Well i can say that i know how you feel how ever my situation is a little worse. I am on my second marriage and I have a step-daughter and a natural daughter. When I was first married I met a very sweet girl who was friends with my (ex)wife. In fact my ex-wife introduced us. After time we developed a very strong friendship. We were always there for each other. My first wife left me and I tried to find my friend but to no end. I caught up with her b4 I started dating my second wife. All through our friendship she always told me that we would never be more than friends. Well over time I started to develop feelings for her but nothing more than friendship was returned. I valued her friendship enough to hide my feelings. We both got married to different people and now both of our marriages our shaky. I have seen signs that she is starting to have feelings for me now. It is making very difficult to hide what I feel. To this day I am still fighting those feelings and pray for both of our marriages and that is what you need to do my friend. Be strong, trust me I know it hurts but u need to be strong

Hi there,

I know I am in the minority and will get flamed for my comments, but I do think it's possible to marry someone too young, have kids, realize the marriage was a mistake and years later after a loveless marriage find yourself attracted and/or fall in love with another person.

JD, I'm not saying this is you. You sound like you have been married only for a short time. You need to examine what is missing in your marriage that you need to go outside it to find that emotional support. Because that is what most extramaritial affairs are about believe it or not, not about the sex as much as the emotional support you get from the other person.

But be fair to everyone involved, don't lead this other girl on and don't do this to your wife. Examine your life. Do you really think you will be happier with this other girl? If so, then you need to decide what you want to do with your marriage. I don't know if you believe in divorce or not, because many people don't. Do you want to be in a loveless marriage (if you are that is). Don't lead a double life though, it's not fair to anyone. Make up your mind what you want to do. If it's be with the other girl, that take steps to do so. Leave her alone though until you are certain of what you want. If your decision is to work on your marriage, then end things nicely with the other girl and work on your marriage with your wife. I know most people have the conception that the other women are these awful sex fiends that purposely go after other men's marriage. This is not always the case. Alot of the time, the married man needs the companionship because it's missing in their lives and alot of the times the married man is the one that ardently pursues the other woman with promises of getting a divorce in the near future.

Good luck!

Why did u marry the first lady?
Out of Love/Lust?
U have to be joking.
Guess what?



U are confused.

To love outside is one of the easiest thing to do but it carries a destructive blow to everyone involved no matter how secret it is kept.One,try to re-affirm continuosly in your mind that you love your family and you want to be agood role model for your son.Two,make it necessary with a firm hand to say NO MORE to your new LOVER(IT IS POSSIBLE_BELEIVE IT IS POSSIBLE).Three,reconcile with your wife.

Dear Friend,

I understand the difficulty of your situation as I have been there myself. But you must remember that it is not your wife you are doing this too, it is the Lord. I can only say that you will get help if you ask the Lord. Simply pray about it.

As for those of you who come off so harsh and judgemental, please consider humbling yourselves a bit. Sin is not beyond any of us, and if you think it is, I believe you are putting up a big red flag for Satan. Sooner or later he will seduce you too given you suffer from so much pride. Remember, our Brother came to us for help. We should offer him help, knowing full well these things could happen to us as well. And if he needs correcting, we should do it gently. After all, what would Jesus have done.

@JWdayise
didnt you know when you said "I do". I believe that "I do" is only to one person at a time,

then why did you marry your present wife ,.

Boy oh Boy, you are in trouble. All you need is decision. Make up your mind and settle down to ur wife. Just say no and keep to it and nothing will happen. That girl will not die. try to fall in love with ur wife

JWdayise:

i need advice

Hello everyone; I am 28 years old, I am married, I have one kid, a son and I am christian, but the problem is that I love another young lady, single, also christian, I don't know what happened to us because our love is so strong that we can't sleep without meeting.  I try all the ways to stop that love but in vain.  

Please help me.  Thank you very much

Hey brother! you don't need no help! Did anybody force you to marry the one that you are with? I believe what you are experiencing is LUST not LOVE. I can bet that even after you get this new one you would also fall in lust with someone else.  My friend, face your marriage and make it work! Only you can make it work!

