donephi:
Nice piece.

For the ladies your carriage and the value you place on urself determines the reaction or response from the "He" in your life.
In as much as no human is perfect, learn to be responsible for your actions,it shldnt be dependant on ur "feeling(mind)" but your heart.

Krystalxxx:
Yep. I think the point is to start believing I am a precious gift and a blessing in itself and liking or loving myself is not selfishness or a sin, and I do not have to wait for anyone to like or approve of me before I like / approve of myself. Nice thread.

Ngokafor:




.....Spot on @op,very insightful.

MizMyColi:


That is the essence of this thread.

We have to start doing things differently.
Lets take control of our lives in the ways we can.

2sex:
Well said brother. I will add ladies should learn to contribute in a man's life value-wise. I don't know about other guys, but sincerely, sex is just no way to connect with me. There has to be something you offer that isn't readily available elsewhere.

Personally, I am a chronic lover-boy, romance or romantic personified, albeit they often abused it, thus my resolve to hide that part of me... I love a woman who has a mind of her own, who believe she can work to earn something no matter how small, one who strive to better her lot, without a man in it.

I also don't like ladies whom, when asked a question, they reply with "I don't know" no matter how simple the question is. It shows level of shallowness, inability to make decisions.

Enoquin:
Beautiful! I wanted to open a thread about something like this but you beat me to it and rightly so because I procrastinated.

I love EnoQuin because it is only after I have loved her that I can truly love someone else. And yet it isn't a narcissistic kind where I believe myself above faults.

That is why it unsettles me when I see posts from ladies who believe it all begins and ends with a man. Yes, men have their value but so do women!

Loving your self is also valuing yourself and you will find that in doing that you subconsciously set a standard even for yourself.

An example: I found out last year that whenever my bae came to town I served him/us better than I served myself. If it was a meal like eba. I'd bring the washing bowl, hand wash, hand wipe, put the plates in a tray, open the water and pour in a cup and then we'd both settle down to a meal.
But when I was alone, even though I ate little; I'd use a wide plate, put small eba on the plate. Put my soup plate on the space of the eba plate, neglecting the tray. Sometimes, I'd pick a bowl of water, other times I wash my hands at the sink. An haphazard sort of service. To me it didn't matter, it was me serving me.
But why should me serving me be worse than me serving anyone else? Did I regard others more than I did myself?
And so the change began. I starting serving myself as I would another I loved.

babygirlfl:
Lovely write-up.

MizMyColi:


Wo, it is well with you beyond measure.

Truth is, being overly nice does not help.
Wait, being overly nice is cool, as long as you're equally overly nice to yourself.

But the idea of treating someone else better than you'd treat yourself?
That's Self-Hypocrisy!!!

Actually, I've learned a lot from your post.
Thanks!

SUGARBEE:


How sweet thanks... People see love and relationships more like a science which requires studying, guidelines and tutoring whereby I see love and relationships as an art

An art where you flow with the tides of an interpersonal feeling, a feeling of curiosity to know and unravel everything about another person.. Love really is mysterious

remsonik:
Nice piece op
A man will always at a time or the other be emotionally unavailable because the way both women and men process or should I say express love is different.
Take for instance a man goes to work everyday of the week. He's faithful,pays all the bills,but has no time for his family. The wife says pls give me attention, show me you care about me and the kids. The man misinterpretes that as the lady isn't being appreciative after all I do trying to make money to look after you. Its not all about material things.

Now as a lady I get lot of comments from guys about me who says I am proud or bossy but no,there's the soft sweet side of me but i try to hide it because I don't want to be the one who is always giving out the love. I like attention a lot and so as not to get carried away I am very principled I set my boundaries. I like to be in control of my life. I value myself and I believe I can take on challenges make impact without a man's input.
I know some ladies ride men take advantage of their emotional availability but if you date every girl with that mindset, you are already restricting your heart to so many instances of love and wonderful moments you can both share.

SUGARBEE:


How sweet thanks... People see love and relationships more like a science which requires studying, guidelines and tutoring whereby I see love and relationships as an art

An art where you flow with the tides of an interpersonal feeling, a feeling of curiosity to know and unravel everything about another person.. Love really is mysterious

kaboninc:


Sugar......

Lol.

SUGARBEE:

HI

anumide:

hey hey, that was nice; what you typed.

zeb04:
this is just a good reminder,right on time.

