KissesandWine:


I've sat down to think of what I'd do if I were to find myself in this situation when I get married. I mean.. what's a woman to do when she find's out her husband is a cheat? Is she supposed to insist that they use protection every time for fear of catching something she didn't bargain to catch? Seems logical to me, but also seems ridiculous in the confines of marriage. if people would just respect the sanctity of marriage we wouldn't even be having this conversation. It's just crazy, really!

I've always said that there are two things that are non negotiable to me
The ultimate deal breaker

Cheating
Physical abuse

I won't go there and I expect that the man will accord me the same respect

Babyosisi i know you and I don't see eye to eye on divorce matters.
You're more anti-divorce than I am.

For me, I'd rather advice the lady to leave if she can't cope with it.
There's no getting back at a man who's cheating in your face then you're cheating and hiding your own.pffft. that won't be satisfactory to me.
Except he was hiding his own out of 'respect' for my feelings. Then we are talking.

But If he's the in-your-face-what-can-you-do? type of cheat, nothing short of making a video of your own sex tape and mailing it to him or outrightly leaving him is comparable in my opinion.

Bringing in another man's kids maybe though

BABE3:


as I was typing that, I knew someone from that "wives keep your mouth shut" thread will call me out.

You know what they say about expections to rules ? Yeah, you garrit.

ok o

cococandy:
Babyosisi i know you and I don't see eye to eye on divorce matters.
You're more anti-divorce than I am.

For me, I'd rather advice the lady to leave if she can't cope with it.
There's no getting back at a man who's cheating in your face then you're cheating and hiding your own.pffft. that won't be satisfactory to me.
Except he was hiding his own out of 'respect' for my feelings. Then we are talking.

But If he's the in-your-face-what-can-you-do? type of cheat, nothing short of making a video of your own sex tape and mailing it to him or outrightly leaving him is comparable in my opinion.

Bringing in another man's kids maybe though

If she can cope with it you say,in Nigeria many cannot cope
The system is geared towards punishing women
Divorce IMHO is always a last resort unless a woman's life is in danger but the two should be willing to work it out
A woman can't want marriage with a man that wants marriage on his terms

The frustrating part I read in many of these cases here is that for the most part,the woman is jobless,some have alienated friends and family sometimes because of this 419 marriage and on top of that the man is also cheating
If her kids will be snatched from her if she leaves,can I sincerely tell her to leave her kids and get away?
I would rather help her plot how she will run away with the kids
But many don't have that opportunity especially if the man is rich and influential
Some don't even have any shishi to go anywhere


As for your last point
I would wish that men who cheat find wives who not only know how to cheat with impunity like their husbands but who will go as far as getting kids from their lovers rather than their husbands while remaining in the marriage
Two can play that game

Hmmmn... just passing.


This is "vexation" @ it's peak.

Nne! Even poor 'church workers' find it difficult to zip up.

BABE3:


but then again, what did we expect from a rich nigerian politician?

Marrying a rich man has his disadvantages, abi what do you think ?

#in my realistic mode today.

KissesandWine:
See.. I've never been married but I've been in relationships.
I was in one where through Facebook, I caught the guy cheating. I'm afraid to say this.. but it is becoming apparent that the majority of men cheat. Why men cannot be faithful to their women is beyond me. But it is the sad reality and I'm not about to devise a formula to stop them from straying. Aint nobody got time fo that. Instead of wallowing over it, I think we would be doing ourselves a great service by finding a way to work around it.

Last time I was home, my mum drew my ears to tell me the following:

- Never hinge your happiness on your relationship with a man. Whether you're just seeing each other, whether the relationship is full-blown and you guys are now engaged, or whether you guys are married.. you have to learn to seek happiness outside of what the man has to offer emotionally. If you make your husband your primary source of happiness.. you are just one dose of reality away from a heart attack. As much as you may claim to know your significant other more than than the back of hands.. he is still human. A mere mortal. Therefore, like you and I, he has that predisposition to be unpredictable. To err. To disappoint sometimes.

Don't let the tables turn before you start preparing. Enter into your relationships armed so that you won't be floored when you start seeing signs. Give yourself something else to focus on. If you have kids.. focus on them. Invest your time in them. They should come first before your man (yes, I said it!). If you have hobbies that make you happy.. drown yourself in them. If you like makeup, honey, doll that face up if it makes you happy. Exercise. Keep in Shape. Cook your favorite meals and make it seem like it was his idea to begin with.

