Parents often find it hard to sit their children down and talk about sex, but I think that they ought to do so.

So my question is this: when do you guys think is the right age to teach kids about sex?

Before puberty, teach your child the basics whenever the issue comes up. You don't have to go into the 'gory' details since your child is not yet capable of performing, but if she asks you any question, make every effort to supply accurate answers.

At puberty, sit your child down and tell her everything. She's going to find out anyway, so why not be the one to tell her the truth? Her friends might tell her funny things like "if you don't lose your virginity early you won't be able to satisfy your spouse in the future ..."

I think the best thing is just to be your child's best friend, at least for as long as that is possible. When your kids are comfortable in the knowledge that they are free to discuss issues with you, from their questions and converstaion, trust me, you'll know when it's time to delve into sex education. In the unfortunate event that such friendship is absent, then I suggest you time your talk about sex for when your kids are smart enough to understand what it means. Age is irrelevant as children do not grow or develop at the same rate.

I think for Boys, once they turn 13, just to give them an idea. I know my little brother started asking funny questions around that age. As for girls, as early as 9 is fine. You don't expect them to do anything, but i believe ignorance is not bliss. Let them be aware of it before hand and learn how to handle themselves. Life is difficult even when we think we know how to handle things, let alone when we have no clue.

I think I support Ra's opinion as to when it is good to talk to your child about sex. It is when you make yourself available to them when they need you that they find the most comfortable time to speak to you. They begin to get curious about the whole topic. It is advisable that you don't turn them down when the ask about it for the first time, this will go a long way to determine their own orientation about sex education. The period of Lectures on sex education is unlimited... at least until they get married. The only difference is the manner and approach to the topic.

Sex talk is something that should start within the family and not outside. Parents make a lot of mistake when they think that they should not discuss such with their children, for goodness sake how are you going to cope with the consequences of their hearing probably the wrong view of such delicate issue.

Ra, I concur with you. Parents should endeavour to be as close as possisble to their children so that they are not scared of confronting them with issues such as these. Parents should not shy away from this truth as the consequences will stare you in face sooner or later.

Well said, everybody. Hope we can practice what we're preaching when the time comes!

I think it's also important to remember that you don't have to tell the child everything at once, and you don't also have to go into the graphic detail that seems to terrify most parents - you can use natural sounding words that don't make sex look like some 'big deal'.

For example, if I had a child and he asked me where babies came from, it wouldn't mean I would have to start giving him a biology 'O' level lecture - I could just tell him that they grow inside their mothers belly. That's all - no need to tell him more than that. If he went further and asked what made them grow inside there, I could just say that daddy lies with mummy and puts a seed in her which makes the baby grow.

What if he asks you where daddy got the seed, and if he can get one too?

seun:

What if the asks you where daddy got the seed, and if he can get one too?

The seed that daddy used to make the baby grow in mummy is the same seed that caused hair to grow on daddy's face and chin. So if you can't grow a beard... forget it.

I like that, I really like that!

Lovely answer, Ka

Never really had one...all I ever got was an admonition 'be careful of the girls!' or was it "with" the girls?

Anyhow I survived, learnt what I had to learn from the books, my teachers,peers and experience, some not wholly right!

But I think its just fair the boys as much as the girls get a good sex education...many seem to think its for girls only!

Am I the only one who doesn't think Ka's answer above is not much of an answer? I mean, essentially all Ka is saying is "I don't want to talk about it because you don't have a beard". Surely an intelligent kid would not be satisfied with that.

An intelligent kid will reason, "ok, if daddy doesn't want to tell me where to get the seed I will ask my friends in school ..." and the entire purpose of the exercise is defeated.

Kids are getting smarter than we were as kids. I think their questrions should be answered as honest and simple as possible. As Ra put it try to be a friend to your child because for all you know that child might be asking you a question to reconfirm another person's answer. When the child discovers that you are hiding things then curiosity sets in and you don't wnat to know the extent that child will go to get more information especially in this Internet era.

Chigszy:

Parents often find it hard to sit their children down and talk about sex but I think that they ougt to do so. So my question is when do you guys think is the right age to teach kids about sex?

ma mumsie started talkin' 'bout it when i was 10 or sumn...too early(i'm sure dt's wat's goin' thru ur mind...) but i think i had a better advantage than those peeps ma age who didn't know a thing...

delarontus: Kids are getting smarter than we were as kids

I do not agree with this statement. Yes, kids are smart. You see, kids have always been smart!

The problem is that as we 'mature' we forget what it was like to be kids. Kids, really, are not that different from us - they are not brain-damaged, they are just a little bit inexperienced. I respect kids more than most yoruba men .

I have been telling friends that by the time my kids are 18 they will be capable of surviving and thriving without my assistance. (I'm about 23 and I am still learning to be successful on my own, but there is nothing in my brain now that was not there 5 years ago ...)

As a kid, I never had the chance of being educated on sex, maybe it was because I did not live with my parents. But then, I was able to pick something from the classrooms and from my peers (those who had the priviledge of being educated on sex) though it wasn't enough.

I never had any problem with guys anyway until I got to the higher institution and this was because I attended all girls' schools and I lived in solitude. When I got to the higher institution, it was a different story. I was so shy I couldn't even look into the eyes of a guy, I started having problems.

I could remember one funny incident where a guy proposed to me and the next thing I did was to take to my heels. You know, I felt he was going to pounce on me there and then so I had to run. I was confused. I thought if a guy proposed to a lady, it meant that he was going to 'screw' her at that very moment. I didn't know there was something called 'love'.

