Lagos without Danfo is unimaginable. As a matter of fact,
Lagos without Danfo is no Lagos. For the benefit of those reading this and have never being to Lagos or have no idea what Danfo is; “Danfoes” (if there’s any word like that) are those rickety yellow commercial buses that constitute
nuisance in the streets of Lagos. These buses are so
peculiar to Lagos
that, if by any means, they’re banished from Lagos and
introduced into another state, Lagos figuratively ceases to be called Lagos and whatever state it is, becomes the New Lagos.

The experiences Lagosians encounter in/from/with these
yellow jalopies range from that of amusement to astonishment and sometimes horror. And when
I say Lagosians, I’m not just referring to commuters but
also to pedestrians and other drivers. So long as a Lagosian is not bed-ridden from birth, hence hits the streets from time to time, such a person cannot claim to not have had an experience, either personally or as an
onlooker/bystander.

One experience that has remained engraved in my psyche is a day I had an appointment somewhere in the Apapa metropolis and was running late. I joined a neighbor who was driving to work that morning. He wasn’t going my way, so I alighted at ‘Mile 2’ then we parted ways. I now had to board a Danfo from ‘Mile 2’ to Apapa and eventually, it was during rush hour.
Coupled with the fact that it was rush hour and I was
running late, I had to board the next available Danfo, not considering the available spot or the condition of the bus. Guess what, the available spot on the next available bus was the spot any experienced Danfo-user dreads; the first
seat you see when the back rail-door is dragged open. Yes,
that one on the extreme right, immediately behind the front row.
These seats are meant for conductors to sit on, but being
that Danfo operators are like every other business person whose goal is to maximize profit, conductors sell these seats to desperate commuters like myself and
then proceed to sit on the engine.
Those of you who have occupied that spot know what I’m talking about; you sit face-to-face and knee-to-groin with
the conductor. And by knee-to-groin, I mean both commuter and conductor having a knee in-between each others' thigh and almost touching each others' groin (I guess you just paused, imagined yourself in that position
and smiled).
Smile no further because you’ve not heard the
crux of my experience, which is the “AROMA” that exuded from the conductor’s mouth, armpits and every pore on his body.
By capitalizing the opposite of the intended word and
putting it in
quotation marks, I suppose a number of words must’ve
poured into your
brain; words like stench, malodor, reek, odor, etc. And I
forgot to mention that I am a lady, but lucky for me, I was putting on trousers that day, which alleviated the knee-to-groin part of my ordeal. Each time the
conductor stretched his arm across my face to collect
money from a passenger behind or uttered words like “fu mi l’owo” was a living hell. The “AROMA” was so strong I could taste it in my mouth.

To cut the long story short, by the time I got off the bus, my
eyes were blood-red from holding my breath whenever he either stretched his arm across my face or uttered a word and I arrived the venue of my appointment looking like I had a hangover from the previous day’s
drinking binge.

This is the best article I've seen on Nairaland in a very long time. Nice one, handbagss! Thumbs up!!

Nice article sister.. Lol.
I actually smiled at that point you expected us to, cox i have seen a lady in that particular position.
He kept on fighting with the conductor till she alighted.
She was saying that the conductor should stop touching her and she was even beating him and distracting others.

Danfo is not just a means of transport, it is a culture.
A roof where different tribes and religions are represented.

Aighque:
This is the best article I've seen on Nairaland in a very long time. Nice one, handbagss! Thumbs up!!

Thanks Aighque

Bossforeva:
Nice article sister.. Lol.
I actually smiled at that point you expected us to, cox i have seen a lady in that particular position.
He kept on fighting with the conductor till she alighted.
She was saying that the conductor should stop touching her and she was even beating him and distracting others.

Lol... what a terrible situation

Nice

nice

nice one from OP.
Part of what makes Lagos thick is danfo, its the signature.

Bossforeva:
Danfo is not just a means of transport, it is a culture.
A roof where different tribes and religions are represented.

u're so on point. Nice comment.

Nice one.

But this conductor no see all these ugly girls wey full nairaland to torment with the "aroma" na this fine babe.
@Op..Please be my lady so I will buy you Lexus R350 so you can stop jumping danfo.

As for this one, I hope you gave testimony in churchooo!

That famous conductor seat. Worst of all is you stand the risk of falling off the bus should the conductor decide not to close the back- rail door.

The breeze on that seat sef na another matter altogether

[size=14pt]Nice one Handbaggs...but did you ever experience 'Molue'? That an entirely different ballgame [/size]

Handbagss,

Very hilarious experience.

But that bus is not the "Danfo" of Lagos oh. They call it "hummer" bus. Lol. Where you were sitting was supposed to be his and instead he sits on the engine, just behind the front seat.

Lol. I personally do not sit at that spot unless there's no conductor. Lol.

Well, like someone asked, did you experience Molue, 49 sitting and 99 standing? The standing association of Nigeria?

Bossforeva:
Nice article sister.. Lol.
I actually smiled at that point you expected us to, cox i have seen a lady in that particular position.
He kept on fighting with the conductor till she alighted.
She was saying that the conductor should stop touching her and she was even beating him and distracting others.

Me Too!