Happiness they say is key to a healthy life...am new in the section though,but do have a good sense of humour...SIT BACK AND RIDE WITH ME..

My neighbour and his wife went to a bar. The man
left his wife at a table and went to the bar man's desk
to order. The wife was shocked when a girl ran to her
and said, ''Ask for money before
sleeping with him o. I know the man, he doesn't pay.
*****************************
I caught my pastor drinking star in a bar when i went
there to drink star and shouted, ''Chineke! Pastor you
supposed to be drinking Malt, Fanta or Coke and not
Star.'' She replied, ''Shaarap, where was Malt, Fanta
and Coke when Star was leading the three wise men
to see Jesus.
*****************************

New elemnt Added 2 the Periodic Table Name : wife Symbol : wi Atomic Weight : Don't Even Dare 2 Ask! Physical Proprties : Boils at Anytime, Can Freeze at Anytime, Melts if Handled with Love & Care, Very Bitter if Mishandled.! Chemical Proprties: Very Reactive, Highly Unstable, Posses Strong Affinity 4 Gold, Platinm, Clothes & Othr Precious Items, Money Reducing Agent, Volatile when left Alone. Occurance: Mostly found in front of mirror *****************************

no de copy old jokes come here oo

mrsefan:
no de copy old jokes come here oo

if you've heard them before doesn't mean they're old jokes,some people are reading dem for the first time..thanks...negative energy

[b] WAHALA DEY Ooooo!
I asked for a lady's hand in marriage and her father
gave me one form to fill.
After reading the form, I told my potential father-in-
law that I need
to use the rest room which he
obliged. Immediately I got to their toilet, I just scaled
through it's window and ran out of the compound....!
DID YOU JUST ASKED WHY?
Read the form and tell me what
you would have done if you were in my shoes !
Over to you !
APPLICATION FORM FOR INTENDING GROOM FOR
MY DAUGHTER.
FILL THE FORM IN YOUR OWN HAND WRITING AND
IN BLOCK LETTERS.
I ________ hereby apply to marry
your daughter, Miss __________. I am _____ years old.
Please answer the following
questions honestly.
1. Do you go to Church ? Yes/No
2. Do you have a degree or
diploma? Yes/No
3. Are you still a virgin? Yes/No
4. Are you working? Yes/No
5. Is the range of your income
within a month
between five hundred thousand
and a million?
Yes/No
6.Do you have a credible car? Yes/
No
If your answer to any of the above
questions is NO, do not continue. Leave my house
immediately
and don't look back. If all your
answers are YES, Then continue...
1. In 50 words or more, Describe
the disadvantages of cheating in
marriage.
______________________________
_______________
______________________________
_______________
______________________________
_______________
_________________________
2. With the aid of a diagram,
Explain how you can
give respect to your father in- law
and mother in-
law.
______________________________
_______________
______________________________
_______________
______________________________________
3. Suppose your wife says "Honey,
I need money
to fix my hair at the saloon", what
would be your
answer ?
________________________________
4. Explain any TEN causes of
divorce.
______________________________
_______________
______________________________
_______________
______
5. What does the term 'good
husband' mean to
you?
______________________________
_______________
___________________
6. Are your parents living
together? Yes/No
If No explain why?
________________________________
7. Are your parents legally
married? Yes/No.
If YES for how long?
_______________.
If the time of their marriage is less
than your age,
explain why you were born out of
wedlock.
______________________________
_______________
___________________
8. Explain the meaning of ''COME
HOME EARLY"
As used by women (100 words)
______________________________
_______________
______________________________
_______________
______
9. Give any THREE reasons that
can cause a man
to sleep outside his house.
______________________________
_______________
______________________________
_______________
______
10. In case of divorce, who do you
think is the
owner of the kids between the
father and the
mother?
________________________________
Answer the following with Yes or
No.
1. Do you drink alcohol? Yes/No
2. Do you smoke? Yes/No
3. Are you short- tempered? Yes/
No
LAST PART - BUT EQUALLY
IMPORTANT
1. When can you be free for
interview(s)?
______________________________
2. When is the best time to
interview your dad?__
__________________
3. When can I interview your mum?
______________________________
4. When can I interview your
church Pastor?
_________________________
5. Please attach your passport
sized photograph
below which will be used as
advertisement in a
popular national newspaper to
cross check if you
have other girlfriends.
Sign here: ________________
Confirm your signature:_____
__________
Thank you for showing interest in
my daughter.
Your application will be
processed within a year and you
will be
acknowledged "only if you are
successful".
As you wait for my response,
*Please don't call me!
*Don't visit me!
*Don't contact my daughter!
If you do, you will be disqualified!
Leave your
other details in case I need to ask
you more
questions;
Postal Address: _______________
__________
Email:
____________________
Phone:
______________
Home:
_________
Facebook:
_____________________
BEST WISHES!! [/b]

[b] Only Few People Will Get This...
My bosom friend and I, after watching a movie at the
Cinema in Warri one night were walking down the
street to our various homes when we observed a
very well dressed and attractive young lady walking
ahead of us.
My friend turned to me and remarked,
"Lamispaco, I will give 10,000 Naira to spend the night
with that girl."
Much to our surprise, the young lady overheard the
remark, turned around, and replied,
"I will take you up on that offer."
She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so
after bidding me good night, my friend accompanied the young lady to her one room apartment.

The next morning, my friend presented her with
5,000 Naira as he prepared to leave. She demanded
the rest of the money stating, "If you don't give me
the other 5,000 Naira, I will sue you to court for it."
He laughed saying, "I will like to see you get it on
these grounds."
The next day, he was surprised when he received a
summon ordering his presence in court as a
defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and
explained the details of the case.
His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment
against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting
to see how her case will be presented."
After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer
addressed the court as follows:
"Your honour, my client, this lady, is the owner of a
piece of property, a garden spot surrounded by a
profuse growth of bushes, a property she agreed to
rent to the defendant for a specified length of time
for the sum of 10,000 Naira. The defendant took
possession of the property, used it extensively for the
purposes for which it was rented, but upon
evacuating the premises, he paid only 5,000 Naira,
half of the amount agreed on. The rent was not
excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask
judgment be granted against the defendant to assure
payment of the balance."
My friend's lawyer was impressed and amused by the
way his opponent had presented the case. His
defense, therefore, was somewhat different from the
way he originally planned to present it.
"Your honour," he said, "My client agrees that the
lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent
such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure
was derived from the transaction. However, my client
found a well on the property around which he placed
his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all
labour performed personally by him. We claim these
improvements to the property were sufficient to
offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was
adequately compensated for the rental of said
property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be
granted."
The young lady's lawyer answered like this:
"Your honour, my client agrees that the defendant
did find a well on her property. However, had the
defendant not known that the well existed, he would
never have rented the property. Also, upon
evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the
stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with
him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment
through the bush, but left the hole much larger than
it was prior to his occupancy, making the property
much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that
judgment be granted."
In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options:
"Pay the 5,000 Naira or have the equipment detached
and provided to the plaintiff for damages." My friend
wrote a cheque immediately.
LWKM!!! #LIKE If You Get It. [/b]

Lol.........ftc