The problem is not that she is buying thesame kind of gift but that she is competitive. Trust me, if she buys even the smallest gifts each time you gift her, you will also have this feeling. You know what? she is reciprocating the love you show her but the sad thing is, she is not aware it appears competitive and makes feel bad. Therefore you must let her know.

The girl you described looks like a choleric, she is only being herself. What you and her should understand is that you know what each other needs and meet accordingly, not giving your partner your desires or interpreting that because your partner does this thing for you then he/she must like it, like she is doing.

I said before, she does not know its being competitive. Calmly and lovingly tell her how you feel, make her see reason with you and let it not continue in the manner before. Let her know that the key thing is knowing how your partner likes it and do it. Thats what makes a person suitable for his/her partner and not everybody.

I have seen a man who had a wife that was never late, alway proper, seemingly faultless in every way just like any man would want but it caused this man pertual bitterness because while she is the saint, he felt like the devil. If only she understood better, she would have tone down some things, carry the man carefully to her pace and not do things that keep him always running to catch up with her. Sometimes we let our love ones win not because they are better but because the smile it puts on their face is more rewarding than the continous sadness from them losing (picture a lil boy ahead of his dad in a race).

Op, if you dont help her stop it now, the day there is problem in your marriage, and coincidentally, you give one harmless girl a gift that she so appreciate and didnt return the gesture, is the day you may likely say you found a girl that lets you be the man and you may unknowingly go where you never planned going.

It is not necessarily the african thing, she is not letting you be the man. I like to add that you let her know that, you like being the major provider, yes i see it in you or she may also compete with you in other financial areas when you marry. You are not overreacting, you are just being you.

MissEse:
Well cooked!
Photos of the carS, some part of the car document and u purchasing the 1 u bought for her or your story don't exist.

Abi oooo,

You are not over reacting and she is not competing with you she only wants to impress you. Talking is the relationship she does not know what you want, what you think about her gift giving so you have to let her know just she without the gifts is enough.

cococandy:


Did she say 'thank you' when you gave it to her?
If yes. That's enough.
What other kind of appreciative do you want her to be? Maybe the car is appreciation in her own way.(competitive maybe) but hey...

Anyway I'm gonna gonna go out on a leg here and say that you're probably like the typical African man who believes having money is a requirement that defines your manhood. And having a girl who has that same power as you is now a question mark on your status in the relationship.right?

Because for some guys as long as they are in charge financially, they have no doubt that their lady will be pliant towards them since she's all but dependent on them.

Well now you gotta learn how to be a man without hiding behind expensive gifts.
That's your new homework.
Talk about learning to use your left hand in old age.

Agree 100%

@OP: Ask her why she does that... simples!

I think you overreacted by giving her the car in the first place.
A girl who can afford a car was not in need of your car.
If she is well mannered and from a cultured home she should not have accepted that gift. Such gifts are not given without strings attached. Now you have the problem that the circle is being continued.
It is a great gift but then you should have waited till you are at least engaged. The gift was just not appropriate at that stage.
Please for her next birthday give a her something romantic.

Thank you for those positive feedback. I've made up my mind to talk to her about it over the weekend. Fingers crossed hopefully she don't take it the wrong way. If she do, oh well.

dwayni:


Not at all, I am not a typical minded African even though I barely lived in Nigeria. I appreciate independent black women. Let's say maybe there wouldn't this topic if she bought me for example a dog, expensive wine, pair of shoes, a piece of artwork or something less or not similar to what I got for her. I bought a wristwatch for her parents for their 32 years marriage anniversary and on my baby bro's graduation she bought exactly the same wristwatch that I got for her dad for my baby bro.

are you african, african american or american african?

menix:
She mst b related to my gal fwend who jst bought mii a latest Boeing 504 after I bought her an F-19...
.

True that.

cococandy:


Did she say 'thank you' when you gave it to her?
If yes. That's enough.
What other kind of appreciative do you want her to be? Maybe the car is appreciation in her own way.(competitive maybe) but hey...

Anyway I'm gonna gonna go out on a leg here and say that you're probably like the typical African man who believes having money is a requirement that defines your manhood. And having a girl who has that same power as you is now a question mark on your status in the relationship.right?

Because for some guys as long as they are in charge financially, they have no doubt that their lady will be pliant towards them since she's all but dependent on them.

Well now you gotta learn how to be a man without hiding behind expensive gifts.
That's your new homework.
Talk about learning to use your left hand in old age.

Deeeeeeeeeep!

tpiadotcom:


are you african, african american or american african?

US -born Nigerian. Since my parents are Nigerians I'd rather put it that way because I truly love the motherland.

Stillfire:


Deeeeeeeeeep!

Buying gift for someone you love has nothing to do with whether or not I am man enough.

menix:
She mst b related to my gal fwend who jst bought mii a latest Boeing 504 after I bought her an F-19...

Well keep calm nd enjoy dis phase of life...

Omerta...Mine bought me facebook after I bought her nairaland.

Ranchhoddas:
Omerta...Mine bought me facebook after I bought her nairaland.

No offense you sound like an angry broke black man.

dwayni:

No offense you sound like an angry broke black man.

E pain am.

dwayni:


No offense you sound like an angry broke black man.

Shhhh don't decend to that mbok .... It's not their fault , NA economy.

if u can contact hacker for dis forum, pls try to be fast

dwayni:

No offense you sound like an angry broke black man.

Do I smell Mr.Cork?

.

Ranchhoddas:
Omerta...Mine bought me facebook after I bought her nairaland.

She really lofs u in abundance..

MissEse:
Well cooked!
Photos of the carS, some part of the car document and u purchasing the 1 u bought for her or your story don't exist.

