Hello Nairalanders,
My name is Adanma Onu,I am married with a 1 year and six months old baby girl,i have an issue going on in my life that has almost destroyed me.
Here is my Story, I am thirty-two years old,my husband is five years old older than me,we live in the Uk,I moved in to the UK six years ago as a student ,i met my husband in the UK too as we were both studying in the same school.i fell in love with him because he was a christian and i loved him dearly,fast warded we got married two years after we met.The quest for pregnancy began,i eventually got pregnant and had my baby January 2015.i started working after i graduated from school.my husband is working up till date and we both share the bill in the house,he pays the house bill,car-loan and i take care of my student loan,food,electricity,and council tax,he insisted we have a joint account which i oppose,i suggested that we can take a fixed amount of our monthly income and put it together towards our investment plans for the future.I discovered that he was not pleased with that idea and he says i am been secretive as am not open*Note that he knows what i earn in a month,He also made a rule that when i changed my car that i must buy the car in bought our name ,it was strange to me but i succumbed so as for peace to reign,When we have a fight and i talk he tags me as a Rude ,Non submissive woman,and i don't want his progress in life.

Fast warded he had an investment idea which require that we pump in some money,i had a saving of 500k and i gave him to support this cause,He doesn't appreciate what ever i do to make the home process go on smoothly,and whenever we have issues he would call his parents back in Abia and report to them this had open several times,Due to his way of stressing me i have had 3 miscarriages.3 weeks to the birth of my daughter he slapped and kicked me that i had to go into emergency labour before the excpected due date at the end of the whole process i had to go through cs section to save the life of the baby as i was in coma for hours after the delivery process.Now i have been thinking a lot as any little fight he involves his parents.Last month i was diagnosed with High Blood pressure which i never had before i married him,

I feel i am been used ,we have fought several times,My Brit neighbor called the police the last time we fought,when they came to our house we had to cover up as if everything was fine.he doesn't feel remorseful about the whole thing,My aunt in the Uk requested that i move in with her as she does not want to lose me that the trauma is too much for me to bear,He told me that if i misbehave again he would report me,My good nairalanders please what am i suppose to do in this scene,Genuine Advises are needed no insult please

Lastly is joint account a MUST in a marriage
How can a woman be more submissive in her marriage.

I am loosing it i don't want to Die because of Him.

Thank you all

1. Create a very close friendship with his Mum, in as much you know that's where he reports to. Except you guys marry without His parents approval.
2. You will have to go back to you God in prayer, which ever religion you might be.
3. If he does not change, then you have two options (a) Grace to live with him forever
(b) File a divorce
My opinion.

I heart goes out to you Woman. I can only imagine what you are going through. You have done all you can to
be a good wife and a help mate but it seems he does not regard you. My advice is whenever he does anything to
harm you, report him to the authority so that he won't try such because if he does, he will face the full wrath of
the law. What kind of a man will involve his family in his marital affairs? He is just being selfish and stingy at the
same time.

And no joint account is not a must. you have the right to your individual account. Lazzy ass man>

2goodbobo:
I heart goes out to you Woman. I can only imagine what you are going through. You have done all you can to
be a good wife and a help mate but it seems he does not regard you. My advice is whenever he does anything to
harm you, report him to the authority so that he won't try such because if he does, he will face the full wrath of
the law. What kind of a man will involve his family in his marital affairs? He is just being selfish and stingy at the
same time.
And no joint account is not a must. you have the right to your individual account. Lazzy ass man>

1.Joint account is not compulsory
2.Did u discuss all these before marriage?
3.Communication is key...take out time to comumicate
4.Try prayer since both of u are christians
5. Be patient as u await change!
6.Don't stop loving him..love conquers all!

