damiso:


Oga dayokanu are you now a divorce lawyer in all this your divorce divorce prescription these days

I learnt on this forum that when anyone cheats the solution is divorce anyone who doesnt agree is a marry at all cost evangelist.

Ujoan:
Actually, it does matter . . .. When someone gets boxed into making a decision she wouldn't ordinarily make, it's not fair to blame her for failing to hold up to it. I bet she told him she didn't want to wait, but he 'convinced' her . . . Few women will agree to such a 'condition'. Of course we all know some women will agree to anything to make their man happy.

So she folded to pressure from his family, big deal? Since he came up with the 'plan', he should have put his family in check nah, instead of allowing them to run wild and pressure his wife for a decision he most likely forced on her.

Who knows what kind of comments they must have made to get her so desperate . . . remember they are his family, We all know how desperate Nigerian women are to please in-laws. So she's flaky and shallow . . . who on this earth is perfect I bet he isn't.

And since we are passing out blames, why didn't he use condoms knowing he married a 'shallow' woman who will most likely fold under pressure OR did he not even think about her and how much pressure she will be under? But, he obviously wanted to feel 100% pleasure without having to face any consequence, not because 'he trusted his wife'!! Kind of selfish if you ask me.

Personally, I would not take pills for any man (for health reasons). If you want birth control, use a condom!

So what if they wait for too long and she passes her peak fertility period, will you loan them your child?

While it's good to plan, no plan ever works out 100%. Even the best laid out plans still fail. There is NO problem that cannot be resolved with tolerance, forgiveness and patience.

Yes she messed up, but this is NOT totally on her . . . . IT took TWO people to make that baby . . . . Not one!


So what was she expecting to happen? I bet she expected him to abandon her to the responsibilities of the baby . . . but for him to cheat Seriously SMH!

I am sorry this excuse doesnt hold.

If you are forced to agree as long as you agree you are obliged to keep it. if your work says come to office by 7, you dont like it but agree are you saying you are free to come by 9 since you didnt like it in the first place?

Or if you tell your husband to drop you at VI but he didnt like it but you "convinced" him to, midway on the trip is he free to go drop you at Magodo since he didnt want to agree in the first place but you convinced him.

Explain how he would put his family in check? You mean he should call his family that, "As i am about to start bleeping my wife, dont ask us any questions? Or what else does he need to put his family in check about? Their agreement on who cleans the toilet, who cleans who takes out trash? Maybe they should move into their family house and get permission before they make any decision.

Assuming the man was the one who involved his own family, the same woman would say he cant make decisions on his own or he allows family interference

When the family was bugging the wife, why didnt she tell the husband rather she went behind him to do what she wanted

If you dont want to take a pill and want the man to use condom, That is easy you tell him from the beginning not deceiving him that you are on pills while you arent.

They got married, they agreed on a plan, the wife went behind to change it.

You know what else can change, they agreed its going to be a monogamous closed marriage, the husband has gone behind without consulting her to change it

Just as she is within her right to change the plans they had, he is also within his right to change his plans

She get belle with her body, He cheats with his body

If anyone cant stand the current situation. The person can get a divorce

raumdeuter:


I learnt on this forum that when anyone cheats the solution is divorce anyone who doesnt agree is a marry at all cost evangelist.

you are a clown Dayo but some people might be taking this your divorce message seriously ejoor oo

Kimoni:


you are a clown Dayo but some people might be taking this your divorce message seriously ejoor oo

Na true oo. We are trying to be modern here and not follow those archaic African culture that was established by African men to subjugate the women

The greatest freedom a woman can find is in divorce

raumdeuter:


Na true oo. We are trying to be modern here and not follow those archaic African culture that was established by African men to subjugate the women

The greatest freedom a woman can find is in divorce

Egbami o

raumdeuter:


I learnt on this forum that when anyone cheats the solution is divorce anyone who doesnt agree is a marry at all cost evangelist.

So you have decided to become divorce evangelist abi?

E rora o.

raumdeuter:


Na true oo. We are trying to be modern here and not follow those archaic African culture that was established by African men to subjugate the women

The greatest freedom a woman can find is in divorce

raumdeuter:

Na true oo. We are trying to be modern here and not follow those archaic African culture that was established by African men to subjugate the women
The greatest freedom a woman can find is in divorce

Even archaic African cultures allowed for divorce.

Stillfire:


Even archaic African cultures allowed for divorce.

Maybe its Nigerian culture or those cultures established by Nigerian men

Stillfire:
Even archaic African cultures allowed for divorce.

