cococandy:


True. I can personally relate to the picture of the woman being in control as seen by the outsiders who don't know what's going on in the house themselves. Just because the man is truly in love with her. Some will even say you're using juju on the man. Rotfl

I only question the use of such words as 'control' by the woman herself. But I've read their explanations to what they mean. It all makes sense.

Exactly. When a man in Africa shows too much love to his woman, it's wrongly termed as being under the influence of 'juju' because it appears the woman is controlling him. There is something wonderful that woman is doing to that man. It could even be as petty as food or sexual games.

bukatyne:


I meant Charity means love. That's the KJV version

How Chaste means virgin, know means sex, conceive means get pregnant, maid means young girl etc.

Yea I got that, I was trying to say that, the bible's definition of it is not explicit enough, as is the case with the whole bible.

Caracta:


Exactly. When a man in Africa shows too much love to his woman, it's wrongly termed as being under the influence of 'juju' because it appears the woman is controlling him. There is something wonderful that woman is doing to that man. It could even be as petty as food or sexual games.

mmmm

Smiles her secret smile

@ Chidoks I can really see you are very insightful, mature and intelligent.Your type gets things done at home without raising her voice and shouting meaningless slogans about equality. Your down to earth explanations should be the criteria for pathetic female clowns here who instead of dealing with their father issues prefer to call themselves nairaland feminists.

Caracta:


Exactly. And it turns out well for the two.

Ok

Chidoks:
cocacandy, the thing is this.when you go all out to sincerely respect a man, he grows soft towards you.he tends to listen to you because you respect him.
Every man that is worth it sees himself as the boss, the captain of the ship called marriage.he had his ego.all you berd do is to massage his ego by respecting him.not necessarily being a fool but meekness that would reach out to his soul and soften the hardest part of him.once you get to that point, that man would have the urge to give back.
Now the only way he can give back is not to respect you.no.it's by seeking to please you.he shows it by doing things that will make you happy.he will do things he wouldn't have naturally done just to please you; things you may or not have asked for.
at this point if you stop he stops but if you continue you lead him on and this man will provide, protect, abd defend you with all he's got.
On the other hand if you show him that you are equal, competition starts.he will be compelled to maintain his top position which manufests in wickedness, rejecttion, and beating

@Bolded:

What is wrong with a man respecting you? What is your definition of respect?

@post:
It is human nature to yield to people who treat you with love and respect

Even an 'egoless' woman will lock horns with you If you do not treat her with respect.

dinachi:
@ Chidoks I can really see you are very insightful, mature and intelligent.Your type gets things done at home without raising her voice and shouting meaningless slogans about equality. Your down to earth explanations should be the criteria for pathetic female clowns here who instead of dealing with their father issues prefer to call themselves nairaland feminists.

I believe you read the OP

And so far, the discussion had been devoid of bitterness.

Please leave it that way.

Thanks.

freecocoa:
Yea I got that, I was trying to say that, the bible's definition of it is not explicit enough, as is the case with the whole bible.

Did you read the whole chapter?

@Caracta and cococandy:

Lol at juju

Even more amusing when the juju accusers want same of themselves.

I Also think some men would not love their wives that way irrespective of What she does.

They do not have time for regberegbe

cococandy:


True. I can personally relate to the picture of the woman being in control as seen by the outsiders who don't know what's going on in the house themselves. Just because the man is truly in love with her. Some will even say you're using juju on the man. Rotfl

I only question the use of such words as 'control' by the woman herself. But I've read their explanations to what they mean. It all makes sense.

Ehen, now you are there.

According to the naija mentality, any happy home with the woman looking sweet and really loved by her hubby, is the handiwork of jazz.

What is regberegbe bukatyne.

I swear I'll slap this phone one day
Oversabi autocorrect.
You can't believe how long it took to type that word.

bukatyne:


I believe you read the OP

And so far, the discussion had been devoid of bitterness.

Please leave it that way.

Thanks.

