Moderators please push this forward I need all the advice I can get thanks.

I have been seeing this guy for some months now we were friends before we started dating i will call him Leo,things happened so fast we talked about marriage, leo is from Akure he talked about me with his family his Dad is Late, his Mom told him she does not want an Igbo girl,

leo told me that if his family wont support him we will travel faraway from them & marry without their consent, we hoped that with time his mother will change her mind but from the beginning till now the mother is still insisting though she has not met me before , she even came from village to his house unannounced just to see if she would find me there, so that she can warn me to stay away from her son, and am wondering if am such a trouble to her, unfortunately for her their was no sign of me or my clothes there, she spent 2 days,
he
couldn't stay home because his mom will keep on ranting, he was devastated and told me to free him for now so I decided that this could be a good time to fast, I never knew what that meant in his terms because we were still seeing each other .

The thing is the love we have for each other is so strong, we fight a lot almost every day, just when I think we will breakup the love only gets stronger, like we are falling in love over and over again, everyday he tells me how stubborn I am. I have never met someone that loves like this,

My problem is this is not the only puzzling circumstances on my neck, their was a day we quarrelled and I told him its over between us, he threatened me , all the things he said gave me the impression that he must have been a former cultist,


I kept asking him what and who he was before he told me that its his past he is not going back to it neither is he gonna talk about it., after the argument he pulled me close hugged & kissed me and left. all that drama happened inside my office.

I felt lost, each time theirs issue either from me or his mom he goes out to drink and calm himself , if the issue is really heated he does something even crazier, like when his mom came & harassed him he drank & smoked weed .
I
was confused , I kept telling myself that I had entered one-chance, my heart broke, after some days Leo was normal and sweet again.. After the moms visit he planned to go and see if he can convince his families and settle things amicably, he didn't pick their calls for 2 weeks, eventually he made his line available and started communicating with them, last night he told me that his family said they don't want to see me, I was so angry I told him to give it a rest and not spoil my mind , the fact that he smokes annoys me I hate him for that, I feel trapped like I can't leave him, he annoys me because he is not acting like a man that he is he gave his mother and family the power and right to control him, now I don't know how things will go, because he still loves me and won't let go...

I just need advice from married and about to marry nlanders tell me the problems you encountered in courtship and how you handled or tackled them.... Because I may go krazy before its too late......

Darling, are you two REALLY MARRIED? Think deep before you answer.

I am not married but what i know is that,if it doesnt feel right now,it wont feel right later.If you analyze the situation and feel like there are some things u can't compromise in marriage,dont marry.And know that if u decide to marry him,his family will still be a problem 2 you and be ready to fight for the rest of your life and marriage.enough said.

Make I drop my advice without big grammar. For Yoruba culture, na the Family the woman dey marry not the hubby. So any yawa especially when you never enter, with any of the family member especially the mama is a totally turnoff. For the other habits he's got, you wear the shoe, only you can see and feel better than I do. My little advice is LOOK WELL , BEFORE YOU LEAP. I wish you the best.

My dear, this is not only one chance. Apart from the fact that the mum is misbehaving, the guy does not even worth marrying, don't close your eyes to all these his nasty behaviors because marriage will open your eyes. ..he drinks and smoke weed to calm himself. ..hehehe I promise you if you marry him, he will smoke weed and come back one day and turn you to his punch bag.... please run for your dear life for its better to be single hoping to be married dan to be married praying to be single

Every relationship has its ups an downs....... D signs are obvious b4 marriage......... It's either u tolerate it or share d grace....

The fact he drinks and smokes puts me off, so I may not be able to offer a meaningful advice. ..

However, you should be aware that most times what we call little issue during courtship becomes a big issue after marriage. .

All the best. ..

My dear run for your life before it's too late

pet4ril:
My dear, this is not only one chance. Apart from the fact that the mum is misbehaving, the guy does not even worth marrying, don't close your eyes to all these his nasty behaviors because marriage will open your eyes. ..he drinks and smoke weed to calm himself. ..hehehe I promise you if you marry him, he will smoke weed and come back one day and turn you to his punch bag.... please run for your dear life for its better to be single hoping to be married dan to be married praying to be single

seconded

mymadam:
Darling, are you two REALLY MARRIED? Think deep before you answer.

