by Collins Etoh I sat on the edge of his clean carved chair that was painted brown and looked so expensive, crossed my legs so that the left was on top of the right, and my hands were safely placed on the cap. I knew this wasn’t going to be a funny ride, but at least Tayo had encouraged that I tried as much I could to enjoy it, after all what harm could it bring to a fighter like me, a desperate lady like myself that sought after fame like the United States after oil. I actually didn’t care of anything other thing at the moment, but what I needed to do to push my way to limelight. I carefully observed the house, and made sure I was at the right place. I heard he was the best man in the game, and if I was to make it quick he was the person I was supposed to be seeing. And that I was sure I was going to be doing more often. His flat was actually nice, at least it was well furnished, and from what I saw in his wallet that lay on the center table, he had some cash to throw around. “I know you are a little tensed up?” he spoke up from a door that separated his room from the sitting room. He was sipping from a cup something that seemed like a pure lipton, and had banana on his other hand. I heard this two were catalyst to a great performance, and can prevent laxity and quick tiredness when on top of something. “Kind of” I gave him a funny look in return, and made sure he realized I was shy, or probably think so. “Your first time?” he asked looking down to something that lay below his trousers. I shook my head in acceptance, not thinking for once if there was any negativity in accepting I was new to this kind of profession. It was a decision I didn’t need to rethink, and his asking me started to push my urge some more, and I couldn’t wait to witness his first stroke on something I had kept for just my eyes all these years. He stood all open to my eyes; I guess he wanted me to see the private part of himself that Tayo said he much boasted about. I never cared less, because I knew I could handle anything of such magnitude that came my way. I had started reading about such since I was ten, I took greater steps when I had to administer what I learnt on anything I could lay my hands on, something I was sure would convince me of my readiness to face a more physical creature, and I was more than assured I wasn’t going to be immature today. “Show me what you’ve got?” he said. I got up, went straight to the side where I had left my shoes, and then I dropped every other thing I had brought, ensuring I had nothing on me. I was bent on making sure he took me more seriously, not once was I going to bluff this chance of rubbing minds with the highly placed. “How long have you kept this?” as he spoke he dropped the cup he was sipping from on a little table close to a fine black couch. “I have tried letting go of it, but fear of the unknown held me back.” I spoke wrapping the towel around my right hand. “I wanted my first time to be one I would cherish for a longtime, not something I would regret and then curse myself.” I was sure my answer was cool and convincing as he kept shaking his head; he must probably have concurred with my replies, and that I knew because he couldn’t stop looking at me and smiling sheepishly. “Well spoken” he said “so can we begin?” As I heard the words drop, my heart skipped, and I suddenly started to feel terrified. I feared he might not find me exciting as I wanted, or he may get bored few seconds into the duel, at least Tayo also said that was not to be written off. I was scared of him withdrawing in the middle of it, and that I was sure was going to make me look stupid and useless. I started to think of reasons why I ventured this far, why I made sure there was no turning back once I stepped my foot into his house. “Please can you be easy on me, you know it’s my first time, so you might not get the satisfaction you find in other old timers” I said looking pale. “You know…when your friend told me about you, she said you were desperate, why?” “I don’t want to bore you with my life story, but the main thing is that I come from a poor family, so want to be able to train my younger ones, so they would have better opportunities than I had, and then make enough cash to take my family out of the poverty line.” “I don’t think this profession is an escape route from poverty” he said avoiding my face. “Why do you think so?” I was beginning to get scared. “You might not get the exact kind of lifestyle you wish for. Or even if it would come, it might take a while, especially as you are new into it” He spoke and spoke and spoke, delaying the whole process, and killing the urge I have taken time to prepare. It wasn’t like Tayo didn’t tell me all this, I just like to think that everyone’s destiny isn’t the same. I have stopped listening to whatever he was saying, and was beginning to look around the room for a good place we could stay and begin the business that brought me here. I looked at the couch, weighed it and decided it was going to be great for beginners like myself. After all Tayo said her first time was done exactly on the same surface, and although she didn’t tell me how the whole process went, I have a feeling that it was a smooth ride. He was done talking, and since he was sure his convictions weren’t going to change my mind, he sat down on the same couch I had also been checking out, gestured me to come sit close to him, and then without much thought, we went down into action. He didn’t stop praising me every time he caught his breathe, he kept exaggerating and saying I was blowing his mind away, and that he actually didn’t believe it was my first time. I was flattered, but I never showed it, Tayo said it was wrong to feel on top of your game at the beginning stage, and so I kept a mute side, and let him do the talking and show all the excitement. And a little above an hour, after some stroking and exchange of passions we were done, and done with a loud yell of satisfaction from him. I actually was glad I lasted this long with him, and it made me smile. I knew I had arrived, and I was going to be a star in this game. He kept staring at me, and shaking his head, and smiling, all at the same time. And for the first time I was flattered so that I turned my back so he didn’t see me blush. “Thank you so much” his words rose behind me. I shook my head as I bent down to pick my stuffs. I was done with him, at least the preparations was worth it.

