babyosisi:


I believe my posts are self explanatory
No need huffing and puffing dear

Very self-explanatory darling,
l just pity the neophyte of a lady who will come here, read and swallow these post thinking it was coming from a "balanced" elder sister.

As for the huffing and puffing, some of us owe it a duty to the younger generation, to "try" to let them know that this world is filled "wolves in sheep clothing", moreover, l just finished my ration of daily exercise!


Lastpage!

dBard:
s.m.h..
Marriage (relationship) is about openness and trust.
Quoting the bible, wen Adam met Eve, the good book says 'they were both naked(openness) but not ashamed (trust)'.
From experience(both personal and otherwise), I've come to realize that the more someone opens up in the course of the relationship (especially prior to marriage), the greater the trust.
The problem comes wen d person throughout the relationship 'clams up' about him/herself and then wen settled in marriage suddenly decides to reveal all. Don't blame anyone if the husband(in this case) treats it with suspicion, as anyone is wont to do in such a situation.
In such cases, like they say, wisdom is profitable to direct.

Openness breeds Trust and fosters Intimacy in marriage.

Mynd44 point is also an issue, What if you get found out
Funny, it is far more probable that a woman's indiscretion will come to light than a man's.


Finally, don't know wen marriage started becoming like politics where emotional manoeuvering and manipulations became the order of the day

Relax, enjoy your marriage, all these ish are just unnecessary headaches.

#nuff said..... peace

u said it all.
Confess everything prior to the marriage because d love n infatuation dat has blinded him at that point most likely won't allow him to stop marrying u.

lastpage:



Very self-explanatory darling,
l just pity the neophyte of a lady who will come here, read and swallow these post thinking it was coming from a "balanced" elder sister.

As for the huffing and puffing, some of us owe it a duty to the younger generation, to "try" to let them know that this world is filled "wolves in sheep clothing", moreover, l just finished my ration of daily exercise!


Lastpage!

You see am

Blokkos matters will not kill Nigerian men.

See as everyone ignored all the other points and focused only on the one about not telling your past sex life. Right now those other points practically don't exist
Let us face the blokkos matters.

Chai.

Confiding in him before he finds out is what is right, it'll mean you're trust-worthy, not telling him would mean otherwise.

If you're truly remorseful of your past,surely you'd want him to love and accept you for what you are, because your past is also a story of you, it should be his call and right/decision to either accept you or not, if he doesn't,take it like that, its your fate so long as you are true and repentant you'll see a man that loves you for you.

Don't hoard secrets in the name of still keeping him(your partner), you are not God and hence not wiser than him, how do you know what works when you aren't open,is there wisdom in that ? You can't be 100% sure or guaranteed that he wont leave/accept you.

It would be selfish,callous,unwise,unreasonable and tactless to not tell on matters that touches the heart as this.

I can never bend the truth no matter what/how a badosky I am

Let us preach and uphold it please please and please!!!

Thank you very much.

jadelyn007:
Depending on the kind of man u r with. Had a friend who cheated on her man n got pregnant, she confessed and was truely remorseful. The guy forgave and today they are married.

As for me if I happen to cheat mistakenly I aint confessing nada

How do you mistakenly cheat? you mean you can mistakenly remove your pants,still mistakenly open your legs and mistakenly take the di,ck?

jadelyn007:

Apart from the above mentioned, what the hell u want to know my body count for

I`m happy you asked. I will make you understand.
Why do you think people ask for the mileage of a vehicle before they buy it? They do that to evaluate the wear and tear the car must have undergone and to know its true value.
So baby,a smart guy will want to know `where and how many times you`ve been there` to evaluate your true worth.
A new car and a fairly used one are not of the same value.
Have I been able to educate you ?

kilode100:


Coming clean you say?... Who has it helped
It's only below average men that are interested in such nonsense.... What will it achieve to sit down with a man that there is no guarantee that he will be there till death do us part to tell him dirt's about my past...