adanmaonu1:
Hello Nairalanders,
My name is Adanma Onu,I am married with a 1 year and six months old baby girl,i have an issue going on in my life that has almost destroyed me.
Here is my Story, I am thirty-two years old,my husband is five years old older than me,we live in the Uk,I moved in to the UK six years ago as a student ,i met my husband in the UK too as we were both studying in the same school.i fell in love with him because he was a christian and i loved him dearly,fast warded we got married two years after we met.The quest for pregnancy began,i eventually got pregnant and had my baby January 2015.i started working after i graduated from school.my husband is working up till date and we both share the bill in the house,he pays the house bill,car-loan and i take care of my student loan,food,electricity,and council tax,he insisted we have a joint account which i oppose,i suggested that we can take a fixed amount of our monthly income and put it together towards our investment plans for the future.I discovered that he was not pleased with that idea and he says i am been secretive as am not open*Note that he knows what i earn in a month,He also made a rule that when i changed my car that i must buy the car in bought our name ,it was strange to me but i succumbed so as for peace to reign,When we have a fight and i talk he tags me as a Rude ,Non submissive woman,and i don't want his progress in life.

Fast warded he had an investment idea which require that we pump in some money,i had a saving of 500k and i gave him to support this cause,He doesn't appreciate what ever i do to make the home process go on smoothly,and whenever we have issues he would call his parents back in Abia and report to them this had open several times,Due to his way of stressing me i have had 3 miscarriages.3 weeks to the birth of my daughter he slapped and kicked me that i had to go into emergency labour before the excpected due date at the end of the whole process i had to go through cs section to save the life of the baby as i was in coma for hours after the delivery process.Now i have been thinking a lot as any little fight he involves his parents.Last month i was diagnosed with High Blood pressure which i never had before i married him,

I feel i am been used ,we have fought several times,My Brit neighbor called the police the last time we fought,when they came to our house we had to cover up as if everything was fine.he doesn't feel remorseful about the whole thing,My aunt in the Uk requested that i move in with her as she does not want to lose me that the trauma is too much for me to bear,He told me that if i misbehave again he would report me,My good nairalanders please what am i suppose to do in this scene,Genuine Advises are needed no insult please

Lastly is joint account a MUST in a marriage
How can a woman be more submissive in her marriage.

I am loosing it i don't want to Die because of Him.

Thank you all

1.Joint account is not compulsory
2.Did u discuss all these before marriage?
3.Communication is key...take out time to comumicate
4.Try prayer since both of u are christians
5. Be patient as u await change!
6.Don't stop loving him..love conquers all!

Since physical abuse is involved, I suggest you move in with your aunt before things get out of hand.....

The investment he made, hope he put in your name too? Just like you did with the car?

No, joint account isn't compulsory. This is something both of should sort out easily. . However, I agree to your suggestion of contributing certain percentage of monthly income towards mutual projects/investments. .

Finally, any man that involves his family in his marital affairs is simply immature esp when it has to do with simple issues...

All d best....

Lawd have mercy.Woman you have to think about your self and your daughter.Its so obvious that your man does not respect and Love you.Love to me is not by words of mouth but by action and how we prove it to our partners in difficult situations.How can he be reporting you to his parents.he is just been childish and immature.he has the opportunity to build a home with a woman who is interested in building a future with him but alas he is misusing the opportunity.if you report your spouse to your parents you are indirectly exposing your own family.Even if he leaves you today he would end up in the hands of those one chance man.shameless man.Remember that if you die today he would move on with another woman.Live for your daughter and parents.may God fight for you and reward you duely.African men be sharing financial responsibilities with women and still want to manipulate her

Hello Ada,I am sorry for this burdens,is difficult pulling through after a miscarriage.However,if you guys fight (physical combat),now that's unnecessary because you are a woman and you can't match a man in physical combat.Pls try and avoid any issue that will bring this...because mgbe omekwalu akpoba ekwensu!Pls for the sake of your child.And don't always tell him no out rightly, some men don't like it,just say ok I will like u don't know what you r doing but make ur head deh there.Finally,try and talk to God about this situation and try to be submissive in certain things,men want to know they are in charge.marriage is not a war zone and you can tame this guy if you work hand in hand with God.#myhumbleopinion#n'uchenkem

Another marital testimony



exits thread to go and prepare fried rice

2goodbobo:
I heart goes out to you Woman. I can only imagine what you are going through. You have done all you can to
be a good wife and a help mate but it seems he does not regard you. My advice is whenever he does anything to
harm you, report him to the authority so that he won't try such because if he does, he will face the full wrath of
the law. What kind of a man will involve his family in his marital affairs? He is just being selfish and stingy at the
same time.

