crackhaus:
You sit in the comfort of your struggled-to-acquire cubicle in the west and scream to high heavens about how you're a feminist, yet your neighbour's daughter back home in Nigeria still wakes up in the morning to hawk banana and groundnut just to make ends meet while her peers are in a classroom somewhere learning.
You have not made a difference in the life of one underprivileged young girl or woman in the village you come from by affecting her outcome and future, yet you're a bloody feminist.

The ones (probably related to you) that you've even managed to buy sewing machine for, you only did because you enjoy the idea of someone running to you calling you 'Aunty' and kissing your feet whenever they see you.

Charity organization, you can't start.
Organize grassroot rallies for your cause, you no fit.
Change the situation of some random young girl/woman on the streets, you don't even have the resources for it.

All y'all know how to do is sit behind your phones and laptops all day (probably jobless or earning meager wages) and scream I am a feminist without anything to show for it, except to claim the successes of your forebearers like y'all had anything to do with that - do you think they achieved what you say you're now enjoying by sitting behind technology, practising lazy feminism, and hating on anyone who refuses to be tagged as a feminist?

At least you people should join the free-the-tips campaign or the free-blood-flow campaign of some feminists so you can at least be seen as practising some form of what you preach, instead of being everywhere and nowhere.
Lawd knows I got no problem with freeing-the-tips, one can never see enough of b00bs...so please, go for it.

damiso:


I guess that's true.

Maybe I don't get why difference in opinions always results in such bitter vitriol being exchanged.

francizy:


Oh boy eh!!! This my guy don vex oh!!!

donodion:


Osanobua ooooooooooooooo !!!!!!!!!! for this weekend, maka why?

francizy:


Werin be this??
Dies!!!

crackhaus:






Lol...

Okay people, show's over..
MizMyColi abeg take back your thread.

#selflove, I agree.

MizMyColi:


So invariably oga RamD, what you are saying is that hustling for money and boosting your manly ego as a true man is more important than catering to the emotional needs of your wife?

Are you saying that striving to find some degree of balance is a sin?

Are you also agitating for outright selfishness in our relationships?

Truckpusher:
Can self love calm those raging hormones of these guys? I need answers.

crackhaus:

Baba, I hope for their sake that it does.

francizy:


Mix this issue you're raising here is actually common on both divide. When a woman cares too much (although nagging usually associates this), the guy starts pulling off and it's also same the other way round because when I guy cares too much, the girl slows down or dulls it all. Its a vice versa thing and you shouldn't make it look like it's only a man's problem.

Truckpusher:
You know one thing my grandpa use to say is that you can build your own world all you want but reality is a sure knock on the door that doesn't respect your world. And at the appropriate time you'll always face reality.

cococandy:

Taaa sharrap.

What's keepin you from going to type this when you you see two guys fighting on any of those numerous threads.

pickabeau1:
Yep the tray examples were a bit funny to me

Why embark on domesticities when I just want to eat

No be me go still park the tray go wash?

crackhaus:

Your grandpa knows his stuff.

My opinion on self-love is that everyone should aim for it, the reality however is that people usually end up not understanding what self-love truly implies and as a result, they either don't practise true self-love or they practise it to the extreme by loving themselves a little too much.

I also don't think self-love really has much to do with the examples Ujsizzle and MizMyColi gave (apologies hunnies), about serving yourself food the way you would serve a visitor or drinking from a mug instead of a plastic cup...that doesn't matter at the end of the day - I believe it's just knowing one's own worth and pedigree regardless how he/she eats, or from what cup he/she takes drinks.

As highlighted in the OP which makes the point as best as I agree with... self-love is simply knowing how to displease oneself while pleasing others as well as knowing exactly when to quit displeasing oneself for people who don't appreciate it.

It's a kind of satisfaction/contentment that envelops us when we realize that not everyone will appreciate, like, love, or regard us as much as we do them and remaining comfortable in this knowledge without getting antagonistic or going all out to hurt ourselves in the process of trying to change that situation.

crackhaus:

As highlighted in the OP which makes the point as best as I agree with... self-love is simply knowing how to displease oneself while pleasing others as well as knowing exactly when to quit displeasing oneself for people who don't appreciate it.

It's a kind of satisfaction/contentment that envelops us when we realize that not everyone will appreciate, like, love, or regard us as much as we do them and remaining comfortable in this knowledge without getting antagonistic or going all out to hurt ourselves in the process of trying to change that situation.

I also don't think self-love really has much to do with the examples Ujsizzle and MizMyColi gave (apologies hunnies), about serving yourself food the way you would serve a visitor or drinking from a mug instead of a plastic cup...that doesn't matter at the end of the day - I believe it's just knowing one's own worth and pedigree regardless how he/she eats, or from what cup he/she takes drinks.

MizMyColi:


So invariably oga RamD, what you are saying is that hustling for money and boosting your manly ego as a true man is more important than catering to the emotional needs of your wife?

Are you saying that striving to find some degree of balance is a sin?

Are you also agitating for outright selfishness in our relationships?

Her life. Her way.

If that's what she likes doing...no p.
Even though I personally consider it stress.
But I know for sure that for some of us our psyche has a way of impacting on how we see ourselves, and by extension, how others see us.

Before now, I would bypass all the cool plates in my kitchen and look for the pako kind.
I do this subconsciously.....without even realizing that it told to an extent how I saw myself then.

raumdeuter:


Are you married? Why I asked is because when you are married and especially have kids, you would realize marriage is less about romance and more about responsibilities

Imagine you have kids to feed and pay fees, House rent to pay. Wife has to cook, take kids to school or day care or hospital, Your kid is crying at night you think say all these is romantic?