You'll find that before you're done with all of these, you won't even have time to spend thinking of what your man may or may not be doing. This is not me saying that you should be disrespectful to your husband. Do what is expected of you.. perform your wifely duties etc. Just don't make him the center of your life. If your man is cheating.. you're obviously not at the core of his either. The happiness you find in yourself will eventually radiate and keep everyone - including your husband- happy.

I get where your mum is coming from, but I'm afraid these "survival tactic" suggestions only sweep the problem under the carpet, without addressing the real problem staring the wife in the face.

I also see this advice as your typical Nollywood grin and bear. This is nothing but pretence, and it begs the question: For how long? And how much can she take? Does she keep ignoring and bearing till the man brazenly brings his sluts and side chicks into their matrimonial home? And unto their matrimonial bed?

I'm sorry to say this, but this is the unhealthiest, old-school advice to give an already unhappy married woman. It's also downright dangerous on so many levels, chief of which is, the woman being exposed to a host of STD / STI nasties out there. All because the supposedly married man chooses to turn himself into a public toilet?

Then there is hers and the children's psychological well being to be considered. A woman married to, and living with a chronic cheat is bound to be paranoid. Every phone call, email, and even post of his is treated with suspicion by her. So is every female non-relative who comes in contact with her husband. Innocent gestures get treated with suspicion. Seriously, what sort of life is that? Yes, she can throw herself into looking after their kids, into her career, business, homefront, etc but it still won't change the fact that her doing all of the aforementioned is simply giving the man the green light to continue with his philandering ways. It also reeks of desperation and the belief that marriage is a do-or-die affair. That it's better to be an unhappy DEAD Mrs than a happily divorced Ms.

And for those who say they'll remain in those hell of a marriage, for the sake of their kids, who are they kidding? How can an unhappy mother who hates men with a venom bring up a happy balanced male kid - when this same male kid grows up in an environment seeing dad cheat like there's no tomorrow, where dad treats mum like shyté, and sees the pain mum goes through every single day? How can such a woman bring up a well balanced, full of self-esteem girl child, when the mother herself doesn't inspire self-worth, and allows herself to be treated with little or no regard by such a man?

Chances are the male kids there will grow up thinking and acting exactly like their father because it's all they've ever known and, will accept it as being the norm. As being normal. The female child on the other hand is bound to see all men as lying cheats and will go into marriage, expecting the worst - which is the bottom line of the advice given to you.

Pls, let's all learn to call a spade, a spade. There is only so much the spouse of a cheating partner can take before he or she snaps. Everyone's got their thresholds, and when that that line is crossed, the actions taken won't be pretty.

There is absolutely no shame in packing your bags and kids, and walking out of a hellish marriage. Keep your sanity and happiness intact. Life is too precious. We only have one shot at it, so make the very best of it as you can.

Shikena.

KissesandWine:



Yeah.. as long as she's sharp about the whole thing she should be good. These men need a taste of what they dish out from time to time.

They do get that taste of their own medicines, but they just don't know it. They only find out when it's too late to do anything about it. How many of these filthy rich politicians end up raising and training not one, but several kids that aren't really theirs?

So as you can see, they get paid back big time, but they just don't know it. In the meantime, madam eats a very juicy cake while having it. Life is indeed sweet. You just need to know how to play your cards smartly.

KissesandWine
u see dat mums advice, I feel lije framing it and keeping it like a family heirloom to be passed dwn to d gals in my generation to come.
I av it in my ead now. I wont let a man be d foundation of my happiness. he could be d swimming pool sha

@ op, I second you!

However, we are who we are. Some of us are all barks and no bites. We see the sense in doing it too, we want to get back at him or relieve ourselves somehow...
God forbid but if any guy ever does this to me without remorse, I would gather myself, put on some lipstick (euphemism) and live a little! He will sure miss me by the time the dust settles cos I'm a big fan to loose and my heart never forgets. Whew, I probably will cheat too...I think I Will give it a shot! One nice bobo who is hungry for the heart too...wowzer!

It depends on the individual involved.
Revenge is not always as sweet as one imagines.

We are assuming that the person one cheats with will be better than the cheating hubby
What if I go and cheat and the sex isnt even as sweet as with my hubby?
What about my own dignity?
How can I sit in church on Sunday and say Amen?
What if he dumps me afterwards? how will I feel?
There is no guarantee that I will even enjoy or benefit anything from the tango apart from guilt and my self esteem further torn.

