In 2009 a friend of mine from western Africa and I ran into this very nice kind guy at a mall. He came down from his car and helped us load a heavy furniture we bought into our car, held the passenger side door for my friend to enter. She was charmed instantly and both exchanged numbers. 2 weeks later they were dating for real. During the course of the relationship the man who was about 37yrs then (my friend was 30) and an IT professional modestly paid but definitely not rich, observed that my friend’s inability to drive was the reason she was still doing a menial nursing job. As a good friend, he encouraged, motivated my friend to take a driving lesson. He called around to get an affordable driving school for her, where my friend registered. I witnessed the man spent practically entire evenings and weekends over a period of 4 months teaching my friend how to drive till she got her driver’s license. However, some misunderstanding led to my friend quitting the relationship. She complained the man was ‘cheap’ and too official (whatever that meant). Few months later I noticed she’s got another man who within the first month of their dating, bought her a used car from an auction site for $1,700. She fell neck-deep with this man. I sat in a church we both attended then muted when my friend gave a testimony of her life that attracted a rousing ovation how God blessed her with the best people, she got a car, a better job, and announced to the congregation that she was also getting married to the man she described that day as her mentor, best friend, biggest fan of hers, etc. Not even a mention of the man who motivated her and gave hours of his time to get her driving. All the focus was on that car. Even as a lady I felt it was bit unfair. She actually got married to the 2nd guy and they moved out of town.

Fast forward, I ran into this my friend last week in a mall with two little girls (about 3 and 2 years old) she looked quite unhappy. We screamed, hugged and exchanged pleasantries. But out of curiosity I asked how her husband was. She went on for about 20 minutes narrating what a horrible experience it was for her, the man was abusive, a manipulator, a cheat, a liar, a master con-man. Etc. Se they are separated and filling divorce. I sympathized, prayed with her and left. But I have been thinking the entire story over since last week. I am no longer going to rush into conclusions when people come up with stories and account of bad marriages except I know their past and entire story. If I didn’t know how my friend dumped a good man for another man who wielded cash, I would have wailed and cried over what she told me she passed through.

Hmmm! Everyday some of us ladies walk away from jewels into the ‘mouth of a Tiger’ because of cash. We friend-zone good men and describe them as too slow, too soft, too stingy, too cheap, too mild, etc and fall for con men because they bring cash. Most ladies will starve a man with a kind heart and kind words, but open their legs wide for the man who dropped cash. Most con-men know this weakness and use cash to woo ladies. They almost always get what they want easily, while kind men labor in vain. But this is how most of us women ended up marrying ‘rubbish’ and some even have lost their lives.

From now on I need the entire story before sympathizing with a bad marriage.

Hmm!!

By western Africa I assume you mean West Africa.

Woged2005:
In 2009 a friend of mine from western Africa and I ran into this very nice kind guy at a mall. He came down from his car and helped us load a heavy furniture we bought into our car, held the passenger side door for my friend to enter. She was charmed instantly and both exchanged numbers. 2 weeks later they were dating for real. During the course of the relationship the man who was about 37yrs then (my friend was 30) and an IT professional modestly paid but definitely not rich, observed that my friend’s inability to drive was the reason she was still doing a menial nursing job. As a good friend, he encouraged, motivated my friend to take a driving lesson. He called around to get an affordable driving school for her, where my friend registered. I witnessed the man spent practically entire evenings and weekends over a period of 4 months teaching my friend how to drive till she got her driver’s license. However, some misunderstanding led to my friend quitting the relationship. She complained the man was ‘cheap’ and too official (whatever that meant). Few months later I noticed she’s got another man who within the first month of their dating, bought her a used car from an auction site for $1,700. She fell neck-deep with this man. I sat in a church we both attended then muted when my friend gave a testimony of her life that attracted a rousing ovation how God blessed her with the best people, she got a car, a better job, and announced to the congregation that she was also getting married to the man she described that day as her mentor, best friend, biggest fan of hers, etc. Not even a mention of the man who motivated her and gave hours of his time to get her driving. All the focus was on that car. Even as a lady I felt it was bit unfair. She actually got married to the 2nd guy and they moved out of town.

