My phone rang. I looked at the screen; it was
Lilian.
Alright, let me explain who Lilian is.
She is my she-buddy. Like, you know, that type
of girl you meet and somehow somehow two of
you just friend-zone yourselves. I had met her
at...when did I meet her sef? can't remember
now sha. I think it was in a seminar or
something.
Thing is - she is a pain in the ass; trust me.
I picked up the phone up and received the call.
"Dude what's up" I said into the mouthpiece.
"Mumu". She fired back. "Who be dude"
"You na" I replied.
"I no blame you". She said. "Where are you?"
"My house". I replied.
"Where in your house?" she asked. I removed the
phone from my ears and looked at it. Which kain
mumu question be this one.
"Which kain mumu question be that". I asked,
bringing the phone back to my ear.
"Answer joor". She said.
"I'm in my room". I told her. There was silence at
her end for a moment, then she returned.
"That your mumu online business is taking too
much of your time. I know how boring your life is
right now. Ashually, The lord has sent me to
deliver you"
"You don't mean it". I mumbled.
"See eh. You don ever go a private movie
viewing before?"
"What is private movie viewing?" I asked her.
"You see, you dull" she said. "Your kpako-ness is
out of this world. Anyways. Some of my friends
at GRA are throwing this PMV. Na film. As in,
private cinema. At their house. Get ready, pass
by my house let's go together"
"I'm not coming. I'm busy."
"Cut that your hair." she said. " you no go carry
that bushy thing follow me o"
And the phone went dead. I Dialed her number.
For where, the mumu just busied the thing. This
girl sha, I thought. I looked at my wardrobe.
Wetin I go wear sef. She was right, I have been
staying indoors too much.
I stood up from my desk and went to my ward-
robe. O boy, all my clothes dirty o. I searched,
and found something which would be just cool. I
removed it from the hanger and threw it on my
bed.
Thank God say light dey. The poo dey rumple
die. I glanced at the mirror. Czar, my mind voice
said, you no see the kind bush you carry for
head?
I decided to take Lilian's advice and see a
barber.
3 hours later, I was at Lilian's house - all dressed
up. Plus I had gone to barb my hair and this
dude had used my hair for practice. The carving
looked funny from the left.
First thing Lilian said when she saw me was ;
"You have killed me. What is this?"
"What is what?" I asked, thinking it was the hair
"You are putting on a shirt and a trouser"
I looked at myself.
"And so? "
"You have completely fall my hand, Czar. Jehova.
This stuff is an informal something and you go
dress like you want to go for an interview"
"Let's go joor" I told her. She was wearing a
bum short and a short sleeve casual Polo. Truth
be told, standing near her I kinda looked over
dressed. But mehn, na only this poo been neat
for my ward-robe abeg.
We trekked out of her house to the road, then
stopped a taxi and got in. Lilian gave the driver
directions and the cab drove off.
I looked at Lilian. "Who go pay?" I asked.
"You this mumu igbo stingy boy. Use yourself
answer that question"
"You are a chicken". I told her.
"You are a butterfly" she said. And we changed
the topic. When we got to GRA it was 1.05pm.
The driver drove into an extremely Behind street
and I cringed. Oh men.
"Wait, babe. You talk say your friend live here?" I
asked.
"Yeah. Why?"
"Because you is a kpako na". I told her. "Kpakos
don't have ajebo friends"
"Hey, watch it". She said. "I'm a lady. E don do"
I laughed. "Lady ko. If I smell"
The taxi stopped in front of a big gate. We got,
Lilian all of a sudden started searching her pulse
like her money had evaporated. I shook my headt
and paid. She smiled.
"Good boy" she said. I no talk, she was definitely
going to pay for the fare back.
We knocked at the gate and an eye appeared in
a round hole on the gate. Lilian raised our IV to
the hole. The eye withdrew, then a moment of
noise and metal pulling and the gate was open.
As I walked into the compound, what I saw made
me loose my breath....
To Be Continued.