I Can speak to you as the other woman. It is not a pleasurable p[lace to be the person that a married man is in love with. I have very very happy days and extremely sad days. I really want the man in my life to make a decision. Either we are together or he is staying with his wife. Our story got more complicated by pregnancy, his wives. So now I am not even in the race. He still calls, comes by, and spends time with me. When we are together, not sexually necessarily, it feels amazing but I have to remember that I am not really a part of his life. If you are going to be with her give her all of you not just a taste of you, that goes for staying or leaving because right now no one has all of you and that is not fair to anyone especially yourself.

i got something to say that is "you never know what you have until you lose it" u said it urself that u are a christian so what does ur Bible tell u , that adultery is a SIN? so u must have caused this falling in love with someonein the first place if u had met her for the first time and remember your wife it wouldn't even cross ur mind to start getting physically attracted to her not to talk of emotionally.
Remember u got a family now not just ur self or u and ur wife u got a child so pls don't throw all that into the air for just a stupid INFATUATION!,

Search urself once more. Are u a true christian ( christ like) ? Sorry to say, bro u werent in love with ur wife in the first place. You and ur christian sister needs to repent b4 i send u guys to hell

[Quote from: JWdayise on April 22, 2006, 08:54 PM]

i need advice

Hello everyone; I am 28 years old, I am married, I have one kid, a son and I am christian, but the problem is that I love another young lady, single, also christian, I don't know what happened to us because our love is so strong that we can't sleep without meeting. I try all the ways to stop that love but in vain.

Please help me. Thank you very much
!
[quote][/quote]

JWdayise PLZ GIVE ME YOUR WIFE'S PHONE NO OR PROBABLY HER CONTACT ADDRESS. I MEANT NO HARM. I JUST WANT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HER. JUST AS YOU DO WITH THAT YOUNGER LADY. THANK YOU

Hey Guys,

I have to admit that most of these posts are an afront to humanity. I forgot how fake Christians can be MOST of the time. But there are a few posts that are worth the read.

From a Christian Therapy perspective I would say that as God is Love we too experience Love in many ways. And YES we can fall in love with more than one person at a time (male or female). There is a big difference between love and sex. This has not been made clear by anyone at this point. If you read Confessions, Saint Augustine writes about a love for his male friend that is stronger and deeper than most men experience in their marriages and NO he was not gay nor was lust involved. Claiming LUST when someone feels love towards another woman is a cop out in a major way. The big problem is that both the Church and Secular society have not taught men or women how to properly experience and live out their emotions or what expectations to have about life and/or marriage. The church has foolishly over simplified answers that only work if you can keep yourself deluded and Secular society wants a free for all.

The bottom line is that Love is much more complicated than we can imagine. This makes sense since "God Is Love" and God is really beyond our understanding (that is why we have oversimplified answers).

If you want to experience the emotional connection you once had with your wife you will have to go to counselling and work through the stuff that has build distance between you guys in your relationship. You may truely love this other woman but she is not your wife. I would say that you can continue to love her but differentiate between sexual impulse and love. They could both be happening at once. Hold onto the love because it fuels friendship but work against the sexual tensions. You only have them because of screwed up Christian and Secular messages about wholeness. And like I said, go to counselling. In the meantime start placing coin back into your marriage. Talk to your wife about how you are feeling with regards to her and the marriage, don't mention the othe woman. Just talk about your present situation with your wife and brainstorm with her ways that you guys can work together to breath new life into your relationship.

I would let the othe woman know that you care for her a great deal but that your intentions are for friendship. And then let her know that you are going through a confusing time and may need a bit of distance. There is no need for over reactions. Love is a good thing. It's the clutter and the mixed messages in your "Self Talk" that are causing the problems.

God loves you just that way you are. And hey - Loving is not sin so dont even pay attention to those posts that speak about how we should be easy on you cause we all sin. You have NOT sinned. Love is the nature of God himself and God knows no sin.

If your going to take any advice then take mine. Through counselling, accepting yourself, and being real with your feeling you should be able to not just walk out of this but end up haveing grown from the experience. Not to mention that it would greatly strengthen your marriage as well.

May God Bless You in the midst of your circumstances but may you also bless yourself by taking action.


Therapyman

there are some posts that are really not worth replying to and such is teh case fo that of therapyman, i think he is a deluded human being. did he say continue loving the other woman but cut out the sex? yeah right!!!
I wonder from what kind of wacked teaching he laernt thta God knows no sin.

