Good morning all,
I am a 27year old lady. I went into a relationship with a young Ikwerre guy exactly a year ago, he is 31 years old and works in an oil servicing firm here in Port Harcourt, we grew so in love with each other but there were two problems.
First; I am a Muslim while he is a Christian, and the second being being that he told me when we began our relationship that he was already engaged to a lady who was doing her masters in Scotland.
I was devastated at first, but he was just so nice and our compatibility was like no other, I just couldn't afford to lose him so we continued our relationship despite pressure from friends and family to leave him because of his religion.(no one knows of his relationship status) we still stuck together and like no man I've known, he was completely faithful to me.
Around July this year, his girlfriend came back from Scotland and visited, he told me when she got in and even told me when she'd be visiting.
He promised me that things won't change, the only thing being I couldn't visit him at home..to make up for this, he came straight to spend time with me once he closed from work and then will go home to her. I was really heartbroken then staying at home imagining what may have been going on with them. It was even worse when I called sometimes and he would not pick but will return the call later or in the morning.
She spent a week and went back to Calabar as she works with a Strategic Consultancy firm there. My boyfriend came back and told me to please understand that his heart truly belongs with me and that no one can take my place.
I however discovered from him that she came to conclude their marriage plans and that they were getting married in February 2016. I wanted to die, the thought of losing him was so painful, I was heartbroken and needed someone to cry to. He was with me all through this trying times assuring me that he'd forever be there for me and adviced me to take things easy.

All the while there was this guy that has been pestering me on whatsapp that he was crazy about me, begging me to give him a chance. I had always told him unequivocally that I was in love and in a relationship with someone else and warned him never to call me again
This guy does not have a job, he is a petty soft drink retailer, a devout muslim and acts extremely timid and naive he has a HND in engineering. I told him I was not interested and he said I should give him a chance.
I then told him never to call me that if he was serious he should come and meet my family.
The next day he was in my house with his people that he wanted to marry me.
My parents accepted him as they wanted me to break up with the Christian. He said he wanted to perform the islamic traditional rites by that weekend and I said no way. My whole relatives and friends begged me to accept him.
But my only reason for this was that I didn't know how to face my friends if they learnt that my boyfriend who I boasted was the best in the world married someone else. So I wanted to marry before he did.
I told the muslim guy that I did not love him and confessed to him that I was pregnant for my boyfriend, he said he didn't mind, that he will claim the pregnancy, he has also said he will not even hug me till our wedding night. I have aborted the baby as I took some drugs that made me bleed, my boyfriend wants me to keep the baby but we were cared that the drugs I took without his consent might affect the foetus or cause complications as the pregnancy progressed...the muslim guy does not know this

I do not know anything about him, I just know he still stays with his parents, and sisters and even has a sister who is back home from a failed marriage.

There are a few fishy signs, he said he broke up with his ex and changed his lines because of her, that I consider as being callous,
He also said his mom always disapproves of his choice of women but that she accepted me because of my calm disposition..but i am not calm, I am very opinionated and temperamental when you get to really know me. So it means his parents are domineering.
Whenever I don't take his call or tell him not to come see me, he calls all my family members reporting me.

I did not tell my boyfriend what happened and told him I wanted to let him move on, he probed further and I told him that someone had come for my hand in marriage.
He was really heartbroken that I stabbed him at the back, he said why did I not carry him along afterall he was always there for me. He was so heart broken and I felt so guilty, he said he will let me follow my heart and that he was hurt that I did not love him unconditionally. I begged him not to and almost killed myself when he told me to go my way.
We however made up and he started rationalizing it, telling me not to get married out of condition or compulsion. That my only fear was that I would share him with another lady but if I rushed into marriage, that the guy had the option to marry 3 more wives if it was not working with me and I will be stuck with my fear of forever sharing my man.

My boyfriend and his friends have begged me not to rush in to a marriage with some one I don't love but we have fixed the marriage date for December 4th this year.
I do not love him at all and he knows I am still seeing my boyfriend, he says that love will grow that he will let me do whatever I want to.
My boyfriend wants to prevent me from making this mistake according to him and is trying to get me a job away from here so I can relocate and clear my head. He says he loves me selflessly and will not allow me go into an unhappy family.
This other guy said if we get married and I get a job he will allow me relocate.
Please advice me what to do as I know I will forever love my boyfriend and this other guy is acting too suspicious.

Could this be love, what do I do now?

I dey cum, make I finish I go modify

You want your Christian boyfriend to leave his fiancée and be with you, right? And don't want to marry the other guy cos of what your friends will say right?

