Episode one
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Ngozi! That girl is a devil incarnate. She can fall anyone even the pope will fall for her tricks. Whenever she wags her backside, the men on the street enjoy free show. Her chest is full like an overblown balloon. And when she walks, the way she crosses her legs is like a scissors cutting through a sheet of paper. Everyone takes her for a 'runs' girl but whenever I approach her, she turns down my advances.
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One day, I made up my mind to get this girl with whatever it takes. I thought on what to do and decided to approach an herbalist.
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"Good day ooo, papa". I greeted the old man who was fierce looking. His room was filled with charms. I saw a wooden carved statue dripping of oil. A big calabash was before him and the smell of rotten meat filled the room. I started regretting coming here. This is what Ngozi can cause.
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The herbalist shouted at me, 'who are you?'. He roared like an angry thunderstorm. Aaaaaaah! I felt my bladder filled with urine and my legs began to shake. He screamed again. "You are standing on the gods and they are angry, you have just two hours to live".
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What? Two what? Because.... I.. I looked below my feet and saw nothing but mat. I was too afraid to protest. Hurriedly, I fell on my knees and begged the man to help appease the gods.
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"Two leaves of kolanut, three fat hens, two big rams and one bottle of original schnapps are what the gods want". The wild-voiced herbalist continued, "if these are not provided now, the gods will consume you soon".
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Chai! I stood up, bent down, stood up again and bent down again, sweating like a sallah ram. I came there because of Ngozi but to soon become a festive goat for the gods. I didn't know when I started crying. The herbalist roared again, "nwa nna, bia! If you don't stop crying now, I will ask the gods to smite you right now". Now this is getting serious. I quickly cleaned my face and spoke with feint courage. I asked the man,
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"Biko papa, I will get the fat hens but can't I pay for the rest?"
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"Hahahahahahahahahaha, yes!" The man laughter wasn't a friendly type.
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He brought out the calabash and told me it was the calculator of the gods. He spoke some few words into it and said to me.
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"The gods asked you to pay #50,000"
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I fainted!!!!

Episode 2
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It wasn't real fainting! I rose up quickly for the fear of what the herbalist could do to me. I sat on the bare floor, trembling and shaking, I wished the ground could open up to swallow me.
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"You had better go now. Get the money and three fat hens else you will be sacrificed to the gods".
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"Yes sir ooo, yes sir" I replied rushing towards the door. I got to the door and slammed it very hard, as soon as I got outside, I picked race.
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"Be quick". I heard the man's voice at distant.
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"...the gods are waiting". His voice continued till I was out of sight.
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I rushed inside the house like a mad man. I mean inside my house, no, our house. The rush with which I came in nearly killed my mother. I sat down, breathing heavily like a drugged ram and sweating like a cold beer inside a deep freezer.
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"Emeka"! "Emeka"! "Gini kwa?" "What is the problem?". My mother asked me as soon as she regained herself.
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"Mama! It's those masqurade oooo, eeeeeeeeh! Aaaaaah! Mama, they gave me the chase of my life oooo"
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"Eeeeeh! Chineke yem ebere oooo!!! Gini naada?"
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"Mama, I did nothing oooo. One gave me hot slap..."
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"Chai!!! Ekwe oooo"
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"...the other gave me an heavy blow"
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"Argh! Gini bi i mere?"
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"Mama, I couldn't bear it anymore, I also gave one a hard knock"
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"Good!" "Chineke gba ndi ngbu oku"
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"But now mama, police are chasing me around oooo because we fought heavily."
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"Emeka, you don kill me, aaaaah! you don kill me. Na wetin make I do now oooo? Police maka ginni? Ndi uwoji? Chineke me eeeee"
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"Mama". I called my mum now with a regained confidence. I saw this as an advantage to milk her of #50,000.
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"Mama, police catch me ooo. They say make I go bring #50,000 ooooo"
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"Ekwekwe!" Mother laments.
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I quickly turned my face into a begging one, "they say if I no bring am now, dem go carry me go jail oooo"
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"Mba! Jail maka gini kwa?"
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"Bia, come collect money".