And as I turned to leave his house, he grabbed my arm and said, “I can’t wait to see it published, your story was so captivating, and I am privileged to have edited it” I said a trailer loads of thank you as I carefully ensure I slipped my wrist from his firm masculine hold, I didn’t want to risk him taking pleasure in me. Or worst asking me to stay some more. Men can be so deceptive Tayo had said, so I have to kill any chance of complacency, my career is just about kicking off. By Etoh Chinemere Collins

I'm so stupid !

I thought I was reading a tale from a 'porn star' not knowing it's that af a writer omg!

Aww! The writer got a 'wow' from me!! It's rare

Sabrwahaqqo:
I'm so stupid !

I thought I was reading a tale from a 'porn star' not knowing it's that af a writer omg!

Aww! The writer got a 'wow' from me!! It's rare

Finding you here is no surprise

*Coming back to Modify*

MrsPhyno:
Finding you here is no surprise
*Coming back to Modify*

Smirks
You must be a lez for coming here too

Sabrwahaqqo:


Smirks

You must be a lez for coming here too

hmm i blame myself for trying to talk to u

i wasnt here o i jus followed u mumu

*Modified*
I go wipe that smirk off ur face

MrsPhyno:
hmm i blame myself for trying to talk to u
i wasnt here o i jus followed u kunu

Issokay then
How do'u know I like kunu?

Sabrwahaqqo:


Issokay then

How do'u know I like kunu?

Ur new siggy tho....

okay dont tell anyone i dont know cause I dont wanna ruin my reputation but wetin be kunu

MrsPhyno:

Ur new siggy tho....

okay dont tell anyone i dont know cause I dont wanna ruin my reputation but wetin be kunu

It's the truest definition af sambody I see in the mirror everyday

A local beverage

Sabrwahaqqo:


It's the truest definition af sambody I see in the mirror everyday

A local beverage

go and sleep jare truest definition indeed

like ogogoro ?

MrsPhyno:
go and sleep jare truest definition indeed
like ogogoro ?

Nope! Like tea

Sabrwahaqqo:



Nope! Like tea

so if i enter lagos now i fit ask someone to buy me kunu they no go look me anyhow

MrsPhyno:

so if i enter lagos now i fit ask someone to buy me kunu they no go look me anyhow

Nope they won't

Sabrwahaqqo:


Nope they won't

i dont trust u at all

MrsPhyno:

i dont trust u at all

The only look they can give u will just be like ; 'how do'u know about kunu '

Tell them to get u a refrigerated one spiced with ginger , that's my favorite .... You should see am serious now, don't u?

Sabrwahaqqo:


The only look they can give u will just be like ; 'how do'u know about kunu '

Tell them to get u a refrigerated one spiced with ginger , that's my favorite .... You should see am serious now, don't u?

sharrap jor why wont i know kunu..... my pidgin is as good as anyone else in Mushin /ewoooo/

mmm i dont think ill actually try it. the things i like consist of choco milo and indomie.... baby foods

MrsPhyno:

sharrap jor why wont i know kunu..... my pidgin is as good as anyone else in Mushin /ewoooo/

mmm i dont think ill actually try it. the things i like consist of choco milo and indomie.... baby foods

Babe, why the tease then?


Loool .. Girly ajebo foods actually.

Sabrwahaqqo:


Babe, why the tease then?


Loool .. Girly ajebo foods actually.

babe i wasnt teasing you tho i actually didnt know it im jez forming

loooooool okay... what about akara. thats not ajeboh

MrsPhyno:
babe i wasnt teasing you tho i actually didnt know it im jez forming
loooooool okay... what about akara. thats not ajeboh

That's general

Sabrwahaqqo:


That's general

Is that not what I said I am
Half ajeboh half normal

Ajepako get food type

MrsPhyno:
Is that not what I said I am Half ajeboh half normal
Ajepako get food type

There is nofin like that abeg , ure either positive or negative huh?
Yes we get . Don't ask me cos I won't tell u...