The more kids and responsibilities come into your life the less romance and the more emotionally unavailable both parties become

pickabeau1:
Of course her life her way
I however do not see the correlation between serving yourself to eat and self love
The fact that one is pragmatic and sees eating for what it is,.. quick fuel.. and the fact that I love myself less because I ate in a certain fashion..

ok... nah... don't get it

If it was that I took a vacation or treat after so many years to treatin others... ok .. I get
Or..i decided not to take insults on my personality... yes
Or... I left an abuysive relationship.. yes
I left an underpaying job

But tray...ok

Whatever rocks the boat..

You know how we roll
Kindly unquote

freecocoa:
I quoted you because I agree with this post, also found those examples crazy(not in a bad way) walai but refrained from saying something because some people were already fighting.

I love myself to bits but will serve others better than I will myself, there's some kind of fulfilment I get from giving my sister or friend the only piece of meat left in the pot, it's also quicker and easier to eat from that plastic plate than some kid of unnecessary formality of trays/chinas for myself.

Hmm, glad to know know there's a kind person in you.

MizMyColi:


You know how we roll
Kindly unquote

MizMyColi:


Isn't it funny how you're raking up these excuses and would be the foremost person to complain should Madam get attached to one Bobo that listens and caters to her emotional needs?

No one is asking you to overdo it, because women like mystery too.

But hey, both sides ought to work round these things.

I mean if they are both okay with just running house and children, fine.

But in a situation where one needs it, then an adjustment is in order.

Anyone who thinks otherwise is selfish!

crackhaus:

Lol, I'm not all brass at the end of the day...

damiso:
Please I want to ask a question following on from the I am/not a feminist label argument that has ensued esp. based on Chillis assertion about women who are enjoying privileges fought for by activists not being want to be called feminists.

Please what are those privileges or rights in NIGERIA that women now enjoy from NIGERIAN Feminist activities? And no I am not talking things like TED talk by Chinamanda I am talking about actual political issues( social and cultural norms are subjective and influenced by location, culture which is quite vast In Nigeria or even family background sef) so its difficult to gauge how that has been influenced by the femisnist movement. I never thought I was less than any boy right from when I was young and that was not even before I knew of the word or movement called feminism.

I want issues like right to vote, right to own property, right to education etc. as these are some of the things that Feminists eg the suffragettes had to fight for in the west. I know there are loads of organisations and people that talk about empowering women financially, culturally etcin Nigeria but I rarely see the insistence on being called 'feminist' organisations like I see on NL.

I personally don't see why anybody cant choose to identify or call themselves anything they want to. I just don't get the flip side on why any woman who believes women can and should be empowered but just chooses not to say ' I am a feminist' is a joker.

A lot of priviledges enjoyed by AAs today was fought for by the civil rights movement but that same movement is not really reckoned with by some AAs today because some believe that organisations like the NAACP have become overtly self serving. Does that mean that those AA's should not vote,get a job, sit on the bus next to a white person?etc. I don't believe they should deride those who are civil rights activists ( like I don't feel feminists should be derided) but why cant they say they 'choose' not to be called one.Afterall some of the rights that they now enjoy was fought for by that movement.

MizMyColi:



Knowing your worth/pedigree has a lot to do with how you treat yourself when you're all by yourself.

Now, I agree in the sense that I could choose to wear bathroom slippers (the NGN100 kind) while stepping out for work in the morning and not feel less.
I have the heels, but I chose that because I feel more comfy......

Compare to a situation where I feel that I am not fit to wear heels because it is for women of class and calibre, and as such, I decide to wear my bathroom slippers because that is what fits me most.
By this ^ action, the interpretation in the long run is that I have written myself off. I do not ever see myself being in that class tomorrow.
I have reduced self to a level of chronic subserviency.

Also, compare a situation where I'm all by myself and I just choose to use plastic cups, even when there are mugs before me.
Could it be because, there's this archaic mentality down there that mugs and fancy stuff are for big men and big visitors and as such, I'm not worth using such? Or do I just feel that they are too heavy for me, and that I could use something simpler? Does that in anyway undermine who and what I am at the core?
More so, check this out - is there a possibility that as a result of natural progression, I just find myself using mugs these days without even consciously rejecting the plastics?

Now you get why I said I do not really agree with your position in this regard.

It suffices.
Sometimes, these things just happen unknowingly.
The more you progress on this path of enlightenment, the more you tend to drop habits (unconsciously and subconsciously) which you formed as a result of thinking rather low of yourself .
In other words, when lights of knowledge shines through erstwhile dark areas of one's being, you will most likely see changes happen that reflect your new status/life in this cosmos.

Lastly, on this issue of selflove/self-ish-ness....for those who genuinely desire to see themselves as the creator sees them, YOU will know when you are getting it right or wrong. His sovereign hand will be your guide.

For there is spirit in man; the inspiration of the almighty gives him understanding; of what is right, of what is wrong; of what to do, of what not to do.

bukatyne:


@Bold:

On point

I doubt people in real life go about saying I am a feminist etc. bla bla

Your actions tell If you are or are not.

Again, not everyone will be a feminist / Christian /liberal/ conservative etc

@Mizmycoli: nice thread

Afteral, the Bible says 'Love your neighbor as yourself'

You have got to love yourself first which you Now extend to other people.

cococandy:


I thought so too.

@bold tell me about about it. If you're working for any private company in NIGERIA, na dem get you be that. You gotta do as they say because they can drop unjustly without repercussions.