One may think that whilst one is calling the shots, that one is in control, but lets put into mind the fact that women generallyare more emotional and that control can gradually slip due to this.
Ive seen/heard where the woman that was doing shakara yesterday is today begging the man to stay.
Thats double wahala for deadbody.
Husband cheating and new boyfriend no send after a few bedroom visits. . . that will def kill whats left of her self esteem.

if I go for another married man What if his wife catches me?
What if he chooses to dump me and go back to his wife?

I am speaking not from hypothesis but from what ive seen
A friends husband misbehaved/misbehaves
She got lonely and . . . . .
By the time the mans wife found out . . . (meanwhile he had told her that he and his wife were separated)
One day they both came to her house to curse her out (he was trying to get back in his wifes good books and prove it was over)
her neighbours had a field day
She is worse off than before

I am an all or nothing person
If I cant stand your guts or dont want you anywhere near me, I will divorce you.
I cant be lowering my standards just to get even with someone who doesnt really care about me or the marriage.

I speak for myself, I know what it's like to grow up in an environment and gradually see it creep into your home , the truth is we have a failed society, a man is allowed to do as he pleases and even gets applauded by fellow men and women. let a woman cheat , her fellow women will be the first to cast the stone. I for one I put my life first before any man, there's so much I can take
, with each hurt my love for him dies upto the point when I get numb and will care less what anybody thinks. being happy should come before being married. Every man has justification for his actions after all his father did it yours did it, men all over do it and their women take it so who are you not to take it, the queen of England

Hard question but personally my moral standards are not to be measured by another persons actions. I wont steal because everyone else is stealing and getting rich while I am still poor so I wont let my husbands cheating make me cheat as well.

For the case of a truly unrepentant cheat, I would rather we separate than go down his route. But we are different individuals and as such our moral compasses are different.

KissesandWine even though there are parts of your mums advise that might seem like its condoning cheating I wholeheartedly agree that NO other human being should be the SOLE DETERMINANT of your happiness. I include children, siblings,family friends etc. in that list.

Your children will and should definitely make you happy but sad and cold as it seems they will hurt your feelings or emotions at one point or the other. The sooner that we realise that they are different individuals that might eventually grow up to have a different world view from you and might say/do/believe things that are different from what we perceive as right the better for us. Preparing oneself for it makes the hurt sting a little less and makes forgiving and sometimes having to accept their choices a little easier. So that face your children bit of it is also hinging your happiness on the poor children's shoulders.

As in eh,I just tire for Nigeria women and their mentality, all what they think of is marriage as if marriage dosenot consist of two persons .They don't even have a life again or even brain.

Babymama1:
Is there a part of you that wants to tell all these heartbroken posters with cheating husband to go out there and cheat back if they so wish maybe it will help ease their pain.
Imagine a poster seeing evidence of 15 girls her husband is sleeping with and paying money afterwards, basically a man patronizing prostitutes without remorse ,some even do it openly and dare the wife to leave if she wants and the wives are crying their eyes out and some attempting suicide like we just read,some staying because of the kids,miserable because society expects her to accept it.
My natural side wishes these ladies could just go and find one good bodied man their age to give her a good time
But that would be sinful abi?
But he doesn't care about the sin and she has to?
It's so annoying to read these posts about men who think it is their God given right to treat a wife this badly.
The other lady on my thread,found explicit texts between her born again husband and his babe describing what they do to each other and I asked her to tell her pastor since they are very involved in church and the MOG warned her never to look at his phone
It's like a good ole boys club where they cover for each other
Even in the house of God

And the advice people give
Pray for him
Fast for him
God will see you through
Contend for your marriage
It's a man's world
Be a good wife
Nonsense!

I feel like saying go out and look for a man with a bigger blokoss than your husband and just do it and get the anger off your system
Sheesh!
This is babymama just venting .
So annoying to read these things
A 27 year old in her prime,married to a 40 year old man that is treating her like crap when there are tons of men out there who could give her the exact same things her husband is sharing to everyone and be discreet about it too.
Very very annoying to read

IMHO, cheating back doesn't negate the fact that the husband cheated and hurt the wife.

I would say first time, forgive and be on the lookout (Anyways the marriage is already dead)\
The second time, out.

