How do you see the following story outline? I want to use it as the basis for a movie:
• The hidden African state of Jericho is underdeveloped; corruption everywhere.
• Hebrews live in the north of the country, and Christians in the south.
• The Hebrews want to implement the Law of Moses, which offends Christians.
• From time to time, there are outbreaks of religious violence and people die.
• Mary Abraham, an only child, and her parents, are celebrating her 18th birthday.
• As a gift, her parents announce that the family is traveling abroad for a better life.
• Mary breaks into a long tearful monologue about parents not letting her be herself.
• The puzzled parents scold her, insisting that she’ll appreciate them when she’s older.
• Mary apologizes, and then gets lost in thought as parents continue talking.
• Mary and her parents go to the airport and board the outbound plane together.
• On board, the parents discover that Mary is missing, alas.
• Mary wanders aimlessly then goes to visit Bashiru, and old cyber-friend of hers.
• After staying there for a long time, Bashiru asks if she won’t be leaving.
• Mary explains that she has no-where to go, and defends her decision to escape.
• Bashiru tells her that she can live with him and pay by helping out in the house.
• Mary refuses that deal because she hates housework, surprising Bashiru.
• She offers to pay Bashiru a proper rent if he supports her Internet business idea.
• Bashiru says ok, he’ll cook and clean while she works, and she’ll repay him later.
• He tells Mary’s parents about the situation, but they refuse to speak to her.
• She works, and she works, works some more, then works again, day and night.
• One year later, Mary’s website is the most profitable website in Jericho.
• In another year, it becomes the most profitable website in Africa.
• But she’s reluctant to move out of Bashiru’s place, hire employees, or sell out.
• On day, they laugh as Mary makes Bashiru’s picture say ridiculous things.
• Bashiru thinks the time is right, so he asks Mary, “Will you marry me?”
• Mary says she’ll never marry anyone else, but she might never marry.
• Suddenly, there’s a lot of commotion in the neighborhood.
• Some Christians on the street were killed by Hebrews over Middle East events.
• Mary and Bashiru rush out to see a neighbor weeping over her dead child.
• Bashiru stops Mary from rebuking some passers-by who recommend retaliation.
• Back at home, they discuss the issue of religious violence in depth.
• Mary says she can solve the problem, but lacks time and motivation.
• “You can delegate your current duties, so you’ll have more time” he suggests.
• Mary remains reluctant to hire any employees: she doesn’t trust people.
• As long as Christians don’t retaliate and kill Hebrews, no action is needed.
• Bashiru decides to drop the marriage issue.
• Soon, Mary turns 21, so Bashiru and web-friends organize a party for her.
• She tells everyone, “I’m selling my website to foreign investors this week!”
• They are shocked, so she explains that she’s going into ‘commercial’ philanthropy.
• She can make money while doing a lot of good things for the underprivileged.
• Bashiru says, “I have a nice surprise for you” and escorts everyone out.
• On their way out, Mary receives a call on her phone: her parents!
• They are lukewarm about her success and disagree with all her decisions.
• Mary wonders if that’s the “nice” surprise; Bashiru says, “You’ll see”.
• Bashiru shows her the other surprise: a motorbike, just what she wants!
• Motorbikes are more flexible and economical, she explains to puzzled guests.
• Mary jumps to hug him, says, “That’s why I love you”, and they test-ride it.
• When they are alone, Bashiru asks what she means by “loving” him.
• She is reluctant to respond, so he asks about her business plans instead.
• Excited, Mary describes the nomadic life of commercial philanthropy she wants.
• She wants to go from town to town solving problems by creating businesses.
• Bashiru is disappointed but not surprised, so he fully supports her dream.
• He also knows that she’s researched the security issue very well.
• Mary wakes Bashiru up the following morning to say she’s setting off.
• Bashiru is hardly awake when she rides off on the new motorbike.
• As he stumbles toward the main road, he sees Mary riding back towards him.
• Mary says, “The sooner I leave, the sooner I’ll return”, smiles, and leaves.
• Bashiru waves, walks back into his flat where he sees a check.
• A note attached says it’s from Mary, as payment for his generous accommodation.
• Bashiru tears up the check, wondering why she is so happy to leave.
• Mary is welcomed by a small crowd in each community she visits.
• She launches various self-sustaining i.e. profitable community projects.
• One time, a drunken man attempts to assault her and gets pepper sprayed.
• Another time, she’s caught among Hebrew rioters and has to outrun them.
• Later on, she’s chased by armed men in a car and has to ride to safety.
• From time to time, she calls Bashiru to tell him about her exploits.
• Bashiru dates other women, and one day he tells Mary about his fiancée.
• The next morning, she shows up at his doorstep.
• It’s not because he’s engaged, but because Christian rioters finally retaliated.
• Hebrews killed Christians over the Law of Moses so some Christians killed Hebrews.
• Mary wants to set up a private defense network using Bashiru’s home as base.
• There are more suitable venues, but she values Bashiru’s loyal support and food.
• Bashiru’s fiancée thinks the project is over-ambitious, but stays to monitor Mary.
• When 2 other friends of Mary are called to join the peace project, she leaves.
• Mary is convinced that mob violence stems from lack of accountability.
• With thousands of spy cameras in citizens’ hands, convictions will be possible.
• Mary educates TV viewers on “camera vigilance” and imports cheap cameras.
• People/companies buy the cameras, and many religious rioters are caught.
• There is uneasy calm for a while.
• Eventually, Hebrew politicians lose the battle to install the Law of Moses.
• Popular Rabbis declare Jericho as the “Egypt of our time” and call for a Passover.
• The firstborn of all the Christians must be killed at a certain time next month.
• “Jehovah is the Lord of battle”. “Jericho is just like Sodom and Gomorrah!”
• Christian leaders, sensing danger, encourage their followers to fight back.
• This new threat is too big to be contained by Mary’s current policy.
• Because of the danger it posed, corporations start sending money to Mary.
• Bashiru asks if Mary won’t like to travel out and maybe join her parents.
• Mary says she can’t just run away because she has many friends in Jericho.
• The other team members decide to stick with her and avert the bloodshed.
• But how are they to stop a planned genocide of such a large scale?
• They print peace tracts and distribute them to Hebrews and Christians.
• They distribute peace messages for broadcast on Radio and TV.
• They call for the arrest of war-mongering rabbis, but the government is scared.
• The government offers them some money for the effort, but Mary rejects it.
• Government officials start going on ‘vacation’ as people flee from Jericho.
• The peace team is attacked by a Hebrew mob but escapes and goes into hiding.
• Hebrew mobs start attacking their media partners and publishing houses.
• Team members start doubting the mission, so Mary gives them emigration money.
• Bashiru’s fiancée also calls him to say she’s leaving the country and dumping him.
• Bashiru is also out of ideas, but he’ll support Mary while she solves the problem.
• The night of destruction draws nearer as Mary struggles to find a solution.
• A week the day of bloodshed, Mary wakes up with the answer. Eureka!
• She whispers it into Bashiru’s ear and his face brightens.
• Will the solution be ready in time? Mary starts work on her computer.
• Bashiru rides off on Mary’s motorbike to meet with various broadcasters.
• Mary calls Bashiru after “finishing the job”, and he asks her to “connect me”.
• Mary switches on her TV where there’s a “Passover countdown” running.
• On her PC, there’s a dialog box says, “sending, 50% complete” and counting.
• In the background, she hears gunshots, chants, screams, people shutting doors.
• 5 seconds to the ‘Passover’ moment, Mary’s file sending is only 90% complete.
• Mary asks Bashiru to “start talking now!” and he appears on the TV screen.
• “Special announcement from the Rabbi council. The Passover has been called off!”
• “In a few moments, I am going to show you a video telecast of the event”
• Eventually, Mary’s computer indicates that “sending is now complete”.
• A Rabbi appears on screen and corroborates the report, with detailed reasons.
• This message is being broadcast on every TV and radio station in the country.
• Several other leading Rabbis appear on the screen to make similar statements.
• The Passover declaration was made under “psychological coercion” by terrorists.
• This video, combined with the initial peace efforts, is sufficient to bring peace.
• The violence in Jericho stops and the bad Rabbis are handed over to the police.
• They deny knowledge of the last video, but nobody believes them.
• Mary, now recognized by politicians, is offered a political post, but declines.
• She preaches to the nation about self-dependence and rationality.
• Back at home, Bashiru and Mary are celebrating when she receives a call.
• Her dad has heard about her accomplishments; he’s happy that she is ok.
• Mary asks Bashiru if all from Nigerian immigrants are as nice as he is.
• Bashiru starts to talk to Mary about his love for her, marriage, etc.
• Mary doesn’t know about that, but wants to have sex. “What? Really?”
• Bashiru should get a condom before she changes her mind, Mary suggests.
• An excited Bashiru rushes out, shouting: “Mr. Chemist, I need condoms!”
• The End. Thanks.

