Stillfire:


So the women are to blame for the behavior?

pickabeau1:


Let the women answer you

Q: Is there a culture of obligation to provide for your girlfriend/fiancé in Naija and why does this exist

CC: edwife cococandy Kimoni freecocoa

edwife:
@Pickabeau i will tell you what i know.

In Naija it is a culture for a man to pay for dinner when he invites you,even when you show up with your friends.

Once you date her you are responsible for her hair,phone(this includes recharge cards and a more fancy phone),her up keep and transportation.
Some demand for house rent and school fees.

Why it exist i may not have the correct answer but according to some,he is the man in the relationship and a real man suppose to are for his woman.
Because some of them believe that if he has access to my body,why should he not take care of my needs.

cococandy:


Because sex is for rent ish.
When I was in school, I'd hear the random guy say he was magad. I.e he was spending on his girlfriend and got no sex in return.
Or the girl would be like, "this guy has not even done anything for me and he wants to sleep with me. I'm not a mugu"

So in a way you see it's an affair of two people who think they are giving each other what they want. That's why the concept of a sexless relationship is alien to the average Nigerian guy. In his mind, there's nothing in it for him.
Go and say that in romance section and watch them shout you down.

As for the girl believing sex is a favor to the guy she's dating, if he's not taking care of her recharge cards and hair extensions, there nothing in it for her. The mindset is that after he must have slept with her (I.e taking some thing precious from her), he will probably abandon her and move on eventually to another relationship so if she gives it for free, there's nothing in it for her.

This is based on my observation and it's fairly accurate because even on NL of faceless people, you will see someone always say "if your girlfriend says no sex until marriage, then you say no spending until marriage"
Meaning the basic idea of why a relationship is to the average Nigerian youth is sex and money.

I apologize in advance to the plenty other people who this generalization has reflected poorly upon.

I know there are people who didn't see their relationship that way. There were some who shared their little pocket money with their boyfriends and vice versa and they chewed biscuit together in their hostels without problem, there were some who had jobs as students and didn't depend on boyfriends.

It's just a generalization.

edwife:
@Pickabeau i will tell you what i know.

In Naija it is a culture for a man to pay for dinner when he invites you,even when you show up with your friends.

Once you date her you are responsible for her hair,phone(this includes recharge cards and a more fancy phone),her upkeep and transportation.
Some demand for house rent and school fees.

Why it exist i may not have the correct answer but according to some,he is the man in the relationship and a real man supposes to care for his woman.
Because some of them believe that if he has access to my body,why should he not take care of my needs.

pickabeau1:

True

But I am sure its not every guy who spent on his girl that had the opportunity to sleep with the girl
Some women even tell you they are saving for marriage yet will be sleeping with someone else on the side

but it was done in the hopes that it would make her relax and open up.

Not totally true
I knew and know so many guys who are not getting anything yet they support their girls

ha. Ever heard there's no free gift? Guys as I grew up to find out don't give free gifts. I know you won't agree but when my mama was constantly telling us never to accept gifts from men, I personally though she was being paranoid. How can you accuse every guy of wanting something from you because they gave you things. Well it turned out to be true. In fact there's no free drink in that land. It's all building up to something and if it gets to 'relationship' level. Know that your body 'belongs' to the guy and it will only be a matter of time before he begins to ask for 'his right'

The so called movement you hear of is a result of guys saying NO To secondary virginity

whats wrong with secondary virginity? Anyway topic for another day.


You have answered the q

Girls see pocket money and allowances as an obligation
My addendum is that this holds true whether sex is involved or not yea. But I'd say some girl. I can't deny that to some girls, love is not enough and sex is always involved in such cases.

crackhaus:

Is it really a Nigerian thing that women expect to be taken care of financially (at least to some extent) by their man?

edwife:


It is not just a Nigerian thing,it is an African thing.At least i know in some other African Countries,it is the same thing.

pickabeau1:
Thanks for the response
So you see why some people just see the online paparazzi as just online BS
The girl is probably posting from a smartphone bought for by a man, the data is recharged by the same man or another man while she is eating a dinner which was paid by a man


I wonder if Stillfire is feigning ignorance on this expectation from the females..
Well I know she will still find a way to blame men

pickabeau1:


This is also true
Even Asian ladies too

Stillfire:


Lol, This guy ehn what do you take me for?
I come from an angle of who's to blame for this attitude. So I guess from the arguments provided Nigerian women are to blame. No be fight abeg.

cococandy:


And The Spanish speaking countries I assume.
Anywhere gender roles are defined.

That's also why we have girlfriends assuming the role of wives in their boyfriends' houses. Cooking and cleaning and showing him bed skills all before marriage.
That's how they show they are wife material and the guy shows he's husband material by providing her needs.

You're still looking for why the culture exists?

cococandy:
but it was done in the hopes that it would make her relax and open up. YES but does still not mean a principled lady will open up.

ha. Ever heard there's no free gift? Guys as I grew up to find out don't give free gifts. I know you won't agree but when my mama was constantly telling us never to accept gifts from men, I personally though she was being paranoid. How can you accuse every guy of wanting something from you because they gave you things. Well it turned out to be true. In fact there's no free drink in that land. It's all building up to something and if it gets to 'relationship' level. Know that your body 'belongs' to the guy and it will only be a matter of time before he begins to ask for 'his right' TRUE.

whats wrong with secondary virginity? Anyway topic for another day. Read what I said, the lady will tell the man guy she is keeping it but giving it to someone else elsewhere... hence guys nowadays are very skeptical of such
I never condemned it

yea. But I'd say some girl. I can't deny that to some girls, love is not enough and sex is always involved in such cases. Good we agree
Why don't u quote in bits..its not easy responding and copying one by one

pickabeau1:


I don't know much about the Spainish peoples...

I know its also a big deal in Brazil

cococandy:

Quoting in bits is too much work.

pickabeau1:


See gentility

I will not fully blame the women.. maybe 80 percent on the women who have come to expect this and equate money to caring

men have also acted as enablers which is the clarion call for this guy who is spending his student allowance on a girl who then has the guys to compare herself to the mother who is feeding her indirectly.

Moreso women are now getting empowered.. with time this should stop

Stillfire:


Can't wait!

pickabeau1:


But u respond in bits,,...yes?

cococandy:


Yes. It's not harder

Timbuktou:


Somehow, they forgot to mention this about being a woman in Nigeria in that funny hashtag campaign of theirs.

pickabeau1:


Let the women answer you

Q: Is there a culture of obligation to provide for your girlfriend/fiancé in Naija and why does this exist

CC: edwife cococandy Kimoni freecocoa

freecocoa:
Coco's pretty much said it all, it's not like he's the only one doing the babe good, she's giving him sex and being his woman, so it's balanced.

pickabeau1:

True

But I am sure its not every guy who spent on his girl that had the opportunity to sleep with the girl
Some women even tell you they are saving for marriage yet will be sleeping with someone else on the side


Not totally true
I knew and know so many guys who are not getting anything yet they support their girls

The so called movement you hear of is a result of guys saying NO To secondary virginity




You have answered the q

Girls see pocket money and allowances as an obligation
My addendum is that this holds true whether sex is involved or not

pickabeau1:


So do you support it

freecocoa:
Not all relationships are like that. Some girl's pay the pills whether you believe it or not, some sleep with their boyfriends without him spending on them.

The ones who may be paying without sleeping with her, expect her to submit to him, so anyhow you look at it, you can't blame women for this.

freecocoa:
I'm a feminist, how can you ask me that question?

naijababe:
@ coco, so these girls, dem nor get parents ni abi their parents nor de ask questions?

cococandy:

It depends on parents o.
As I stubborn reach, I know some things my parents can't tolerate.

There was a girl in my hostel then that used to pay her siblings fees from money made from...
She was my roomie's friend so she ised to be around quite a bit and I'd be wondering in my mind why parents are so different. sometimes her mom or dad would call her asking for money for this or that. No exaggeration.

There are different kinds of human beings

pickabeau1:

I needed to ask
So you see women in naija have it easy
They use phones bought by men with data to post
Some are sponsored on trips to dubai and exotic places
Some are valued with high amounts of money to show they are high class before the husband can carry them

So where is the suffering that caused the femaleinnaija shítstorm

pickabeau1:


I agree..some women help out
I know of some ladies myself helping their man buy this are exceptions

Have you forgotten the motto of some married women

His money our money
My money my money?


Also your last statement
You can't blame women?

Why do women blame everyone else but themselves?..huh




I needed to ask
So you see women in naija have it easy
They use phones bought by men with data to post
Some are sponsored on trips to dubai and exotic places
Some are valued with high amounts of money to show they are high class before the husband can carry them

So where is the suffering that caused the femaleinnaija shítstorm

pickabeau1:


Yes they are parents like this but they are not the norm for these girls

Some of these girls come from middle class backgrounds, attend private uniis yet they still ask for money from boyfriend who have to sponsor a birthday party annually, buy tablets as gift and generally flex.

So them no get parent?