You will end up loosing in this selfish game of yours. You said the Christian is faithful you forget he's cheating on his fiancée.
I'll advice you to either marry the Muslim or you. wait till you see someone you love. Forget about the guy that is engaged, you are just his sextool

I no read ur post but I sabi say Na only God fit help you

Sweet heart, you made the biggest mistake when you decided to enter a relationship with someone who already told you he had a girl friend abroad. That where this whole mess began.
Maybe he loved you too and you both were compatible, but he already had someone else before you and they were still together.
You entered a boat that had no destination. The relationship was bound to end this way.

I would advise you take your mind off the first guy, cause he can't be yours. It's good you aborted the pregnancy cause that would have held you back.
Just forget what happened between you too and move on.


From everything it's obvious the muslim guy really loves you and is ready to do anything just to make you happy, but do you love him? I am guessing No.
You don't go into a relationship with someone out of pity or pressure. If you don't love him, them don't yield to the pressure from you family. Because at the end of the day, it's you life, your future and your happiness and you don't want to sacrifice it on the altar of family pressure or pity.

This is your life. The direction your life is to take lies in your hands, not anyone elses. Do what will make you happy and not what you will regret.

falconey:
[color=#990000][/color]

It is lenghty as I want you to know the details so that your advices will be well informed

Can't you just be done with this "boyfriend" of yours? Because as far as I'm concerned, he's the one making you unappreciative of other guys out there, whereas, he'll never be even yours. He's like an extra baggage. Trust me, once you cut all contact with him, away from all the things he keeps whispering in your ear, you'll be able to think clearly without his selfish movitavion influencing your decision. He's no good for you. He's about to marry someone else for crying out loud!

As for your other man, well that's up to you. I don't know what to say about him.

Love or no love..
What does not belong to u is not yours...
So you want the other hommie to leave his fiancee for u?
because u love him? Fucck love
Do the right thing niggress...
Leave that bf alone..and fall in love with another person....
You guys will knowingly ruin your lives and come here for advice...
Mtchewwwwwwwwwwww


And thumbs up to that bf u love...
For controlling 2 bit-cheese well..
Your are his sextool...to him..ur just his freee pucciiiiiii....
Hahahahahahaha

Ths gal is a golddigger!!! It seems u dnt knw wht u wnt in life

I'm sorry I was too impatient to complete the story..so from the few lines I've read, if we're you I'd start afresh. The relationship story seems complicated so just try and free yourself off the chaos and breathe in fresh air.

If @27 you are still screening, I wonder what will end up with you.

You are dying for a b!tch that's taking you as his sidechick because he works in an oil firm abi? You knew he had a gf and you went ahead to waste your time with him and you are here saying crap

You better hold the present guy that is ready to take you along and take you for whom you are. You better forget his job level because nobody knows tomorrow since he has a PhD which means things might be well with him tomorrow if God wishes

If I hear you repeat that your old bf here again eh! You go chop igbaju

PunkyVeer:
Can't you just be done with this "boyfriend" of yours? Because as far as I'm concerned, he's the one making you unappreciative of other guys out there, whereas, he'll never be even yours. He's like an extra baggage. Trust me, once you cut all contact with him, away from all the things he keeps whispering in your ear, you'll be able to think clearly without his selfish movitavion influencing your decision. He's no good for you. He's about to marry someone else for crying out loud!

As for your other man, well that's up to you. I don't know what to say about him.

Thank you for the advice, but I wish you could really analyse this other guy. Will you advice me to go into the marriage knowing this odds

you are dating someone else fiance and here crying to us. dont marry the muslim, your so called boy friend will never marry you and you will end up a spinster pretty soon.

sheesh how stupid can girls be, the OP is perfect example of a fishbrain

oh Lord continue to rain down confusion in the camp of side chicks that will not allow our fiancees and husbands have time for us...amen

i no refer to anybody o just making ma own assession

misspicy:
oh Lord continue to rain down confusion in the camp of side chicks that will not allow our fiancees and husbands have time for us...amen

i no refer to anybody o just making ma own assession

Ameeeeeeeeeen!

ugojohnlittle:


Thank you for the advice, but I wish you could really analyse this other guy. Will you advice me to go into the marriage knowing this odds

If I must be brutally honest & I hope what I'm about to say won't influence your decision either because only you know the full story after all...I'll be only speaking from the little you shared. I don't like the other guy either. He just comes across very whiny & unmanly. I mean, calling your family & all that. I think you need time away from both of them to think straight & clear your head. Do it permanently with the "boyfriend" though, because you don't wanna end up being his jump-off chic after he gets married. You need a life of your own & these two guys just don't seem right for the role of the leading man in your life. Just my rusty 2c though. Take your time & think it through. Good luck

Oyind17:

Ameeeeeeeeeen!

kikikikikikiki...you sef shout amen...i dnt know why am happy about this thread ...choi

misspicy:
oh Lord continue to rain down confusion in the camp of side chicks that will not allow our fiancees and husbands have time for us...amen

i no refer to anybody o just making ma own assession

Misspicy I think I like u, u are real, I have been reading through ur comments. Seriously I will like to meet u, I stay in lag.
Meanwhile guys am sorry for derail the tread.
Girlie pls follow the other guy that loves u, ur boyfriend has a girl in Scotland already, even if he doesn't marry the Scotland babe, I doubt whether he will marry u.