I was almost losing myself to something.
thanks miz

Whynotthetruth:
Nice conjecture up there...Read only original post and avoided others...because I need less of amorous epistles in my head...emotions always blackmail...I wanna keep growing a thick skin daily thanks to politics...I read this at all because I trust Op to always "cook a tasty soup"...Am out...

MizMyColi:

As ladies, we sometimes wonder where we got it wrong, if it's a crime to show emotions and love passionately, because we find somewhere down the relationship that our loving overtures and care is met with outright resistance. This continues for a while until we are finally able to write the guy off. Sometimes, when they come back, it's either too late or never as it used to be.

We move on to another person, and it's like a cycle.

For starters, we ladies must realize that we cannot keep doing things the same way and expect different results.

The reason why the guys who employ this sick method are able to get to us is because we look up to things that are without for validation. For example, we can only love ourselves and see ourselves as beautiful if that guy (who more oft than not is emotionally unavailable) sees us as such.
It is sad that we have attached our worthiness as humans to things that are without (e.g., people's affirmations, our cars, money, jobs e.t.c).
Smh.

Until they start looking inwards, within....for joy, peace, love, whole self acceptance and what have you...ladies aren't going to be redeemed anytime soon.
You will know that you are making progress when someone calls you Ugly or Fat or a Failure, and you look at them and smile....why? Because you have become connected to the reality that however you are, your curves, your contours, your smoothness, your sleekness, your edges, even the so-called imperfections are the same things that make you so amazingly beautiful and wonderful.


Let me ask this question:- How many of us can really believe this about ourselves?
Even if we can, we would rather allow society be our yardstick of acceptance, both of self and others.

And just so you know sis, I haven't arrived either, I am not perfect. But then, I'm determined to leave this world better than I met it, and that entails working on becoming a better me....

My dear sister, learn to be your own best friend, your own motivator. Learn how to be mentally strong enough to let go of emotionally abusive people and relationships. Do not let them and the negative energy they exude be the defining factor of your life.
Stop acting out of desperation. Do not become an "anything goes" lady.
Show yourself some dignity! Stop feeling like the guy is doing you a favor by dating or marrying you.
You are as much a blessing to him as he is to you You are not valueless my dear, please rise above your mind.
Be confident enough that whatever you desire for yourself, you can have.
Dis-identify from the negative tendencies of your mind.
Your true nature as a woman is one that every celestial being envies.
Die daily to your ego. Allow your true being, your true consciousness grow more and more within you.
You are enough. You are worthy. You are complete. You are whole.

^^How willing you are to believe this about yourself is a direct determinant of the proportion of changes you will see in your life.

Sometimes, it's okay to be selfish. A love you have not given to yourself, you cannot give to others, and cannot receive from others either.

A word is enough for the wise.

Indeed I love this insightful part!
As much as we want to have a high perception of ourselves we need to realize we need to continually work on ourselves and to improve the quality of who we are as a person and not about the qualities of our beautiful face, curvy back, firm bosom or rather ugly body, shapeless back, falling bosom as the case may be. The more we realize we have attractive qualities, or have something to contribute to the society and are a blessing to others, people will flock to us like flies and we can easily forget the heartbreaks, the rejections and possibly any existing flaws or imperfections within or outside of ourselves.


We cannot rise above who we are inside - @JuniorPortland

Chillis:
I can see feminism train subconciously moving even for those who dont beleive in it

Op what are you preaching here.?

After una go write

Im not a femisnist.

Confused people.

Which feminism are you on about? Is it modern feminism, true feminism or Nairaland Feminism

Oh well, I have never been a fan of labels. I am more a fan of how to right the wrongs of the past and consolidating the rights for a better future...
How does a tete-a-tete with my sisters on relationships and self-perception matters relate to femininsm?

...Yet you call "them" confused people.
Smh

Madam, look in the mirror biko.

MizMyColi:
Thank you for your contribution IsaacBuchi

Thank You.

I'm one of your fans and you make it easier for me to enjoy reading ur post if you cut the time you give politics section and give it to family or something like this one. Politics is heartless...Just Saying.

#PetitionFromAfan

IsaacBuchi:


Thank You.

I'm one of your fans and you make it easier for me to enjoy reading ur post if you cut the time you give politics section and give it to family or something like this one. Politics is heartless...Just Saying.

#PetitionFromAfan

Decibel:
Nna eh negodu sósó epistle. Aguchaghi faa ncha m'òli. @MyzMyColi i na-ede ncha n'aka. More grease to your keypad.

Nwannem, Ekene diri Onye we'anyi