and C, several STIs, herpes and I was also to ascertain the competency of my womb because he according to him he was considering "Marriage"....

So he was the tool you cried you heart for. He never wanted you till he heard virgin. I hope you love and value yourself more with this.
I am yet to see a man that dates a virgin and dump her for any reason except the ones that dont want to abstain and cheat.
Virginity is top on the criteria of wife list. Many especially the randy ones will give their mother to taste one in their lifetime even if it means waiting till marriage and travelling to cheat else where. That is why a lot of the women with bad marriages on nl were virgins whose husband married their virginity not necessarily them.
*in the spirit of no confession* all you girls striving to keep your virginity be sure a man wants you not your virginity. If you tell a man you abstainance stance and he says no, dont foolishly rush to confess your virginity like a trophy without being sure of him else he will give his life to get the trophy at any cost that you will eventually end up paying.
BE WARNED, you are targeted preys to useless men.

I have not in a long while seen a thread like this that ruffled the feathers of many even when the advice was not directed to them to the point of becoming pastors.
Some even had to make deliberate effort to avoid it for their frail heart's sake and for the lioness OP.
Hmmm just that my heart want to go the genuine ones that strive to keep clean records but they are negligibly minute, anyways till they walk the talk.

cococandy:
I'm sorry. Off topic
So you dey travel that long distance every week to knack akpako? Chai. This is serious

This got me cracking... We weren't knacking akpako o. I just used to go there to watch movies, eat and read tales by moonlight! Hehehe

simiolu1:

This got me cracking... We weren't knacking akpako o.
I just used to go there to watch movies, eat and read tales by moonlight!
Hehehe

dont lieeeeeeee

I caught you. You said that was what made you travel every week.

cococandy:
dont lieeeeeeee
I caught you. You said that was what made you travel every week.

If you say so... U no dey sleep?

simiolu1:


If you say so... U no dey sleep?

What are you doing awake yourself?

stinggy:


All these I didn't know of. How did you manage to keep it from me, my guy?

Go figure! Lol...
Apparently, you seem for forget that we only lived together for just 1year out of d close to six years I spent in Lautech.
BTW, Ogbomoso to Oyo no far now... 30mins I don reach

cococandy:
What are you doing awake yourself?

Been sleepin since 8pm. Just woke up some mins ago

simiolu1:

Been sleepin since 8pm. Just woke up some mins ago

ok. Good morning then

keppyy:



I personally believe for every Action there is a equal and opposite Reaction but we don't know if the reaction will be good or bad...

Now, I believe that Madam Osisi's thread is just an ADVICE and we all can decide to accept it or not...

Life is not a straight Path, it's not a must that what works for A will work for B...

I've gone into a relationship before Pretending to be who I'm not and it crashed, Will I do it again, definitely not....

I may have a not so bad past that may be easy to forgive but I can never advice a girl with a history of several abortions or high body count to Confess because I can't say I'll do the same, if I were in her shoes.

You def right. The moment one realises that this is an advice that you may or may not accept, the better.
BTW, U handle conversations well...

cococandy:
I'm sorry. Off topic

So you dey travel that long distance every week to knack akpako? Chai.
This is serious

Talk about golden akpako

keppyy:


Anyway, I asked him about his test and he said he does not need it and that he is clean blah blah blah...I just told him that I can't date him any more till I get his comprehensive medical report...And we've not spoken ever since (I sincerely don't know what he is hiding, MR CLEAN)...

Sorry for the long epistle...

I'm with you on this but if you truly love him & he is a good man, you work out something

Ultimatum don't work for some folks that's where your feminine powers come in.

Life ain't fair & the rules that apply to men don't apply to women especially in Africa. That being said that he barged you into running the test doesn't mean you should do the same for him.

make him see reasons why it's a give & take situation, you have done your to prove to him & now it's his turn(all this has to be done in a lovey dovey manner & not in an angry or strict tone)

Maybe he has nothing to hide, he could be scared of what the result will be(my first HIV test I was damned scared even though I was still a virgin, started thinking of all the romance I had been engaged in & maybe something went wrong somewhere)

another thing is check his mindset, if he doesn't believe in quid pro quo, see if he is open to change, if he isn't, you can let him be(I know most guys aren't open to that)



the operative words here are
a.if he is a good man
b.if you love him
c.lovey dovey atmosphere

I read most of this thread and the more i think about it, the more scary it all sounds. Dating in 2015 is not for the feint hearted or mugus.