Anyway the truth is that there is no man born of a woman that can handle my past.
1,I have sucked many unwashed ass holes...
2,I used to like been beaten before getting fhucked.
3,I love foursome a lot... I take on three guys at once..
4,I lost count of abortions but I ve two adorable kids to call mine now.
5,I ve repented completely.

Do you still think I should spill

See what double standards between men and women has caused in Nigeria

When what is good for the goose has never been good for the gander

The hunter is fast becoming the hunted...

Bushmeat don finally catch the hunter...

kenex4ever:
u just made lies to look enticing

God forbid
I made it clear in my first post that cheating is wrong and despicable and I will never condone it ever

cococandy:
Blokkos matters will not kill Nigerian men.

See as everyone ignored all the other points and focused only on the one about not telling your past sex life. Right now those other points practically don't exist
Let us face the blokkos matters.

Chai.

Hahahahahahahaha
Cunny man die,cunny woman bury am
Did they even read the circumstances around the no 3 point

All the men sowing their wild oats and proudly boasting about it,are they pouring it into a drum?
No be for woman bodi?
Then when it comes to marriage and their own woman,they will start asking WAEC questions
If you have chopped girls and did things with girls that will eventually become other people's wives,imagine that your own wife to be also did same before meeting you
Simple

babyosisi:


God forbid
I made it clear in my first post that cheating is wrong and despicable and I will never condone it ever

Your post says otherwise.

babyosisi:


This is especially for people who have deep things they did in the past
Digging it up is fruitless
For what?
So the man can call you honest or pity you or what
I never asked my husband how many abortions he sponsored,I don't wanna know, I never had any abortions and he didn't ask either
If I had any abortions, perhaps I wouldn't divulge that info
Not necessary
People should be mature and reason like mature people ,especially women,we talk too much
Man touch you for waist,you begin to even spill secrets you swore to friends you won't reveal about them
Very foolish
Keep some things in your heart

Many Women go through several boyfriends and suitors before marriage so every boyfriend you meet,you will be telling your abortion stories and your sexcapades ,ruining your rep with your own god given lips kwa
Mbanu
That is sheer foolishness

I feel you.

Some logicians here will think otherwise. A repented cultist-turned-pastor reliving on how he used to be bad pissed me off talk more of a better half of mine spilling how she aborted five or more pregnancies and how she tries to make ends meet by engaging in runs......hian hian. Abeg make we take true.

AZeD1:

Your post says otherwise.

This is it,people here are specialists in manufacturing a post and making responses to the posts in their heads
It doesn't get any clearer than this
Here
Read that no 3 slowly,that is what I wrote

babyosisi:
What things should you keep

1. Things you know will shatter him emotionally.for instance a woman,a friend's mom here was teaching me to cook native soup and told me some not so good things about my MIL,claiming she treated my FIL badly.I will be a fool to tell those things to my husband.The consequences will be far reaching so I will be taking that info,true or false to my grave.

2.Details of issues in your own birth family.
Believe me your hubby ain't telling you all of his
So don't go painting your siblings and parents in a terrible light.Some stories you must tell obviously but always leave some details that have to do with family integrity to yourself.Keep your parent's and family honor where necessary especially if you fear it may be used to taunt you as some immature men do.

3 your infidelity ..
This is a controversial one,I believe in faithfulness ,let me make that clear first of all.Women being emotional beings feel the guilt of infidelity more than men.It is wrong to cheat,I will not condone it and by Gods grace will never .However,if you happen to err as humans often do and are remorseful, repent and confess to your God and take that secret to your grave. Revealing it can be disastrous and will serve no purpose.Just go and sin no more .If you are a habitual cheat,of course you should seek divorce rather than living in deception.

babyosisi:
What things should you keep

1. Things you know will shatter him emotionally.for instance a woman,a friend's mom here was teaching me to cook native soup and told me some not so good things about my MIL,claiming she treated my FIL badly.I will be a fool to tell those things to my husband.The consequences will be far reaching so I will be taking that info,true or false to my grave.

2.Details of issues in your own birth family.
Believe me your hubby ain't telling you all of his
So don't go painting your siblings and parents in a terrible light.Some stories you must tell obviously but always leave some details that have to do with family integrity to yourself.Keep your parent's and family honor where necessary especially if you fear it may be used to taunt you as some immature men do.