I believe I did not specifically mention your name in my post and so far it has been okay. Be advised. Leave it that way.

bukatyne:


Did you read the whole chapter?

I did not, no need.

It was just saying what charity does.

cococandy:
What is regberegbe bukatyne.

I swear I'll slap this phone one day
Oversabi autocorrect.
You can't believe how long it took to type that word.

Nonsense or frivolities

Some men take the work of husbandship seriously with no time for smiles

@Freecocoa, they have seen a lot of unhappy wives that there must be 'something' fishy with happy homes.

dinachi:

I believe I did not specifically mention your name in my post and so far it has been okay. Be advised. Leave it that way.

RoyalRoy

Good afternoon

My OP was clear and the thread peaceful.

Please warn dinachi.

Thanks

freecocoa:
I did not, no need.

It was just saying what charity does.

.

freecocoa:
I did not, no need.

It was just saying what charity does.

OK o!
When I get on my laptop

bukatyne:

@Freecocoa, they have seen a lot of unhappy wives that there must be 'something' fishy with happy homes.

Exactly, I guess we can't really blame them, it's just natural to question something not considered 'norm'.

bukatyne:


OK o!
When I get on my laptop

Aite.

Nice thread. But again, you are not defining submission in marriage according to the Bible.

The Bible says "wives submit to your husbands in all things". This means that you MUST do your husband's bidding ALWAYS, even when it really doesn't make sense.

And no. A husband and wife are not equal, biblically. You donot submit "in all things" to someone you are equal to. The way I see it, one is either a christian who lives by the Bible or an athiest/non practising christian who lives by common sense. No middle grounds. A real christian woman must submit to her husband always, hence not equal to him.

Now, my question is; what if my husband wants me to do something that is obviously a sin? At what point does one say no to submission without going against God's word?

Caracta:


Not be in control per se but be in sync with your spouse. Not like you turn him into a zombie. The same way we understand our parents so well and know what to do when we are broke in school. You know the right button to press. Doesn't mean you are in control.

No, it means you are manipulative.

This submission thingy doesn't bother me. He treats me fine and I treat him fine too.. we're both happy, that's all that matters to me....

I can't say if I'm submissive or not because my opinions count so much in our relationship but he's ok with it. He allows me make so many decisions. .

I aim to make him happy and he does same, that's all... You should know what your spouse wants. You can't marry a traditional man and expect him not to act like a 'boss', in this case you just have to give in except you want trouble in your home. That's what you signed up for, you should have quit during courtship. .

Bottom line: you know your spouse and what pleases him/her, just do it.. that's all....

Also, if you've been 'submitting' to your husband/wife and both of you are fine with it, please continue.. Both of you alone know how best to run your home.. as long as everyone is happy, I see no qualms....

Lol. So Christians don't have common sense then?
I beg to disagree

The bible does command men to honor their wives. You don't lord it over someone you honor or disrespect them in any way. You don't value yourself above someone who's to be honored by you.

People seem to forget there's a commandment for husbands too because they are all busy trying to preach to women all the time.

There's equality if both parties play their part not one side reminding the other of the biblical injunction but conveniently ignoring theirs.

Phema:
Nice thread. But again, you are not defining submission in marriage according to the Bible.

The Bible says "wives submit to your husbands in all things". This means that you MUST do your husband's bidding ALWAYS, even when it really doesn't make sense.

And no. A husband and wife are not equal, biblically. You donot submit "in all things" to someone you are equal to. The way I see it, one is either a christian who lives by the Bible or an athiest/non practising christian who lives by common sense. But a real christian woman should submit to her husband always, hence not equal to him.

Now, my question is; what if my husband wants me to do something that is obviously a sin? At what point does one say no to submission without going against God's word?

Don't know why but everytime I see that word "submission", my brain refuses to process it. It is does not equate to love when it is demanded.
Also, trying to ascribe a different meaning to it biblically wont work because we all know that according to the times when those texts were written, it was a much more patriarichal society where women were seen as being less to men. Hence freecocoa is correct in the dynamics required for submission to take place..superior (men) and inferior ( women) according to the book.
A sense of self worth is required in a healthy partnership, submission negates that. How can you reject poo if it thrown at you and submit at the same time?

cococandy:
Lol. So Christians don't have common sense then?
I beg to disagree

The bible does command men to honor their wives. You don't lord it over someone you honor or disrespect them in any way. You don't value yourself above someone who's to be honored by you.

People seem to forget there's a commandment for husbands too because they are all busy trying to preach to women all the time.

There's equality if both parties play their part not one side reminding the other of the biblical injunction but conveniently ignoring theirs.

We are talking about biblical principles. And we are talking about submission on the part of the woman. Men having to love their wives can be treated separately and we can go ahead and dissect that.

How does the Bible want the woman to submit? Is it not in everything? Did it give a condition that unless the man plays his part (loving his wife as God loves the church), the woman should not submit?

Be honest, can you submit in everything to someone you claim to be equal to?

And no. The true christian should live by biblical principles and not common sense. They are two different things.

Phema:
Nice thread. But again, you are not defining submission in marriage according to the Bible.

The Bible says "wives submit to your husbands in all things". This means that you MUST do your husband's bidding ALWAYS, even when it really doesn't make sense.

And no. A husband and wife are not equal, biblically. You donot submit "in all things" to someone you are equal to. The way I see it, one is either a christian who lives by the Bible or an athiest/non practising christian who lives by common sense. No middle grounds. A real christian woman must submit to her husband always, hence not equal to him.

Now, my question is; what if my husband wants me to do something that is obviously a sin? At what point does one say no to submission without going against God's word?

You started very well and ended with a stupiid question. Is like asking if your parent ask you to go and steal will you steal.

As Christians we're admonished to do the right things always.

From the stone age man began to form socialization and to maintain sanity in the society, leadership was formulated using the 'family' setting where separation of power and responsibility was copied. If marital relationship did not work then we can conclude that organised society wouldn't have come into existence but for its survival we can allude to the fact that it was modeled towards the success of marital Union.

Clergy men, traditional societies and marital courts have overtime succinctly maintained that the Man is the head of the family. My question is that is it not the HEAD the authority resides?

If we as ladies can get our priority right we shouldn't be contesting headship with our husbands but to derive a holistic approach in supporting them and creating an enviable society. Statistics of divorce all over the world particularly the western world is alarming and children are littered all over the world with paternity issues due to feminine agitation.

Let me reiterate here that no marriage can stand the test of time with this equality nonsense. We the future generation cannot entirely be wiser than our fore bearers that typically instituted family bloodlines and sustained it.

Freshvine we can disagree without throwing insults, especially as there is absolutely nothing stupiid about phema's question.

This submission nonsense is one of the reasons I can't live by the rules of the bible, there's no way I'm submitting to any man in the name of marriage, compromise is a sure thing in life and I am yet to meet anyone who is quicker in putting someone else's feelings into consideration than myself, so why then do I need to lose my will just to make a man happy?

The truth of the matter is that, as a christian woman, you can't be a feminist at the same time, because feminism doesn't agree with the bible.

The two are meant to work hand in hand.

No human except one with a severely destroyed sense of self can submit to a disrespectful spouse.

Phema:


We are talking about biblical principles. And we are talking about submission on the part of the woman. Men having to love their wives can be treated separately and we can go ahead and dissect that.

How does the Bible want the woman to submit? Is it not in everything? Did it give a condition that unless the man plays his part (loving his wife as God loves the church), the woman should not submit?

Be honest, can you submit in everything to someone you claim to be equal to?

And no. The true christian should live by biblical principles and not common sense. They are two different things.

freshvine:


You started very well and ended with a stupiid question. Is like asking if your parent ask you to go and steal will you steal.

As stupiid as it was, your stupiid illustration did it no good. Where in the bible did it say children should submit to their parents in everything?

cococandy:
The two are meant to work hand in hand.

No human except one with a severely destroyed sense of self can submit to a disrespectful spouse.

Now, that is common sense.