I see where both sides are coming from though.

If I was about to get married I would like to know if my partner has anything in his/her cupboard that has the slightest means of negetively affecting our marriage in the future.

I want the oppourtunity to make an informed descsion. I dont want that descsion forced upon me some time down the line.

However I kind of see where Osisi is coming from and even though she didnt mention this, she is coming from where she is NOW in the marriage.
if Mr Rose woke up one morning and tells me that an ex gf had an abortion for him, I wont divorce him or love him any less. This is not a young marriags and have been through even more serious ups and downs over the years and it will take a much more serious offence to be commited at this point

. . .However if I was given this information 2 years into the marriage and if I was TTC's at the time, then all hell will be let loose because it will be difficult not to link the abortion to the current TTC issue.

Having said all that, unless I am very naive, the dating and the marriage game is very different from back in the day. There was no facebook, no blackberrys and no brazillian. You sewed your clothes, packed your bags and went to school to read.
Families and communities were closer, and you usually always knew the real person that you were dating.
The first question my dad used to ask was "tani baba e ni leyi?! . . in short what kind of home is he/she from?
There was respect
There was shame
Babymomma and babydadda was virtually unheard of.
Upholding Family names meant a lot.

So yes, people should carry out their own investigations, not just on the person you want to marry, but their famly background as well.
Everyone has a resposibilty to protect themselves and so dont just rely on your partner giving you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Do your own due dilligence too. You owe it to yourself.
It is well.

bukatyne:


You are welcome dear.

I am just watching a movie now

Lover boy left a girl in Naija to go to England for better life and bring lover girl over...

He left his Uncle place due to maltreatment of his wife and started living with a benefactor.., (a single girl.. I know right )

This benefactor tried extremely hard to seduce him but he resisted... he truly loved his Naija girl.

The benefactor was so desperate that she actually drugged him at a party to sleep with him which she succeeded....

Should he tell his girl when she comes back?

If it were the girl, should she tell the guy?

The guy was truly truly innocent

I watched the exact same movie last night. to think the foolish girl he was going tru all of this for had betrayed him. nice file though.

all4naija:
Why do married women with family always think they are special?

A lot of Nigerian women think they're special, married or not.

That's what happens when dudes keep chasing even the not-too-good looking ones and preaching the Al Sharpton sermon on eternal love just to get the pvssy.

These things always get into their heads.

taryour:


I watched the exact same movie last night. to think the foolish girl he was going tru all of this for had betrayed him. nice file though.

I hate Yoruba films... no happy endings

Why didn't they act it that both should stay faithful? Why don't they even break the myth that such relationships never end up well

I am really sick of them.

See a loving family... just wait, something is wrong something. I tire.

tearoses:
I read most of this thread and the more i think about it, the more scary it all sounds. Dating in 2015 is not for the feint hearted or mugus.

I see where both sides are coming from though.

If I was about to get married I would like to know if my partner has anything in his/her cupboard that has the slightest means of negetively affecting our marriage in the future.

I want the oppourtunity to make an informed descsion. I dont want that descsion forced upon me some time down the line.

However I kind of see where Osisi is coming from and even though she didnt mention this, she is coming from where she is NOW in the marriage.
if Mr Rose woke up one morning and tells me that an ex gf had an abortion for him, I wont divorce him or love him any less. This is not a young marriags and have been through even more serious ups and downs over the years and take a much more serious offence to be commited at this point

. . .However if I was given this information 2 years into the marriage and if I was TTC's at the time, then all hell will be let loose because it will be difficult not to link the abortion to the current TTC issue.

Having said all that, unless I am very naive, the dating and the marriage game is very different from back in the day. There was no facebook, no blackberrys and no brazillian. You sewed your clothes, packed your bags and went to school to read.
Families and communities were closer, and you usually always knew the real person that you were dating.
The first question my dad used to ask was "tani baba e ni leyi?! . . in short what kind of home is he/she from?
There was respect
There was shame
Babymomma and babydadda was virtually unheard of.
Upholding Family names meant a lot.

