...He is neck deep and, sinking. - Family - Nairaland
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Marriage Palava part 2 / My Marriage - A Sinking Ship. / My Husband Has Become A Pain In My Neck (2) (3) (4)
| ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by graciousolo(m): 8:39pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
A friends plea to me...I'm messed up. I'm neck deep. I feel lost. I feel defeated. I feel controlled. I know I'm better than this, but it's become harder and harder to overcome. I've been in this mess since I was about 13/14yrs and I'm 23yrs now. I can't talk to anybody about this. In the last 3yrs before this year I indulged in it on an average of 2-3times annually, but this year has proven different as I've done it over 12times. I've tried so many things, I've prayed, fasted, counselled others on this topic, search the internet, talk to people, but all these efforts have proven abortive. I don't want to end this year like this, I don't want my wife to experience this part of me. My kids... ooh. An older friend of mine introduced me to masturbation when I barely had semens(this is just few months after I've been introduced to porn by some other friends at about 13yrs), after this induction I masturbated so much that I literally forced the first set of semens out of me. Since then it seems I have been under a dome of sexual perversion and masturbation. The truth is I really hate this, I feel degraded after every act of masturbation, but I have no defence whatsoever, I just slide in at most thought. I've wanted to change for a very long time but now I want it like my life depends on it. I have searched the internet for psychologist and counsellors in Nigeria but my search has been futile. My plea: [/b]Do you know any counsellor or psychologist in Lagos or Ilorin? If yes, please help a brother, drop a link or address. [b]NB: With all due respect and, no intention to offend, please I don't want religious sentiments on this thread. Maybe some other time. Thank you. So many people are stuck in this mess and really want out. Parents and parents to be, most of us get this addictive behavioural traits when we are young and, curious, ignorant, silly and vulnerable, please be watchful of us. Once again, please drop verifiable address of counsellors, psychologists or therapist in Lagos, Ilorin (and other places for others that needs help). Thank you. |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by angieberry(f): 8:46pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
At OP, this is indeed an addiction. I don't know any counsellors or therapists, but I assure you that what you need now is spiritual help. I don't mean to sound cliché, but you have to pray!!! You should also seek the help of a strong christian or pastor who would pray against the spirit of masturbation. Yes, I believe there's a spirit behind this addiction and you need serious prayers and deliverance to be free. God be with you 2 Likes |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by graciousolo(m): 8:53pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
angieberry:Honey, thanks for ur concern. |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by Nobody: 8:57pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
I don't see any problem here. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by tunnyl(m): 8:58pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
BROTHER!. If you want to get over this addiction, you need to keep yourself busy every time ( find a job or help people or visit your friends, learn new things). This would prevent you from succumbing to the pressure. Also dont try too hard to fight the addiction, because it takes time to break habits. you have already discovered the problem and shared it. I assure you soon the solution will be found. OR So here is the technique, Whenever any strong sexual desire arises (whether to masturbate or have sexual intercouse), Exhale all the air from your lungs completely and retain the breath. Then contract your belly (and squeeze your pelvic muscle) and take your navel back towards the spinal cord, that is, suck your belly in from the lower abdomen. Make sure you do the above two-three times. You will discover that the passion is pacified and you will be saved from sexual urge and seminal discharge. You will notice that your scrotum has become flaccid, kind of like that of an old man. Lol Relax. This technique will not cause you any physical or health harzard. And please do not be discouraged if it doesn't work immediately just keep trying and you will be surprised at how easy it is for you to suppress your high sexual desire 4 Likes |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by ifyalways(f): 9:33pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
keep busy. You are married, how's the sexual life with your Misus? If either of you is uptight in the bedroom, time to honestly let go of pretence, stay real to ones healthy fantasies and desires. Involve your wife.Be honest with her, tell her the way you want to be touched, take her hands and place them where u want them to be and teach her how to please you. Be ready to please her too. That's what marriage is! There's nothing a professional will do for you here, forget Oyibo movies. You need to be busy in and outside the bedroom.simples. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by Nobody: 9:37pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
he he. Thank God im female |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by graciousolo(m): 10:23pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
ifyalways:I'm not married. I just don't want to take this into marriage. It's shallow to attribute a need for mental health care(addiction) to 'oyibo movies'. I know what I need, and that's what I've unambiguously asked for. Thanks anyways. 1 Like |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by graciousolo(m): 10:24pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
enieme: |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by graciousolo(m): 10:25pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
enieme: I know u're not a simpleton. Masturbation or addictions are not peculiar to a given gender. 5 Likes |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by ifyalways(f): 10:48pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
graciousolo:You talked about wife and kids in your opening post as if they " were" . Anyways, good luck with your mental case and health care. I obviously didn't know 'twas a mental case hence my " shallow" reply. 1 Like |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by Nobody: 11:03pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
graciousolo: What makes you think something is wrong with your mental health? Since when has masturbation become a mental illness? 1 Like |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by cococandy(f): 11:42pm On Sep 29, 2015 |
There nothing wrong with you. Twelve times in a yr doesn't seem like the frequency for you to count it as an addiction. If it was twelve in a week or month. But you can still seek hope since you feel bad about yourself courtesy of it. 3 Likes |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by 5minsmadness: 1:04am On Sep 30, 2015 |
graciousolo: Wait You masturbated only 12 times this year??!? And you think that's bad?!?!?!? 2 Likes
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| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by graciousolo(m): 7:51am On Sep 30, 2015 |
cococandy:Over 12 times in a space of 4months. And yea I think it's bad cos I don't seem to have any defense against it. I just want out. All I have asked for is a therapist, it's becoming obvious to me that there are little or no counsellors in the country, maybe the average person is oblivious of them. 1 Like |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by graciousolo(m): 7:53am On Sep 30, 2015 |
ifyalways:I get ur sarcasm but, I just let it slide. |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by Nobody: 8:29am On Sep 30, 2015 |
Hello sir, having been in your shoes, here are my advices: -You have to be resolute about your decision to quit, it starts from the mind. -Look for an elderly clergy and confide in him.With this, a burden is lifted. You can tell him to follow you up and support you in counselling and prayers. -Avoid staying alone - Avoid pornography or any erotic visuals. pray, pray ,pray and pray May God deliver you. |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by focus7: 9:57am On Sep 30, 2015 |
Try not fix your mind on it as a problem, the less you rate as a big problem the less its influence is on you. What you are concerned about and fear takes control of you. Always see yourself in control and overcoming, stop seeing the experience as part of the life you live and gradually the thought wil leaves you and before you know it the habit will be broken. But devotion to God in all ways is the key to victory, it should be underestimated. |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by blank(f): 11:43am On Sep 30, 2015 |
graciousolo: Once you start having sex, it should stop. |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by cococandy(f): 1:51pm On Sep 30, 2015 |
graciousolo:Okay |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by graciousolo(m): 4:19pm On Sep 30, 2015 |
blank:I have been sexually active since I was 18  |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by 5minsmadness: 4:56pm On Sep 30, 2015 |
graciousolo:And u think masturb_ation is a bigger sin than fornication  |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by graciousolo(m): 8:06pm On Sep 30, 2015 |
5minsmadness: All I asked for was/is a therapists... It'd be nice if you had just ignoredan since you don't have that. You don try sha. Thanks. |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by yougosee: 8:25pm On Sep 30, 2015 |
Graciousolo The solution is what you are rejecting. The Holy Spirit is the power you need to break this bondage you are in. For some pratical tips: Mind man, mind. You have to say no in your mind first. The mind is a battle field. The Holy Spirit will help you win in there too. |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by graciousolo(m): 8:32pm On Sep 30, 2015 |
yougosee: I seriously don't want to stereotype. I knew this was coming and that's why I stated that 'I don't want!', eeh why na? Do we go to religious arguement now? Abeg! If u don't have a therapist, pls pass. Thanks. |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by KanwuliaJara: 11:27pm On Sep 30, 2015 |
Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!! NL going, going GONE!!!! Hallelujah!!!!! The struggle for survival continues.  2 Likes |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by socrateez(m): 11:50am On Oct 01, 2015 |
You can search for lekealder on tweeter and follow him. Register at lekealder.com. There are good christian psychologists available who can help you. I assure you that the addiction can be broken. |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by Nobody: 12:22pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
What's the fucking addiction here you are talking about? They did a research looking for boys under 14 who had never masturbated and they couldn't get 5% out of the population sampled. Its natural instinct. when it just over shadows your life and you constantly seek it and cant do without is when it is wrong. 12 times a year sounds like extremely low count...some people do it thrice daily and no one as labelled them addicted... If you want to stop it..Get married. |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by Raymie(m): 5:49pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
Get busy. Find a hobby. Avoid loneliness. Don't spend too much time in the shower or alone in idleness. And throw out all yhur porn (if yhu have a stash). |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by Soknown: 9:45pm On Oct 02, 2015 |
There is this Habit/ addiction treatment center ( DATER unit) in Neuro-psychiatric hospital Aro, Abeokuta. Ogun state. But I don't have their contact. At the very least their clinical psychologist should be able to help. 1 Like |
| Re: ...He is neck deep and, sinking. by gidjah(m): 10:10pm On Oct 02, 2015 |
I WAS A BETTER mastubator than you way back,but now JESUS HAS TAKING CONTROL.YOU might wanna ask HIM into your life  |
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