Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? - Family - Nairaland
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| Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Sagamite(m): 11:27am On Apr 27, 2009 |
I was listening to the radio show about Frank Lampard and noted a comment from the presenter that: "Any man that lets his children live at a standard inferior to his own is a scum" Is it wrong to do that? Please note this discussion should be based on the justification of the scenario in the subject NOT on whether it is right or wrong for the presenter to make such a statement. I personally think there are situations where it is OK for your kids to live at a lower standard than you live as long as it can not be claimed that they are sufferring or living below a reasonable standard. I believe every human being should work hard to attain the best standard of life for themselves and the best standard of life should not be laid on a plate for anyone. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by prittigrrr(f): 8:43pm On Apr 27, 2009 |
In the US, the laws are written to try to ensure that in matters of child support the children's standard of living is brought in line with that of the parents. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Nobody: 8:55pm On Apr 27, 2009 |
You brought them into the world, so take care of them the best way you can. I believe every human being should work hard to attain the best standard of life for themselves and the best standard of life should not be laid on a plate for anyone. Why not? I'm of the thought that if you find yourself in a given situation, just make the best out of it, whether rich or poor. It doesn't matter if it's served to you free of charge. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Sissy3(f): 9:05pm On Apr 27, 2009 |
no i wouldn't let my children live at a low standard than me. i will strive for them to live at a standard above me or where i am |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by tpiah: 9:06pm On Apr 27, 2009 |
its sadism to punish your children for coming into the world through you. sheer wickedness. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Outstrip(f): 9:26pm On Apr 27, 2009 |
If your children live with you and eat what you eat how can they live at a lower standard than you. You would have to work extremely hard for them to live at a lower standard. I know it happens in Nigeria though. I have gone to people's homes where children are hungry but mummy has to serve daddy's food first and it is usually a different dish from what the children will eat or when there is one car in the family but dad will drive off to work and the children will have to ride Okada to school and put their lives at rist. When dad should be the one taking the okada and letting mom use the car to get the kids safely to school. I personally cannot do that. It is child abuse in my opinion. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by invisible2(m): 9:27pm On Apr 27, 2009 |
Just dont let them get everything they demand. It will make them see life as too easy. If you ever have to depart too soon and the kids will be like fishes thrown on dry ground. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by ifyalways(f): 10:19pm On Apr 27, 2009 |
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| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Sagamite(m): 12:05am On Apr 28, 2009 |
stillwater: Stillwater, The scenario I am alluding to is if I was some multi-millionaire/billionaire, I wouldn't necessarily want my kids to leave a millionaire's life. As I have made my money, I will live my life to the fullest but my philosophy has always been that you should provide your children with all they need but not all they want (a few is OK) as it might lead to them seeing having what they want as a birth right, if not even their human right. I would want to instil in them the values of working for everything in life but me still being able to enjoy my money that I worked for. What is wrong with them entering the Metrobus in Lagos everyday? Having to go and get a job to buy their first car? Does that make me a scum? invisible!: This is exactly my point. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Sagamite(m): 12:11am On Apr 28, 2009 |
prittigrrr: If this is actually legislated, then I think it is fundamentally wrong. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by tpiah: 2:30am On Apr 28, 2009 |
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| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by prittigrrr(f): 2:43am On Apr 28, 2009 |
Well, matters of child support in the US are legislated and I don't see how it is fundamentally wrong. The laws are in place because so many men (and women too) make the children and either do not support them, or only provide nominal support leaving the kids in poor conditions while they live very comfortably. Not all non-custodial parents do this, but large numbers of them do, thus warrantng these laws. Oh, and please note these laws are gender neutral so if dad has the kids and mom does not, mom must pay inline with her income. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Nobody: 2:51am On Apr 28, 2009 |
Sagamite: Just be careful. Children can't have everything, yes, but I think what matters here in instilling some work ethic or rather overall training of your kids has more to do with the kind of parenting style you use to enforce them than how you limit them to the goodies of life. You could limit them but if you apply an authoritarian style of parenting with little or no love, then your kids may only see you as some wicked father that issues orders. Not everyone that has been deprived of wealth develops work ethics either. You would find lazy people with no focus in every setting of life. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Outstrip(f): 3:58am On Apr 28, 2009 |
okay so we are all basically having two different arguments here. I see your point about if children should end up being like Paris Hilton who is famous for nothing but her grandfathers name and is utterly useless versus a case where we have children in a family but they are not getting the basic necessities because the parents are seen as more important. These are two very different points but I see where you are coming from now |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by tpiah: 2:55pm On Apr 28, 2009 |
for every Paris Hilton, there are ten other billionaire kids who turn out well and are very responsible. They just dont make the headlines. There are a lot of families back home which follow this philosophy of denying the kids basic things ostensibly in order to "toughen" them. It may work for some at the risk of the children growing up to resent their parents- especially the dad. There are many ways to teach a child responsibility. Especially in Nigeria, with the high number of poor people. However, to each his own. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by spikedcylinder: 3:46pm On Apr 28, 2009 |
You people are getting it all wrong. First, I think you need to understand that context in which "standard" was used. The Radio presenter was saying: "If you are a millionaire, your children must live like millionaires" i.e for every kobo you make, your child (at whatever age) is entitled to the next kobo. How can that work in any society?  More people will take the "I don't want kids" route.Sagamite, as I understand wasn't saying he, as a father won't provide the basic (and other luxuries) for his kids, he's saying its impossible (morally and fundamentally) to live in the same standard as your child. If you are rich enough to buy Laboutin shoes for yourself, will you buy a pair for your 5 year old daughter every time you buy yourself a pair? |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Nekai(f): 5:34am On Jun 09, 2011 |