3 your infidelity ..
This is a controversial one,I believe in faithfulness ,let me make that clear first of all.Women being emotional beings feel the guilt of infidelity more than men.It is wrong to cheat,I will not condone it and by Gods grace will never .However,if you happen to err as humans often do and are remorseful, repent and confess to your God and take that secret to your grave. Revealing it can be disastrous and will serve no purpose.Just go and sin no more .If you are a habitual cheat,of course you should seek divorce rather than living in deception.

I think everyone should understand that confessing favours men than women because ladies have a very soft heart for honesty, it is not fair but there is nothing anyone can do about it. We all should just be totally honest in a relationship, it pays.

Ploutos:
We're not talking about the involvement of kids here. What's on ground is a situation where two guys are about to get serious with their relationship. You don't see it necessary to be open?? A case where one's spouse(man or woman) has an ugly past and keeps it to him/herself thereby building the marriage on lies and fraud. I like to know the person I am marrying - both past and present. It wouldn't be a funny experience to find out later that she made you commit to someone you really didn't know.

[b]
We can't factor out kids here cos the thread states fiancee/husband.

I understand your stance on this and I also agree. Seems you didn't get my point on leaving certain things unsaid because the knowledge wouldn't have any impact whatsoever on the union.

For example if she was sexually violated at a tender age by her dad (who has now turned a new leaf and has asked for her forgiveness.) and had to go through a series of therapy to get over the hurt and emotional trauma.

If she decides to withhold such information from you considering the fact that it reminds her of her ugly past and it wouldn't change or have an impact on her marriage. Would you consider that as not being open?

Telling you would probably shred every iota of honour and regard you had for your FIL. She would have by so doing not kept the integrity of the family name.

Hope you get my drift?

I am guessing this is what @babyosisi meant in her write up.

Cc: iAmPloutos
[/b]

My opinion:

Come clean with your spouse, the truth always sets one free

But again, wisdom is profitable in all things:there may be no need to go into the gory details of your past

Who needs to hear all that anyway

Most importantly, ensure the openness is both ways, it's not only women that should be spilling like parrots

Ladies please imagine this scenario
In your university days,money was tight,father and mother poor,living in a one room at overail Aba
You are in the third year at UNIJOS
Temptations
Somebody comes and tells you some senators are coming into town and you follow them go party
After the party,una come go for bed
Na so you begin do small small side things and you graduate from the uni
You turn a new leaf,totally hate what you did and genuinely repent

Tomorrow you meet emeka who is getting serious with you and in the name of coming clean,you tell him all your last including the 5 senators and Mazi you chopped,emeka picks race.
One year later,you meat Nnamdi,same thing repeats
6 months later you meet charles,you will open mouth again and start blabbing
You meet Gbenga and Edet,you are still blabbing
Assuming the relationships didn't break over these revelations per se but all of a sudden you have about 7 or 8 men that you have told secrets of your life
Emeka,Nnamdi,Gbenga et al will of course tell people what you told them especially when the relationship is over
Ngwa how does that feel to know your story is everywhere
This is how girls destroy themselves with their own mouths
Don't do it please

babyosisi:


This is especially for people who have deep things they did in the past
Digging it up is fruitless
For what?
So the man can call you honest or pity you or what
I never asked my husband how many abortions he sponsored,I don't wanna know, I never had any abortions and he didn't ask either
If I had any abortions, perhaps I wouldn't divulge that info
Not necessary
People should be mature and reason like mature people ,especially women,we talk too much
Man touch you for waist,you begin to even spill secrets you swore to friends you won't reveal about them
Very foolish
Keep some things in your heart

Many Women go through several boyfriends and suitors before marriage so every boyfriend you meet,you will be telling your abortion stories and your sexcapades ,ruining your rep with your own god given lips kwa
Mbanu
That is sheer foolishness

You're still missing the point, it's not about the deed itself, it's not about how traumatic the deed was or how frequently, all that matters here is the ability to share anything with the one you love or the one you claim you want to spend the rest of your life with. People marry prostitutes everyday, people marry former drug addicts, there's no big deal in that, what matters is that both parties involve understands one another and there are no skeletons in the cupboard. Believe it or not, most guys appreciate hearing a confession from the person who erred than from an outsider!

babyosisi:


This is it,people here are specialists in manufacturing a post and making responses to the posts in their heads
It doesn't get any clearer than this
Here
Read that no 3 slowly,that is what I wrote

How can you tell someone you don't condone stealing and still tell the person if they steal, they shouldn't get caught?