Fast forward, I ran into this my friend last week in a mall with two little girls (about 3 and 2 years old) she looked quite unhappy. We screamed, hugged and exchanged pleasantries. But out of curiosity I asked how her husband was. She went on for about 20 minutes narrating what a horrible experience it was for her, the man was abusive, a manipulator, a cheat, a liar, a master con-man. Etc. Se they are separated and filling divorce. I sympathized, prayed with her and left. But I have been thinking the entire story over since last week. I am no longer going to rush into conclusions when people come up with stories and account of bad marriages except I know their past and entire story. If I didn’t know how my friend dumped a good man for another man who wielded cash, I would have wailed and cried over what she told me she passed through.

Hmmm! Everyday some of us ladies walk away from jewels into the ‘mouth of a Tiger’ because of cash. We friend-zone good men and describe them as too slow, too soft, too stingy, too cheap, too mild, etc and fall for con men because they bring cash. Most ladies will starve a man with a kind heart and kind words, but open their legs wide for the man who dropped cash. Most con-men know this weakness and use cash to woo ladies. They almost always get what they want easily, while kind men labor in vain. But this is how most of us women ended up marrying ‘rubbish’ and some even have lost their lives.

From now on I need the entire story before sympathizing with a bad marriage.

After praying with your friend you came and shared her sad story online
And what made you think the other person would be better off as a good spouse to your friend?
Adults make decision . Let them deal with the outcome. That does not mean your own life is better off.

Woged2005:
In 2009 a friend of mine from western Africa and I ran into this very nice kind guy at a mall. He came down from his car and helped us load a heavy furniture we bought into our car, held the passenger side door for my friend to enter. She was charmed instantly and both exchanged numbers. 2 weeks later they were dating for real. During the course of the relationship the man who was about 37yrs then (my friend was 30) and an IT professional modestly paid but definitely not rich, observed that my friend’s inability to drive was the reason she was still doing a menial nursing job. As a good friend, he encouraged, motivated my friend to take a driving lesson. He called around to get an affordable driving school for her, where my friend registered. I witnessed the man spent practically entire evenings and weekends over a period of 4 months teaching my friend how to drive till she got her driver’s license. However, some misunderstanding led to my friend quitting the relationship. She complained the man was ‘cheap’ and too official (whatever that meant). Few months later I noticed she’s got another man who within the first month of their dating, bought her a used car from an auction site for $1,700. She fell neck-deep with this man. I sat in a church we both attended then muted when my friend gave a testimony of her life that attracted a rousing ovation how God blessed her with the best people, she got a car, a better job, and announced to the congregation that she was also getting married to the man she described that day as her mentor, best friend, biggest fan of hers, etc. Not even a mention of the man who motivated her and gave hours of his time to get her driving. All the focus was on that car. Even as a lady I felt it was bit unfair. She actually got married to the 2nd guy and they moved out of town.

Fast forward, I ran into this my friend last week in a mall with two little girls (about 3 and 2 years old) she looked quite unhappy. We screamed, hugged and exchanged pleasantries. But out of curiosity I asked how her husband was. She went on for about 20 minutes narrating what a horrible experience it was for her, the man was abusive, a manipulator, a cheat, a liar, a master con-man. Etc. Se they are separated and filling divorce. I sympathized, prayed with her and left. But I have been thinking the entire story over since last week. I am no longer going to rush into conclusions when people come up with stories and account of bad marriages except I know their past and entire story. If I didn’t know how my friend dumped a good man for another man who wielded cash, I would have wailed and cried over what she told me she passed through.

Hmmm! Everyday some of us ladies walk away from jewels into the ‘mouth of a Tiger’ because of cash. We friend-zone good men and describe them as too slow, too soft, too stingy, too cheap, too mild, etc and fall for con men because they bring cash. Most ladies will starve a man with a kind heart and kind words, but open their legs wide for the man who dropped cash. Most con-men know this weakness and use cash to woo ladies. They almost always get what they want easily, while kind men labor in vain. But this is how most of us women ended up marrying ‘rubbish’ and some even have lost their lives.

From now on I need the entire story before sympathizing with a bad marriage.

