Hello guys, please I need ur constructive advice on this.. Really don't know where to start but i'll make it as brief as possible. Am from the southern part of nigeria, a graduate of political science and I just clocked 27. Mum died last year and since then, dad has made life unbearable. Am not surprise though, cos he's always been like that even when mum was alive. He keeps reminding me that, at 26 he was already married and had my elder brother, he compares me with his friend's children that are already married wit kids.I work as a private school teacher wit a psaltry sum of 22k, but dad keeps shouting that I don't contribute to the family upkeep. He got involved wit a young lady (about 30yrs old) since January and this has worsen the situation. To cut the long story short, dad ask my younger sista to tell me to leave the house, so that he can remarry. His "NEW WIFE" saw me wit a group of friends and reported to my dad that I am now a prostitute, Lol. Since then, dad keeps calling me a prostitute. It got to the point that even our neighbours started advising me to leave. Dad has neva seen anything good in me, and what really breaks my heart is that, am a total opposite of what he thinks of me. I may not be a saint, but I've got morales. At 27, I've still not had sex. But my father thinks am a LovePeddler. Am gradually loosing my mind and the best I can do is to leave. 1. Is moving out the best idea ?? 2. Can I survive wit my meagre salary ?? 3. What else can I do to salvage this situation?? Sorry for the long epistle though, and pls ignore my grammatical errors.

It all depends on you,do u think you can survive on your salary?can u keep enduring his hurtful words?what about your self esteem that every sentence is affecting?pray for a way sis,God will guide you!

Neitzsche

Sad! 22k won't do much 4 u oo... Is it house rent or feeding?? Or other upkeeps?

I knw fathers and their daughters to be very close, fathers are mostly very protective of their daughters.
Hmmmm....Pray girl. Ask God to take charge .

Beg ur dad that u doing want to talk to him, u can ask an elderly family member or his friend who he respects to go with u to talk to him. Beg him to 4give whatever wrong u have done him. Beg him to love u as a daughter and have patience till u can leave his house, that u won't disturb him and his new wife, try to stay out of their way, feed urself from ur salary. If he still maintains that u should leave his house, then Ask him to rent a house 4 u , after all he is ur father, its his responsibility to take care of u till u can do so urself or till u get married.

Hmmm,fathers are known to be very close to their daughters,but..

The school where you teach, don't they have teachers' quarters?

Before you leave you need to first consider the standard of living in Uyo, can you afford to pay rent with your meagre income? I suggest you look for another female who you can manage with until you earn enough to live on your own(if you are considering moving out). The truth is, even if your income is small you still need to contribute something financially, if not you will continue to receive insult. You can decide to pay for monthly gas or light bill every month, just contribute and you will notice a difference in his attitude. As for the name calling, tthis may be a sign of frustration on his part, just ignore it for now.

This sounds like early morning shite! FABU!

Leave before things go further down . Just put up an ad on olx that u need a flatmate in uyo. U would get someone u could share a flat with. It surprises me that u still had to bring this here after he and other well wishers already showed you the door...pls leave already .

Moving out is not the best idea

Start personal development - That saved money can pay for courses and certifications

Look for other jobs

Toughen up but don't be rude to him or his wife

pickabeau1:
Moving out is not the best idea

Start personal development - That saved money can pay for courses and certifications

Look for other jobs

Toughen up but don't be rude to him or his wife

I agree with this.

22K salary won't take you anywhere. Go apologize to your dad, tell him you are happy he wants to remarry and find a way to be polite to the gf, soon to be wife.

Invest in your future academically.

Patience.

Sorry to hear that your father is abusing you emotionally but the truth is that you cannot afford to move out on a 22k salary. The only way you can move out is if you live with a friend or relative rent free.

If this is not an option for you, you might have to put up with your father. Try and be political. Give your father money on a monthly basis as part of your contribution for food and bills. Buy him nice things when you can afford it and never raise your voice at him.

Truth be told but at 27 your father can tell you to leave his house as he doesn't owe you anything. Plead with him to give you some time to arrange yourself but you need to start planning to move out ASAP! Start looking for another job because 22k is definitely not a salary you can live on.

Best of luck!

sevule:
Sorry to hear that your father is abusing you emotionally but the truth is that you cannot afford to move out on a 22k salary. The only way you can move out is if you live with a friend or relative rent free.

If this is not an option for you, you might have to put up with your father. Try and be political. Give your father money on a monthly basis as part of your contribution for food and bills. Buy him nice things when you can afford it and never raise your voice at him.