CZAR & THE RICH BABE. (Part 2) (I'm kinda down with malaria and I'm shivering as I type this but I promised I will finish this, so I just have to write. Let's begin) ****************************** I will have to shame the truth and shame the devil, I have never seen a mansion in my whole life. Except in films. And sometimes in my dream (oh yes. I dream it. Durr) So that was how I frooze, open my mouth like a chakereke and started mopping at the house. Lilian jabbed her elbow into my side and looked at me the same way you will look at someone who used Mortein as a body spray. "Dude. Respect yourself. Don't embarrass me in this place. What's that look on your face" "Oh men. This house is it" "Bush man. I'm starting to regret inviting you here. You go fall my hand for sure" I ignored her. We walked up a long walk way to a huge door . Wait, I won explain this door. You don watch; what is the name of this film ooo. I have forgotten. But the door is like two times the height of an average height man (no be wash) The house was painted white. Huge thing like this eh. Just like something you would see in a Hollywood movie. My jaw dropped. I must have opened my mouth too wide because Lilian kicked my leg and asked me to close my mouth. She knocked on the door and we waited. The door opened and this girl dived out and flew into Lilian's arms and they started hugging in that eye pinching way girls hug themselves. Like say hem won kiss or something. I no see her face at first, but when I did - I nearly did a back flip. What dah Bleep! See eh. I have seen fine girls in my life. Enough fine girls. But this one? Forgerit - she was a winch. They, Lilian and she, were still hugging. E don do abeg. I coughed, waved at them, gave Lilian bad eye (mumu no won introduce person) and said "Hellooooo" Lilian came to her senses. "Hi. Wendy. Meet Czar. Czar, Wendy" "Hi Wendy". I said. She brought out her hand, I shook my head. "Nah, Wendy. I want that kind of hug you gave Lilian". She laughed, turned and said "You would wait forever then. Come in guys" See accent na. Oyibo shiit Like that like that o. I miss hug, miss handshake join. We followed her in, and again - my breath caught. The interior was as impressive as the exterior. "The Cinema is upstairs" she said. We followed her up a spiral stairs to the first floor (ashually, na like two floors dey that house. Oh yes - two. No tenants) When we got upstairs I started feeling like a big fowl. About 8 guys and 12 girls were hanging around a corridor. And they all were dressed in a hippy trendy style. Jean, Canvass, Polo - that sort of thing. And I was wearing corporate like a damn school teacher. To Be Continued... ........ NB; The sickness I mentioned initially just got worse. I need to take drugs. Feeling weak. I will continue this tomorrow (hopefully).

Pele get well soon biko

Thanks dear

CZAR & THE RICH BABE (Part 3) I mean; the corridor that led to the Cinema was jam packed with loads of boti shilden. Damn! Ogbeni, it's not a small something. As I stood near Lilian - the words of that great politician, Abraham Lincoln, came to my head...i quote; "kidnap just one of this phoneey speaking rich kids and you have hamma" I controlled myself before I start taking the thought seriously. Wendy asked us to hang around and then walked away. Lilian gave me one of her annoying looks. "Shey you now see how you look like you are everyones's daddy here with that corporate you are wearing" "It's good like that. Leave it for me" I told her. A boy in green t-shirt walked towards a dispenser down the corridor and started pouring himself a drink. E don mean it, I thought, booze is that free? I turned to Lilian. "Lilly of the valley of darkness. I think I will pour myself a drink now". I started to walk away and she pulled me back. "See eh. Czar. You are so naive around this sorta people. So watch mummy and learn. you see that drink there? Don't drink it" I gave her my bestest nastiest look. The same look I reserve . Exclusively, for a smelly armpit. "Why?" She pulled closer. Jezz, this girl can be dramatic sha. "You see that drink over there? It contains ecstasy or magic mushroom, or something else. Maybe codeine" I looked at her. "And What are all those? " She shook her head. "What kind of JJC questions is that, I will have to start breast feeding you soon" I smiled. "This is the best idea you've ever poured out since you barged into my life" "You don't have sense" she told me. "Those are drugs. Like, highing element" She lowered her voice; "This kids bad die. They high the hell out of themselves. And I know you get high on even fresh air. So that stuff right there will do things to your head you won't like" I wanted to say something really nasty; high on fresh air - she chop breeze?. But Wendy came out then. "Alright guys" she said. "You can come in now" We walked into the Home Cinema. It was impressive. Damn, I go hammer o. I swear it. Money is good; forgerit. So we settled down into seats. Then I saw this girl, almost by herself. From the back of her head she looked promising. I turned to Lilian. "Babe. E go be na". I stood up, and changed seats - straight. When I sat near the girl - she was it. As in, she was it ooo. See fine-ness. I turned, caught lilian's eye and winked. Then turned to the girl and said Hi. She said Hi back. I smiled - First stage complete. The light in the room went off, The big screen came on and - Jesus. What is this? I cringed. The screen was empty - as in, it was showing white but sounds were coming from it. And guess what kind of sounds. Oh yes...bad mind, you guessed right. it was moans. A woman was moaning right from the screen. I settled well into my seat. "Ok na, this shit go interesting" Then shapes appeared on the screen and it was full fledged 18 rated shiii. Like, that thing you are thinking it is - it was it. What dah.... I brought out my phone, and pinged Lilian. I turned and saw a phone light up at the back. The light moved and I saw her face staring into the screen. I started typing. "What is this?" I sent it. I waited. "Hahahahahaha". She replied. "This is how this rich kids parry" "I don't understand" "Wait till this movie finish first, you will" To be continued....