So yes, people should carry out their own investigations, not just on the person you want to marry, but their famly background as well.
Everyone has a resposibilty to protect themselves and so dont just rely on your partner giving you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Do your own due dilligence too. You owe it to yourself.
It is well.

What is marriage, when both spouses have 200 secrets. A family built on lies. So if a man had a lovechild with some woman, he should keep it secret too? So that when he dies the wife will find out the marriage was a lie?

We should advice young men and women to be responsible and honour their bodies and their vows, not tell them to indulge in immortality and look to hide their ways. The reason most men get mad is that they had to discover the lie themselves.

There are always men that will love you the way you are. They will love the real you with your history or even if you smoke. Why try to deceive someone else into marrying a fake person that isn't you!

TooNoisy:



What is marriage, when both spouses have 200 secrets. A family built on lies. So if a man had a lovechild with some woman, he should keep it secret too? So that when he dies the wife will find out the marriage was a lie?

We should advice young men and women to be responsible and honour their bodies and their vows, not tell them to indulge in immortality and look to hide their ways. The reason most men get mad is that they had to discover the lie themselves.

There are always men that will love you the way you are. They will love the real you with your history or even if you smoke. Why try to deceive someone else into marrying a fake person that isn't you!

What we should be teaching is good behaviour and good morals from the start
If everyone behaved them selves, there wont be need to hide anything

The bolded should have been the focus of this thread rather than the tricks being preached to engage in sluttery and still deceive men into marriage

kudos

TooNoisy:



What is marriage, when both spouses have 200 secrets. A family built on lies. So if a man had a lovechild with some woman, he should keep it secret too? So that when he dies the wife will find out the marriage was a lie?

We should advice young men and women to be responsible and honour their bodies and their vows, not tell them to indulge in immortality and look to hide their ways. The reason most men get mad is that they had to discover the lie themselves.

There are always men that will love you the way you are. They will love the real you with your history or even if you smoke. Why try to deceive someone else into marrying a fake person that isn't you!

tearoses:


What we should be teaching is good behaviour and good morals from the start
If everyone behaved them selves, there wont be need to hide anything

And that is my issue with the advice. At no point was promiscuity condemned. It's all about ensuring you keep secrets and saying men do the same. This advice is terrible for young people and for marriage.

Why cheat on you spouse at all? What will make a married woman cheat? And why should a young lady have 5 abortions in 2015? Why didn't she learn after the first one? The reason why men leave such women is because if she can be careless enough to have 5 abortions, she will be careless enough to cheat apart from possible medical complications.

tearoses:


What we should be teaching is good behaviour and good morals from the start
If everyone behaved them selves, there wont be need to hide anything

Point.

TooNoisy:

not tell them to indulge in immortality

Immorality you mean.

I personally don't believe preaching is effective, people will listen then do what they always wanted to do. I'm pretty certain that even without this thread many women will still practise this deception. How many men were led to believe that their wives were special and innocent girls before they got married? I daresay probably half of the married women out there are guilty of this.

TooNoisy:


And that is my issue with the advice. At no point was promiscuity condemned. It's all about ensuring you keep secrets and saying men do the same. This advice is terrible for young people and for marriage.

Why cheat on you spouse at all? What will make a married woman cheat? And why should a young lady have 5 abortions in 2015? Why didn't she learn after the first one? The reason why men leave such women is because if she can be careless enough to have 5 abortions, she will be careless enough to cheat apart from possible medical complications.

My dear there seems to be some crossed lines here. I will never endorse deceit.

Maybe I wasnt clear enough. What I said was that People should be honest and open about anything that may have any negetive impact on the marriage and people should give their partners an oppourtunity to make an informed choice and walk away if they want to.

I did howerver say that I understood where osisi ( i assume its her who said it) was coming from in response to her post saying that she doesnt really want to know TODAY how many girlfriends her hubby had before he met her. I feel the same too.
I also went on to say that if I were told at the time, then it may be an issue.
Love child , then we are talking another thing

In addition. . . . .in this day and age where people borrow bags and cars to post on social media and there is so much fakeness everywhere, every ,man and woman owes it to themselves not just to rely and hoping that their partner will be honest about their past, just in case they dont, but for them to make their own investigations too. Trust no one.