Nope but attached

Babe, that guy is only playing on your ignorance.
He has another girl that he values.
He lied to you that his mother came/comes but its realy the other girl that comes around.

Final bullet: Excape for your dear life and pay him a suprise vissit after a month and you'll surely see him ontop of that his mother.

fakest story.

I am not married but I think the guy is not good for you.....

My dear, I have been married for 29 years. My honest advice for you is to find a way to cut off completely from this guy. He's not in control of his life. If you marry him, be sure that his family will push you out of the home. His escapist mentality of resorting to drinking and smoking in the face of challenges is also very disturbing. It doesn't show he will stand by you if his family comes tomorrow to throw away your property from his house.

@Ethereal0110

Why don't you just try to chill?

This is ALL you need to do for now. Take a break from your emotional turmoil and sort yourself out. Once you achieve a state of clarity, you will know what to do.

I'm not married but I will give my last 2 kobo to @Ethereal0110


CONS
His mother hates the very ground you walk on.

You feel trapped in the relationship

He is making you go crazy, possibly threatening your mental health

He drinks and smokes weed

PROS

1. He gives you the D very well

2. ?


My assessment:
First I don't care what anybody says: Family ties are very important in Nigerian marriages. If the family hates you, then your chances of success in the marriage are slim.

No man should ever make his wife-to-be feel insecure. The fact that he has created an aura of fear by threatening you is a big NO.

I wouldn't advice my unborn daughter or sister to marry a man who smokes weed and drinks. #PersonalChoice

What kind of man would plan to leave his mother and elope with a woman. I see a bloke with poor values. When you meet a turbulence in the marriage, who will be there to sit him down and caution/advise him? He will just elope with another babe

Thus I will repeat the advice of aunty cococandy
[size=18pt]LEAVE HIM!![/size]

MrsPhyno, you know I'm not like this abi?

If you desire a peaceful married life devoid of heartaches and regrets, leave that guy and find someone who can control his emotions. These attitude of his will only get worse after marriage.

You also need to ask yourself what exactly you want in a man and the type of family you want to build. Let these answers guide you to your real man.

Lol RedCapChief

I agree with your assessment 100%

allow me to book space

Alert me via the bank when we get to fp

This land is for sale
Asking price:600 million pounds per sqm.
Beware of Nicki Minaj my wh.ore. And Kim Kardashian my maid.

emmydeep:
Babe, that guy is only playing on your ignorance.
He has another girl that he values.
He lied to you that his mother came/comes but its realy the other girl that comes around.

Final bullet: Excape for your dear life and pay him a suprise vissit after a month and you'll surely see him ontop of that his mother.

I like Ur sharpness.

cococandy:
[size=18pt]LEAVE HIM![/size]

was looking for Ur post bfore I comment, so dat I won't waste my energy. As usual

thelish:


was looking for Ur post bfore I comment, so dat I won't waste my energy. As usual

[quote author=Kimoni post=39061927]If you desire a peaceful married life devoid of heartaches and regrets, leave that guy and find someone who can control his emotions. These attitude of his will only get worse after marriage.

You also need to ask yourself what exactly you want in a man and the type of family you want to build. Let these answers guide you to your real man.[/quot
Does d OP know what she want at all?
U don old reach MAN NA MAN stage?

cococandy:

What is Ur month of birth?

[quote author=Kimoni post=39061927]If you desire a peaceful married life devoid of heartaches and regrets, leave that guy and find someone who can control his emotions. These attitude of his will only get worse after marriage.

You also need to ask yourself what exactly you want in a man and the type of family you want to build. Let these answers guide you to your real man.[/quot
Does d OP know what she want at all?
U don old reach MAN NA MAN stage?

I was really hoping the issue was restricted to his mum's acceptance of you until he introduced his hidden demons.

Mother's will always come around "eventually" so I wouldn't worry too much about that especially if they aren't directly responsible for him financially

However, i'm worried about men that use excuse of arguments to display their hidden vices. That's unacceptable and i'm sure it will morph into far bigger challenges and troubles if you decide to marry him.
That's a red flag that cannot be ignored!

thelish:


What is Ur month of birth?

February

cococandy:
February

OK. thought u were a bday mate. lol

op,RUN FOR YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE!