Kimoni:

She is just idle, an idle mind is the devil's workshop. She need a job

You know then that the devils workshop is evil!

Arizona1:
Am having a problem of trust from my wife. She accuses me of having girl friends anytime she demands for money and I tell her to have patience. She listens to gossip a lot and believe what her friends and people tell her instead of what me her hubby tells her

Have you cheated on her before or given her a reason to distrust you previously?

There is no smoke without fire....

Find the fire. Trust like all things is earned. it is not enough to want her to always believe you, you have to prove to be trustworthy

Arizona1:
I do everything for her and she does not work. The allegation got to d point that she threatnd she will do something very soon,she'll be the one making money and my job will go.

Why does she not work?
You told her not to? You both agreed? She decided not to?

The threat seems like she is currently 'feels' you are punishing her by not meeting her financial needs. Remember, it is you or no one else.

Arizona1:
So am confused coz I always stay @ home,help her with domestic work and take care of children coz we hav two kids and no house help.[quote author=Arizona1 post=35126428]

Well done

You are confused as in you don't know what else she wants?

[quote author=Arizona1 post=35126428] She pusHed me so hard that I slappd her one night and she took the kids and ran to her mother's house. Her mothr and sisters have been calling me and raining abuses on me,her youngr bro sent me a text that if something happens to her sister, he'll kill me.

Was the push physical?

The abuse is a no no however, they are just protecting their daughter. If your sister calls that her husband slapped her/beat her, I am sure you would forget you once slapped wifey while talking.

Under no circumstance should you hit your wife except she did first.

Arizona1:
As a mattr of fact she always brings problem always att end of d month when I say she should calm down because of all we're sending @ home which she's part of but The money she's asking of is for her bro which she borrowd from him jus 3wks ago.

Bros, she is not working; if she likes a lace she wants to buy for her mother, she will ask you directly/indirectly/inflate the cost of feeding etc. the end point is that she will always get the money from you.

Also the fact she doesn't work might not allow her appreciate money or not believe you do not have if she doesn't know your salary or income monthly.

The brother might have needed the money urgently and lent her because she promised to pay @ the end of the month.

Arizona1:
Am getting tired of d whole thing and want to take my kids from her and leave her out of my life for now. Pls my people,I will welcome ur meaningful suggestions.

Don't be tired; your wife might also be tired too and be planning to take the kids

THOUGHTS

Money and trust seems to be the issues here. Since you are open to doing chores, let her get a job asap. Her leaving the house and mingling will allow her see things from a different perspective and cut her off from the rumour mill(I am giving you the benefit of doubt that your hands are clean). Infact, her getting a job will also ease the burden and stress off you and reduce greatly your friction.

Trust: You have got to earn her trust again and prove the gossips wrong

Take care

dinachi:

You know then that the devils workshop is evil!

Lol...so the question is how to engage her and reduce her idle time

dinachi:

What about adult family members doing their things? Anything wrong with ince5t as long as they are adults? Can your adult son and daughter marry? Will you support that? What is the difference between support for adult homosexual and adult incestual couples?
My point is ,Christianity and the Bible has not support for your views. There is no Christian Homosexual supporter!

I don't have a problem with all you listed.

My problem is my family.
My own is to advice them not be a judge. Thanks

Kimoni:

Lol...so the question is how to engage her and reduce her idle time

So do you now condone her attitude because she is idle?If she kills the man with her nagging, will you be saying this during his funeral?
First things first. Nobody should be an ass because they don't have jobs!
What stops her from looking to a job? It is now the mans duty to get her a job, what is her own duty?

FrancisTony:

I don't have a problem with all you listed.
My problem is my family.
My own is to advice them not be a judge. Thanks

If trully you support incest and homosexuality, where does your Christianity then come in? I am lost here.
If you see someone doing something that is Biblically wrong as a Christian, which other advice apart from stop will you give.?
You are just trying to satisfy the homosexual lobby. If indeed you you are a Bible believing Christian, then you have no business saying Homosexuality is not your problem.

dinachi:

If trully you support incest and homosexuality, where does your Christianity then come in? I am lost here.
If you see someone doing something that is Biblically wrong as a Christian, which other advice apart from stop will you give.?
You are just trying to satisfy the homosexual lobby. If indeed you you are a Bible believing Christian, then you have no business saying Homosexuality is not your problem.

But Jesus said let no man be a judge?

Ok...I don't support homosexual neither will I cricticize it.

Arizona1:
Am having a problem of trust from my wife. She accuses me of having girl friends anytime she demands for money and I tell her to have patience. She listens to gossip a lot and believe what her friends and people tell her instead of what me her hubby tells her. I do everything for her and she does not work. The allegation got to d point that she threatnd she will do something very soon,she'll be the one making money and my job will go. So am confused coz I always stay @ home,help her with domestic work and take care of children coz we hav two kids and no house help. She pusHed me so hard that I slappd her one night and she took the kids and ran to her mother's house. Her mothr and sisters have been calling me and raining abuses on me,her youngr bro sent me a text that if something happens to her sister, he'll kill me. As a mattr of fact she always brings problem always att end of d month when I say she should calm down because of all we're sending @ home which she's part of but The money she's asking of is for her bro which she borrowd from him jus 3wks ago. Am getting tired of d whole thing and want to take my kids from her and leave her out of my life for now. Pls my people,I will welcome ur meaningful suggestions.

1. Are you cheating?
2. Does she have qualifications to get a job?
3. Why isnt she working?

FrancisTony:

But Jesus said let no man be a judge?

Ok...I don't support homosexual neither will I cricticize it.

True this. Jesus said judging a nature of a man is not people business, but God's. Also that God is loving, embracing, and supporting care fi one another, & compassion to communities. Twisting that basic? Na God catch 'em.

FrancisTony:

But Jesus said let no man be a judge?
Ok...I don't support homosexual neither will I cricticize it.

What do you mean by being judgemental in this case?

No smoke without fire. Do you want us to believe that the women in the neighbourhood have nothing better to do than accuse you wrongly? You are doing something very wrong in the marriage. I also can't believe the brother threatened your life for one slap. It wasn't the first time and they have had enough of your violence. Your money should also be a support to your wife. Where do you want her to get the money to pay her debt.? Don't push her to do things you might regret....and because of this minor issue Ou want to break your home and see rate the kid's from their mother. You are heartless.

mutter:
No smoke without fire. Do you want us to believe that the women in the neighbourhood have nothing better to do than accuse you wrongly? You are doing something very wrong in the marriage. I also can't believe the brother threatened your life for one slap. It wasn't the first time and they have had enough of your violence. Your money should also be a support to your wife. Where do you want her to get the money to pay her debt.? Don't push her to do things you might regret....and because of this minor issue Ou want to break your home and see rate the kid's from their mother. You are heartless.

This is utter rubbish! Pay attention at your peril .

troy20:

you see eh, a man who has had encounters with women would never say he doesnt see how verbal/emotional abuse isnt as equally damaging as physical abuse.

Eggsactly.

What is this? Choii!

dinachi:

So do you now condone her attitude because she is idle?If she kills the man with her nagging, will you be saying this during his funeral?
First things first. Nobody should be an ass because they don't have jobs!
What stops her from looking to a job? It is now the mans duty to get her a job, what is her own duty?

Nagging will not kill him, he should block his ears.

He needs to take charge of his home, it is his family. He should either help her to look for a job or establish her in business. He needs to first address the root cause of the problem before thinking of seperation. Will he leave his kids with her or keep them? And if he keeps them, how will he take care of kids coupled with his job.

His wife's case is not irredeemable yet, he should just take charge of his home.

Kai! See as u dey rush deliver judgement as if u dey there.Why the wife nor go run go her Mama house,u wan make the 'Tyson' husband mauled her.I fear.

dinachi:
Leave that piece of trash immediately. She is not worth being called a wife. She is a very abusive beast that should be drawn and quartered. She does not DESERVE you. Send her packing and don't look back! There are a lot of beautiful women out there who are more respectful and and even gainfully employed. Don't ever marry all these have who have nothing doing. And to cap it all, she is an evil woman threathning you with Juju. Kai! you wasted too much time. If na me by now I would have told her people I am divorcing her immediately.

Unfortunately for you, the respect your wife has for you is tied to how much money you have or you can never have.
That is what you get for marrying chicken heads.
Verbal abuse is parts and parcel of domestic violence. Domestic violence can take a number of forms including physical, emotional, verbal, economic and sexual abuse.

She pushed you to the wall and you slapped her, that's not fair. Raising your hand up to slap your wife is not right at all. Going through your explanation I found out that you have never for once wake her up at night to talk like husband and wife. Try your best to talk to her privately, and make sure at that time she is in a very good mood.

dinachi:
Leave that piece of trash immediately. She is not worth being called a wife. She is a very abusive beast that should be drawn and quartered. She does not DESERVE you. Send her packing and don't look back! There are a lot of beautiful women out there who are more respectful and and even gainfully employed. Don't ever marry all these have who have nothing doing. And to cap it all, she is an evil woman threathning you with Juju. Kai! you wasted too much time. If na me by now I would have told her people I am divorcing her immediately.

No smelly pussy?
Dinachi, I'm disappointed

coogaluta:



No smelly pussy?
Dinachi, I'm disappointed

dinachi:



This is where I absolutely disagree with both you. So it is okay for the wife to be verbally abusive. Don't you know she is the abusive person in the relationship? The guy had to give her a love tap at the cheek to regularise her thinking! I seriously feel for this guy. He got married to a living female demon and he urgently needs to unbundle now. He surely deserves better.
My brothers men are suffering oh! Chai

Love tap on the cheek

You're not well. I hope you know.

Hmm. I don't agree with you

Kimoni:


Nagging will not kill him, he should block his ears.

He needs to take charge of his home, it is his family. He should either help her to look for a job or establish her in business. He needs to first address the root cause of the problem before thinking of seperation. Will he leave his kids with her or keep them? And if he keeps them, how will he take care of kids coupled with his job.