And no joint account is not a must. you have the right to your individual account. Lazzy ass man>

You don't know that 98% of our brothers still suck at mama's niiipples at the age of 45? Metaphorically speaking.

Every other thing may be a non issue, but the beating you up is one you shouldn't tolerate.
And beating you up while pregnant? Girl you need to secure your safety fast as you can. You can even see he's not remorseful.
At least the fact that you went into a coma after that emergency CS should have been a wake up call for him to know how close he came to losing you. If he's still not changed after that, I'm sorry to say he won't change anytime soon unless he's fed up by his own attitude. Nothing you do will change him. He's the one that needs advising, not you.

But please for now, go to somewhere safe. Marriage must not end in death.

Why some ladies don't report such anymore is because when they do,the man will be locked up and people will blame them for 'sending' him to jail.

2goodbobo:
I heart goes out to you Woman. I can only imagine what you are going through. You have done all you can to
be a good wife and a help mate but it seems he does not regard you. My advice is whenever he does anything to
harm you, report him to the authority so that he won't try such because if he does, he will face the full wrath of
the law. What kind of a man will involve his family in his marital affairs? He is just being selfish and stingy at the
same time.

And no joint account is not a must. you have the right to your individual account. Lazzy ass man>

.

cococandy:
Why some ladies don't report such anymore is because when they do,the man will be locked up and people will blame them for 'sending' him to jail.

you are absolutely right. One of my aunt oversea is a victim of this.

Jorussia:
you are absolutely right. One of my aunt oversea is a victim of this.

How sad. Some despite the protection they can get actually sit and wait until something irreversible happens.
Just because they don't want to lumped in with all those 'foreign wives' that send their husbands to jail.

Number 1- do not leave the matrimonial home. You cannot render your child and yourself effectively homeless. If anyone has to do the moving, he should.
Number 2- do not have a joint account with him. Whilst there is nothing wrong in doing such in a relationship, I would think twice when it is at the insistence of just one person. Would make me think, why is it so important to this guy? And that would certainly get my back up and raise my suspicions.
Number 3- it depends on you but you can have a dialogue with him explaining that abuse will not be tolerated, communication will. If there is a repeat of of any physical altercation, you must stress that would do the needful and be prepared to back it up with action. Call the police, file a case of abuse against him etc
Number 4- very likely that he would hit you again and regardless of the bullshit you will hear on this forum, it's not about you but about your daughter as well. It is better to raise your child alone than in an abusive home. So I personally would skip number 3, get his things removed, get a restraining order and ensure that it change the locks.
number 5- you only have to speak to your local council about how you are a victim of domestic abuse or even citizens advise bureau and the rest will be taken care for you through the courts. If he wants reconciliation, he might have to complete something as mandated by the courts to avoid a criminal conviction, anger management course or something of the likes.
Number 6- do not let the fear of the future determine your actions. Not what people will say. 32 is still young. If the marriage breaks up, you still have plenty of time to find love again with the right person. Do not waste your best years with a loser all in the name of marriage. May the odds ever be in your favour.

cococandy:


How sad. Some despite the protection they can get actually sit and wait until something irreversible happens.
Just because they don't want to lumped in with all those 'foreign wives' that send their husbands to jail.

Maybe she doesn't know how, information is power. In this uk again, the guy chop liver oooo!

cococandy:
Why some ladies don't report such anymore is because when they do,the man will be locked up and people will blame them for 'sending' him to jail.

As a woman, expecially a Nigerian woman, you can't win in the court of public opinion. So you just have to do what you have to do because whatever you do, you can't just win. If a woman reports a man that is physically abusing her, they will say you sent him to jail. When you die from his beating, they will say why did a grown woman not know when to leave.

babygirlfl:


As a woman, expecially a Nigerian woman, you can't win in the court of public opinion. So you just have to do what you have to do because whatever you do, you can't just win. If a woman reports aan that is physically abusing her, they will say you sent him to jail. When you die from his beating, they will say why did a grown woman not know when to leave.

Na public opinion help the chick when she dey coma abi? People should learn to stop giving a fvck, yolo!

shaybebaby:

Maybe she doesn't know how, information is power. In this uk again, the guy chop liver oooo!

Well I don't know how she can't know. Maybe UK is different but everywhere around here, you have numbers posted and signs with numbers which you can call if you're a victim of domestic violence.
The moment you pick up the phone, you will get assistance immediately.

Even when I go to see my doctor, the first question he asks me is "do you feel safe at home?" even if you say yes, they will still give you a number to call in case anything changes.
Le boo confirmed that they ask him the same because I was wondering if it's a sexist practice.

Chances are she knows. Just that The bond is strong and cannot be broken easily.

what is the question again?

how to be submissive,even when you have been given different smack down,upper cut and supper punch?

the award submissive wife" you are trying to win might only be given to you when you go into coma and not return

. then the angels in heaven will give you a standing ovation.

welcome the most dutiful,vitreous,honourable submissive wife ever to grace the world of mankind.

how do you like that?

shaybebaby:

Na public opinion help the chick when she dey coma abi? People should learn to stop giving a fvck, yolo!

And most importantly, if she dies, the public will not go with her to the grave. The day Nigerian women stop paying attention to public opinion and society is the day true liberation will be achieved. The society forces them to get married and then force them to stay married.

How are you enjoying your Sunday? Any sunday roast?

babygirlfl:


As a woman, expecially a Nigerian woman, you can't win in the court of public opinion. So you just have to do what you have to do because whatever you do, you can't just win. If a woman reports a man that is physically abusing her, they will say you sent him to jail. When you die from his beating, they will say why did a grown woman not know when to leave.

Lol @court of public opinion.

babygirlfl:


And most importantly, if she dies, the public will not go with her to the grave. The day Nigerian women stop paying attention to public opinion and society is the day true liberation will be achieved. The society forces them to get married and then force them to stay married.

How are you enjoying your Sunday? Any sunday roast?

Sunday roast sha, with this yeye rain. I'm enjoying some precious me time away from little oga doing absolutely nothing, bliss!
It's lastnight a leftover Chinese takeaway on the menu, no time!
How is the family doing?

cococandy:


Well I don't know how she can't know. Maybe UK is different but everywhere around here, you have numbers posted and signs with numbers which you can call if you're a victim of domestic violence.
The moment you pick up the phone, you will get assistance immediately.

Even when I go to see my doctor, the first question he asks me is "do you feel safe at home?" even if you say yes, they will still give you a number to call in case anything changes.
Le boo confirmed that they ask him the same because I was wondering if it's a sexist practice.

Chances are she knows. Just that The bond is strong and cannot be broken easily.

I think it depends on areas here, I may be wrong. Lol @ they are asking Le boo, Wetin you wan do strong man?

Hhmmmmmmmmm...speechless and sad

shaybebaby:

I think it depends on areas here, I may be wrong. Lol @ they are asking Le boo, Wetin you wan do strong man?

You think? A small woman can still do damage when angry.

shaybebaby:

Sunday roast sha, with this yeye rain. I'm enjoying some precious me time away from little oga doing absolutely nothing, bliss!
It's lastnight a leftover Chinese takeaway on the menu, no time!
How is the family doing?

So the rain reach your side? Enjoy the me time with little one. Spending me time with my little one is always one of my favourite times. Family is fine.

babygirlfl:


So the rain reach your side? Enjoy the me time with little one. Spending me time with my little one is always one of my favourite times. Family is fine.

The rain reach, if not for the fact that it is July, I would have the heating on. Awwww bless, that is so sweet. How old your little one? Na girl? Let me arrange introduction sharp sharp for my boy.

I'm soo short of words, I'm really shocked.
How can a man beat his wife to the extent she lost three babies? His own babies too?
This is too sad. Dammnnnnnnnnnn.


Dear OP, I don't know what advice to give. In all you decide on doing, please just remember your wellbeing is most important. All the best..

cococandy:


You think? A small woman can still do damage when angry.

Na so! It is the tiny ones that dey vex pass.