CZAR & THE RICH BABE (Part 4) Now; imagine watching an 18 rated movie in a room packed with close to 14 persons. Like, I didn't know how to keep face. Although the whole room was dark, I still couldn't help feeling embarrassed. Like, what is this. I sat there like that, moping. Like a Somalian fowl. Twenty minutes into it, I had had enough. I stood up, brought out my nokia torch and started looking for the exit - sharply. You don't try nonsense with konji abeg. After hitting my leg on something that felt like a seat, I finally found the door. Thankfully, it wasn't locked. I sneaked out. Outside, in the corridor, I breathed a sigh of relief. Oh men, is this place hot or hot. Looked down at my trouser and shook my head. The devil is a liar. I brought out my blackberry and sent a message to Lilian; "You are a bad influence to me, ah swear down". She typed back. "Hahahahaha. Ode. I saw you sneak out" Almost on cue, the cinema door opened. I turned. It was the girl I had sat with. Damn, this girl fine. Her face was it, she was wearing a low v neck blouse and her "you know what" was it. Her hips swayed as she walked towards it and those hips.... I shook my head. Guy, think straight, don't be a chicken. She smiled at me. "You ran off" I frowned. "Ran off? No. I didn't. Just came out to make a call". She laughed. "You lie horribly. Come, let me show you around" She motioned for me to follow her. I followed her, see hips na. I shook my head. Dude clear your head, I thought, take a deep breath and just imagine it was passion of christ you watched in that Cinema. "So what's your name" I asked. "I didn't get it the last time" She looked at me. "I never told you" "Oh. Thought I did" "Amanda. I'm Amanda." "I'm Czar" "I know". She said. "I asked Lilian to invite you" E don mean it, I thought. "I saw your Facebook page, what's the name again. X4un, right?" I nodded. "I liked one of your stories. I'm a writer too. Come, let me show you one of my write ups" I waited for her to turn then I rolled my eyes. Which kind nonsense is this. I just comoted from enjoying 3D you know what to come go read book?. I still smiled kwa, like I wanted to read write up. "Alright, cool" We walked and walked...oh men, that house is large. We reached a door, she brought a key card, pushed it into the key slot and the door beeped open. Oshe! I thought. What are you not saying. We got in. Well that was when ideas started coming into my head. First, na she invite me. Now she don carry me enter room. Ah shoki!!! She had a desk in the room, and a white apple laptop was on it. Boti shidrens o. She pressed Wetin she press finish then asked me to come and see. I walked to the desk and peered into the laptop. My eyes can fall hands sha, just as I was about to look into the screen - I don't know what carried my eyes to the V neckline of her blouse where her two Lil daughters were showing. I shouldn't have watched that movie, I thought. I really shouldn't have watched it. To be Continued....

CZAR & THE RICH BABE (Part 4) Now; imagine watching an 18 rated movie in a room packed with close to 14 persons. Like, I didn't know how to keep face. Although the whole room was dark, I still couldn't help feeling embarrassed. Like, what is this. I sat there like that, moping. Like a Somalian fowl. Twenty minutes into it, I had had enough. I stood up, brought out my nokia torch and started looking for the exit - sharply. You don't try nonsense with konji abeg. After hitting my leg on something that felt like a seat, I finally found the door. Thankfully, it wasn't locked. I sneaked out. Outside, in the corridor, I breathed a sigh of relief. Oh men, is this place hot or hot. Looked down at my trouser and shook my head. The devil is a liar. I brought out my blackberry and sent a message to Lilian; "You are a bad influence to me, ah swear down". She typed back. "Hahahahaha. Ode. I saw you sneak out" Almost on cue, the cinema door opened. I turned. It was the girl I had sat with. Damn, this girl fine. Her face was it, she was wearing a low v neck blouse and her "you know what" was it. Her hips swayed as she walked towards it and those hips.... I shook my head. Guy, think straight, don't be a chicken. She smiled at me. "You ran off" I frowned. "Ran off? No. I didn't. Just came out to make a call". She laughed. "You lie horribly. Come, let me show you around" She motioned for me to follow her. I followed her, see hips na. I shook my head. Dude clear your head, I thought, take a deep breath and just imagine it was passion of christ you watched in that Cinema. "So what's your name" I asked. "I didn't get it the last time" She looked at me. "I never told you" "Oh. Thought I did" "Amanda. I'm Amanda." "I'm Czar" "I know". She said. "I asked Lilian to invite you" E don mean it, I thought. "I saw your Facebook page, what's the name again. X4un, right?" I nodded. "I liked one of your stories. I'm a writer too. Come, let me show you one of my write ups" I waited for her to turn then I rolled my eyes. Which kind nonsense is this. I just comoted from enjoying 3D you know what to come go read book?. I still smiled kwa, like I wanted to read write up. "Alright, cool" We walked and walked...oh men, that house is large. We reached a door, she brought a key card, pushed it into the key slot and the door beeped open. Oshe! I thought. What are you not saying. We got in. Well that was when ideas started coming into my head. First, na she invite me. Now she don carry me enter room. Ah shoki!!! She had a desk in the room, and a white apple laptop was on it. Boti shidrens o. She pressed Wetin she press finish then asked me to come and see. I walked to the desk and peered into the laptop. My eyes can fall hands sha, just as I was about to look into the screen - I don't know what carried my eyes to the V neckline of her blouse where her two Lil daughters were showing. I shouldn't have watched that movie, I thought. I really shouldn't have watched it. To be Continued....

Oga ooo

You just dey lift everything as it was written in the Facebook page of Czar without even editing

Even when he [Czar ]talked about his not be feeling fine,you copied and pasted

But bro. Remember plagiarism is an offence punishable by Law.