Hi everyone, uhm this is merely an attempt at poetry; its my first poem actually. Please, give me your candid opinions.

Title - FEMINISM

Sit and listen; she was taught
Like a lamb on its way to slaughter
A fluorishing spring in a closet
Full lips glimmering with latex shimmer
Wearing sunny smiles on lingering fias
Her love is winter; her cries mute
Gold mines in an unjust society bias
A clad voice singing m'lords flute

And suddenly like a stung hot-air balloon
Or like a volcanoe journeying to the moon
floods of buried emotions erupted
Sucklings in lieu with their mums protested
All must taste her overcooked ferocious fury
Whilst she leered at the Adams with green envy
Paddling uncouthly her boat of 'rights' to the very edge
Better left to be imagined, what betides the next age!
*genuflects*

VISION

Vision is seeing, not with the eyeballs, but with minds unflinching eyes
An idea, a picture, whatever form
It is mans's most magnificent creation!
But no, this priceless soul is become a mere farce; a far cry from what it ought to be
Visions have been murdered even buried
As if its not pathetic enough to see them drown in the seas of 'I will'
In the Godamn name of procastination!
In a bid not to lag behind, we've neglected the main thing for frivolous pursuits
Forgetting that someday all this chaos would be vanity
However, vision stands!
Nuff said, its high time we started believing in the things we see ourselves doing
And quit waiting for a crowds applaud
Or a favourite pals nod of approval.
All you need is absolute reliance on your tower of strength
And your determination with Godly obsession
Will one day bring your vision into fruition.

Good for a beginner, ma'am. Not a poet but I believe you are on the right path. Been wondering when you would start writing, too, you know? It's been long you started reading stories here.

The "Feminism" was cool . The expression of being taught to be a Lamb taking for slaughter expresses your point of total submission to men.
I am a grooming poet myself . Poetry entered my blood stream early this year. I just started writing only to discover it's called Poetry .

Ehmmm...it just all depends ,but I sincerely see no poem in the "Vision " stuff . The write up is cool but it isn't cool really.

A nice work though . Since you are here ,I guess you would read the works of others to learn more and do more .
More ink to your pen !

Thank you Oluwabuggyolo and Theagba!

OluwabuqqyYOLO:
Good for a beginner, ma'am. Not a poet but I believe you are on the right path. Been wondering when you would start writing, too, you know? It's been long you started reading stories here.

honestly buqqy, am just being lazy cos trust me i've lots of nice stories. I jst dunno hw to start!

gracile:

honestly buqqy, am just being lazy cos trust me i've lots of nice stories. I jst dunno hw to start!

Remember how I started? I started with no clue on writing, I only just felt like and you were there when I needed the motivation and I'm ready to be here, too - if you want to start scribbling- okay?

You might not know who is here but trust me, you used to.

gracile:

honestly buqqy, am just being lazy cos trust me i've lots of nice stories. I jst dunno hw to start!

I once asked a similar question ,but the answer I got was itself simple. I will summarise it as thus ,one of my poems ; bridge the pen to your brain.

You don't tell your ink how to start flowing . I get my inspirations when reading or musing . Since you've got your stories and don't know how to start ,start reading and musing.

Anyway ,you can start by writing all the rubbish you can ...lols.

Aww, this means alot to me. All thanx buqqy and theagba, i already feel inspired! Buh first i must do something about this my phone cos it so makes typing hard.

Coming up are two recent poems, please stay tuned.

CHARM - part 1


I see a form, an appearance of a man
He hath eyes that pierces mine soul
I draw nigh with curious gaze
I must look familiar!
Why else does he look upon me such fondness?

And slowly, parting his lips a'first
He extends a warm grin at me
Prettified by a spectacular set of dentition
A pair of proud dimples gracing his meek cheeks


Must be a sorcerer, enchanter of some sorts
Oh! How he makes my every being
Object of his mischievous expertise

A stone throw apart yet I'm overwhelmed
By this strange but kind charmer

Maybe his fellows from heaven have beckoned
Cos my eyes see him no more
In grief and patient curiosity
I'll sit and wait for my charm


Let not even mortals stop me this time
From exploring the beauty of a mutual aura.

This one kinda has k-leg buh anyway, thats why its here for treatment, lol.


WEARY SOUL

Tired of sleep; that routinely beeps
Tired of food; the insatiable deeps
Tired of garments; that grow old
Tired of a house; desperate to be sold


My mind and wit won't reconcile
The deeds yet and of those awhile
My thoughts each churn and chant hymns
With beats whose dance lack rhythms


Where does this compass lead?
So my weary soul may heed
I must on my knees report this hurdles
To the one expert at ending struggles.

gracile:
Aww, this means alot to me. All thanx buqqy and theagba, i already feel inspired! Buh first i must do something about this my phone cos it so makes typing hard.

Coming up are two recent poems, please stay tuned.

Here is this little ditty I wrote yesterday as a friend was in your shoes too. But it isn't about poetry but a work of it .