So cooked that the pot is even burning.....anyway make e nor b say I nor advice...u r overeacting

As usual many of the females here jump to funny conclusions and totally missed the Ops line of thought. He is worried that his wife buys him similar gifts that he bought her. Actually it looks and feels competitive. So next time don't buy her something so big and expensive. Reduce the budget and buy something cheaper and classy and watch her reaction. Keep her guessing.greatly vary your gifts and watch her try to catch up. Eventually she will also begin to vary her own gift items to you.

Aniekwe1:


LOL nawa that's not even Turkish, it looks like some Ethiopian language eg Amharic

thank u shebi u no the meaning abi tell us

bewla:
thank u shebi u no the meaning abi tell us

I could never tell you; its a secret...

dwayni:
Hello guys, I am having a little problem in my 18 months relationship so I decided to share the little issue here just to get your opinions.

I love my girlfriend with all my heart, I never knew there was young females like her until last year when I met her. She is everything amazing thing a woman should be, well mannered and cultured regardless of family background and living in America for almost all her life she still possess those awesome qualities of a well breed queen from the motherland.

I could go all day praising her lol.

The problem is, I feel like we are in somewhat of competitive relationship in terms of gifting.

I will only give few instances. Her birthday is in August but I decided to surprise her with a newer model one of her favorite vehicles (sports car) because we both love sports cars. I gave her the early birthday gift because I'd be out of the country during her birthday. 

Now as everyone know yesterday was fathers day. I don't have a child yet beside 3 God children 2 girls and a boy. I was invited to her family home by her mother since my parents are around here for Father's Day. Nice dinner served, good music,drinks, a few family friends and all that..

To cut the long story short. She didn't let me drive, she picked me up from my home. I came home to a brand new mustang near my driveway. She bought me a car for father's day.

Now I feel like we are in some kind of competition especially on gifting. Am I overreacting? Because I am still thinking about telling how I feel about her giving me similar gifts or exactly the same thing whenever I buy things for her. She also does that whenever I buy gift for her friends or family members.

Please your advice will really be appreciated. I love her and I do not want to come up as an ass or ungrateful brat and ruin what we have for each other. 

Front page please..

dwayni:
Hello guys, I am having a little problem in my 18 months relationship so I decided to share the little issue here just to get your opinions.

I love my girlfriend with all my heart, I never knew there was young females like her until last year when I met her. She is everything amazing thing a woman should be, well mannered and cultured regardless of family background and living in America for almost all her life she still possess those awesome qualities of a well breed queen from the motherland.

I could go all day praising her lol.

The problem is, I feel like we are in somewhat of competitive relationship in terms of gifting.

I will only give few instances. Her birthday is in August but I decided to surprise her with a newer model one of her favorite vehicles (sports car) because we both love sports cars. I gave her the early birthday gift because I'd be out of the country during her birthday. 

Now as everyone know yesterday was fathers day. I don't have a child yet beside 3 God children 2 girls and a boy. I was invited to her family home by her mother since my parents are around here for Father's Day. Nice dinner served, good music,drinks, a few family friends and all that..

To cut the long story short. She didn't let me drive, she picked me up from my home. I came home to a brand new mustang near my driveway. She bought me a car for father's day.

Now I feel like we are in some kind of competition especially on gifting. Am I overreacting? Because I am still thinking about telling how I feel about her giving me similar gifts or exactly the same thing whenever I buy things for her. She also does that whenever I buy gift for her friends or family members.

Please your advice will really be appreciated. I love her and I do not want to come up as an ass or ungrateful brat and ruin what we have for each other. 

Front page please..

Op! You are extremely skilled in the art of writing "LABE ORUN" stories! Keep it up!

@OP

If this is not a porkie

Could it be that she is clueless in what gifts to buy so since she thinks you get the right gifts she just copies you. Its the lazy way to get a gift just give what someone else got.

She might be reading this as 'bf must really like cars, wristwatches so rather than mess it up with the wrong gift let me just follow his lead '

Next time just tell her what's gift she should buy and help her pick it. All gifts don't have to be a surprise.

dwayni:


US -born Nigerian. Since my parents are Nigerians I'd rather put it that way because I truly love the motherland.

are you seeing cadillacs in your dreams though.

mutter:
I think you overreacted by giving her the car in the first place.
A girl who can afford a car was not in need of your car.
If she is well mannered and from a cultured home she should not have accepted that gift. Such gifts are not given without strings attached. Now you have the problem that the circle is being continued.
It is a great gift but then you should have waited till you are at least engaged. The gift was just not appropriate at that stage.
Please for her next birthday give a her something romantic.

Mummy Mutter

OP, in matters like this, learn to understand the true intentions behind the gift.

Would you say her true motive is to get competitive with you or she just feels she should reciprocate your kind gesture by giving you something similar to what you bought for her??

In my head, I am thinking she buys you same gifts cuz she feels the gifts you give her must be precious to you, hence you would appreciate it if she gets you something close. Now what is the problem with that

As long as she means well, I am not sure why you are bothered. I would say need to to work on yourelf first, it's all in your head.




On a related note, from my little profiling of your person, I think you should go for somebody from a lower class than yourself. If your lady is an achiever, it would bother you much more than this. You are somewhat choleric. I may be wrong

tpiadotcom:


are you seeing cadillacs in your dreams though.

No I see Moscow from my backyard

cococandy:

Get with the program newbie. If your story doesn't involve suffering and gnashing of teeth, it's show off.

Deal with it

Or send the mustang to me and the problem will be solved. See? No more car troubles.
Give away your troubles.....to me

will you mind Nigerians? there is too much poverty in the land, anyone who is beyond average or a little bit rich is a liar in Nairaland. MissEse, may poverty not kill you o, Amen.

Op, I think she is the kind of person who's not good at getting gifts, talk to her about your concerns.

dwayni:


No I see Moscow from my backyard