I know that today is a Sunday, but, does nobody want to read my story?

posting your ideas on line. Someone just might borrow your story and make own of it. intresting stuff. nothing else like this story.

interesting stuff. nothing else like this story.

Thanks for the encouraging compliment! And there are so many ways to improve it.

posting your ideas on line. Someone just might borrow your story and make own of it.

Why a fresh story idea posted online will probably not be stolen:
- There are lots of proven story ideas in bestselling movies and novels. Why invest in an unproven idea?
- If you can turn a mere idea into a script, and then a movie, you'll probably have many ideas of your own.

Please, guys, drop your comments!

Comments:

The hidden African state of Jericho is underdeveloped; corruption everywhere

Is there anywhere in Africa called Jericho? If not, assume another scenario.

Whats all the talk with Hebrews, Christians, north, south, Abraham, Mary etc?
Mixing the Bible's elements with fiction create a wrong impression, thats if you wanted to give a right impression in the first place.

Mary wanders aimlessly then goes to visit Bashiru, and old cyber-friend of hers.
• After staying there for a long time, Bashiru asks if she won’t be leaving.
• Mary explains that she has no-where to go, and defends her decision to escape.
• Bashiru tells her that she can live with him and pay by helping out in the house.
• Mary refuses that deal because she hates housework, surprising Bashiru.
• She offers to pay Bashiru a proper rent if he supports her Internet business idea.
• Bashiru says ok, he’ll cook and clean while she works, and she’ll repay him later.
• He tells Mary’s parents about the situation, but they refuse to speak to her.
• She works, and she works, works some more, then works again, day and night.
• One year later, Mary’s website is the most profitable website in Jericho.
• In another year, it becomes the most profitable website in Africa.
• But she’s reluctant to move out of Bashiru’s place, hire employees, or sell out.
• On day, they laugh as Mary makes Bashiru’s picture say ridiculous things.
• Bashiru thinks the time is right, so he asks Mary, “Will you marry me?”
• Mary says she’ll never marry anyone else, but she might never marry.

Very dry love story. Is Mary a Christian/Hebrew? ha about Bashiru? whats his faith. does he just think "will you just marry me because Mary has been living in his house for long and? Where's the love affair? Where's the resistance? Put in some salt and pepper. What kind of work does she do.

Some Christians on the street were killed by Hebrews over Middle East events.
• Mary and Bashiru rush out to see a neighbor weeping over her dead child.
• Bashiru stops Mary from rebuking some passers-by who recommend retaliation.

Are Hebrews Muslims or which one?

Mary's website? did she go to school, in the underdeveloped country? what work did her parents do to earn her an education?

Bashiru decides to drop the marriage issue.
• Soon, Mary turns 21, so Bashiru and web-friends organize a party for her.
• She tells everyone, “I’m selling my website to foreign investors this week!”
• They are shocked, so she explains that she’s going into ‘commercial’ philanthropy.
• She can make money while doing a lot of good things for the underprivileged.
• Bashiru says, “I have a nice surprise for you” and escorts everyone out.
• On their way out, Mary receives a call on her phone: her parents!
• They are lukewarm about her success and disagree with all her decisions.
• Mary wonders if that’s the “nice” surprise; Bashiru says, “You’ll see”.
• Bashiru shows her the other surprise: a motorbike, just what she wants!
• Motorbikes are more flexible and economical, she explains to puzzled guests.
• Mary jumps to hug him, says, “That’s why I love you”, and they test-ride it.

Website, Cell-phone, motorbike , doesnt fit together

Mary is convinced that mob violence stems from lack of accountability.
• With thousands of spy cameras in citizens’ hands, convictions will be possible.
• Mary educates TV viewers on “camera vigilance” and imports cheap cameras.
• People/companies buy the cameras, and many religious rioters are caught.
• There is uneasy calm for a while.
• Eventually, Hebrew politicians lose the battle to install the Law of Moses.
• Popular Rabbis declare Jericho as the “Egypt of our time” and call for a Passover.
• The firstborn of all the Christians must be killed at a certain time next month.
• “Jehovah is the Lord of battle”. “Jericho is just like Sodom and Gomorrah!”
• Christian leaders, sensing danger, encourage their followers to fight back.
• This new threat is too big to be contained by Mary’s current policy.
• Because of the danger it posed, corporations start sending money to Mary.