I know women who left after the first time sha. (one even with four kids)

Some men think it is their right to cheat because some women enabled them and they know their wife will stay .

I know someone who said he can never cheat because once he does, he knows the wife is working out. (The husband gather for pocket so it is a case of 'my wife is feeding me'). He said his wife will do anything to make the marriage work but will not tolerate cheating and physical abuse.

Also, it is difficult to judge these cases like these or call the husbands names without getting to the root of the matter. Some of these wives fought other women to leave their men before marriage; some were promoted from side chicks to 'the all converted main chick'; some 'snatched' the men from other women; some married men who blatantly told them that 'all men must cheat' etc.

These types of wives should not be shocked if their husbands keep it up after marriage.

Yes not tolerating a cheating husband is good however, the first step is marrying the right husband.

To women who knew their husbands cheated or had tendencies to cheat, they shouldn't be surprised if the man does as expected. I will say they suck it up and live their lives.... That is what they signed up for.

@kisses and wine, we have past that time when the advice you got was adaquately ok. The wisdom in it should be taken to another level and a more secure happiness. Even if women ignore and deadly diseases from their husbands refused to ignore them, can they keep pretending to the world their false happiness. Haba, you'v two proof in your family.
As far as i know, it is the women that has the major power to reduce cheating men to the bearest minimum that are encouraging them. When the men are beginning to have a rethink on their stance, you see these weak, low priced women jumping up and down that men must cheat and the men will start thinking there's hope. But they can't thwart babyosisi's effort, lol.

A man that knows that the woman he married is what he desired and will leave him if he cheats, will always zip up. All these men that can't do without cheating are thesame men that we respect themselves if they move abroad. The bulk still lies with women.
Now kisses's mum like most mum have drummed into their ears. Where are the mums that are drumming into the ears of their sons to be faithful and responsible. This is the part i cut men some slacks. Women learn to be wives from the day they step into the world but many men learn to be husbands from when they get married and by then it might be too late. Thats why many women start enjoying their husbands like 15 to 20years of marriage after trainings from wives that mum could have given.
Amongst my many experiences of the importance of the roles of women in this is;
A few months back, a young final year guy that came to spend holiday shared with me how he lost his first love. Right from small, his mum always drum into his ears that his destiny will die the day he commits premarital sex. His girl was then hinting in the sex direction but he kept running, then one day, she invited him to her house for the show because refusal will mean he wasnt man enough. He went there prepared but his mum's words could not let him do it, so he ran away from the fully unclad girl and the girl dumped him despite pleas.
From what i see he hasn't gotten over her because according to him she was so good to him though he is in another abstainenance relationship. You need to see this clean, swaggalicious boy that girls drool over. He even left the mum's ''over churchy'' church to keep up with his swag but his mum's words refused to leave him. He would have accepted the girl who wants to come back but the foolish girl spilled her sexcapades after that event as they remained friends.
Women teach, speak to your boys the way you do it to the girls "abi no be women train all these useless men". Any time i see a responsible man, i first look for his mum. They say beside any successful man there's a woman/wife, i say behind every responsible/complete man there's a woman/mum.

KissesandWine:

Don't let the tables turn before you start preparing. Enter into your relationships armed so that you won't be floored when you start seeing signs. Give yourself something else to focus on. If you have kids.. focus on them. Invest your time in them. They should come first before your man (yes, I said it!). If you have hobbies that make you happy.. drown yourself in them. If you like makeup, honey, doll that face up if it makes you happy. Exercise. Keep in Shape. Cook your favorite meals and make it seem like it was his idea to begin with.

Wives should not make kids the center of their happiness either; it only breeds terrible MILs

tearoses:
It depends on the individual involved.
Revenge is not always as sweet as one imagines.

We are assuming that the person one cheats with will be better than the cheating hubby
What if I go and cheat and the sex isnt even as sweet as with my hubby?
What about my own dignity?
How can I sit in church on Sunday and say Amen?
What if he dumps me afterwards? how will I feel?
There is no guarantee that I will even enjoy or benefit anything from the tango apart from guilt and my self esteem further torn.

One may think that whilst one is calling the shots, that one is in control, but lets put into mind the fact that women generallyare more emotional and that control can gradually slip due to this.
Ive seen/heard where the woman that was doing shakara yesterday is today begging the man to stay.
Thats double wahala for deadbody.
Husband cheating and new boyfriend no send after a few bedroom visits. . . that will def kill whats left of her self esteem.

if I go for another married man What if his wife catches me?
What if he chooses to dump me and go back to his wife?