If you don't condone cheating, you would have said "if you cheat, face the consequences of your action".

Kimoni:
But hey! Why is the focus on this "dirty past" suddenly beaming on women? Is it only women who have dirty past?

See the double standards

There is nothing you can do about it but to live a good life.

AZeD1:

How can you tell someone you don't condone stealing and still tell the person if they steal, they shouldn't get caught?
If you don't condone cheating, you would have said "if you cheat, face the consequences of your action".

So if I had stolen,I should come out in front of the congregation and tell you I was a thief to be forgiven?
How many of you in Nigeria are walking around with their real birth certificates for starters
Please

babyosisi:
Ladies please imagine this scenario
In your university days,money was tight,father and mother poor,living in a one room at overail Aba
You are in the third year at UNIJOS
Temptations
Somebody comes and tells you some senators are coming into town and you follow them go party
After the party,una come go for bed
Na so you begin do small small side things and you graduate from the uni
You turn a new leaf,totally hate what you did and genuinely repent

Tomorrow you meet emeka who is getting serious with you and in the name of coming clean,you tell him all your last including the 5 senators you chopped,emeka picks race.
One year later,you meat Nnamdi,same thing repeats
6 months later you meet charles,you will open mouth again and start blabbing
You meet Gbenga and Edet,you are still blabbing
Assuming the relationships didn't break over these revelations per se but all of a sudden you have about 7 or 8 men that you have told secrets of your life
Emeka,Nnamdi,Gbenga et al will of course tell people what you told them especially when the relationship is over
Ngwa how does that feel to know your story is everywhere
This is how girls destroy themselves with their own mouths
Don't do it

Another bad example, what I would suggest here is for the girl to change her type, to change her preference in men. I refuse to believe all guys think the same! If a guy truly loves a woman, past incidence are easily forgiven, especially if the girl was honest from the start. Most Nigerian university girls are worse than prostitutes so that's nothing new, if the girl kept the secret, got married and after some years one of the senator happens to be the guy's employer or kin, what would she do?

ApexTitan:


You obviously hold on to a rudimentary definition of virginity that is why you can still refer to anyone who engages in oral or ànal sex as a virgin. That's a form of foolishness that can only avenge itself with heartbreak and disappointment.

Men must hold their women to the highest standards if they choose to marry or they should hold aloof. Marriage is not for everyone.

In this your most detailed definition, how do you prove claims to virginity?

abbey621:


You're still missing the point, it's not about the deed itself, it's not about how traumatic the deed was or how frequently, all that matters here is the ability to share anything with the one you love or the one you claim you want to spend the rest of your life with. People marry prostitutes everyday, people marry former drug addicts, there's no big deal in that, what matters is that both parties involve understands one another and there are no skeletons in the cupboard. Believe it or not, most guys appreciate hearing a confession from the person who erred than from an outsider!

If you don't know,it won't hurt you
As long it is not detrimental you are safe
So long for these one sided confessions
Ladies should be wise and talk less sometimes
That is the summary

abbey621:


Another bad example, what I would suggest here is for the girl to change her type, to change her preference in men. I refuse to believe all guys think the same! If a guy truly loves a woman, past incidence are easily forgiven, especially if the girl was honest from the start. Most Nigerian university girls are worse than prostitutes so that's nothing new, if the girl kept the secret, got married and after some years one of the senator happens to be the guy's employer or kin, what would she do?