Anyway please JWdayise, make your marriage work and realise like intelligient people have said on this thread that apart from the fact that what you feel is most probably infataution for the other woman, and also that you are hurting both women very badly, you are also huritng your son and wife on the long run. you are no longer just responsible for yourself bur for other people.

God loves you but he hates your sin, so quit it.

nikinash:

there are some posts that are really not worth replying to and such is the case fo that of therapyman, i think he is a deluded human being. did he say continue loving the other woman but cut out the sex? yeah right!!!
I wonder from what kind of wacked teaching he laernt thta God knows no sin.

Anyway please JWdayise, make your marriage work and realise like intelligient people have said on this thread that apart from the fact that what you feel is most probably infataution for the other woman, and also that you are hurting both women very badly, you are also huritng your son and wife on the long run. you are no longer just responsible for yourself bur for other people.

God loves you but he hates your sin, so quit it.

O.K. so some of you are a little more foolish than others.  "God Knows No Sin" means two things from a theological viewpoint, of which I have a masters degree- also one in Christian Counselling.  First off it means that Sin is not a part of God's make up, Therefore if God is Love and God is not Sin - Love can not be Sin.  Secondly, it means that if you are in Christ Jesus God does not look at you as a sinner - He sees you clothed in the righteousness of Christ.  If you want to use shame and guilt tactics against this guy I guess that makes sense since that is something that misguided Christians are good at but when it comes to biblical truth they do not hold water.

Thanks for your 2 cents worth but maybe you should go back to school and keep your opinions to yourself until you know what you are talking about.

Of course I said to keep on loving the other woman.  Love is of the nature of God.  What I also said was NOT "to cut out sex" - as far as I understand it they have not had sex - what I said was to differentiate (big word there hope you have a dictionary) between Love and Sexual Impulse.  May be a "yea Right" issue for you but for those whom have some integrity, motivation, and perseverance - it really is not that difficult of a task.  More difficult is getting the junk - LIKE YOUR COMMENTS- out of ones head.  Either way I suggested counselling so that a trained professional, which you ARE NOT and I AM, can come along side them and help them journey through this time in their lives.


I hope that JWdayise is wise enough to know the difference between your deluded immature rantings and the truth.

Therapyman:



O.K. so some of you are a little more foolish than others. "God Knows No Sin" means two things from a theological viewpoint, of which I have a masters degree- also one in Christian Counselling. First off it means that Sin is not a part of God's make up, Therefore if God is Love and God is not Sin - Love can not be Sin. Secondly, it means that if you are in Christ Jesus God does not look at you as a sinner - He sees you clothed in the righteousness of Christ. If you want to use shame and guilt tactics against this guy I guess that makes sense since that is something that misguided Christians are good at but when it comes to biblical truth they do not hold water.

Thanks for your 2 cents worth but maybe you should go back to school and keep your opinions to yourself until you know what you are talking about.

Of course I said to keep on loving the other woman. Love is of the nature of God. What I also said was NOT "to cut out sex" - as far as I understand it they have not had sex - what I said was to differentiate (big word there hope you have a dictionary) between Love and Sexual Impulse. May be a "yea Right" issue for you but for those whom have some integrity, motivation, and perseverance - it really is not that difficult of a task. More difficult is getting the junk - LIKE YOUR COMMENTS- out of ones head. Either way I suggested counselling so that a trained professional, which you ARE NOT and I AM, can come along side them and help them journey through this time in their lives.


I hope that JWdayise is wise enough to know the difference between your deluded immature rantings and the truth.

and your deluded and upside down thinking would be truth? indeed!

people like you just make me wanna puke cos you are like the pharisees Jesus talked about, you wont go in and you wont allow others to go in either, snakes and vipers.

anyway i am hopeful that right thinking people have made the right decision by now cos even JWdayise's consicence would have told him what is right.

nikinash:

and your deluded and upside down thinking would be truth? indeed!

people like you just make me want to puke because you are like the pharisees Jesus talked about, you wont go in and you wont allow others to go in either, snakes and vipers.

anyway i am hopeful that right thinking people have made the right decision by now because even JWdayise's consicence would have told him what is right.