*A thousand billions likes*

Pls tell them, ladies especially Nigerian one will always be their own worse nightmare. They dont need men anymore to achieve that for themselves cos they put themselves always and everyday in harms way

Chillisauce:


After praying with your friend you came and shared her sad story online
And what made you think the other person would be better off as a good spouse to your friend?
Adults make decision . Let them deal with the outcome. That does not mean your own life is better off.

see who is pointing fingers. Is ur life better off than hers? If not why throw the first stone? Bros u no do well at all. The story is to be learnt from not spat on. Hate the game not the messenger. What she wrote is what I scream about everyday to young people entering the race. Does that mean my life is better of? Bros take the message home and learn from it simple,......nothing more is expected of u.

drnoel:



see who is pointing fingers. Is ur life better off than hers? If not why throw the first stone? Bros u no do well at all. The story is to be learnt from not spat on. Hate the game not the messenger. What she wrote is what I scream about everyday to young people entering the race. Does that mean my life is better of? Bros take the message home and learn from it simple,......nothing more is expected of u.

Go and sit down. I would not sympathize, and pray with a friend only to come and share the story esp when she is going through haRd times.

So the OP doesn't have any story from herself she could share online and we learn from .

What happens if the friend get to see this story.
Shows the kind of judgemental sick individuals we call friends. Some waiting to hear your downfall.

Yeye

Chillisauce:


Go and sit down. I would not sympathize, and pray with a friend only to come and share the story esp when she is going through haRd times.

So the OP doesn't have any story from herself she could share online and we learn from .

What happens if the friend get to see this story.
Shows the kind of judgemental sick individuals we call friends. Some waiting to hear your downfall.

Yeye

Let the OP be the one to handle her mess not u. She posted the story not u. As of that u got no reason to cast her story down. Guy just walk past, u no get talk

drnoel:



Let the OP be the one to handle her mess not u. She posted the story not u. As of that u got no reason to cast her story down. Guy just walk past, u no get talk

My dear, enter your lane abeg. We no dey the same speed o jare.

The most interesting part of this story is that she got blinded by a car of $1,700?
O dikwa very funny.

having a good man is by prayer and wisdom, what makes you think that the other man would have been better for her?

you can suffer and die with a guy with little money but end up living a horrible life. what makes a man is PRINCIPLE! its not and never is the financial background of the guy.

your friend married a man with no principles, I believed the man was good at some aspect of their marriage. money should not be generalized as a means of knowing a man's character or personality.

your friend ended with a wrong man, what has money got to do with it? or are all poor men good? are all rich men bad? the answer is no!

leave your friend alone and focus on yourself, you are a bad friend belittling her self worth. what would people think? won't they think it was cos of money she made the choice? if I were her, I would skin you alive. things like this makes me hate friends. APROKO house wife! over sabi! bad friend! go and marry let's see, you think its easy?

isn't there something going on about furniture these days?

as per the rest of the story, I saw "used car at auction site" and noticed the entire tale seemed to be wound around that.

I don't think I'd be interested in commenting.

I also don't know what the op is referring to as "menial nursing job". I also cant figure out why somebody needs to wait for other people to motivate them to drive or why in the event nobody is doing so, would they look down on the public transportation which is available for everybody.

Marriage is overrated i guess, Love is overrated. we only do this because the society wants us to.

OP how do you know the other guy would have been a better husband for her?
Some people still marry guys that don't have money and end up miserable.
It's not black and white.


Some stick with those poor men, support them and help them grow only for them to begin chasing skirt all over town when they make money. In fact that's more common than a rich man you marry treating you bad because he has money.

cococandy:
OP how do you know the other guy would have been a better husband for her?
Some people still marry guys that don't have money and end up miserable.
It's not black and white.


Some stick with those poor men, support them and help them grow only for them to begin chasing skirt all over town when they make money. In fact that's more common than a rich man you marry treating you bad because he has money.

The same way the person would never know if the guy could have been a good person too.

"anything that can be asserted without evidence can be easily dismissed without evidence."

I cannot believe the op actually typed this story here and mentioned she and her friend were wowed by all these basic things?

used car at an auction site, really?

$1700 for what year of car?

her menial nursing job should have been been able to buy her that, what am I missing?

pcguru1:


The same way the person would never know if the guy could have been a good person too.