I am speaking not from hypothesis but from what ive seen
A friends husband misbehaved/misbehaves
She got lonely and . . . . .
By the time the mans wife found out . . . (meanwhile he had told her that he and his wife were separated)
One day they both came to her house to curse her out (he was trying to get back in his wifes good books and prove it was over)
her neighbours had a field day
She is worse off than before

I am an all or nothing person
If I cant stand your guts or dont want you anywhere near me, I will divorce you.
I cant be lowering my standards just to get even with someone who doesnt really care about me or the marriage.

Exactly, you have said it all...

Even if my husband cheats 100times (God forbid), I can never ever cheat back.. where's my self worth? Mehn, I can't stoop too low.. opening my legs for another man?? Geezz, so disgusting. .. I will gain more pains from doing that.. Then, talk about my relationship with God...

There are other ways to get happiness asides cheating back biko...

Babymama1:


If she can cope with it you say,in Nigeria many cannot cope
The system is geared towards punishing women
Divorce IMHO is always a last resort unless a woman's life is in danger but the two should be willing to work it out
A woman can't want marriage with a man that wants marriage on his terms

The frustrating part I read in many of these cases here is that for the most part,the woman is jobless,some have alienated friends and family sometimes because of this 419 marriage and on top of that the man is also cheating
If her kids will be snatched from her if she leaves,can I sincerely tell her to leave her kids and get away?
I would rather help her plot how she will run away with the kids
But many don't have that opportunity especially if the man is rich and influential
Some don't even have any shishi to go anywhere


As for your last point
I would wish that men who cheat find wives who not only know how to cheat with impunity like their husbands but who will go as far as getting kids from their lovers rather than their husbands while remaining in the marriage
Two can play that game

How can we make this punishment spread to both genders?
That's my main focus o. How can we get it into law to punish men who cheat?

BABE3:


if it's a regular relationship with no kids involved, I'd advice anyone with a cheating partner to leave the relationship.

But if it's a marriage she's still interested in, with kids involved, and he's very remorseful but she still finds it hard to forgive, I'd advise her to cheat back. The idea of "getting even" eases the pain of betrayal, which is better for everyone in the long one.

The problem is, he must never find out she cheated. Ever! Coz if he does, the focus will shift from him to her.

God knows if I were to cheat, I would have damned all consequences and the aim would be to gloat about it in his presence. That would be the satisfaction for me. While telling him, I would have armed myself with a gun or those swords in kill bill. They often say quiet people are the most dangerous, I agree. When I've damned all consequences there's no going back o.

So it's best for someone like me to just pack her load and divorce like a good christian that I am, lol.

Saying that the average Nigerian woman should get a divorce may look good on paper... but may be impractical. We often wonder why women would rather stomach the emotional abuse than leave.

Ever seen how society shuns and looks down on women who are divorced back home? These women are seen as failures who were unable to keep their families together due to their own ineptitude. When another male takes a liking to a divorced Nigerian woman, he is immediately warned by people who knows the woman's story to back off because she is not the kind he should start a family with.

Somewhere down the road when the woman's kids are ready to settle down and the inlaws start probing into their family history, the inlaws discover that their mum is a divorcee.Another wahala.

So yes, there are times when you just can't pack your bags and leave. There are times when you'll have to stick it out and learn to cope and survive within the relationship until you can find your way out.
Sadly, there are women who will never be able to walk out that door for one reason or the other. I believe that's where my mum's advice comes into play.

And of course if you're able to set yourself free of the shackles of an unholy matrimony.. do it. You'll thank yourself for it later.

this is good.
This type of topic is the reason men will always cheat on you.

Ya all think you can win the game?
Now lets get real.
I want to help you all. Make sure you exercise and keep to shape.
Seriously,most of the women in their late twenties or thirties are out of shape and cant even get men to look at them(not when we have girls in their early twenties who are constantly uping their game .
Men,even in their 50s, can easily get lots of fresh girls to date once the cash is there.

let the game begin.....

KissesandWine:
Saying that the average Nigerian woman should get a divorce may look good on paper... but may be impractical. We often wonder why women would rather stomach the emotional abuse than leave.

Ever seen how society shuns and looks down on women who are divorced back home? These women are seen as failures who were unable to keep their families together due to their own ineptitude. When another male takes a liking to a divorced Nigerian woman, he is immediately warned by people who knows the woman's story to back off because she is not the kind he should start a family with.

Somewhere down the road when the woman's kids are ready to settle down and the inlaws start probing into their family history, the inlaws discover that their mum is a divorcee.Another wahala.

So yes, there are times when you just can't pack your bags and leave. There are times when you'll have to stick it out and learn to cope and survive within the relationship until you can find your way out.
Sadly, there are women who will never be able to walk out that door for one reason or the other. I believe that's where my mum's advice comes into play.

And of course if you're able to set yourself free of the shackles of an unholy matrimony.. do it. You'll thank yourself for it later.

Isn't the bold contradictory?

If you say the society doesn't look favorable on divorced women (irrespective of the reason), which way out is the woman looking for again?

If the woman divorces at 30 or 60, the society will still look at her same way; why should she endure 30 extra years? It's not like she will be getting companionship or sweet love making.

Why also advice women to free themselves from the shackles of unholy matrimony when you advice they do not divorce?

@the kids getting married: it solely depends on them.

bukatyne:


Isn't the bold contradictory?

If you say the society doesn't look favorable on divorced women (irrespective of the reason), which way out is the woman looking for again?

If the woman divorces at 30 or 60, the society will still look at her same way; why should she endure 30 extra years? It's not like she will be getting companionship or sweet love making.

Why also advice women to free themselves from the shackles of unholy matrimony when you advice they do not divorce?

@the kids getting married: it solely depends on them.

I'm not advising women not to get a divorce. I was just shedding light on the possible reasons why some women would rather stay than leave. Then I went ahead to say that if a woman can leave, then by all means she should. I don't think I was being self-contradictory.

Fact remains that the Nigerian society belittles women who have terminated their marriages and this remains a big impediment to anyone looking to get out of an unhappy marriage.

Going back to the basics of this thread, I guess my point is that it's easy for us to say that instead of a woman honing her survival skills in an unhappy marriage, the woman should just pack her bags and leave... this isn't always practical for reasons I've already mentioned and much more. But if the woman doesn't care about society (which she shouldn't), then instead of resorting to all sorts of tactics to help her endure, she should just leave.

KissesandWine:



I'm not advising women not to get a divorce. I was just shedding light on the possible reasons why some women would rather stay than leave. Then I went ahead to say that if a woman can leave, then by all means she should. I don't think I was being self-contradictory.

Ok then.

mizcyn:
I speak for myself, I know what it's like to grow up in an environment and gradually see it creep into your home , the truth is we have a failed society, a man is allowed to do as he pleases and even gets applauded by fellow men and women. let a woman cheat , her fellow women will be the first to cast the stone. I for one I put my life first before any man, there's so much I can take
, with each hurt my love for him dies upto the point when I get numb and will care less what anybody thinks. being happy should come before being married. Every man has justification for his actions after all his father did it yours did it, men all over do it and their women take it so who are you not to take it, the queen of England

Bukatyne or so started a thread about women being their own worst enemies,it is so true
Let a woman with a cheating husband step out and get caught,her fellow women ( some of who are enduring the same with their men) will chew her apart.
as a younger girl I also looked at divorced women with disdain like everyone else.The general talks about her from adults would be about the woman who couldn't keep a home,no man wanted his wife around them lest she influences them and no woman wanted her talking to their husbands lest she sleeps with them.
When I got older I saw how stupeed all that label was
Even the women I know their stories and feel they could have worked a little harder to keep the marriage,I could never condemn
You never know the real story of people and can never feel what they felt so you cannot judge accurately.
As a mature female I know that no woman comes into marriage with a mindset to leave
So for a married woman with children to want to speak of leaving,she has seen enough
There are women who have seen things they can't even share with family
People have walked in on husbands sex.ually molesting teenage house girls and the like
I can never condemn a divorced woman
That thing she saw and left would probably make me also leave

People usually under estimate the power and satisfaction revenge brings.
Some people are naturally vengeful,tit for tat and paying back is the only way to self soothe.
Why do people spit in food, watch the other person eat it and feel joy?
How come people poison others and watch them get sick slowly while playing the attentive partner?
Revenge isn't for the weak minded or guilt ridden souls.
I find it funny when people talk like revenge cannot provide relief.
The kicker is that you think you are smart and getting away with it while I'm also enjoying myself. Hehehehee

You guys need to understand that sex isn't that big a deal for some. Its when 2/ more bodies enjoy each other.All this attaching of excess sentiment to it isn't for everyone.It is very easy to get attracted to another human being, throw in the mix of unhappily married woman and a man with a listening ear and broad shoulders to lean on and a full blown affair is born.Abi all the women cheating are aliens??