Sabrwahaqqo:


There is nofin like that abeg , ure either positive or negative huh?

Yes we get . Don't ask me cos I won't tell u...

so no room for middle ground in naija
beht why

u must invent the name of the middle class between paki and buttah..... maybe ajeAVERAGE

loooool ewa and bread?

MrsPhyno:

so no room for middle ground in naija
beht why

u must invent the name of the middle class between paki and buttah..... maybe ajeAVERAGE

loooool ewa and bread?

It's that our philosophies about the societal strata are different. Middle class according to me is deceit! You're either rich or poor fullstop.

Loool ... Nay my lord!

Garri with little water would have bought my nod

Sabrwahaqqo:


It's that our philosophies about the societal strata are different. Middle class according to me is deceit! You're either rich or poor fullstop.

Loool ... Nay my lord!

Garri with little water would have bought my nod

lol true. but to be a stable democracy, one needs a substantial middle class. jus saying

heyyy na me be lord oh my gosh please kneel and kiss the ring

ewo lol. okay fair enough. but if u've been to a hostel before then you've had garri dats jst life.... its not like paki food more like broke student food..... i didnt eat it sha

goodnight o jare

MrsPhyno:

lol true. but to be a stable democracy, one needs a substantial middle class. jus saying

heyyy na me be lord oh my gosh please kneel and kiss the ring

ewo lol. okay fair enough. but if u've been to a hostel before then you've had garri dats jst life.... its not like paki food more like broke student food..... i didnt eat it sha

Weren't you taught not to use but after true ?
It's like you're saying ' I am a confused lady '

*frowns* ... What's the implication if I may ask?

I still ate it for dinner yesternight. Without Sugar or anything at all.

Yup ! Night night

Sabrwahaqqo:


Weren't you taught not to use but after true ?
It's like you're saying ' I am a confused lady '

*frowns* ... What's the implication if I may ask?

I still ate it for dinner yesternight. Without Sugar or anything at all.

Yup ! Night night

I'm not confused or a lady I'm a knowledgeable gehl
Besides, you know I'm right

The implication is that ur pledging allegiance, mumu

Lols, i dont like it with sugar.... just cold water
ijebu? or the other kind

MrsPhyno:

I'm not confused or a lady I'm a knowledgeable gehl
Besides, you know I'm right

The implication is that ur pledging allegiance, mumu

Lols, i dont like it with sugar.... just cold water
ijebu? or the other kind

Pwahahahaha ! Yeye student of society thinking what she reads in books is what it really is . Better use your head and free your self from the shackles of isms and schisms


Allegiance to you? Fogerrit ! ... On a second thought however Maybe when you get promotion from your current level of sweetheartism


See sharp twist! Ewooo!! You wey jus talk say u never ate Garri ... Chai! Diaris Gawdu oooo

Sabrwahaqqo:


Pwahahahaha ! Yeye student of society thinking what she reads in books is what it really is . Better use your head and free your self from the shackles of isms and schisms


Allegiance to you? Fogerrit ! ... On a second thought however Maybe when you get promotion from your current level of sweetheartism


See sharp twist! Ewooo!! You wey jus talk say u never ate Garri ... Chai! Diaris Gawdu oooo

why are u being so patronizing, Uncle
I agree that in reality (whatever that is, even if its an illusion) there is no middle class jus dat the illusion of one is very important to democracy. In all honesty, people are either poor or their rich yeah, but if you make them think they're okay/somewhere in d middle, them go chill for u. Hence, stable society
By the way is that a Skepta reference

What's the next level ?

/in Sabrwahaqqo 's I-too-know voice/ go and read that back carefully
I didn't eat it in boarding school but i've ever had it in my life

so ijebu or the other kind, answer me

Hian.......and i thought it was Indecency. Dirty mind i have got. The world as it is now is all about sex and anything related to it as well as means of gratifying it. White man jingoism at its fullest. Sex is overrated in africa at large and the freaking youths in nigeria are not helping matters which has led to the modern day corruption of young sound minds of relative importance to the development of a modern day nigeria. Finally nigeria can never be great if some certain people think their fucking tribe is the best especially the yorubas and igbos. P.S i am from the south west.

MrsPhyno:

why are u being so patronizing, Uncle
I agree that in reality (whatever that is, even if its an illusion) there is so middle class jus dat the illusion of one is very important to democracy. In all honesty, people are either poor or their rich yeah but if you make them think they're okay/somewhere in d middle, them go chill for u. Hence, stable society
By the way is that a Skepta reference

What's the next level ?