"anything that can be asserted without evidence can be easily dismissed without evidence."

Abi

Woged2005:
In 2009 a friend of mine from western Africa and I ran into this very nice kind guy at a mall. He came down from his car and helped us load a heavy furniture we bought into our car, held the passenger side door for my friend to enter. She was charmed instantly and both exchanged numbers. 2 weeks later they were dating for real. During the course of the relationship the man who was about 37yrs then (my friend was 30) and an IT professional modestly paid but definitely not rich, observed that my friend’s inability to drive was the reason she was still doing a menial nursing job. As a good friend, he encouraged, motivated my friend to take a driving lesson. He called around to get an affordable driving school for her, where my friend registered. I witnessed the man spent practically entire evenings and weekends over a period of 4 months teaching my friend how to drive till she got her driver’s license. However, some misunderstanding led to my friend quitting the relationship. She complained the man was ‘cheap’ and too official (whatever that meant). Few months later I noticed she’s got another man who within the first month of their dating, bought her a used car from an auction site for $1,700. She fell neck-deep with this man. I sat in a church we both attended then muted when my friend gave a testimony of her life that attracted a rousing ovation how God blessed her with the best people, she got a car, a better job, and announced to the congregation that she was also getting married to the man she described that day as her mentor, best friend, biggest fan of hers, etc. Not even a mention of the man who motivated her and gave hours of his time to get her driving. All the focus was on that car. Even as a lady I felt it was bit unfair. She actually got married to the 2nd guy and they moved out of town.

Fast forward, I ran into this my friend last week in a mall with two little girls (about 3 and 2 years old) she looked quite unhappy. We screamed, hugged and exchanged pleasantries. But out of curiosity I asked how her husband was. She went on for about 20 minutes narrating what a horrible experience it was for her, the man was abusive, a manipulator, a cheat, a liar, a master con-man. Etc. Se they are separated and filling divorce. I sympathized, prayed with her and left. But I have been thinking the entire story over since last week. I am no longer going to rush into conclusions when people come up with stories and account of bad marriages except I know their past and entire story. If I didn’t know how my friend dumped a good man for another man who wielded cash, I would have wailed and cried over what she told me she passed through.

Hmmm! Everyday some of us ladies walk away from jewels into the ‘mouth of a Tiger’ because of cash. We friend-zone good men and describe them as too slow, too soft, too stingy, too cheap, too mild, etc and fall for con men because they bring cash. Most ladies will starve a man with a kind heart and kind words, but open their legs wide for the man who dropped cash. Most con-men know this weakness and use cash to woo ladies. They almost always get what they want easily, while kind men labor in vain. But this is how most of us women ended up marrying ‘rubbish’ and some even have lost their lives.

From now on I need the entire story before sympathizing with a bad marriage.

...Now this is a good definition of gossip...All the sordid details have been laid bare for all like it would help your 'friends' situation...You can actually talk about how good men are shoved aside by women sometimes because they were not loaded enough financially without all these details you know.
...So much for 'friendship'..smh.

neither of the men was loaded financially.

tpiander:
I cannot believe the op actually typed this story here and mentioned she and her friend were wowed by all these basic things?

used car at an auction site, really?

$1700 for what year of car?

I was going to ask what kind of car sells for 1700 that's worth doing thanksgiving for.

In my neighborhood, owning a car less than 4000 qualifies you for food stamps. Aka charity case.

The friend must have really been in a bad place then. She said her friend was wowed. Not her.

Ginaz:
having a good man is by prayer and wisdom, what makes you think that the other man would have been better for her?

you can suffer and die with a guy with little money but end up living a horrible life. what makes a man is PRINCIPLE! its not and never is the financial background of the guy.

your friend married a man with no principles, I believed the man was good at some aspect of their marriage. money should not be generalized as a means of knowing a man's character or personality.

your friend ended with a wrong man, what has money got to do with it? or are all poor men good? are all rich men bad? the answer is no!

leave your friend alone and focus on yourself, you are a bad friend belittling her self worth. what would people think? won't they think it was cos of money she made the choice? if I were her, I would skin you alive. things like this makes me hate friends. APROKO house wife! over sabi! bad friend! go and marry let's see, you think its easy?

....Spot on!!!...i dislike 'friends' like the op with a passion ..so judgmental and petty.I mean who does not have issues or has not made some bad decisions we regretted later?.why gleefully spread her issues around like this on a faceless forum with total strangers in the name of some silly discussion?.

... just because the ops friend made the mistake of thinking the op was her friend..smh.

..

Who loads furniture by themselves at the mall btw?

@Woged2005:

I agree with you 100%.

I also like the genesis. It gives the true picture of the issue at hand.

Besides a man who can pay for her driving school and has a car is not poor.

The first guy was genuinely interested in her personal growth and was connected enough to invest his time, his care and his money in it.

The 'Little' he invested might have been all he had.

That man to me was/is a keeper.

We mostly use other people's experiences to admonish others so I don't think it makes the OP a 'bad' friend.

I pray things get better for the lady in question

cococandy:


Abi

All these break up marriages dey fear person sef , it's really not encouraging at all

pcguru1:


All these break up marriages dey fear person sef , it's really not encouraging at all

Well we always hear the bad stories.
So it seems magnified.
For every bad marriage, there's 3 good ones.

Chillisauce:


My dear, enter your lane abeg. We no dey the same speed o jare.

Ur speed is slower my own. So I don pass u commot.

When it involves men it's not a faceless forum jokers

Chillisauce:


After praying with your friend you came and shared her sad story online
And what made you think the other person would be better off as a good spouse to your friend?
Adults make decision . Let them deal with the outcome. That does not mean your own life is better off.

u need to chill for Christ's sake!!!!! Not like she mention any name or sometin. Sometimes pple want to share their stories, dats all. Just read and pick the point and move on. Jeez! Ur post actually infuriated me.

Is it me, my glasses or what? Reading through comments above and seeing how the debate is drawn sharply into two groups. One group easily stand out in all their contributions on NL - stoutly defending ills that ladies do in relationships, violently opposing any suggestions that preaches marriage should be based on love and not money and always justifying waywardness in relationships. Some Nigerian girls are very pathetic. NL is a good place to carry out background search before marrying a Nigeria lady. from their posts, you shall know them.

raydatluvs:
u need to chill for Christ's sake!!!!! Not like she mention any name or sometin. Sometimes pple want to share their stories, dats all. Just read and pick the point and move on. Jeez! Ur post actually infuriated me.

That's thé effect I have on people
It's either I infuriate you or I give you orgæssm . No in between.
So nicca take a cold bath and look for where you get orgæssm from

One thing I have cine to realise from NL. Is that there a lot of bad advisers here than good ones.

Some come here and clainpm what they are not in real life.. So ky advice to anyone is don't take everything you read here, hook line and sinker cos it could be dangerous.

As pa the OP.. she made her choice and she should leave by it... I just hope our young ladies would learn from it..

As my G.O would say in the adult church what we do mostly is patching cos alot of ur parents have made very costly mistakes and I think these is an example of one.

A yoruba adage says a child that would make sense when grows up, it's from a young age you would start to see the traces...

Ginaz:
having a good man is by prayer and wisdom, what makes you think that the other man would have been better for her?

you can suffer and die with a guy with little money but end up living a horrible life. what makes a man is PRINCIPLE! its not and never is the financial background of the guy.

your friend married a man with no principles, I believed the man was good at some aspect of their marriage. money should not be generalized as a means of knowing a man's character or personality.

your friend ended with a wrong man, what has money got to do with it? or are all poor men good? are all rich men bad? the answer is no!

leave your friend alone and focus on yourself, you are a bad friend belittling her self worth. what would people think? won't they think it was cos of money she made the choice? if I were her, I would skin you alive. things like this makes me hate friends. APROKO house wife! over sabi! bad friend! go and marry let's see, you think its easy?

Nawa o. But in a bid to criticize the OP I really haven't seen any difference between you and all the things you criticized the OP for. If what the OP wrote ignited you like this, I will assume if we need two men to watch out on the OP, I bet we need 12 strong men to watch out on you too... . Bottom line is mots of you Naija babes are explosions waiting to happen...May God help by-standers!