Then I started talking to my mates, those who were a little bit matured. Eventually, I was able to overcome it.

There was no elderly person to educate me so I now feel awkward discussing sex at home. I don't even do it.

So as Ra rightly said, we should always be close enough to our children to enlighten them on the importance of sex education.

tayotina:
 
I thought if a guy proposed to a lady, it meant that he was going to 'screw' her at that very moment.

This is just one of the errors parents pass on to their kids.

seun:

Am I the only one who doesn't think Ka's answer above is not much of an answer?

Yep... you're on your own, dude!

I mean, essentially all Ka is saying is "I don't want to talk about it because you don't have a beard".  Surely an intelligent kid would not be satisfied with that.

Yes, you're right that an intelligent child wouldn't be satisfied if his father said he didn't want to talk about it, but no, that's not what I'm saying.

You asked what I would say if the child asked: 1. where the the seed came from, and 2. whether he could have it. I answered 1. by indicating that the seed came from within daddy (how else could it make hair grow on his face?) and 2. by saying that he couldn't have the seed because he couldn't grow a beard yet.
 

An intelligent kid will reason, "ok, if daddy doesn't want to tell me where to get the seed I will ask my friends in school ..." and the entire purpose of the exercise is defeated.

An intelligent kid will seek clarification from daddy if he isn't satisfied with daddy's answer, and will only turn elsewhere if daddy has explicitly told him not to ask any further questions.

Ka, I was wrong. There is an aspect of what you said I didn't grasp previously. The seed that grows babies also grows hair, wow!

What if the child says he/she doesn't believe you? What if he wants to see the seeds you are talking about? What if he demands for some seeds to show his friends?

seun:

Ka, I was wrong.  There is an aspect of what you said I didn't grasp previously.  The seed that grows babies also grows hair, wow!

Well, in a way, it's true. The male hormone, testosterone is responsible for the distinctly masculine physical traits (like more muscular body and facial hair), and also has a role to play in male fertility. This hormone is produced in the testicles.

What if the child says he/she doesn't believe you?  What if he wants to [I]see[/I] the seeds you are talking about?  What if he demands for some seeds to show his friends?

OK, now that I have recovered from my bout of laughter, I will tell him that the seed is held inside a little bag beneath daddy's penis. And unfortunately, the seed only comes out of daddy's penis when daddy puts it into mummy to grow a baby inside her (ok, not strictly true but near enough), so I won't be able to give him a sample of the seed to show his friends.

Ka:

seun link=topic=265.msg2536#msg2536 date=1117058863:

Ka, I was wrong. There is an aspect of what you said I didn't grasp previously. The seed that grows babies also grows hair, wow!

Well, in a way, it's true. The male hormone, testosterone is responsible for the distinctly masculine physical traits (like more muscular body and facial hair), and also has a role to play in male fertility. This hormone is produced in the testicles.

What if the child says he/she doesn't believe you? What if he wants to [I]see[/I] the seeds you are talking about? What if he demands for some seeds to show his friends?

OK, now that I have recovered from my bout of laughter, I will tell him that the seed is held inside a little bag beneath daddy's penis. And unfortunately, the seed only comes out of daddy's penis when daddy puts it into mummy to grow a baby inside her (ok, not strictly true but near enough), so I won't be able to give him a sample of the seed to show his friends.

LMAO!

as a kid i was not that smart, why? should have been smarter and put mum in a tight spot

@ Seun: what i mean is that a kid of nine today is a lot smarter than a kid of nine ten years ago.

The bottom line is to learn from our mistakes and those of our ancestors.

@ Delarontus, I'm not so sure that a kid of nine today is smarter than a kid of nine ten years ago. Are you saying that since the time of the bible people have been getting smarter and smarter and smarter and smarter and ...

No, I don't think so. What makes you think so? What mistakes did our ancestors make?

seun:

I'm not so sure that a kid of nine today is smarter than a kid of nine ten years ago. 

seun, kids are a lot more smarter these days o.
Imagine what my neighbour's 7 yr old kid asked my sister last year when her elder brother (10) playfully pressed her tummy to the wall "Aunty, will I be able to give birth, Willy pressed my tummy to the wall?"
what do you call that in this age?

I have this 5 year old niece and I tell you Seun, she would never UnCloth in your presence.

well lets call that computer age. Children of nowadays understands faster at the rate at which they see things, the rate at which they hears and at the rate at which they were informed. So one should be very careful of what you say or do to them now.
Remember that whatever you do to them today will be fresh in them till tomorrow and also tomorrow will never come

And what gives you the impression that children of yesterday were not just as smart as the children we have today?

Just because a child knows so much about sex from watching PG-13 hollywood movies doesn't mean he/she i's smarter. The time he/she spent watching the PG-13 movies could have been spent doing something else - like reading books - that brings genuine development of the mind.

This whole "children are smarter" belief is really wrong, but since it's harmless I won't say any more about it. Just make sure your children learn about love and sex from you and not from hollywood movies or steamy novels!

Well frankly speaking, i wouldn't feel comfortable discussing things related to sex with my parents. And besides come to think of it? how many of you would be comfortable with that?

That is because they never discussed such things with you when you were younger, so of course you're not used to hearing the 3 letter word from your parents' mouth. Besides, I have good reason to believe that, whatever it is that they would like to tell you, it's already too late!