I Am

I am the beginning of my end
The end of my beginning
I am my own loneliness
The island in the desert
I am the sixth of the six
The difference from the many
I am the god of my choices
The love of my life
I am the sweetness in my distress
The love of many lives
I am the creator of my destiny
The role model of orators
I am a Moses to my people
The activist of the mute
I am my own story
The reality to the listener
I am my influential power
The one in my tongue

TheAgba:

Here is this little ditty I wrote yesterday as a friend was in your shoes too. But it isn't about poetry but a work of it .


I Am

I am the beginning of my end
The end of my beginning
I am my own loneliness
The island in the desert
I am the sixth of the six
The difference from the many
I am the god of my choices
The love of my life
I am the sweetness in my distress
The love of many lives
I am the creator of my destiny
The role model of orators
I am a Moses to my people
The activist of the mute
I am my own story
The reality to the listener
I am my influential power
The one in my tongue

This is simply dope! Theagba, can you be my tutor?
Puleeaasse dont say no

gracile:

This is simply dope! Theagba, can you be my tutor?
Puleeaasse dont say no

You should know I am also a learner like you . I can share ideas with you and possibly also receive from you,but tutoring ? I don't think so .
It's a yes ,but it's not tutoring oh . I never sabi reach that level . lols

TheAgba:

You should know I am also a learner like you . I can share ideas with you and possibly also receive from you,but tutoring ? I don't think so .
It's a yes ,but it's not tutoring oh . I never sabi reach that level . lols

So you'll think. anyways, thanks all the same! I really am grateful

gracile:
So you'll think. anyways, thanks all the same! I really am grateful

I sure will . You be the one to tell me how we can go about it .

TheAgba:

I sure will . You be the one to tell me how we can go about it .

okay, i'll tag you after every poem i post, you'll tag me after ur poems. we're gonna be previewing eachothers work, kinda looking out for flaws and all. gorrit ?

gracile:

okay, i'll tag you after every poem i post, you'll tag me after ur poems. we're gonna be previewing eachothers work, kinda looking out for flaws and all. gorrit ?

Nice Idea ... you'll get a tag shortly .

GOOD NEWS
To be a worthy steward of this ambassadorial body To emboss my mission with unambiguous subtlety
Harnessing all weapons boldly like a soldier at battle Heralding this coup is a death blow to a prim conscience
Every ear my duty to tell Ensigning my role to foretell
The good news of the bouncing baby to both young, old and sundry
cc: theagba

gracile:
Hi everyone, uhm this is merely an attempt at poetry; its my first poem actually. Please, give me your candid opinions.

Title - FEMINISM

Sit and listen; she was taught
Like a lamb on its way to slaughter
A fluorishing spring in a closet
Full lips glimmering with latex shimmer
Wearing sunny smiles on lingering fias
Her love is winter; her cries mute
Gold mines in an unjust society bias
A clad voice singing m'lords flute

And suddenly like a stung hot-air balloon
Or like a volcanoe journeying to the moon
floods of buried emotions erupted
Sucklings in lieu with their mums protested
All must taste her overcooked ferocious fury
Whilst she leered at the Adams with green envy
Paddling uncouthly her boat of 'rights' to the very edge
Better left to be imagined, what betides the next age!
*genuflects*

First off, you've got the "literary flair", obviously. And bravery, for putting your write up in the public space but it also shows naivety. Naive in the sense that anyone can "steal" your work here and claim ownership. I could be wrong though, because this may just be a casual, fun catching adventure to you and you have no plans of turning it into a financially viable endeavour.
Now, instead of pouring out all your thoughts and emotions here, be selective of what you post here. The bulk of it should always be emailed out to one or two people whom you feel can appreciate and critique your work, a sort of mentoring, editing etc. For instance, you could begin by exchanging email addresses with the fellow who has graciously agreed to work with you here; every once a while you email him a piece or two to read.
Besides, every time the writing fever or inspiration comes upon you, don't worry about spelling, punctuation, choice of words, structure etc, just allow your thoughts and feelings to flow. Editing and corrections come much later when you are relaxed and not in a hurry to get something off your mind.
Someone once said that to a writer, the best critic is him/herself. Never be satisfied with your work rate or the quality of your output. And never expect motivation from everyone, if it comes, accept it and enjoy it. Your motivation should come from inside you, from nature, from God.
Best wishes always.

mazado:


First off, you've got the "literary flair", obviously. And bravery, for putting your write up in the public space but it also shows naivety. Naive in the sense that anyone can "steal" your work here and claim ownership. I could be wrong though, because this may just be a casual, fun catching adventure to you and you have no plans of turning it into a financially viable endeavour.
Now, instead of pouring out all your thoughts and emotions here, be selective of what you post here. The bulk of it should always be emailed out to one or two people whom you feel can appreciate and critique your work, a sort of mentoring, editing etc. For instance, you could begin by exchanging email addresses with the fellow who has graciously agreed to work with you here; every once a while you email him a piece or two to read.
Besides, every time the writing fever or inspiration comes upon you, don't worry about spelling, punctuation, choice of words, structure etc, just allow your thoughts and feelings to flow. Editing and corrections come much later when you are relaxed and not in a hurry to get something off your mind.
Someone once said that to a writer, the best critic is him/herself. Never be satisfied with your work rate or the quality of your output. And never expect motivation from everyone, if it comes, accept it and enjoy it. Your motivation should come from inside you, from nature, from God.
Best wishes always.

How nice . That's cool.

However, she can have her work here but be sure to at least restrict it from public uses . I normally update my poems to my facebook wall . That's not different . The date has something meaningful to offer . I post my poems here even once in a while .

Nice advice really .

gracile:

GOOD NEWS

To be a worthy steward
of this ambassadorial body
To emboss my mission
with unambiguous subtlety

Harnessing all weapons boldly
like a soldier at battle
Heralding this coup
is a death blow to a prim conscience

Every ear my duty to tell
Ensigning my role to foretell

The good news of the bouncing baby
to both young, old and sundry

cc: theagba

It's a cool piece .

Although , you painted a picture in the end that's different from the picture you painted in the beginning. It's not OK to me .

This is the message I got

Stanza 1 : About being amongst poets who also writes .

Stanza 2 : Using of your skills in the work of poetry

Stanza 3 : Here comes the question starting from even stanza 2. What are you to tell ?
What's the bouncing baby ?

Thanks

mazado:


First off, you've got the "literary flair", obviously. And bravery, for putting your write up in the public space but it also shows naivety. Naive in the sense that anyone can "steal" your work here and claim ownership. I could be wrong though, because this may just be a casual, fun catching adventure to you and you have no plans of turning it into a financially viable endeavour.
Now, instead of pouring out all your thoughts and emotions here, be selective of what you post here. The bulk of it should always be emailed out to one or two people whom you feel can appreciate and critique your work, a sort of mentoring, editing etc. For instance, you could begin by exchanging email addresses with the fellow who has graciously agreed to work with you here; every once a while you email him a piece or two to read.
Besides, every time the writing fever or inspiration comes upon you, don't worry about spelling, punctuation, choice of words, structure etc, just allow your thoughts and feelings to flow. Editing and corrections come much later when you are relaxed and not in a hurry to get something off your mind.
Someone once said that to a writer, the best critic is him/herself. Never be satisfied with your work rate or the quality of your output. And never expect motivation from everyone, if it comes, accept it and enjoy it. Your motivation should come from inside you, from nature, from God.
Best wishes always.

thank you so much mazado, I really appreciate.
actually i never thought of plagiarism cos i barely considered my poems good enough so I'll just forward my works to my tutors email as you've advised till further plans. thanks again!

TheAgba:


It's a cool piece .

Although , you painted a picture in the end that's different from the picture you painted in the beginning. It's not OK to me .

This is the message I got

Stanza 1 : About being amongst poets who also writes .

Stanza 2 : Using of your skills in the work of poetry

Stanza 3 : Here comes the question starting from even stanza 2. What are you to tell ?
What's the bouncing baby ?

Thanks

oh no, my bad i prolly didn't portray my message what I actually intended was to write about spreading the gospel, uno, like preaching. It definitely didn't hit.
I've got a surprise for you tho, but lemme take the permission to start emailing you first, so can I?

gracile:

oh no, my bad i prolly didn't portray my message what I actually intended was to write about spreading the gospel, uno, like preaching. It definitely didn't hit.
I've got a surprise for you tho, but lemme take the permission to start emailing you first, so can I?

I guess the message is clear now . I interpreted it for poetry of which you were referring to the gospel . It's a nice one.

Use this mail : cletussixtus@gmail.com

Gracile I'm following your work

miclez:
Gracile I'm following your work

Thanks alot miclez! sorry tho i won't keep posting here again

gracile:

Thanks alot miclez! sorry tho i won't keep posting here again

Surely you aren't going to just cut me off, are you?

miclez:
Surely you aren't going to just cut me off, are you?

Nah, I won't forget this moniker :*

miclez:
Surely you aren't going to just cut me off, are you?

Nah, I won't forget this moniker :*

gracile:

Nah, I won't forget this moniker :*

Ok :-)

Attuned to words


Believe me when I say am done doing favours for people. Abraka-da-brah after this I guess I can then change your mind, amazing as a feeling, wonderful as a feeling,great as a feeling,i pray it would be glorious like a. Feeling.
I never. Intended to hit you hard!!! Now we approaching year 3000 the year we all fear God would be alive...
Move it am not on that do it later shit anymore, i guess procrastination is my weakness! Woe trying to live my life not to disrespect church people opinions but I guess my WORD ain't lyrical enough just at the end Right before I met you... an epitome of creation, admired by creator, enthusiastic beauty... oh how I wish to love you every now and then MY DEAR PEN.
I would admit it I would it my hands ain't soothing until I discovered you-WORD.
Nobody really liked us except for us-WORD.
Am so addicted to this-WORD.
If I had to do this again I had start with you-WORD.
I could go on and on an on-WORD
Am going onnnn-WORD
The nice times we had still haunt me-WORD
Am not a man I can do this on my own-WORD
Am now a man I cannot do this on my own-WORD
Now we. Blowing up she's telling she needs the whole thing-WORD
At that point in my life I appreciate honessty-WORD
I could go on and on and on-WORD
Bleep it am going on-WORD
Am so ATTUNED to YOU-words