It is a foolish man that will reveal who he slept with
Didn't the man also sleep with people
What is the big deal
So you want to know so that what will happen?
Ask her who is bigger or better?

babyosisi:


So if I had stolen,I should come out in front of the congregation and tell you I was a thief?
How many of you in Nigeria are walking around with their real birth certificates for starters
Please

If you steal, you feel bad and want to repent you should return/{confess to} what you stole to the rightful owner

As to your second question, there's nothing as terrible as self deceit. I use my real birth certificate, i don't care about others.

I'm beginning to believe your "mentality is since others are thieves, i should be a thief".

AZeD1:

If you steal, you feel bad and want to repent you should return/{confess to} what you stole to the rightful owner

As to your second question, there's nothing as terrible as self deceit. I use my real birth certificate, i don't care about others.

I'm beginning to believe your "mentality is since others are thieves, i should be a thief".

Sometimes you cannot return what you stole
Doesn't mean you are not repentant
It's amazing how this thread is showing the clear double standard in men

As for the fake birth certificates,many were made by the people's parents and it is already on record as their DOB
Some they made themselves
So what should they do?
Return their WAEC and college diploma and ask their jobs to fire them because they gave false records?
Please !!

babyosisi:


Sometimes you cannot return what you stole
Doesn't mean you are unrepentant
It's amazing how this thread is showing the clear double standard in men

what double standards? You focused the lens on women yourself. The topic says "things your husband is better off not knowing". OP is about women.

Question; should men keep those secrets from their wives too?

charles316:


[b]There is nothing you can do about it [/b]but to live a good life.

Says who?

This is the mistake men are making that is turning the world upside down

Quit the double standards!!!!!!

Women are fast learning and even outperforming men in this dirty game

It's a man's world as much as it is a woman's world

Wake up to reality

abbey621:


Another bad example, what I would suggest here is for the girl to change her type, to change her preference in men. I refuse to believe all guys think the same! If a guy truly loves a woman, past incidence are easily forgiven, especially if the girl was honest from the start. Most Nigerian university girls are worse than prostitutes so that's nothing new, if the girl kept the secret, got married and after some years one of the senator happens to be the guy's employer or kin, what would she do?

If past incidences are easily forgotten then past incidences are inconsequential since they are easily forgiven anyway
So why bring them up?
The woman doesn't need the forgiveness when she was already forgiven before she met him
Women blab less,that is my message
Keep your dignity
If the relationship doesn't work out you will be glad you kept your stories to yourself

babyosisi:


Sometimes you cannot return what you stole
Doesn't mean you are not repentant
It's amazing how this thread is showing the clear double standard in men

As for the fake birth certificates,many were made by the people's parents and it is already on record as their DOB
Some they made themselves
So what should they do?
Return their WAEC and college diploma and ask their jobs to fire them because they gave false records?
Please !!

Its true you cannot always return what you stole and there's nothing you can do about that, but if you cheat on your partner(both men and women) you can and should confess especially in marriage.

As for the double standards, i haven't seen any guy here say only women should confess. The people against your point have said do not build a relationship on falsehood and that works both ways.

BABE3:

what is wrong with you people? ? What has this got to do with me?
I asked, is it true everyone has secrets? Yes or no?
It's hard having a conversation with you lots.

You can't tell me you don't have a secret

Kimoni:



Says who?

This is the mistake men are making that is turning the world upside down

Quit the double standards!!!!!!

Women are fast learning and even outperforming men in this dirty game

It's a man's world as much as it is a woman's world

Wake up to reality

Another thing along this same line
A man and woman deeply in love,what do some stupeed women do,send pictures of their nakid behinds and pictures in compromising positions to their sweetheart because of love.
Allow tapes be made of them
Foolishness all in the name of love
If they happen to eventually marry fine
What if they don't which happens in many cases
What if they divorce?
Suddenly a picture of your naked self is somewhere in space and could be worldwide at the click of a button
What woman wants that?
Women do a lot of stupeed things without thinking that's why I am saying these things
Same thing here
Share what is necessary,keep others and certainly don't go blabbing for no reason
E touch you for waist,touch am for blokoss and keep your mouth shut
The females here will understand me
They are the ones I am speaking to