His wife's case is not irredeemable yet, he should just take charge of his home.

cococandy:
Hmm. I don't agree with you

Lol

If nagging kills full grown men, then they should be going extinct by now.

"Sticks and stones may hurt me but words will never harm me" - this is an English proverb basically saying I might have no control over physical violence targeted at me but I can choose to ignore verbal rantings. The latter is a choice.

Have you allowed NL bullying affected you in any way? Maybe initially, but now?

Note that I am not asking him to accept his fate permanently but it is not enough to separate or divorce her immediately like Dinachi advocated till he has tried to address the underlying root of her problems.

Kimoni:

Lol
If nagging kills full grown men, then they should be going extinct by now.
"Sticks and stones may hurt me but words will never harm me" - this is an English proverb basically saying I might have no control over physical violence targeted at me but I can choose to ignore verbal rantings. The latter is a choice.
Have you allowed NL bullying affected you in any way? Maybe initially, but now?
Note that I am not asking him to accept his fate permanently but it is not enough to separate or divorce her immediately like Dinachi advocated till he has tried to address the underlying root of her problems.

Many men have died and more are dying everyday from effects of nagging especially high blood pressure.
That is why the Bible says it is better to dwell at the corner of the roof than stay with a nagging wo man.
So the husband is a victim of terrible abuse from the wife and he should send her away immediately for his own safety and good health.

dinachi:

OK.
I am just angry that the woman does not appreciate the man at all. He works his butts off and sometimes even helps out with household chores yet she is causing him damaging emotional pain by being verbally abusive. Would you as a person approve the woman's behaviour? She even threatens him that she will do something and he will loose his job and she will get a job and become the provider.Now who says that to a spouse, except an evil person? Honestly, I think the man made a very big mistake marrying that kind of person. I know how me and my better half support each other even in trying times. It is extremely painful when a wife or girlfriend is not appreciative and instead gives you emotional pain. Believe me the man may develop high blood pressure and die.
I am jus trying to save his life here.

You're already up in arms advocating for divorce, if a woman does that she is labelled a feminist. Hiehiehiehie!!!!!!hahaha

You are one funny two timing son of a gun.

Op, allow her to be for sometime to come to her senses, do not look for her to drive home a point that you're tired of her bickering and insolent behavior. Watch her people closely to ascertain if they are fuelling the behavior more and then decide the next action to take. But, show concern for the wellbeing of your kids.

Ignore your wife.

LadyFiona:
You're already up in arms advocating for divorce, if a woman does that she is labelled a feminist. Hiehiehiehie!!!!!!hahaha

You are one funny two timing son of a gun.

Op, allow her to be for sometime to come to her senses, do not look for her to drive home a point that you're tired of her bickering and insolent behavior. Watch her people closely to ascertain if they are fuelling the behavior more and then decide the next action to take. But, show concern for the wellbeing of your kids.

Ignore your wife.

I am just trying to save the mans life here, OK.
The wife is very abusive.

dinachi:

Many men have died and more are dying everyday from effects of nagging especially high blood pressure.
That is why the Bible says it is better to dwell at the corner of the roof than stay with a nagging wo man.
So the husband is a victim of terrible abuse from the wife and he should send her away immediately for his own safety and good health.

Hahahahaha why are you bent on separating this couple by force? Wetin the wife do you naa

hmmmm na wa ooo

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LADIES HERE IS YOUR MAN. HANDSOME, BRILLIANT,:WITTY AND JOVIAL.


GUYS THIS IS YOUR PAL.


PLEASE WE NEED YOUR VOTES BEFORE 6PM.
MAKE UNA HELP US VOTE NA



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You can't compare faceless people on NL to someone who lives with you.
Saying one can let it not affect them is easier said than done.
Especially if you love the person in question.

Of course verbal abuse never justifies physical violence. Ever.
But I don't agree with you that he should block his ears to it. He's human. There's no easy way to just ignore and swallow verbal abuse.

I Agree it's not enough yet to take his kids and bolt. Of course not.
But the solution can't be from him alone. They need to work together to get there.

It's almost like what you said too but I just felt like I had to say something about the part of 'nagging doesn't kill'

Kimoni:


Lol

If nagging kills full grown men, then they should be going extinct by now.

"Sticks and stones may hurt me but words will never harm me" - this is an English proverb basically saying I might have no control over physical violence targeted at me but I can choose to ignore verbal rantings. The latter is a choice.

Have you allowed NL bullying affected you in any way? Maybe initially, but now?

Note that I am not asking him to accept his fate permanently but it is not enough to separate or divorce her immediately like Dinachi advocated till he has tried to address the underlying root of her problems.

don't mind him

LadyFiona:
You're already up in arms advocating for divorce, if a woman does that she is labelled a feminist. Hiehiehiehie!!!!!!hahaha

You are one funny two timing son of a gun.

Op, allow her to be for sometime to come to her senses, do not look for her to drive home a point that you're tired of her bickering and insolent behavior. Watch her people closely to ascertain if they are fuelling the behavior more and then decide the next action to take. But, show concern for the wellbeing of your kids.

Ignore your wife.

[quote author=SAMBARRY post=35127128]