Truth be told but at 27 your father can tell you to leave his house as he doesn't owe you anything. Plead with him to give you some time to arrange yourself but you need to start planning to move out ASAP! Start looking for another job because 22k is definitely not a salary you can live on.

Best of luck!

thank u so much for ur advice. But the fact is, I try but he always wants more. Presently I buy all the provisions we use at home and this costs me like 10k every month. I rarely eat at home, so I don't even bug him at all. Last year December, I got him a 10k wrist watch and a 12k material for sewing, but on a normal day, he still says am backward. Its just so frustrating!!!!!!

Pidggin:
Before you leave you need to first consider the standard of living in Uyo, can you afford to pay rent with your meagre income? I suggest you look for another female who you can manage with until you earn enough to live on your own(if you are considering moving out). The truth is, even if your income is small you still need to contribute something financially, if not you will continue to receive insult. You can decide to pay for monthly gas or light bill every month, just contribute and you will notice a difference in his attitude. As for the name calling, tthis may be a sign of frustration on his part, just ignore it for now.

thanks dear...

MarvellousGod:
The school where you teach, don't they have teachers' quarters?

no, they don't.

He will definitely regret this someday,.... You don't deserve that from the person that should love u the most.. God will visit you dear sister. I feel your pain

praxs:
He will definitely regret this someday,.... You don't deserve that from the person that should love u the most.. God will visit you dear sister. I feel your pain

thanks my brother..

if u can get a room mate and rent a place,you can survive on 22k. what of some corpers who r surviving only on allowee. R u good at your job, look round if u can get a home teacher job .some family breadwinners earn about 20-30k and still survive with wife and children eg cleaners,gateman,drivers.

From the way you talked about leaving, it seems you have a place in mind. If you dont have any in mind, start looking for friends or relative that can provide a roof over your head because you can manage 22k on other needs. When you find a place, you should not move at once, spend a week or two and go back home to spend a weekend or week repeatedly before the final moving; This will help you have a feel of the life outside and also tell whoever is at home that you still have a stake there.

It seems you are soft hearted, i would have said stay back and wait for the woman chasing you out, your poor sister will likely take your place, so when you move, add private lessor, business or any good means to up your income.

GHoJes:
From the way you talked about leaving, it seems you have a place in mind. If you dont have any in mind, start looking for friends or relative that can provide a roof over your head because you can manage 22k on other needs. When you find a place, you should not move at once, spend a week or two and go back home to spend a weekend or week repeatedly before the final moving; This will help you have a feel of the life outside and also tell whoever is at home that you still have a stake there.

It seems you are soft hearted, i would have said stay back and wait for the woman chasing you out, your poor sister will likely take your place, so when you move, add private lessor, business or any good means to up your income.

thank u very much dear. Ur advice is so striking, infact am swinging into action by next week. Thanks once again......

udmydearest:
thank u very much dear. Ur advice is so striking, infact am swinging into action by next week. Thanks once again......

You are welcome my dear, sometimes all you need for the way to open is a strong will. You may not find it easily the first time, but if you know what you are looking for and are persistent enough, you will surely find. Good success girl.

I don't think you should move out.
Some situations are dicey but you need to hold on a while.
Moving out should be for practical reasons.
E. g. You get a better paying job and the location is far from home.....
If you move out now with no apparent reason other than you being unable to stand the insults at home, what would your Dad say? He will claim that you are expanding your prostitution network and being at home is killing 'business'.
He will use the opportunity to cut off communication with you. Soon you'll become a stranger in that house.
Develop yourself.... and seek a better job.
When the time to move out comes, there'll be no contest.

udmydearest:
Hello guys, please I need ur constructive advice on this.. Really don't know where to start but i'll make it as brief as possible. Am from the southern part of nigeria, a graduate of political science and I just clocked 27. Mum died last year and since then, dad has made life unbearable. Am not surprise though, cos he's always been like that even when mum was alive. He keeps reminding me that, at 26 he was already married and had my elder brother, he compares me with his friend's children that are already married wit kids.I work as a private school teacher wit a psaltry sum of 22k, but dad keeps shouting that I don't contribute to the family upkeep. He got involved wit a young lady (about 30yrs old) since January and this has worsen the situation. To cut the long story short, dad ask my younger sista to tell me to leave the house, so that he can remarry. His "NEW WIFE" saw me wit a group of friends and reported to my dad that I am now a prostitute, Lol. Since then, dad keeps calling me a prostitute. It got to the point that even our neighbours started advising me to leave. Dad has neva seen anything good in me, and what really breaks my heart is that, am a total opposite of what he thinks of me. I may not be a saint, but I've got morales. At 27, I've still not had sex. But my father thinks am a LovePeddler. Am gradually loosing my mind and the best I can do is to leave. 1. Is moving out the best idea ?? 2. Can I survive wit my meagre salary ?? 3. What else can I do to salvage this situation?? Sorry for the long epistle though, and pls ignore my grammatical errors.

U need a man in ur life I hope u r working towards dt, ur dad needs a son in law

U can really survive on 22k on ur own. Rent in a public yard can't be more than 3k per month or 36k per yr.

After school what comes next?
The best is to leave.I left my parents house immediately after graduation. I think you leave, the zeal to work harder becomes attractive.

Never stay in a place where you are not wanted.

Work towards your exit.It may take a month or more but you have to leave.
Your present salary isn't much but you have to get other income streams like home lessons.Look around for someone you can share an apartment with,maybe a mini-flat to reduce cost.

While you are still with your dad,avoid conflicts as much as possible.

thorpido:
Work towards your exit.It may take a month or more but you have to leave.
Your present salary isn't much but you have to get other income streams like home lessons.Look around for someone you can share an apartment with,maybe a mini-flat to reduce cost.

While you are still with your dad,avoid conflicts as much as possible.

thank u.

ogawisdom:


U need a man in ur life I hope u r working towards dt, ur dad needs a son in law

U can really survive on 22k on ur own. Rent in a public yard can't be more than 3k per month or 36k per yr.

Yes I do know that, thanks.

lalasticlala.....


[size=16pt]Short of Words[/size]

Should you leave your family isn't the appropriate question but should you leave home is more appropriate. So, no you shouldn't leave your family but you should leave home. I don't think you need to be in a place where there is too much verbal abuse.

Are you a graduate? If yes, why the heck are you limiting yourself to a 22k salary? It's either you look for a better job by going to plaza and searching the job board or you add more jobs to that teaching job. Mbok, 22k will not take you anywhere at 27 because I am sure you have no savings to fall back on.

Anyway, start from church. Isn't there any single female friend staying alone and close to where you work? Uyo might be small but if you aren't careful, you might spend more than necessary on transport.

Start saving money and plan to leave because honestly by the time the new wife comes you will know that your father is doing preamble for you

your fathers house go hot like polygamous house so before it gets to that level, leave. You coil stay with a friend temporarily till you get a job and afford to pay your bills.

Pele.everybody with his own problems

I can bet that that your fathers soon to be wife is after your fathers money. She'll collect his money, leave him broke and dejected then take off. That's when he'll remember he has kidd

however if you don't want to stay with your friends you can go to your mom's sister's house, your maternal grandma or any of her relatives willing to accommodate you while you job hunt

udmydearest:

OP 22K job is not it at all. Coming from a humble background I can relate to your dads "intention" action. He's simply telling you it's time to get on with life. I have female relative that are married at 21 n 23 respectively.

Am in my 30s dating a 27 year old is so unappealing, n that goes for many other guys. You need to start thinking about dating seriously. In a way you lover can help to some extent depending on how buoyant he is financially.

Secondly I think you should quit that teaching job or demand a rise. If that's not possible I can help you get marketing jobs that will fetch you an average of 60-80K monthly if you live in Lagos.

Finally do not write antagonising your dad, you have no idea what he went through before his actions. Pls note his actions are not justified but antagonising is not either nor is it the solution. The solution I will give a younger sister in your situation is to see his dad action as a call to the next step/level in life.

It's unpredictable out there but you won't know if you'd survive or not with stepping out. I feel so sad/sorry someone as decent as you as to go through this. Wish I can do more.

hello sis

so sorry about your plight but before i go further. I will like you to know that there is no free lunch anywhere. It more difficult outside i tell you what I lived with my elder sister for some time before i got married it was not easy i was 27 and not yet married she reminded of my situation every now and then i was working in an indian company where they pay 35 k our take home is like 31 after deductions. You know what i did i tried as i much as i could to please her i will wash the clothes, clean the house cook meals even though she still complained but inside i was crying to God to remember me for good. I also put some money down for upkeep oo filling of gas et all. After 1 year God remebered me and i got married at 28 to a barrister my salary to his own is incomparable but all i can say is thank you lord.

My dear sister moving out is not the right option cos you become vulnerable and at the same time desperate. this is the time to move closer to God and ask for his mercy/favor cos in this situation its only God that can help you. Your dad is only doing to make you sit up and not to throw you out.

My questions to you if you move out have you considered your younger ones? what about your elder brother what is he saying.

My dear running away is not the best option stand up and fight.
this bibble verse comes to my mind the kingdom of God suffereth violence and its only the violent takes it by force.............. through prayers.

Thanks