For me,do whatever lets you sleep at night.If it's getting your own back,so be it. I won't discourage o jare.If it's prayer, enjoy.If you want to live for your kids na you sabi.

I know exactly where I belong,no apologies.

Avalon316:
this is good.
This type of topic is the reason men will always cheat on you.

Ya all think you can win the game?
Now lets get real.
I want to help you all. Make sure you exercise and keep to shape.
Seriously,most of the women in their late twenties or thirties are out of shape and cant even get men to look at them(not when we have girls in their early twenties who are constantly uping their game .
Men,even in their 50s, can easily get lots of fresh girls to date once the cash is there.

let the game begin.....

...and this, ladies and gents, is the problem. Uncle Avalon, since when did marriage become all sports and games? I think people need to be schooled on the rudiments of the vows they take on when they say "I do". You choose to be with a woman for better or worse and then you cite her lack of physical attractiveness as an excuse for your lustful tendencies? Don't even get me started.

If your woman is out of shape, why don't you help her get back into shape by encouraging her... If you've identified that as the problem? Shouldn't that fix it? And what of the men who cheat on their very hot wives?

Abeg jare.

Jahblessme:
People usually under estimate the power and satisfaction revenge brings.
Some people are naturally vengeful,tit for tat and paying back is the only way to self soothe.
Why do people spit in food, watch the other person eat it and feel joy?
How come people poison others and watch them get sick slowly while playing the attentive partner?

Lol@bolded.

Reminds of something I did when I was little. . .

KissesandWine:



...and this, ladies and gents, is the problem. Uncle Avalon, since when did marriage become all sports and games? I think people need to be schooled on the rudiments of the vows they take on when they say "I do". You choose to be with a woman for better or worse and then you cite her lack of physical attractiveness as an excuse for your lustful tendencies? Don't even get me started.

If your woman is out of shape, why don't you help her get back into shape by encouraging her... If you've identified that as the problem? Shouldn't that fix it? And what of the men who cheat on their very hot wives?

Abeg jare.

NO SUGAR COATING HERE.
This thread is just a way of encouraging women to cheat just to get back at their cheating husbands. Why not walk out of the marriage?
Have you no respect for your own body?

If your woman is out of shape, why don't you help her get back into shape by encouraging her...

mumu,she is not out of shape.

Jahblessme:
People usually under estimate the power and satisfaction revenge brings.
Some people are naturally vengeful,tit for tat and paying back is the only way to self soothe.
Why do people spit in food, watch the other person eat it and feel joy?
How come people poison others and watch them get sick slowly while playing the attentive partner?
Revenge isn't for the weak minded or guilt ridden souls.
I find it funny when people talk like revenge cannot provide relief.
The kicker is that you think you are smart and getting away with it while I'm also enjoying myself. Hehehehee

You guys need to understand that sex isn't that big a deal for some. Its when 2/ more bodies enjoy each other.All this attaching of excess sentiment to it isn't for everyone.It is very easy to get attracted to another human being, throw in the mix of unhappily married woman and a man with a listening ear and broad shoulders to lean on and a full blown affair is born.Abi all the women cheating are aliens??

For me,do whatever lets you sleep at night.If it's getting your own back,so be it. I won't discourage o jare.If it's prayer, enjoy.If you want to live for your kids na you sabi.

I know exactly where I belong,no apologies.

Stillfire:


How can we make this punishment spread to both genders?
That's my main focus o. How can we get it into law to punish men who cheat?

Women in Nigeria have no voices in justice as at yet
Things are changing gradually but it will take time to get there
We read cases where an abused woman hoes to a police station to make a report and is told to go home and reconcile with her husband
Men and mothers in law still threaten wives with taking away the children if they leave
Didn't we read it here on nairaland where a woman was told by her MIL that she didn't come into her son's house with kids and will leave without any kids.
Until that changes,women will always get the shorter end of the stick