Dear Nairalanders, i am not new to this forum but had to create this account just to be able to pour out my heart without people pointing fingers. Just to be clear i am open to criticisms.

Now the real story...I have been dating this girl since 2010 I really loved her then. we did introduction to both of our families in 2010 before i moved from Europe to USA for my graduate program. She lives in Nigeria and while in Europe, i used to frequent Nigeria visiting like 3 times a year and sometimes even more. After I moved to USA i was visiting twice a year until 2013 when my Financial situation changed due to a tragedy that befell me and forced me to even dropped out of my graduate program, lost my student status and had to file for asylum status because i lost everything due poor decision in investing into Nigerian wonder Bank and Hurricane Katrina of 2012, in New York, that destroyed the cars and electronics i bought to resale in Nigeria and was left with even a huge debt.

So i haven't visited Nigeria Since 2013, now i have started picking myself up, working on graduating for my masters and also have a decent job. The issue is that i can't come to Nigeria anytime soon due to my status and resisted the pressure to marry for papers, because i have seen how it destroyed few of my friends' lives and i also have the fear of God plus my commitment to my girl. The long distance hasn't been a very easy for both of us, in all honesty i kept myself to her and didn't have sex with anyone. We have tried twice to get her a student visa, so she can come join me but was denied by the US embassy in Abuja.

The real issue now, is we are both in our 30s and age is not on her side as a lady and i don't want to keep her waiting for me, but she seems to have no problem waiting based on what she said to me, however she always complains about my absence and had gotten involved with other men not sexually according to her, but all the other stuffs. I thought of getting married to her in absentia, however recently she got involved with someone and that eroded the trust and love i have for her. I want to end the relationship, but i sincerely don't know how! I don't want to expose her to ridicules. My dad suggested i give her N1 million to start something and promised to even assist with part of it, but i am just getting myself back on track and have a lot of debt to pay and i don't think i can pay her off just like that.

I need your honest opinion on how i should handle this in most matured way please!

Moderator, if you can kindly help me push this to front page, i will appreciate it.

My brother, I wish I am in good position to advice on this. You probably need to seek counseling.

silami:
My brother, I wish I am in good position to advice on this. You probably need to seek counseling.

Thanks a lot thats why i am writing here. i know there a lot of matured minds here.

It seems u r no longer interested in her, n u dont ve her in ur future plans, ur jst lookin for excuses, cos it is not easy for a guy/lady to date someone faraway for yrs. Jst tell her regardless of how she will take it, so u stop wasting her time. Bro, so u want to pay her 1m for 6yrs of her life she waited. U can help her financially but dont mak it look as if u r payin her off.

Imagine after waiting years for something you Thought you had, and turns out after 6 years you didn't really have it. its sad really
Call her up or Skype her, tell her everything you've just said here and tell her how you truly feel no more lies. its obvious you are not the man for her seeing as you're looking for excuses just to leave her, there is someone else waiting for her and you being restless about staying with her is how she will get to be with her true husband. Please don't waste any more of her time.



important note
Jesus loves you, and yes he is coming soon please mend your ways, repent now before it is too late

dulux07:
It seems u r no longer interested in her, n u dont ve her in ur future plans, ur jst lookin for excuses, cos it is not easy for a guy/lady to date someone faraway for yrs. Jst tell her regardless of how she will take it, so u stop wasting her time. Bro, so u want to pay her 1m for 6yrs of her life she waited. U can help her financially but dont mak it look as if u r payin her off.

. thank you so much, i am honestly wish i could be with her, however my only option will be to move back to Nigeria since i have tried 2 times to get her visa and didn't work out and i don't want to move back to Nigeria right now due to my situation. as for the cash, it was my dad's idea and i am not comfortable with it either.

CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT SARAKI MESS. A WHOLe SENATE PRESIDENT , NO 3 CITIZEN OF NIGERIA. OP , I WILL COMMENT ON YOUR ISSUE LATER , AS YOU CAN SEE ITS STILL AFTER 5AM

Hmmmmm. I know how you feel bro.
The truth is u are no longer interested in her, and the more u try the more u fall out of love.
Don't force yourself marrying her though(it would be a very big mistake) try and take things easy and see if u can get the spark back
Above all, pray to God for directions

.

