Being a man, I've never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT?!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her
we'll just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you ... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck!

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either ...