@ Op I think u really need to clear ur head. First step is to cut all contact with dis so call 'boyfriend'. With him, u can't move on! He will get married soon and have a family of his own while u will only be his intimacy gadget and bagage. It's too clear that u can't have him so let him be pls. U love him but he loves someone else more to an extent of marriage decision. If he loves u as much as he claim, he could have opted for u while his fiancee returned. He only sees u as a good companion and sex thing while his Babe was far away. Sorry if am blunt.

As for d other guy, I won't advice u so marry someone u don't love. It's far better to be single hoping to be married than to be married praying to be single. Don't married him because of pressure from family. Make a decsion. Take a stand that will gurantee ur happiness.

Apparently, clinging to this ur boyfriend will blur ur eyes and heart from loving someone else. His presence in your life is blocking your view of others who might even be better than him. Move on, start afresh.

misspicy:

kikikikikikiki...you sef shout amen...i dnt know why am happy about this thread ...choi

I no be woman? a careless one at that, any girl wey put eye for my own go confuse pass this op.

nicerod:
Ths gal is a golddigger!!!
It seems u dnt knw wht u wnt in life

I am not a gold digger... it was an emotional burden that pushed me into this entanglement.
I just need honest advices. Even if I get married, my heart belongs with my boyfriend. It's sad when you meet the right people at the wrong time.
This is my predicament.
Islam does not encourage courtship before marriage but I know marrying a stranger is a surefire to marriage disaster, but its worse here as I don't even accept this guy as a mere date.
My family don't see it as a problem. What if I marry him and he suffers from convulsion or is a wife batterer
He doesn't see any sense in it and said he will stick to that date and if I don't show up at the mosque, he will consider it his fate.
Advice me

d truth is dat u tuk ur problems 4granted wen it wuz still much easier to adjust....i advice u calm dwn & leave ur boifwend to face hiz marriage since region wise u guys are not compatible & den leave dat mallam alone if U're not interested in him & start a new life....ure 29 not 19 u shd b finking of settling dwn wit ur own man not sharing wit sum1.

..........i fink u shd go tru ur life again & start afresh U're an enlightened lady na u don pass to dey do abortion like dos hawkers of gala & pure water wey dey sleep anyhw wit dem conductors

@OP,I'm sorry yhu got urself into this kind of situation... So far,from ur story,the only wise decision yhu made was terminating that pregnancy, even though it's unethical. First of all,I can't fathom why a girl will willingly make herself a side chic,don't u love urself? Stop competing with that man's Scotland fiancée, u don't stand a chance. That man's just been using u,he won't marry u..at best,he'd turn u into a mistress. Do u want that? U wantu break a home?

U better start thinking 'bout severing all ties u av with him. Forget but the money he might have. As 4 the Muslim guy,he seems to me like an opportunist. Plus,u might be right about his fishy dealings. Marrying somebody u know u'd never love is stupidity. What's in it 4 u? 4 now,he can't adequately take care of ur needs as a wife. BTW,are u gainfully employed?

Don't allow the fact that u're 27 to coax u into making a terrible mistake. A bad marriage is hell! Take ur time and start all over again and be careful not to make silly mistakes again.

Ur family should not pressure u into doing anything. U're old enough to make decisions for yourself. Good luck to u.

ugojohnlittle:


I am not a gold digger... it was an emotional burden that pushed me into this entanglement.
I just need honest advices. Even if I get married, my heart belongs with my boyfriend. It's sad when you meet the right people at the wrong time.
This is my predicament.
Islam does not encourage courtship before marriage but I know marrying a stranger is a surefire to marriage disaster, but its worse here as I don't even accept this guy as a mere date.
My family don't see it as a problem. What if I marry him and he suffers from convulsion or is a wife batterer
He doesn't see any sense in it and said he will stick to that date and if I don't show up at the mosque, he will consider it his fate.
Advice me

i'l advice u 2 take a break or run away 2 a far 2 clear ur head.
D other is only usin 4 sex. GUDLUCK

malele:


Misspicy I think I like u, u are real, I have been reading through ur comments. Seriously I will like to meet u, I stay in lag.
Meanwhile guys am sorry for derail the tread.
Girlie pls follow the other guy that loves u, ur boyfriend has a girl in Scotland already, even if he doesn't marry the Scotland babe, I doubt whether he will marry u.

awwwwwww,thanks dear...amma holla you up if i pass tru lag some day....

Oyind17:

I no be woman? a careless one at that, any girl wey put eye for my own go confuse pass this op.

Oyind17:

I no be woman? a careless one at that, any girl wey put eye for my own go confuse pass this op.

amen amen and me too

COULD THIS BE LOVE?the answer is a big "NO" and it will never be love.First and foremost,I will like you to know that there is no crime in falling in love but that does not mean 1 should not think with his/her brains.
The first guy you dated played a mind game on you because he saw your weakness and he used it against you.first,he knows very well he can't get married to you because you are a muslim so he told you the truth knowing fully well you won't break up with him thereby in future when the lady he really wants to get married to should come you won't have anythng to say or accuse him of cheating because he told you beforehand that he has some1 he wants to get married.
Secondly,When he knew you wr about to get married to some1else he pretended to be heartbroken and also pushed the blame on you. Funny enough he himself has some1else he wants to get married to by Febuary and funny enough it really worked on you to the extent you went ahead trying to kill yourself forgeting that "nobody is indispensable".
For the second guy,he is a complete pretender. Yes,"A pretender.
1.He knows you are seeing anoda guy yet he does not care pls tell me which guy will see his fiancee dating anoda guy and will be comfortable with it?
2.He knew you are pregnant 4 sum1else and he mumulishly wants to be d fada do you think it is ordinary
3.You dnt knw anything abt him ask yourself "why".The answer is because he pretends and dnt want you to know about him.
4 He has no job and staying with is parents pls tell me where wuld u be sleeping if he gets married to you?or how is he going to fed you?.Lastly,he is imature and reports to your family every time wo trying to handle things himself.
SOLUTION: PLS,TAKE YOUR TIME AND DNT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE BECOS YOU WILL RUSH OUT. TRY AND LOOK 4 ANODA JOB ELSEWHERE AS THIS WILL GIVE YOU TIME TO USE YOUR BRAINS AND NOT YOUR HEART WHEN DEALING WITH RLSHP ISSUES.THE SECOND GUY HAS 3 OPTIONS TO MARRY ANODA WOMAN IF HE ENDS UP MARRYING YOU AND D RLSHP IS NOT BRINGING FORTH ANYTHNG TANGIBLE. . FURTHERMORE IT IS NO TO LATE TO CANCEL YOUR MARRIAGE DATE WITH DIS GUY AT LEAST,IT IS BETA DAN LIVING IN BONDAGE 4 D REST OF UR LIFE. FINALLY,DNT KARE ABOUT HOW TO FACE YOUR FRIENDS EVEN THOUGH U HAVE BOASTED ABOUT DIS GUY. THEY WILL SURELY TALK BUT 1 THNG 4 SURE IS DAT THEY WILL KIP QUIET WHEN THEY ARE TIRED OF TALKING!

Oliviaarims:
@OP,I'm sorry yhu got urself into this kind of situation... So far,from ur story,the only wise decision yhu made was terminating that pregnancy, even though it's unethical. First of all,I can't fathom why a girl will willingly make herself a side chic,don't u love urself? Stop competing with that man's Scotland fiancée, u don't stand a chance. That man's just been using u,he won't marry u..at best,he'd turn u into a mistress. Do u want that? U wantu break a home?

U better start thinking 'bout severing all ties u av with him. Forget but the money he might have. As 4 the Muslim guy,he seems to me like an opportunist. Plus,u might be right about his fishy dealings. Marrying somebody u know u'd never love is stupidity. What's in it 4 u? 4 now,he can't adequately take care of ur needs as a wife. BTW,are u gainfully employed?

Don't allow the fact that u're 27 to coax u into making a terrible mistake. A bad marriage is hell! Take ur time and start all over again and be careful not to make silly mistakes again.

Ur family should not pressure u into doing anything. U're old enough to make decisions for yourself. Good luck to u.

Thank you so much for this advice, my family once arranged a muslim guy for me who already brought things to marry me but I eloped. He wasn't educated and my siblings supported me, they said I should be allowed to make my choice.
I have convinced my parents that I can't marry this guy and that I dont love him, my mom says that love will grow and the only thing they are using against me is that I brought this one myself...so why will I change my mind. That I am spiritually possessed.


I have never felt this in love with anyone, I once travelled out of town to forget him, but I just can't. It is not working. We are obsessed with each other and I know he would have been with me if we met earlier.

I work in a Promasidor key distributor's office and I also have a HND from Kwara Poly.

misspicy:

amen amen and me too

This spicy eeh Cc Prettythickme
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come and advice a sister

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