..

How are you so sure she got involved with other guys who gave you the information? How are you sure your informant is not jealous of your relationship, in my opinion don't dump her.

Gerarahia mahn. A man that ws threatnd by hs diabolic girlfrnd nt to dare leave her is the one wth real prob nt you. Just getawt!

hmmm


she waited for 6years!


she b statue? or shigidi?



op explain what you wrote here to her and hear her opinion!

or make she do Weytin sister proxy do @pix!

come to nigeria marry her after u can go back and solve ur probrem, don't dump her

OP if u dare leave that girl, God will punish u! U can't waste her tym all these years for u to be yarning dirty here. Look for alternative nd marry her. You sound as if you are tired of her and can dimiss her with any flimsy excuses

moki123:
. thank you so much, i am honestly wish i could be with her, however my only option will be to move back to Nigeria since i have tried 2 times to get her visa and didn't work out and i don't want to move back to Nigeria right now due to my situation. as for the cash, it was my dad's idea and i am not comfortable with it either.

Wat abt if u come to nigeria, get married via registry, would it not mak it easier to get her visa.
U can discuss d issue wit her, so u guys can Breakup amicably.

That serious 6years a whole? She deserves the mama award



Btw I could sense op is been in love with some Mexican girls over there, i only smell ur pity for the lady not ur love





And the poster below me think ladies are now coco yam to sow

Laffin in swahili

It's obvious u want to opt out..
U have wasted 6 good yrs of this lady buh it's beta than falling out after marriage..

I will recommend what ur dad advocates, thou u don't have to make it look like u re paying her off..

I blive in the principle, if I fall out of luv wiv a lady I know I have wasted her time I need sow a seed in her life before walking..

[/font]feeling ur pain nd confussion bro....





it happens a lot wen u see a girl dat is far better than ur woman, u will start feelin d way u r feeling now... jst tell her to lock up, we all know "shit happenz"[font=Lucida Sans Unicode]feeling ur pain nd confussion bro....





it happens a lot wen u see a girl dat is far better than ur woman, u will start feelin d way u r feeling now... jst tell her to lock up, we all know "shit happenz"feeling ur pain nd confussion bro....





it happens a lot wen u see a girl dat is far better than ur woman, u will start feelin d way u r feeling now... jst tell her to lock up, we all know "shit happenz"

moki123:
. thank you so much, i am honestly wish i could be with her, however my only option will be to move back to Nigeria since i have tried 2 times to get her visa and didn't work out and i don't want to move back to Nigeria right now due to my situation. as for the cash, it was my dad's idea and i am not comfortable with it either.

Mr man, abroad isn't your father's land because they can reject you at anytime and send you back to your country.

You have spent so many years in abroad and you wanna tell us you don't have investment yet in Nigeria? Or maybe I should count you among guys who doesn't plan for their future and spend lavishly on un necessary things while abroad.

You have no choice than to arrange yourself and plan how to visit Nigeria soon because I can see you are having interest in dating women there just for money/visa which will never favour you at the end.

Don't you think it will be hard for the lady to start all over again? 1m can't buy her emotions and pains if you let her go OK?

After 6yrsssss? .
Ops,paying her off,can and will never make her forgive you . I dont buy and support you doing that .why dont you pray and ask GOD for directions. Then you come down to nigeria and discuss with her.

Have u been 100% faithful 2 her?

Complicated though but there is always a way around it.
Your current status and finances is your reason for wanting to quit. Your girl seems comfortable with the whole scenario despite her age. Two failed attempts to join you. You can't relocate to Nigeria yet.

Op, have you spoken with her with these points raised?
I will tel you in all sincerity, these same reasons have to be communicated and discussed as two matured adults going forward.
However, I will advice you that if she is a good girl and worthy to be a wife, kindly see how you can make things work out. You don't need all the money to marry a good wife as she will understand because she has known you for six years.
Things will surely improve on your side and I believe you two can weather the storm.
If the reasons given by you are the true reasons, both of you can iron things out. Speak to her and don't bottle things up. The earlier, the better for the two of you. Wish you luck.

