I am married for two year nw with a baby girl, though marriages ave up and down but the one am going through ryt nw,that makes my body aches is the house chores, I do virtually al the work with no help, starting from sweeping the verandah, to the mopping the sitting room,kitchen, and the passage, to clearing the dishes,fetching water and serious u nid to see our well it's rily so deep,i fills the kitchen and toilet with water, wash the toilet, cook den take care of the baby while my husband sit al tru pressing his fone. Av discussed this with him several tyms but no change. I dnt no wot else to do as this is killing me. I alwaz wonder if he love me cos I dnt no ow u ll claim to love ur wife but stil watch her go through stress without you helping ha.....pls advice

You need to take things east before u wear urself out. If all he does is to press phone....take ur phone nd press too, abi do u want to kill ursef?

Seriously....u better get help maybe on a weekly basis like a cleaner or smthg before u die of stress nd overwork.

You need to take things easy before u wear urself out. If all he does is to press phone....take ur phone nd press too, abi do u want to kill ursef?

Seriously....u better get help maybe on a weekly basis like a cleaner or smthg before u die of stress nd overwork.

Got a job? Get a job....finish

You can talk to your hubby about it..in a polite manner thou and if he doesnt change....Do your best and leff d rest.Lobatan

get a MAID!!


you can't expect a man to come and do all this things you mentioned

Well the truth is,most times husbands don't help because from the start you gave that impression of "I'm a super woman, I can do it all"..

He is watching you because he thinks you can do it all and truly, you have been doing it without breaking down.

So, to prove to him you can't do it - break down, fall sick, or even faint sef. If these things don't come naturally, pretend/act it.

Cunny man die, cunny man bury am

Whizzcute:
get a MAID!!



you can't expect a man to come and do all this things you mentioned

Says who?

If a man cannot do "these things", he can't also hire someone to help out with them?

A wife is not a slave or maid.

...so OP you want to become a feminist that demands her husband share in the housework or what?
Oh the horror!

crystalgem:
I am married for two year nw with a baby girl, though marriages ave up and down but the one am going through ryt nw,that makes my body aches is the house chores, I do virtually al the work with no help, starting from sweeping the verandah, to the mopping the sitting room,kitchen, and the passage, to clearing the dishes,fetching water and serious u nid to see our well it's rily so deep,i fills the kitchen and toilet with water, wash the toilet, cook den take care of the baby while my husband sit al tru pressing his fone. Av discussed this with him several tyms but no change. I dnt no wot else to do as this is killing me I alwaz wonder if he love me cos I dnt no ow u ll claim to love ur wife but stil watch her go through stress without you helping ha.....pls advice

When you said you've discussed this with him with no change, can you please shed some on light how you normally on a good day ask him to do something around the house?

I have a lot of examples to give but would like to hear your reply first and in all honesty please. I'm not here to judge you.

Truly some men need to understand that its a partnership and you need to help. A man who would sit and allow his wife run around like a mad woman and won't help neither would he employ a maid while he presses his phone needs some real orientation and growing up to do.

She ain't a horse. Nothing stops you from helping her lessen the burden. If your wife takes up the hardest jobs like fetching water from a deep well and virtually calling all the shots in the house while you idle away neither would you provide the needed alternatives for her, then you aren't man enough.

@op.

Start from telling him to buy you a wash machine and maybe get a live-out maid that occasionally comes in.

Do what you can.
Leave the rest.

If it affects him long enough, he will help out.

get someone that will fetch water for you cos it seems thats the most stressful part of your chores. then wash your dishes immediately after each meal so that it wont accumulate. you can wash the toilet every two days. dont wash it daily abeg make you no go break down o. same goes for the mopping. except the floor is always dusty.
since oga has refused to listen. let him be .what if he is a constant traveller wont u cope? take it easy my sister nobody wins an award for house chores.

Poshest.. Some people actually scrub their washrooms everyday. I happen to know a lady who does, ocd things.

Op sorry

Advice:
Stop looking for advice here and talk some more to your husband!

If you can't communicate simple "help me I need assistance" to him then how do you discuss the more difficult things in marriage?

Most of d tins u stated r tins dat r not done on a daily basis. U can save d mopping of d floor, bathroom et al 4 wkends. U can also cook diff dishes n preserve in d freezer instead of cooking everyday. Even d washing of clothes isn't done daily. Will also advice u keep discussing it wif hubby. May b he might c reasons 2 change sm day.

bellong:


Says who?

If a man cannot do "these things", he can't also hire someone to help out with them?

A wife is not a slave or maid.

and that's why i told her to get a maid or personal aide

Whizzcute:
get a MAID!!


you can't expect a man to come and do all this things you mentioned

And why can't a 'man' do these things?

Op please i need to know how big is your house? is it a 5 room apartment or more?

Why on earth do you see the need to clean everyday? Ain't you the one stressing yourself?Is your husband forcing you to do these house-chores?

If you are a SHM don't you think you have it easier,i mean you have the whole day at home with your child and could plan ahead what need to be sorted out.

Why do you cook everyday?you can cook 3 times a week and store the rest in the freezer,if you have none then ask hubby to get one.

You don't need to do laundry everyday beside you can wash the lighter clothes and leave the jeans for him.

The only thing i think you can do everyday is to clean your sitting because kids always mess that up,except from that i don't see a big deal here.
I don't think it is your hubby problem but yours,you chose to do it all even when there is no need to.

Ewuro4:


When you said you've discussed this with him with no change, can you please shed some on light how you normally on a good day ask him to do something around the house?