How does the Law of Moses, Sodom and Gomorrah fit with Websites, Phones Motorbike, Christian, Muslim and Hebrew, TV, Cameras, Hebrew politicians? distribution of handbills, condoms, Jericho and Nigeria?, all in 2006? or in the 16th century? you are confusing everything.

To me, it seems you're trying to put a plus mark where you should put a minus or a division sign.

score, 2/10.
Viewers are more confused at the end because the story isnt going anywhere. Its not even a story.

That's really a fine story, a good and genuine idea funny at the end though! it's going to make the air if done as a movie, i rate it 3 { good}.

an ok story but i really do not know what or rather how to rate it. it truly feels like theres something amiss somewhrre. maybe the scenerio/setting, i can't really pinpoint what.

let me ask a question please?

whats the moral of the story?

Hebrews live in the north of the country, and Christians in the south.
• The Hebrews want to implement the Law of Moses, which offends Christians.

My sincere oppinion, this story is most confusing and is offensive to the sensibility of christians and jews. I wonder if anyone would dare publish a webstory using makka, medina, Arabs, Mohammed or other Islamic doctrines. praps its because christians are so docile they are now taken for granted by just anyone who claims to be excercising their right to free speech that surprisingly avoids anything offensive to muslims.

I just got banned for speaking my mind about muslims and here is a story that is definitely offensive to my own religion, a parody of all christians hold dear to them.

Not even the hebrews are "implementing the laws of Moses", so how can they be intending to impose them on others? And in what way would christians be offended by the laws of Moses more than 99% of them learned before they were 4yrs of age?

This is a poor attempt to portray the Muslim vs christians conundrum by substituting muslims with a "politically correct" alternative, Hebrews!

kimba: ouch, ouch, ouch, even if it's not excellent this story can't possibly be that bad! Points taken though.

popsonj: thanks.

favourwal: Moral of the story is that people should pursue their dreams and trust their own minds. And it also gives us an idea of what makes mob violence a recurring problem in our society.

davidylan: confusing, offensive, poor? Ouch! How can I improve the story? Thanks in advance!

I think the love story is dry compared to other movies, so I'll try to sweeten it. I'll try to show how Bashiru fell in love with Mary. Just being together breeds attraction, but people want more than that in a movie. Even if all that caused Bashiru to want to marry Mary is her living with him, that only shows that Bashiru is imperfect.

More comments and review, please. Make my day with fair and helpful critiques please!

IMHO revamp the whole story line (is it really a story?) and come up with another one entirely. Here are a few inconsistent picks:

Mary Abraham, an only child, and her parents, are celebrating her 18th birthday.
• As a gift, her parents announce that the family is traveling abroad for a better life.
• Mary breaks into a long tearful monologue about parents not letting her be herself.
• The puzzled parents scold her, insisting that she’ll appreciate them when she’s older.
• Mary apologizes, and then gets lost in thought as parents continue talking.
• Mary and her parents go to the airport and board the outbound plane together.
• On board, the parents discover that Mary is missing, alas.

Is it realistic that Mary chooses to run away and refuses to travel abroad with her parents? To do what and how come she is able to financially cope without her parents? How come her parents only discover she's missing when they board the plane? Did they not all check in their baggages together? Did they not go through the security check together? How did she escape from the boarding gate? How come her parents did not notice her absence all throughout the wait at the boarding gate and while boarding the aircraft? How come her parents ignored her disappearance and continued life abroad as if nothing happened?

Back at home, they discuss the issue of religious violence in depth.
• Mary says she can solve the problem, but lacks time and motivation.

And how does a 19 yr old propose to solve a political problem that has taken the almighty USA yrs to resolve?

Bashiru’s fiancée thinks the project is over-ambitious, but stays to monitor Mary.
• When 2 other friends of Mary are called to join the peace project, she leaves.

Was Bashiru's fiancee not aware Bashiru once dated Mary? How come she feels ok with the fact that an ex-girlfriend of her fiance is living with her fiance and later leaves her there?

Mary asks Bashiru if all from Nigerian immigrants are as nice as he is.

From Jericho to Nigeria?

Bashiru starts to talk to Mary about his love for her, marriage, etc.
• Mary doesn’t know about that, but wants to have sex. “What? Really?”
• Bashiru should get a condom before she changes her mind, Mary suggests.
• An excited Bashiru rushes out, shouting: “Mr. Chemist, I need condoms!”

And where did Bashiru's fiancee now disappear to?

its a cool storyline n u could get a lot of money from it but be careful cos smone might just steal it a work on it.anyways 2day is ma birthday just wondered why no one said a HAPPY BDAY TO ME

I want to know what the message about sex and condom is in the last paragraph.
I just don't get it.

From Jericho to Nigeria?

Bashiru is a muslim/Hausa and there are no Muslims in Jericho. So, he's an immigrant from Nigeria.

And where did Bashiru's fiancee now disappear to?

She fled during the crisis and broke up with him. I feel I wrote that somewhere in the story.

And how does a 19 yr old propose to solve a political problem that has taken the almighty USA years to resolve?

The message: A 19 year old with honest intentions and a sharp mind can outperform any dishonest politician.

Is it realistic that Mary chooses to run away and refuses to travel abroad with her parents?

That is the Mary for you. She values freedom more than security, and always trusts her own judgement.

How come she feels ok with the fact that an ex-girlfriend of her fiance is living with her fiance

Of course she does not, but I've not written about that part yet! I will write that part of the story soon.

IMHO revamp the whole story line (is it really a story?) and come up with another one entirely.

Come on, man. Instead of throwing my important story away, I can just eliminate the inconsistencies.

More, more, more comments, thanks! Are there any other inconsistencies? Please let us know!

izoneb: In the last scene, Mary just wants to have sex, so Bashiru runs to get the condoms. A joke!

Lokoluv: https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-25455.0.html

wow!!!!!!! dat was a relief thnks dear u made ma day

davidlyan i thnk u should go into directn n dats if u re nt

after reading through your last rebuttal, i'm thinking the storyline might not be bad afterall, i was just thinking there's so much in the story that's bound to raise some skepticism.
I am sure you are planning to introduce more characters in the main plot besides Bashiru and Mary? What role do Mary's parents play?

If indeed a 19 yr old can be the messiah of not only an entire nation but the world too (ala middle east crisis) be sure to present it in a way that those of us who will be viewing the tale from Nigerian lenses would not be raising our eyebrows in disbelieve.

How much did Mary sell her website? She sure has a bottomless well of money to be able to solve so much crisis!


errm wrong thread but happy birthday to you Lokoluv, if you posted regularly i'm sure a lot of people would have remembered your day! Cheers anyway!

@ Seun You need to get a publisher! You sound to me more like a struggling playwright than a poster on Nairaland!Phew!

@Uche: What you said sounds like a compliment but your smileys say something else. Please explain!

@Everybody: Give me more comments please, so my next draft can be the last one. Thanks!

Is that better

Yes, it's better. Thanks.

I hope to get many more reviews later today (monday) and act on the previous ones. I'm waiting!

i can't read that much i tried but i can't i don't like books and stuff sorry seun

Seun,
I have been delayed from commenting on your scenarios due to hitches in our Internet service.

"Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own"--Jonathan Swift

Mary Abraham: One Girl Army (A Story) is an irony of the present existential conflicts of human struggle for survival.

I understand you perfectly regardless of the religious and ethical contrarieties of your allusions.

This is a fantastical fiction.

This would be a tall order for any movie director and your detailed step outline for the story board of your movie should be good for the script development workshop.

Well done.

Hebrew could be changed to Hebos and Christians changed to Krestians and make some slight alterations and distortions for the sake of euphemism.

I know that your story would be controversial if well written and well published. Because you have addressed the religious and political rivalries or dichotomies in the Middle East and in Nigeria.

or muslims changed to maslans!

Here are the things I hope to do to make the story more attractive to my audience:
1) Remove the 'confusing' names associated with religion.
2) Focus more the quarrels and family relationships in the story.
3) Rewrite the scenes involving Mary and Bashiru to include more[b] comedy[/b].
4) Focus more on the action in the story. Bike chase, robbery, assault and self-defense.