OP what's this lady's offense now, because I haven't seen one.
This is going to be too cold of you.

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, long distance. Just reading your post and imagining if he comes up with a tale like yours how I will feel. The word is scattered. Not to talk of 6 years + introduction! That's a whole lot.

Have you thought that while she was still in a relationship with you, she must have seen her friends fall in love and get married. Have you spared a thought for her family? And all the inyanga she has done for her friends?

Bro, it ain't gonna be easy on both of you no matter how you look at it, esp her. Some people don't ever get to recover from such emotional and psychological trauma. Pls I beg you in the name of all that is true, don't put her in that mess.

And something tells me she is a Nairalander and you want her to accidentally bump into this thread. Girl, if you are reading this, pretend not to. Don't confront him. Don't admit you read it. You have already known what's up. Wait and Pray.

#heaven at last

agarawu23:
Mr man, abroad isn't your father's land because they can reject you at anytime and send you back to your country.

You have spent so many years in abroad and you wanna tell us you don't have investment yet in Nigeria? Or maybe I should count you among guys who doesn't plan for their future and spend lavishly on un necessary things while abroad.

You have no choice than to arrange yourself and plan how to visit Nigeria soon because I can see you are having interest in dating women there just for money/visa which will never favour you at the end.

Don't you think it will be hard for the lady to start all over again? 1m can't buy her emotions and pains if you let her go OK?

Chibuhealth:
OP if u dare leave that girl, God will punish u! U can't waste her tym all these years for u to be yarning dirty here. Look for alternative nd marry her. You sound as if you are tired of her and can dimiss her with any flimsy excuses

Seems there was a Scale in your Eyes when you got to the Part that Said she's been Involved with Other men

Op just find your way jare. Who says her involvement with other guys weren't sexual? She's also not a fool to be waiting endlessly for you that's why she got involved with other guys at different points even though she claimed it wasn't sexual. Don't be surprised she buzz you up and tell you she's found someone else.

Perhaps she's acting as if she's actually waiting for you, while it might just be that the relationship between her and other guys didn't work out.

She don move on before you since, you still dey form lover boy wey no wan break heart.

"however she always complains about my absence and had gotten involved with other men not sexually according to her, but all the other stuffs. I thought of getting married to her in absentia, however recently she got involved with someone and that eroded the trust and love i have for her."

You were busy working and hustling you're back side out while staying faithful so you can come back for her. You even tried securing student visa for her. But as usual she uses your absence and claims of missing you as excuse to get involved with other guys.

Chief, she's still single and "waiting for you" because those guys chop clean mouth waka.

See me see lover boy

Men!!!

Nitefury:
Op just find your way jare. Who says her involvement with other guys weren't sexual? She's also not a fool to be waiting endlessly for you that's why she got involved with other guys at different points even though she claimed it wasn't sexual. Don't be surprised she buzz you up and tell you she's found someone else.

Perhaps she's acting as if she's actually waiting for you, while it might just be that the relationship between her and other guys didn't work out.

She don move on before you since, you still dey form lover boy wey no wan break heart.

"however she always complains about my absence and had gotten involved with other men not sexually according to her, but all the other stuffs. I thought of getting married to her in absentia, however recently she got involved with someone and that eroded the trust and love i have for her."

You were busy working and hustling you're back side out while staying faithful so you can come back for her. You even tried securing student visa for her. But as usual she uses your absence and claims of missing you as excuse to get involved with other guys.

Chief, she's still single and "waiting for you" because those guys chop clean mouth waka.

what is this one saying?you need to sit down and re read what you just typed.


no be by force to advice person

Has she done something irrational as an excuses for you to leave her? You just have to re-arrange yourself and plan your way ahead with her.

Six years in a relationship is not a joking assessment and both of you are in early 30s. Don't finally destroy your future by your own hands.

As for the idea of your father, #10m can't shadowed 6years talkless of #1m.