Nikinash - All I can say is that it seems you need Therapy more than the guy who made the post in the first place.  You are one mixed up person.  Someday when you GROW UP you may realize that your legalistic rantings are a poor excuse for not having a real faith.  If you feel that "God is Love" and "You are clothed in the righteousness of Christ" are the work of the Pharisees you really need to give your head a shake and see if there is anything inside.  I feel very sorry for you. 

I also wonder at all the anger which comes out in your posts.  I can see how much the love of God flows through you.   

Therapyman

What is it u see in this woman u are in luv with that u can not find in your wife? I advise u to be reasonable and make ur woman what u want her to be and u will leave happily, otherwise, u will definately pay for whatever u are doing to ur wife since it is for better for worse.

I,am in the similar situation I have wife and nooo kids deep down I,ve wanted children, I fell for another woman I she got married I tried but she married him already between them they have 4 children you have think look at the disaster it WILL cause my/your wife be hurt and distroy your life and the woman you are in love with ,you need to place it in God,s hands and repent,and ask him to help you with it i sounds like a baptist preacher [which i was raised a baptist ] but the only way ,yes you will think of her often [I do myself] but you must stay away from her with God,s help also get Christian counseling Ido each month and it helps .i hope it will help,you pray often.

@ JWdayise
Please stop seeing the other woman. Put GOD first in your marriage Save ur marriage. Ur wife still loves you and the problem lies in you and trust me u are the only person that can cure your diseases.
Goodluck!!!!!!!!!!!

Rottweiler:

Hey brother! you don't need no help! Did anybody force you to marry the one that you are with? I believe what you are experiencing is LUST not LOVE. I can bet that even after you get this new one you would also fall in lust with someone else. My friend, face your marriage and make it work! Only you can make it work!

undiluted infatuation

Hey Man Listen!! when u are married ,unknowingly, mistakenly, arranged,or >: by agreement whatever the shit YOU ARE PLAYED OUT, go drop your Jersey

HELL!! why dont these crazy ass chicks leave a married man alone? Theres like a million unmarried guys ready for peeps lyk them, Yet they want go and seduce those already binded by the institution of marriage, cos u know u have somethin his wifey dont have? u better be careful Let GOD not send THUNDER to fire your black asses.

NA WAH O!!

if u r a real christian like u said r u nt suppose to keep to ur marriage vows? pls try n let dis other woman go n pray abt it too if u cant do it alone talk to ur pastors.

seems to me you're ready for your third marriage. poor thing!

angelchi:

if you're a real christian like u said r u nt suppose to keep to your marriage vows? please try n let this other woman go n pray about it too if u can't do it alone talk to your pastors.

does that work these days, hmmmmm. i dont think so

There is no such thing like marriage vows,even pastors do cheat either by looking and have ideas or by one ten three way hit so be realy sleek about it but if your wife finds out we all know she will cry necked by the river niger and boy! you will get the runs.Remember I won't be there to wash the demons out of you.God won't help you if you don't help yourself.Don't let no one stop your freedom,do what is good for you,it always works.Having sex in a rush with your other woman is always memorable and you keep going for more but when it runs out you will get your mind strait either in a hospital bed or on a wheelchair.

Thank God that ur a christian, so i am not going to give a soft answer,



[center]CAST THAT DEMON OUT, IT WILL DESTROY U[/center]

"Well since is not only in Nigeria someone falls in love" Damabel will always say. To be frank with you, you have gotten 2 the down with this girl and that appears  clear indication of love/lust. Well just believe you will get out of this one day without lost but start gradually by introducing little problem with yourselfs and pray for the feelings to fade but don't battle with them.

I though you christians said you love Jesus christ and that tyou worship him? Why are you commiting adultery? Did Jesus commit Adultery?

Stop calling yourself a christian, as long as I know real christains don't do what your doing

My advice for u is that;

try to stop seeing the other lady cos the more u see her the more ur love for her get stronger.

Try to love ur wife more than u do before.

Be prayerful cos this is the work of the devil.

@Topic
If you are a "christain" like me and you do not "shag" this "christain sister" you will be miserable for a long time!  Just stay in your marriage, shag the babe with condom of course, then repent later!   It is well with your soul jare!  NO LONG TINGY! Warri no dey carry last!