/in Sabrwahaqqo 's I-too-know voice/ go and read that back carefully
I didn't eat it in boarding school but i've ever had it in my life

so ijebu or the other kind, answer me

Just pulling your kegs ni jare ... BTW , you used your head and came out with 'ideas' that pays homage to my school of thought . How nice !

You'll attain that automatically if we can endure 6months af correspondence


LoLs . Don't take me for a smartass, am flexible when am convinced enough and now am convinced you've taken Garri be4 . BTW, why don't you like the ajebuh title?

Yes na Garri Ijebu ... Let me guess, you would say ; 'well, that's the best kinda Garri that there is...' But can that be compared to someone like you that takes hot dog like say na 10naira Ice cream

Away from the hot talks, how was your day?

Sabrwahaqqo:


Just pulling your kegs ni jare ... BTW , you used your head and came out with 'ideas' that pays homage to my school of thought . How nice !

You'll attain that automatically if we can endure 6months af correspondence


LoLs . Don't take me for a smartass, am flexible when am convinced enough and now am convinced you've taken Garri be4 . BTW, why don't you like the ajebuh title?

Yes na Garri Ijebu ... Let me guess, you would say ; 'well, that's the best kinda Garri that there is...' But can that be compared to someone like you that takes hot dog like say na 10naira Ice cream

Away from the hot talks, how was your day?

More patronizing-ness.... jus kontinu i already know say u dey older than me u wan make i prostrate greet u 'pay homage to your school of thought indeed' see this one o... O right I said I would be polite. Sorry sah

Okay cool then. Lemme see if i fit manage u and u in turn see if u fit handle me

You are such a smartass, thats what im getting from u like srsly..... much more than myself
Being flexible when being convinced jus means dat ur reasonable..... which is a requirement jare
Why don't I like it.... cause I don't think I am one. And they annoy me when I see them, so i dont want to have that same effect on others

You ehn....
For the record, i dont like hot dogs
I'm a woman of the people. You garrit ? !
Actually I mostly starved in school at first, I think due to culture shock and blah blah blah. NOW LEMME ALONE

Eh, mas o menos. It's okay. School restarts tomorrow so

MrsPhyno:

More patronizing-ness.... jus kontinu i already know say u dey older than me u wan make i prostrate greet u 'pay homage to your school of thought indeed' see this one o... O right I said I would be polite. Sorry sah

Okay cool then. Lemme see if i fit manage u and u in turn see if u fit handle me

You are such a smartass, thats what im getting from u like srsly..... much more than myself
Being flexible when being convinced jus means dat ur reasonable..... which is a requirement jare
Why don't I like it.... cause I don't think I am one. And they annoy me when I see them, so i dont want to have that same effect on others

You ehn....
For the record, i dont like hot dogs
I'm a woman of the people. You garrit ? !
Actually I mostly starved in school at first, I think due to culture shock and blah blah blah. NOW LEMME ALONE

Eh, mas o menos. It's okay. School restarts tomorrow so

Am a man , and a real man gives his her the applause when she does it right cmon!

See manager af a multinational firm here oo...yeye!

I also perceive u to be someone that does feel 'I can't be dominated over' that's the why am putting up a strong offense and defense at the same time lols ... I will revert to being the gentleman I am henceforth

Lols all the ajebuhs I've met are cool-headed tho

Like you're trying to be careful in unveiling your personality? Cmon you don't need it


Cry cry girl. I bet they still pet u wt biscuit before you agree to go school hahahaha

Sabrwahaqqo:


Am a man , and a real man gives his her the applause when she does it right cmon!

See manager af a multinational firm here oo...yeye!

I also perceive u to be someone that does feel 'I can't be dominated over' that's the why am putting up a strong offense and defense at the same time lols ... I will revert to being the gentleman I am henceforth

Lols all the ajebuhs I've met are cool-headed tho

Like you're trying to be careful in unveiling your personality? Cmon you don't need it


Cry cry girl. I bet they still pet u wt biscuit before you agree to go school hahahaha

Not to feed ur inflated ego but I had to re-read that sentence three times to get it Hate you

I blame myself for using this yeye o...... I blame myself for starting it

Are you trying to see I'm stubborn or I'm a bawse cause the latter is true but the former not so much
Gentleman my foot I pity your wife cause they way you will tease her no be here o

Lollllll all the ajebo's u've met..... are they an alternate specie? U no serious

Hm. My personality is wayyyy too multifaceted to be revealed i tink say i no even get personality o... i jus dey conform or remold myself like all dem bacteria/virus....

Lol LEMME JOR