Ive always wondered who prostitutes and cultists marry.

babyosisi:


Yes
And if you ever as much as look at any man and any unholy thing flashes through your mind,it is equal to adultery biblically, that ,you must also confess to the husband to be forgiven.
That is the wife rule
Open your bible and read it
Every woman must do total disclosure to every man she meets and dates so he can make an informed decision
Anything short of that is deception and God hates deceptive women who won't blab


Kitikpa rachaa kwa ha anya dia

ra kwa ma onu shi ha. Some1 be saying am using u as my role model. let me continu

ApexTitan:


Immorality you mean.

I personally don't believe preaching is effective, people will listen then do what they always wanted to do. I'm pretty certain that even without this thread many women will still practise this deception. How many men were led to believe that their wives were special and innocent girls before they got married? I daresay probably half of the married women out there are guilty of this.

Then some will come here are type that their husbands suddenly changed after marriage. Could it be that he found out something he never knew about the wife? It is never good to lie. If you have had 4 abortions, no one is judging you cos there are guys that will marry you out there. But don't go deceiving a church brother that you are a Virgin please.

I meant immorality sir.

bukatyne:


I hate Yoruba films... no happy endings

Why didn't they act it that both should stay faithful? Why don't they even break the myth that such relationships never end up well

I am really sick of them.

See a loving family... just wait, something is wrong something. I tire.

I tell you sis, that's why its a Nigerian film. Lol. You already know the end of the film after watching the first 2 scenes. They just never have good endings.

tearoses:


What we should be teaching is good behaviour and good morals from the start
If everyone behaved them selves, there wont be need to hide anything

exactly wat I was telling a friend. I try to lead a gud life so dere wont be room for 'pastgists'. I only condemn d philosophy dat makes women d only once who need to spill dier guts to show they ain't deceptive.

all4naija:
Why do married women with family always think they are special?

my dear. its special o. its not easy to keep a home running. I wld too when I get dere

urchbarbie:
exactly wat I was telling a friend. I try to lead a gud life so dere wont be room for 'pastgists'. I only condemn d philosophy dat makes women d only once who need to spill dier guts to show they ain't deceptive.

Keep it up
You may not be popular now with the "happening peeps" but it will pay off in the end and you can hold your head high.

As regards your second sentence. Both parties should be open to each other.

taryour:


I tell you sis, that's why its a Nigerian film. Lol. You already know the end of the film after watching the first 2 scenes. They just never have good endings.

They need to seriously up their games

harveyspec:


I know you didn't ask me, but my question will go thus

Though I have to state it that it's quid pro quo, I'll be open & truthful to your questions & I expect same from you. I can't stomach lies

1. How many relationships have you been in?

a. In these relationships, did you cheat on ur partner? If yes
ai.how long did the affair last
aii.what led to the affair & how did it end?

b. where they healthy relationships, were you abused verbally or physically or sexually
c.were you sexually active in these relationship

The above questions is to help me ascertain if she is a damaged good & also to check if there was a pattern that repeated all through & to also see if she has turned a new leaf(assuming she was a cheat) to also check if she sought for help in terms of counseling and all of that

2.have you procured an abortion before?
a. how many times & were there complications in any of the procedures

b. did you go for checkup to ascertain that all was ok, I.e no complications

c. Will you be willing to go for a comprehensive checkup with me

3. Do you have any child or children, if yes

a. What was the circumstances that led to that birth

b. is the father of the child involved in the child's life or your life or will there be a future interference ?

4.have you ever contemplated suicide or have you attempted one before(my coz once dated a lady like that, so am taking no chances on that)

5. Do you have any health condition, eg HIV, Hepatitis, sickle cell, hypertension, ulcer, asthma etc if yes

a. How have you been managing it, what's your lifestyle like

I ask this cos I can't be with someone who is hypertensive & is still involved in smoking & drinking (for us to be together I have to see the willingness to change or at least a pattern of trying to live a healthy life)

6. have you promised anyone marriage before? If yes, how did it end, was it amicable?


There are more questions but we can peg it here, someone might say that I'm setting myself up for disappointment cos I will likely hear what I want to hear

That's why I will cite my caveat emptor, if you decieve me into marriage, the day I discover the heavy weight, that's the day the union will end

The answers to some of the questions throws a light into how the person has lived, the kind of crowd the person moved with, if the person has realized his or her mistakes, is willing to change etc

Cc:cococandy

Anaskie come see Bar part 4 question. open test o