I have a lot of examples to give but would like to hear your reply first and in all honesty please. I'm not here to judge you.

like baby can u pls help me this tin or that? Like fetching water in my ous av to b done early in d morning, if not wot u ll lata get is dirty water,so I fil since he no dis he sud atlist help wt it bt anytym he sees me carry water in,he ll b lyk baby liv it and he won't even move an ich frm d bed. He alwaz tel me weldone sha

onegig:
Truly some men need to understand that its a partnership and you need to help. A man who would sit and allow his wife run around like a mad woman and won't help neither would he employ a maid while he presses his phone needs some real orientation and growing up to do.

She ain't a horse. Nothing stops you from helping her lessen the burden. If your wife takes up the hardest jobs like fetching water from a deep well and virtually calling all the shots in the house while you idle away neither would you provide the needed alternatives for her, then you aren't man enough.

@op.

Start from telling him to buy you a wash machine and maybe get a live-out maid that occasionally comes in.

we v gotten 1 recently

poshest:
get someone that will fetch water for you cos it seems thats the most stressful part of your chores. then wash your dishes immediately after each meal so that it wont accumulate. you can wash the toilet every two days. dont wash it daily abeg make you no go break down o. same goes for the mopping. except the floor is always dusty.
since oga has refused to listen. let him be .what if he is a constant traveller wont u cope? take it easy my sister nobody wins an award for house chores.

our toilet is made of white tiles, can't watch it go brown

pretydiva:
Most of d tins u stated r tins dat r not done on a daily basis. U can save d mopping of d floor, bathroom et al 4 wkends. U can also cook diff dishes n preserve in d freezer instead of cooking everyday. Even d washing of clothes isn't done daily. Will also advice u keep discussing it wif hubby. May b he might c reasons 2 change sm day.

mopping av to b everyday cos d area am stayin is rily dusty and I cnt preserve cos of bad electricity.tnx

crystalgem:
like baby can u pls help me this tin or that? Like fetching water in my ous av to b done early in d morning, if not wot u ll lata get is dirty water,so I fil since he no dis he sud atlist help wt it bt anytym he sees me carry water in,he ll b lyk baby liv it and he won't even move an ich frm d bed. He alwaz tel me weldone sha

Get people to fetch the water at least and pay them. You can be doing the others by yourself.
Don't break your waist in that well o.

Hmm

ireneidiva:

And why can't a 'man' do these things?

So if you marry tomorrow you will xpect your husband to do house chores for you?

What if the man's job schedule is 6.am - 6pm??


Just get a maid that will help you and stop waiting for your man.


In a true fact sef, a girl that did all these chores when she was at her fathers house will still not find anything difficult to do it at her husband's house.

crystalgem:
mopping av to b everyday cos d area am stayin is rily dusty and I cnt preserve cos of bad electricity.tnx

My dear stop stressing yourself for nothing.I don't see a problem here.

Mopping is not really an issue and beside you can still preserve your food at least for a day or two,all you need is to warm it 3 times a day.(you don't have to cook everyday i still insist).

The main issue here is fetching water which an advice was given to you,pay someone to do it at night.

MsPat:
You need to take things easy before u wear urself out. If all he does is to press phone....take ur phone nd press too, abi do u want to kill ursef?

Seriously....u better get help maybe on a weekly basis like a cleaner or smthg before u die of stress nd overwork.

are u married ma'am? is this how u will advice your own younger or elder sister if you have one who came to you for help ? pls be careful with what yoy call advice ,she should sit by her hussy and start pressing her phone too. that will be termed arrogance or measuring up. Madam , you have a child yet pls work on your self o, if you have not been used to this house chores while with your parents ,that na trouble you entet be dat o !, by the time you get another child making it two,how will that be then ?. your husband has always bin like that right fton hid home, men hardly do house chores,so y might not reall expect him to change much. how many bed room una dey stay sef? tell us, old improve and get better.if you cant cope and your MSN can employ a meet why not,else go get some one from your place you can train and help ,may be from your village.you may look for a week end house help too. but don't measure up with oga pls, it I'd dangerous.most men get more lazy as times come by after marriage,so you may need to talk to him calmly about that's

crystalgem:
like baby can u pls help me this tin or that? Like fetching water in my ous av to b done early in d morning, if not wot u ll lata get is dirty water,so I fil since he no dis he sud atlist help wt it bt anytym he sees me carry water in,he ll b lyk baby liv it and he won't even move an ich frm d bed. He alwaz tel me weldone sha

Sweetie please type clearly.

I for one don't respond well to a nag and he knows. If he asks me 1000 times he knows I won't do it. Same with him. We resolved one yesterday, kissed and made up.

My dear, 'well done' is not enough, You gonna have to change your approach : your tone , cadence & body language when communicating with him coz it's obvious the method you're using is not effective. You can't go on like this, what if you can't afford a maid nko, you can't work yourself to death abeg. You're a team.

a wife knows what locks and opens her husband's mood, Afteral you didn't marry a stranger?

You have nothing to prove to ANYBODY, this is your marriage and your life. Speak up.

crystalgem:
our toilet is made of white tiles, can't watch it go brown

Mine too all 4 of them, I don't wash them everyday. Take it easy jare.

Whizzcute:
get a MAID!!



you can't expect a man to come and do all this things you mentioned

thank u bro , they will never understand, most men would want a woman at home basically for this reason,if I as a man should help with all this lists madam is putting up, then why should I need her in my house?? (though not to say men should not help at home o ,but its like God has conditioned the woman for those things ,but suddenly our women are now doing d work of men and thus they are now getting lazy,they can now wear trousers ,t shirts and 3quatershorts that belong to men.no woman should complain about house chores abeg o, it is never s mans work and will never be