Oh my...! What a lucky day I had. For the first time, I smiled and puckered my lips in victory.
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Mother gave me the money and told me to hurry. I collected it and off to the herbalist. I was feeling untop of the world and was planning how I will embarras the herbalist with overwhelming pride.
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"Good day papa oooo" I entered the herbalist's shrine with laughter of pride. Money was in my pocket, I could play the old man as I liked.
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"May the gods cut your head"! An unfriendly old man's voice replied.
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"You took too long, the gods are angrier and they have increased your money"
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I stood like a zombie in a shrine filled with disgusting smell. I didn't know whether to cry or to laugh. Behind me was a smoke from a burning incense, by my right was a wooden statue dripping oil like a refinery, to my left was a collection of red strips, some tied to remains of crabs and corals and before me was a fierce looking old man, who was looking at me the way a tiger looks at a cat, I began to tremble, my pants became wet and the image of Ngozi appeared before me, here I was standing, it was darker than that period just before the break of dawn.

ladyF:

Episode three.
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"Come here, bring what you have". The herbalist took the money from me without saying thanks. He ordered me to sit and I did.
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"The gods are now happy with you". Said the herbalist. Wow! I was relieved. I nearly burst into laughter.
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"You have done well and the gods are okay with this". This man didn't know how happy he's making me to be. I saw smile on his face but with gradual disappearance. Little did I know that problem was still hanging.
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He looked at me with question on his face. I looked at him too and was asking myself if the man was mad or crazy. The man must have known what I just asked myself. Suddenly, I heard.
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"And where are the three fat hens?"
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"Ekwe!" Cold enveloped me.
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"I thought the gods have calculated everything together"
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"May Amadioha strike you to death"
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Aaaaaaaah! Ngozi ooo! Ngozi ooo! This is what Ngozi's baloon sized breasts have caused me oooo. I looked behind me to see if there's a way I could possibly escape, like, running out of the shrine. Before I could devise any means, the herbalist said.
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"Boy, look at your head. I can see death hovering around your head".
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"Eh eh eh eh, chai! I am in trouble ooo". I didn't know when my two hands fell on my head. I was seriously shaking now.
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"I give you one hour to find three fat hens. If you don't, Amadioha will eat Fufu with your head"
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"Eeeeeeh, eeeeeh, eeeeeh". I kept crying as I disappeared out of sight. When I got outside, I cleaned my face and decided I would not return to the herbalist again. Just then, I remembered the man's threat and became restive. "I can't die, I have to find three fat hens". There was a problem, I had no money.
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I remembered mama Ngozi had hens in her compound. The other time she came to my mother, I heard her say she was going to sell some of her hens in the next market as they had become fat.
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"Yes! Fat, yes!" I said and laughed, "ha ha ha ha. Fat hens!". Zoom, I was off like a cold wind in the harmattan into Ngozi's compound.
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I tip toed to the backyard where hens are kept. Oh no! I saw fifteen fat hens. I licked my lips and rubbed my palms together and assured myself I was going to steal four, yes four, I was asked to bring three but I wanted to impress the disgusting old man.
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I was about to steal one when I heard splash of water. I turned my head sharply and saw a bathroom behind me. Someone must be bathing. I summoned the courage and approached the bathroom. I peeped inside and what I saw was magnanimous. It was Ngozi having her bath.

san316:
Funny

Junaknoni:
kakakakakakakaa............dibia dne dupe u................u dne enta one chance

CivilzedTyger:
Lolz Wetin Kill Am

Umartins1:

You wan know?

CivilzedTyger:
Sure I Wanna Know

CARLOSZ:


I guess he jumped from the roof and died. Lol

Umartins1:


You wan know?

CivilzedTyger:
Lolz I guessed as much buh stil wanna continue readng d story

CARLOSZ:
Getting boring

Toyade888:
bros...I dey cry b4 sey dem no given me me beef chop 4 ouse.......I no knw sey turkey dey wait 4 me here









#abeg kontinu

Umartins1: