Hello,

I'd like to know more about Nairaland members who are married! If you're married, we want to know things like:
- How you met your husband or wife.
- What attracted you to your husband or wife.
- Who proposed marriage, and how.
- Who opposed the marriage, and how you prevailed.
- The wedding, and the honeymoon
- DO you think you made a mistake choosing your partner?
- How often you're tempted to be unfaithful and how often you fall .
- How long you think the marriage will last.

The most important thing, though, is that we'd like to identify [b]those of us who are married[/b]so we can avoid 'toasting' them and getting embarrased!

Seun.

Do want marriage councelors here ? For many would not want to write about their marriage.

Why won't they want to write about their marriage?

Seun:

.
- The wedding, and the honeymoon
- DO you think you made a mistake choosing your partner?
- How often you're tempted to be unfaithful and how often you fall .
- How long you think the marriage will last.

no body would want to answer those questions.

I would, I'll get back to this.

That is a litlle too personal .

I will take you up on your offer, but not tonight. I'll come back after a good night's rest and after I've finished that thing called work tomorrow

Mr Africa is deleting all his messages on this site. My apologies

OK, I'm not Nigerian but let me tell you folks my little story. It happened of a New Years Party in 1997. I was on the dance floor and the DJ said that everybody needs to turn around now and will definitely run into his or her dream partner. I did and ran into her.......What me attracted ? Her height, her long black hair and her smile. 2 months later we moved together and 8 months later we were married because and this time it was sooooooo trendy in Germany to get married. First our parents were very pissed because we didn't ask them before. For honeymoon we went for two weeks to Africa and enjoyed ourselves and the sun.Shortly after that we moved to a bigger place with all you can want. Less then two years later the divorce took place. Sorry to say that she spent all of our money for nice shoes, clothes and all the stuff women need and want. At one day I could not take it anymore and that's what I told her. As I said, soon after that we got divorced and I was free again. My new girl friend became pregnant only one month later and with her I had the best time of my life. My former wife was definitely not the right one but people and friends were pushing us to get married and we were too young to figure out what we are doing here. OK, one last thing. I cheated on her once, don't judge me for that too quick. End of story.

@ Mr.Africa

Can you give me a definition of a real man, maybe some characteristics?
I'm happy to talk about my marriage, I'm proud of our accomplishments and our kids, nothing to be secretive about .... but all of that will be for tomorrow
g'night

I'm not married (yet at least), so i guess this conversation ain't for me, but i'm waiting to hear your responses so i can listen and learn

I've been married to my mum for 23 yrs. I got wealth of experience. Can I share them?

Let me help out;

How you met your husband of wife.
- What attracted you to your husband or wife.
- Who proposed marriage, and how.
- Who opposed the marriage, and how you prevailed.
- The wedding, and the honeymoon
- DO you think you made a mistake choosing your partner?
- How often you're tempted to be unfaithful and how often you fall .
- How long you think the marriage will last.

Met my wife in 1986 at our church's Christmas eve carol service in Ihadan. Was on holiday from school then. Her stunning beauty and humility attracted me to her. I proposed marriage instantly, even though we were teenagers then. Even told my parents that I have found my wife, though my Mum laughed me to scorn that day, not taking me serious.

She agreed instantly too, while she told me she was not into any relationship then and I told her am into one, but quiting as I've found her, which I did. One of her elder sisters opposed the marriage, but as God would have it she travelled out of the country in 1992 to England.

The wedding was a simple one on the 1st of June, 1996 and we had 2months honeymoon period in Ibadan out of the sight of our family members, though I was living in Lagos then. It was fun all through, cos I was on vacation from the office then.

Didnt make any mistake having her as my wife cos she's the best partner I can ever have. She has been everything to me.

Was unfaithful once, though then I was carried away out of lust and it happened to me in the office. I told her everything as Christians, she was devastated and thereafter forgave and forgot about it. Been very very careful with ladies since the trial was over. Of late that I've been frequent on trips outside Lagos from the office, she's been very very supportive with fervent prayers

Our marriage by the grace of God is till death do us part. we're blessed with 3kids, 2boys and 1girl. Averagely we're living fine by God's grace.

as soon as i get married

Sir Kay, thanks for sharing with us. I love your account.

Contrary to Mr. Africa's account, it is the men that find it easier to discuss their marriages. Women, we want to hear from you too!

@ Seun

Any further assistance about marriage, contact me, I'ld be glad to share my experiences

layi:

I've been married to my mum for 23 years. I got wealth of experience. Can I share them?

Why don't you. This could be an interesting story

@ Sir Kay
Thanks for sharing.
I see you are a happy man. You were lucky. I sincerely hope your happiness will last

@ everyone
My take is that what you see in Sir Kay's account is openness, communication and honesty (even when it's painful). This is what ensures that your initial love doesn't die out and that your marriage succeeds

My account follows later today

4 real

Nor be small thing ohhh

How did we meet?

This was actually rather strange. One time, I only started working for about one year and I was taking the bus back from my work to my student room and I saw this black girl rushing to get on the bus. She could just catch it and I noticed that the driver was giving her a hard time. I was rather annoyed and went to the front of the bus to see what the fuss was about. I noticed the insensitivity and racism of the bus driver and I confronted him as the girl was not very fluent neither in French, nor in Dutch. The racist bus driver gave in and gave her her ticket after I said I would report him if he continued his behaviour. At that moment some people in the bus started clapping to show their approval of my intervention.

Now we started talking the usual chit-chat and decided to make an appointment for the next day. I wasn't really falling head over feet but I was intrigued and wondered to what it could lead. We met again the next day and I took her to a pasta place close to where I was living. At that time she was not acquainted with European food and struggled to eat the pasta with fork and spoon. Anyway, from that moment onward we started dating and 3 weeks later we decided that she could move in with me. Soon thereafter we left my student flat and moved to a real apartment.

When she came to Europe she'd gone through some bad ordeals and she really needed a sympathetic person to trust. The people she was living with at that time were just tolerating her and she was an emotional wreck. I took things very slowly and tried to gain her trust from the start. The first thing I did after about 2 weeks was take her over to my parents. I knew that I had to show that I was for real and that she wouldn't end up in an environment that rejected her. Luckily I knew that my parents were very tolerant and that they would never have a problem with an inter-racial relationship. That's just the kind of values they instilled on me.

The thing is that when you're confronted with a country in which you have no-one, no support structure at all, a society that is indifferent at best and hostile in many cases, you are quickly drowned emotionally. I think I just came at the right time and I gladly accepted my role

to be continued ...
next chapter tomorrow

So romantic, I love it!

I gotta clean up my camera and reels...Really hot idea for a romatic film. I love this .

nice story. interesting to see how we find love in the most unusual places.
I'm on the "watch-out" for part two. can hardly wait.

If we can get just 2 women to respond to this thread, I would agree that what a man can do, a woman can do better!

Seun is that a challenge? Wish I can take u up on it. Its just that i'm so constrained.

Yes, it's a challenge. I hope the married women of Nairaland are up to this challenge. The men are leading 2-0!

The women are good listeners aren't we? Good one Sir Kay and Nferyn. Layi, feed us in! Nferyn, Part 2 pls!

Yeah you are all good listeners o. So let one of our married sisters help us out now, or is it too personal?

Part 2 ke, well we are all waiting to read it o

The story of our marriage - part 2

We started our relationship, but I had no idea what I was getting into. First of all, after a few weeks, I was really falling in love and so was my wife to be. We were all cuddly and and very close. At that time I got to know more about my wife and also hear her story of how she fled the Liberian civil war, was attacked on the market and put on a hospital ship by the peacekeepers. One thing I noticed was that this story was a little too inconsistent and that she couldn't give me much details. I brushed that aside, as I attributed her memory lapse to the nasty head wound she was recovering from.

In the mean time, we were settling down in our apartment and the relation grew more and more serious. I could also see that there was something that was troubling her mind, but she really didn't want to talk about it. I was getting more and more interested in the Liberian civil war and started reading about it. I noticed that , even though she 's not really into politics, she hardly knew anything about Liberia. I decided not to push it too much as I knew she would come clean about it sooner or later.

After a couple of months she was pushing more and more in the direction of a marriage. If it weren't for her story, I would probably have been quite receptive, but it really bothered me and I didn't want to discuss marriage at all. I wanted her to come clean about it first before I could consider this. After about a year, she felt that she could trust me enough to tell me that she wasn't really Liberian, but that she used this story to get a residence permit as a refugee. In the mean time, we were trying to get the paper work in order to be able to officially marry. As she was Liberian, she could not possibly get any birth certificate, so we had to open a civilian court case to obtain a sworn statement asserting that she was indeed Liberian and the child of her parents.

This was actually a lucky coincidence as the Belgian Embassy in Nigeria was giving marriage candidates a really hard time when they wanted their birth certificates to be recognized by the Belgian government. This whole procedure could have lasted for several months up to 2 years.

Six months later we had received a positive decision from the court and could go ahead with our marriage. We had to arrange everything in a rush, as the refugee procedure was not turning out positively. Once we set a date for our marriage, I called the foreign office (which handles the administration for all refugee cases) ad they told me that a negative decision had been taken and that she would receive the order to leave the country within 1 week, just 1 week before our marriage. That decision would have made it impossible for us to marry legally in Belgium and we would have had to marry somewhere abroad. I pleaded our case with the woman from the foreign office administration and she decided to put that decision at the bottom of the stack, so that they would only send it after 3 weeks.

Now we could go ahead with our marriage. At that time, my wife did not have any source of income and I was just starting out, so we had very little money. As we had to marry in short notice, my parents could not get the money together for a [i]big [/i]marriage 5even though would make up for that later), so I had to pay for all of it. So, we just invited very close family and some good friends. Unfortunately, I got ill about one week before the marriage, so that didn't help us in organizing either.

But luckily, the marriage itself could hardly have been any better...

Stay tuned for part 3

Hmmmmn, nferyn, your story is one that cannot be beaten by mine! I concede............
I'll type mine when I have finished the job I have at hand. Will be back!

Just wondering and with a listening hear........I am waiting for more

Nferyn, trooper and Sir Kay thanks for making this topic worth reading!