Before a child is of age to work and earn a living it is immoral for the parents to wear the finest clothes while they are wearing rags. After a child is able to work, he/she should contribute in some way to their upkeep. If this lowers their standard of living slightly it will only serve to motivate them to succeed. After a child is grown it is immoral to support them. It will only promote laziness. Of course there are exemptions to this, but the vast majority of parents that completely support their adult children are doing them a disservice. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Nobody: 8:30am On Jun 09, 2011 |
I beleive people should ONLY use what they can afford . . . . What's the use of spoiling them with glamour when there's no certainty that they can afford that when they grow up  |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by N101: 12:12pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
Sagamite - I think there's a problem with this thread. You need to define "children", whether we're speaking of minors or adults. You are alluding to adults, many are referring to minors. An adult child living below the standards of their parents is different from a minor living below the standards of their parents. This also depends on whether the parents are together or not. So maybe you need to clarify what you mean with regards to the Frank Lampard comment. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Sagamite(m): 12:54pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
Nekai: No one is saying kids should wear rags. The question is, if you are wearing multiple Jimmy Choo shoes, carrying LV bags and wearing Gucci clothes everyday and drive a Ferrari 360 because you are rich, is it a crime/immoral to insist your kids should only wear a limited range of apparels from Oasis, Topshop and even Primark clothes on a daily basis and take the bus 11 when going out on their own? N101: Every child, mate. My initial reference was actually minors - U18. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by tpia5: 2:56pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
Set the standard you want your children to follow. Dont use expensive designer stuff if you dont want them doing the same. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Fhemmmy: 4:42pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
why and how could your kid live a lower standard than you? The way your child appears or look will define who you are |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by harakiri(m): 4:49pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
If i visit venice,aruba or bora bora on vacation each year, must my kids visit disney land as well? If i wear diamond bracelets, must my kid have diamond earrings? If i drive an SLS mercedes, must i buy an SLK for a child? Get real people. That is madness and never ends well coz the kids will grow to believe whatever you do for them is their "right" and they are "entitled" to it. Such kids become irreversibly spoiled brats! The basics are food,shelter,education and clothing. Anything else is a bonus (after all, there a millions of starving kids all of the world that would appreciate the money MORE than the kids!). Real talk. Nuff said! |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Fhemmmy: 5:17pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
harakiri: I am sure this is not what we are talking about here. But if you buying lace every weekend to go to party and your kids are wearing torn clothes, then, you have failed as a father. If you visit all these nations every year, at least once in every 3 years, take your kids to disney too. If you driving SLS benz, let your kids have a nice bike to have fun around the block |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Claus(m): 5:36pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
The example cited was of Frank Lampard who broke up with the mother of his children. The mother retained custody, so the lifestlye they live while with their mother depends on how much he gives her. That is a slightly different issue to where both parents are raising the children together. The main moral of the story is that kids shouldn't be spoilt, which is fine. The best ways to teach children about the value of money (as well as other lessons) is to lead by example. We must bear in mind that there are things that are appropriate for adults (e.g. diamonds), but not for kids. Restricting the kids access to these things is not necessarily making them live a lower standard. However, with a lot of the other aspects e.g. holidays, place of residence (i.e. if you choose to live in a luxurious mansion, surely your kids must live in the same mansion) etc, these should be family oriented as they serve the function of strengthening family relationships. I think a lot of peoples' views will be further refined when they have families of their own. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Fhemmmy: 5:39pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
^^^ Kids should not be given certain things, but they have equivalents . . . , it is like some husband telling the wife what car they could drive out of the fleet in the house . . . what an insult |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Claus(m): 5:45pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
^^^^ Certainly, I agree about the equivalents. I specifically mentioned the diamonds in response to the diamond bracelets for adults/diamond earrings for kids example given in the previous post. |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Fhemmmy: 5:47pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
Claus: Kool to know we are on same side . . . . . I blv a man ought to work hard to provide for his family and let them be happy all together, but Nigerian men are good at oppressing everyone else in the home, they wanna drive the best car in the house and leave the rest for others. Too much " That is daddy's car oh, dont touch it . . . . what happened to, that is family car? |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Sagamite(m): 5:51pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
Fhemmmy: And what makes you think this is what was being talked about, after my very clear clarification? Sagamite: |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Sagamite(m): 5:52pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
Fhemmmy: Why should they have equivalent? What is wrong with them having less? |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Fhemmmy: 5:55pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
Sagamite: You are supposed to provide for them and give them the best of what you could, anything less is not nice of you. You ear a nice lace to party and your kids wear jeans to follow you when they are not old enuf to make their own choice and you are doing baba alaye? . . . . Besides, give me one reason why they should have less than you |
| Re: Is It Immoral To Let Your Children Live At A Lower Standard Than You Do? by Sagamite(m): 6:01pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
Fhemmmy: Nope! You are suppose to provide for them and give them a good start in life by providing what they need. Not provide "the best you can give them". Otherwise, Bill Gates should buy his kids Cape Verde and other islands. Fhemmmy: No, they will wear lace too. It might not be as expensive or it could be, depends on the cost of the lace I am wearing. If I was wearing a Rolex wristwatch to the party, no chance of them getting one. They will wear a watch from Next or something. Fhemmmy: Because they don't need to! |
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