Secretz:

@ Pataki, I hear you, but the single parent in question would also worry that their partner would treat their child as their own, so it goes both ways,

Yeah you are right. But then again, the single parent should at least have a considerable knowledge of how their partner would behave, following discussions already made. Unfortunately with the child, the child has to grow-up and form his/her opinion about the step-parent. Is that not usually the case?

@Secretz,

Exactly correct about worrying if the other person will treat your child right.

I understand how it can be difficult to blend two families into one.  I understand that there could be some baby mama, baby daddy drama.  And I really understand the thought of single, childless people only wanting to marry someone that is also single, and childless.

What i dont understand is the STIGMA that is attached to single moms/divorced moms.  What I dont understand is the blaming of the failed marriage on one person and expecting me to stay in a marriage that is detrimental to myself or my children all for the sake of saying I am still married to the father of my children.

@ Pataki,

Yes thats true, but the same way they form opinions of their other parent's partner and family friends etc, if the single parent truly gives a damn about raising their child right and has their best interest at heart, they would discipline them accordingly. Remember it all boils down to the circumstances of the single parent. If the father is not in the child's life, then what? Or if he is and takes a back seat like just doing what he needs to do etc? Then? And what if the child is quite young, as young as 3 or so, then?

Tough Luck: I could not possibly marry anyone who has had a child for another man except maybe if the child was female.

Feelitx:

Tough Luck: I could not possibly marry anyone who has had a child for another man except maybe if the child was female.

why female?? that sounds kinda perverted, please explain.

@ Secretz,
Hmmmmm. . . . . you are quite right. But still, it all boils down to the emotion of the child in question and the surrounding environment in which such a child was raised. But often times, children have a higher probability of not accepting parenting from a step-parent. This often the case makes it difficult to accept a single parent as a spouse. Even in the case of when the father decides to take a back seat, the child in question still demands an expectation from the father first before thinking of a step-parent somewhere.

Where I come from you basically transfer all your wealth to a male child.I can't imagine transfering all I have worked for to another's son.

Feelitx:

Where I come from you basically transfer all your wealth to a male child.I can't imagine transfering all I have worked for to another's son.

*eyes rolling* ok,

Pataki:

@ Secretz,
Hmmmmm. . . . . you are quite right. But still, it all boils down to the emotion of the child in question and the surrounding environment in which such a child was raised. But often times, children have a higher probability of not accepting parenting from a step-parent. This often the case makes it difficult to accept a single parent as a spouse. Even in the case of when the father decides to take a back seat, the child in question still demands an expectation from the father first before thinking of a step-parent somewhere.

Yeah i understand you, which is why you would have to have the heart to do it and care for the girl soo much. Believe the child is most likely to appreciate you MORE in the end.

Pataki:

@ Secretz,
Hmmmmm. . . . . you are quite right. But still, it all boils down to the emotion of the child in question and the surrounding environment in which such a child was raised. But often times, children have a higher probability of not accepting parenting from a step-parent. This often the case makes it difficult to accept a single parent as a spouse. Even in the case of when the father decides to take a back seat, the child in question still demands an expectation from the father first before thinking of a step-parent somewhere.

I think if you raise your children to respect adults you dont have this problem.

for instance:
My son was used to being the "man of the house" then came hubby.  Because he has respect for adults, because he has respect for his mom, because he knows I would never put him in harms way and because my hubby did not come in demanding respect but earned it my son turned over "man of the house" to my husband.  
I am sure my son would spit in his fathers face if he ever saw him and when he does talk about him he refers to him by his first name.  My son called my hubby by his first name for a long time and this weekend all on his own, he called him dad.
He seeks out hubby for advice.  He listens really listens to him.  As all of the children do.  With my children they know thier place and they stay in it.  They understand that when an adult speaks you listen and you do w/o question what your mom and step-dad tell you to do.

I dont have any disrespect issues in my house.

sistawoman:

I think if you raise your children to respect adults you dont have this problem.

for instance:
My son was used to being the "man of the house" then came hubby. Because he has respect for adults, because he has respect for his mom, because he knows I would never put him in harms way and because my hubby did not come in demanding respect but earned it my son turned over "man of the house" to my husband.
I am sure my son would spit in his fathers face if he ever saw him and when he does talk about him he refers to him by his first name. My son called my hubby by his first name for a long time and this weekend all on his own, he called him dad.
He seeks out hubby for advice. He listens really listens to him. As all of the children do. With my children they know thier place and they stay in it. They understand that when an adult speaks you listen and you do w/o question what your mom and step-dad tell you to do.

I dont have any disrespect issues in my house.

Exactly, that was my whole point about the disclipline side of things. If you got your children's best interest at heart and you discipline your children well, then to be honest there shouldn't be any issues regarding disrepspect.

sistawoman:

David how can that be hogwash? Have you not heard of people making mistakes in the name of love? The only perfect person I know is Jesus, other than him the rest of us do the best with what knowledge we have right now.

If you would have told me that my ex-husband was going to turn his back on his children, esp. his son that carries his full name, I would have slapped you in the face. He was the most caring loving and attentive father. Where he went so did his children. But when we separated he did an about face and never turned around again.

If you would have told me that my ex-husband would be inefficient in handling money and paying bills, again I would have slapped you in the face. His bills were paid on time for his age he was making good money, he had the finest things and lacked for nothing. When we married i realized it was a woman, his mother, that was standing behind him pushing him and that i had to do the same. It was his mother that helped him make his decisions and now it was me that was making the decisions.

People can deceive you. And you can deceive your self. Love will sometimes blind you log enough to bind you.

Looking back now out of my 34 year old eyes I know that I should have never married him when I was 17. But I did and to save my family i had to cut my losses and fly alone.

sistawoman, you married too young so you couldnt see what was so obvious. I guarantee that if you had met your ex-husband now at 34 yrs you would NEVER marry him.

@ Sistawoman,

Your case is probably one out of a thousand. Unfortunately, too many people's case are not the same as yours. I am happy things are going well with your family though.

@ Secretz,

You have spoken so true. But still. . . . . . . 

@ Pataki

to you too punk! U know you want this, lol

I think the fact here is that most people think single/divorced moms cant just be the right one, because of the stigma related to it, i think that in the society we live in most educated folks still live an uneducated life beacuse they are couped in there own SMALL PERFECT WORLD. My daughter loves and respects my fiance and thats the most imporatnt thing to me.

is secretz a single mom?

Secretz:

@ Pataki

to you too punk! U know you want this, lol

No further comment.

davidylan:

sistawoman, you married too young so you couldnt see what was so obvious. I guarantee that if you had met your ex-husband now at 34 yrs you would NEVER marry him.

You are very very very very very very very correct. I would not have even dated him.

davidylan:

is secretz a single mom?

No Im not

pple with kids (out of wedlock or widower) should look for others like them to marry.

full house the merrier.

Hauwa, you are adding more complication to the matter.

Pataki, really? ummmm

I used to rubbish the idea- i used to think it's totally illogical for a young lady like me to date(to marry) a once married man or a man with a child, but that has changed (and that's not because i'm not getting any younger).

on the one hand, It's beautiful to build your own family just the way you've always wanted it with no intruder. Accepting to care for sm1 else's child as yours. especially when the mum is still alive is quite challenging. The child n the mother are the bone of contention practically, psychologicall or hypothetically.Perso,nally, I dont like the idea-av never experienced it but i think there will always be incoherence smwhere along the line.

on the other hand, after seeing a 9ja movie I thought it wouldn't be such a bad idea to marry sm1 who has once being married or had a child. this lady decides not to marry Ogogo cos he has a child from his broken marriage not knowing by destiny (as they like to call it) that he was the right man for her. she gets married to a young man lovin up all the way and she bears 3 boys. unknown to her that her husband was working out her best friends (Jenifer)'pekus'. Jenifer gets pregnant and becomes the second wife in the house. long n short, Jenifer kills 2 of the children and their husband dies.

Moral of the story---only if yu knew the end. Always follow your heart and pray to God to direct you. Baba Tayo might be your ribby husband,afterall the only hinderance to your total submission is Tayo.
But me ooo, I knw my husband- i just hope he doesnt screw other girls or else I wil do mine oooo, Hear oooo

i will not.
nothing is rong with them but me no!

Yes, I would date a woman who has had child/children in her previous relationship(s) if only she is single(she has to be either divorced , widow(er) or legally separated). Whilst I don't encourage likes of Divorce,single parenting and teen pregnancies, I don't think that Nigerians are 40% fair when it comes rules or habits of conduct, especially of sexual conduct, with reference to standards of right and wrong. I think that we should be more liberal when it comes to issues like this, we have to be open to changes and also be able to forgive and be more welcoming to people without looking at their past as long as they have repented of it. Finally, I believe that the only thing that will stop someone from enjoying his/her life is death. I would marry a woman that has had as many as 5 kids in her relationships and also a woman that is older as long as we're in love. Common people let's not tired down by some of our conservatives culture that has refused to accept changes and has left of people in the darkness.

@post
nope. . .
unless if i will have d permission to have (a) child/children 4another man,then we can tango!

tallrock:

Yes, I would date a woman who has had child/children in her previous relationship(s) if only she is single(she has to be either divorced , widow(er) or legally separated). Whilst I don't encourage likes of Divorce,single parenting and teen pregnancies, I don't think that Nigerians are 40% fair when it comes rules or habits of conduct, especially of sexual conduct, with reference to standards of right and wrong. I think that we should be more liberal when it comes to issues like this, we have to be open to changes and also be able to forgive and be more welcoming to people without looking at their past as long as they have repented of it. Finally, I believe that the only thing that will stop someone from enjoying his/her life is death. I would marry a woman that has had as many as 5 kids in her relationships and also a woman that is older as long as we're in love. Common people let's not tired down by some of our conservatives culture that has refused to accept changes and has left of people in the darkness.

You sound like one of a kind, but 5 kids, wow,

Secretz:

You sound like one of a kind, but 5 kids, wow,   

C'mon, I have seen people that are divorced even after having up to 6kids. It really depends on individuals, place and how they feel about themselves, the question is very simple" are you ready to forget about the past one move on?". So, never say never!

tallrock:

C'mon, I have seen people that are divorced even after having up to 6kids. It really depends on individuals, place and how they feel about themselves, the question is very simple" are you ready to forget about the past one move on?". So, never say never!

Half agree, but I see what you're saying,

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Secretz:

Half agree, but I see what you're saying,

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I don't expect everybody to agree with me, but I think that we're still far from getting to where Westerners are in terms of moral issues like this. They've got solution to "almost" every problem facing them.

tallrock:



I don't expect everybody to agree with me, but I think that we're still far from getting to where Westerners are in terms of moral issues like this. They've got solution to "almost" every problem facing them.

You know what I have to agree with you there, nobody knows tomorrow and what circumstances they may find themselves in, it's funny how people would date ex offenders etc but not a single parent, , but what you're saying is true,