We humans have always been a freaking suicidal bunch. Everything we engage in from wars to global warming causing inventions has always been about one thing; mass annihilation!

And then along came Coca-cola– that fizzy drink that sells over a billion cans and bottles in hours. Rated as the most popular word after “hello”, making it the most recognized brand across the globe. Nothing could be bad about this heavenly drink from the gods right?



Well think again. That sickly brown liquid you gulp in can-loads(or bottle-loads) might be out to get you through one of this five ways:

#5 Citric Acid=Acid, baby!

Citric acid gives coke its bite and is as corrosive as battery acid when it touches the teeth. (Nothing tastes better than cold sweetened acid burning a path down your throat right?) It strips tooth enamel and might even reduce teeth to stumps.



The citric acid is probably why coke is good as a toilet cleaning agent too.



Our advise: Keep drinking coca-cola for increased tooth erosion.

 

#4 Sugar

We can’t stress it enough that sugar isn’t good for the human race… That thing is out to only do one thing; give us diabetes, obesity, heart disease, stroke, pile(jedi jedi) and death. Okay, that’s more than one, but who’s counting? The fact is sugar ain’t good for ya! Now, with that fact established, it’s bad that a can of coca-cola contains eight teaspoons of sugar, plus, we learned that coke when drank quickly leads to an intense sugar rush that translates to rapid drop in energy and cravings for more sugar.



#3 Phosphoric Acid

Alright we’re back to acid again! Let’s just accept the whole shitty– sorry–fizzy drink is nothing but acid drink! Anyways, phosphoric acid is a clear odorless chemical that renders coke its tangy flavour. It has been found to be a probable cause of kidney stones and calcium loss in bones(especially female bones. It just cleans out your bone marrow juices to a sparkling feebleness). No wonder coca-cola is an effective rust remover. You just put old coins and metal in a bottle of coke to bring back their lustre and shine.



#2 BPA (Bisphenol A)

This substance is found in the linings of coca-cola cans and is linked to heart diseases, cancer and birth defects. It mimics oestrogen and may disrupt fetuses(meaning you may have male genitals yet retain a girl’s mannerisms) Sorry dude.



Other items on BPA’s main course are breast cancer, liver damage and fertility problems. Luckily you won’t be blessed with all.

 

#1 Chemical-4-methytimidazole (4-mi)

What the hell is that? The name sounds like something meant to be picked up a psychiatric ward’s drug counter wouldn’t you agree? But on second thoughts, why shouldn’t it sound like that?

Coca-cola is said to have being originally concocted as a brain tonic back in 1886 to treat sick headaches, neuralgia, hysteria, and melancholy.

Chemical-4-methytimidazole gives the fizzy drink its colour but is listed as potential carcinogen that causes cancer. However, the coca-cola manufacturers have claimed it is safe to consume this in low doses.



At adamsapple, we feel that’s like telling us to ‘drink responsibly’.

Problem is last time we checked, that slogan was exclusive to alcohol ads; alcohol being a form of drug that causes liver damage, depression, anxiety, slurred speech, drunk-driving and death. So if we applied the ‘drink low doses’ of coca-cola, it literally means we drink at our own peril and are to ‘drink coca-cola responsibly’. Are we then safe to classify this fizzy drink as a drug that might kill you in the not so distant future, along with your kids, either born, or unborn, since coca-cola is not censored for kids? Well, we’ll let you decide.

 

 

If it’s well researched, filled with sarcasm and got you smiling, (or better– laughing) then it’s written by Segun Ddark Prince Ogundeko.

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