I think this post would have attracted more attention if I did not post everything at once. That way people would have asked for "more, more" after each installment of the story until the end. I envy mrmayor and others!

Seun,

I understand the idea behind the story but in creating the outline of your story you created more questions than answers,I spent more time trying to answer questions raised than enjoying what should be a fantastic entertaining story.

(a)You tried to fit a fictional African country "Jericho" with a factual Mideast does not work,explain how a large number of Hebrews got to share a country with Christians in Africa,remember that Hebrews are an ethnic people,different from Judasim the religion.

(b)Historical facts has not shown any religious violence between Hebrews and Christians,they disagree in theology but have never come to blows.BTW there is factual real live Jericho in the Mideast!

(c)Is Mary Abraham a Hebrew or Christian?her name is ambiguous as it used in both cultures

(d)Bashiru a Muslim agrees to do the house work?that would never happen especially in an African context

(e)Explain what kind website Mary owns,Business to Business,Business to Consumers or a blog like this Nairaland where she makes money from adverts.Explain why foreigners choose to buy her out,they could easily replicate her site and they have money and workers to promote  their own site

(f)Since this a fictional story,you must also create a realistic fictional Mid east crisis,why are the Hebrews and Christians fighting in the mideast,is it land like the present Palestine/Israeli conflict,where land is the issue.

(g)The African context frowns on Unmarried girl traveling on her own,from town to town in the name of solving problems.

(h)I don't see how the laws of moses would be offensive to Christians,Judaism as practiced by Hebrews is Inward Looking,they don't preach or try to convert you.There are 613 unchangeable laws of moses and over 1400 other laws,which ones are the Christians objecting to?Surely its not the worship of Jehovah.

(i)Christmas like Passover can not be postponed,besides as the bible states at Passover over 4000 years ago,the Angel of Death did the killing and not the Hebrews.

I could go on but there would no point to that,great stories are simple,the purpose explained without the reader trying to work out the writers intention.You tried to deal with teenage rebellion,two people living together without sex,business ownership,religious violence,peace activism,love etc.
Its just too much issues to deal with in one story.Nice try though

To those who have given detailed reviews: thanks!

90% of the problems with my story outline seem to stem from the religious references. I could explain everything but the story should be self-excplanatory.

I think the story will need a complete rewrite. I need a story that will really grab peoples' attention until the end and that people will want to show others.

The next story I'll write could be:
a) Mary's motorbike adventures.
b) Story of how Mary became rich.
c) Story of how Bashiru fell in love with Mary.
d) Story of how someone dealt with tribal violence.
e) A more dramatic sequel I outlined before the one above.

I'm tending towards (a). A Movie that starts with Mary on her motorbike with lots of money in her account. The story would follow her as she goes from town to town trying to solve minor problems and is later engulfed in a much bigger major problem that she finally solves in the last few moments in the story. What do you think?

Nice piece Seun, and original too. I'm not a professional critic, but I can appreciate a good narrative when I see one. Mary Abraham is promising, but there're too many issues in the plot. You need to determine what your theme is, then weave the story around it.

If it's going to be in the movies, it should be action packed too.

Seun:


I think the story will need a complete rewrite. I need a story that will really grab peoples' attention until the end and that people will want to show others.
The next story I'll write could be:
a) Mary's motorbike adventures.
b) Story of how Mary became rich.
c) Story of how Bashiru fell in love with Mary.
d) Story of how someone dealt with tribal violence.
e) A more dramatic sequel I outlined before the one above.

The outline above sounds like an average Nigerian movie- not very imaginative. I prefer the first draft, but you need to answer the questions raised in mrmayor's review. His list is is exhaustive.

And No, the story does not need to be rewritten completely, just reworked and redressed(I mean physically oh, go wear am better dress)
We're waiting,

@uzygirl: thanks for the encouragement and your tips.
I think you misunderstood my (a), (b), (c), (d), (e) list above a bit.
Each item on that list can be a standalone movie. That's a list of new movie ideas.

I think I need more female input in this matter!! Iice and Damsal, where are you?

This is my first attempt at writing a complete story, so I shouldn't be surprised that I need to rewrite it.

I think it's a matter of taking a step at a time until I achieve my goal. I feel that as long as I'm not broke before gaining all the experience I need, all will be well and one will make impact. I hope I'm right.

Yes, I'm rewriting the story. The next one, I believe, would be in short story format.