Most variations of marriage do - it still remains a tragedy, not an aspiration or a positive. It seems many are keen to valourise it. Before long we'll see a total inversion, marriage will be come a bad thing, a precursor to the "morally desirable" divorce.

And any man that refuses to marry will be denying some young lady the divorce she so richly deserves.

Shior danu .

TV

TooNoisy:
Summary is that the man is useless. Tell me what crime she committed. They said they will stay for a year, what if it was a genuine mistake. How can you tell your wife to abort a baby? Does he know the complications that can come from abortions?

He is just looking for an excuse to cheat. Like seriously, how does cheating solve anything.

don't b stupid!!!! Did u go through d passage at all? Or you just jumped in2 conclusion. They had an agreement for crying out loud!!! Y go behind him 2do what she did in connivance with d MIL AND SIL. Wil she b d 1 2 shoulder d financial responsibilities Na because she go just DE Sidon 4 house DE chop.. Na Im make fear finish 4her body. Do same and see ur husband's reaction!!!! Genuine mistake ni.. Fake mistake ko!!

TV01:

Most variations of marriage do - it still remains a tragedy, not an aspiration or a positive. It seems many are keen to valourise it. Before long we'll see a total inversion, marriage will be come a bad thing, a precursor to the "morally desirable" divorce.

And any man that refuses to marry will be denying some young lady the divorce she so richly deserves.

Shior danu .

TV

Maybe people especially MEN should respect their marriage vows and then we wouldn't be talking about divorce.

cococandy:
I was feeling sorry for him and flogging the girl in my mind until I got to the point where he cheated.

Mtchew!!!!!

Pls let her rest assured that she didn't push him into it. It would have been only a matter of time before he started. He only found a excuse to start earlier.
Now she knows who she married.
I hope she's ready to raise that child by herself because some people can be married and still be single parents.

That's not absolving her of any blame. She should have stuck to the agreement with her husband to start with. That was unfair to him.

any action d man is taking now, will surely b traced 3d woman... Y giv him cause 2 cheat? Some women are so dumb ehhhh!!!! Go and try same with ur husband and tel us d result. I b waiting. Mtchewww

Stillfire:
Maybe people especially MEN should respect their marriage vows and then we wouldn't be talking about divorce.

I agree - all marital vows should be taken with the utmost sobriety and well-meaning intent. Divorce is and should remain anathema and be extremely rare.


TV

EfemenaXY:


You got there before me.

Was about to mention that the previously active MIL and SIL have suddenly gone quiet on her. Talk about allegiances.

Anyway, the way I see it is this - this man is simply giving her a dose of her own medicine. i.e tasting the bitter drink called betrayal. She betrayed his trust, so he now is also betraying her trust. T'is a tit-for-tat sort of thing. They should both grow up and face up to their responsibilities. Neither of them are kids, and for what it's worth, his mother and sister had no business interfering - but that interference wouldn't have occurred if wifey had learnt how to keep her mouth shut in the first place.

abeg help me tel all this indomie girls for this forum d meaning of a husband and wife agreement. D last time I checked D MAN WAS STILL THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY AND MOST OF THE DECISIONS MADE DIRECTLY OR IN DIRECTLY AFFECTS HIM. let d mother in law and sister in law, come and bear d cause of d pregnancy if it's possible. She wanted 2 b d good daughter in law na.

The wife never know anything. I was her some months ago.
When hubby and I got married our salary was less than 100k (both), tho he has a side biz. We had plans just like that only for me to proof like regular naija babe, went back on our agreement and proved smart. With d backing of his family of cos, they told me once he see his baby he'll thank me. I went through hell, went through morning sickness and all the aches and pains alone. Wen God go punish me join I had my baby through CS, hubby had only 60k in his account then. The family didn't add a dime, only one of his sis assisted.
One day I was going through his phone and saw his chat with a colleague asking her d cost n procedure of giving birth in d US, he has big plans for his family, never wanted his wife to suffer a bit. His dream has always been for his wife to gv birth abroad. He shut me out, cheated too, he also slept outside when I was 8months, there was always heat in our home. I destabilized him, he ended up working like a jackass, always looking for extra avenue to make money, he grew lean, many times caught him lost in thought, chai I felt so terrible. He hated seen me on bike, he got me a car tho not d type he wished! We went so fast from Romeo n Juliet to strangers. Even till recently, tho he loves his son madly, anytime we need to do something for the boy and he's broke we fight cos he'll be depressed.
My advice, don't get tired of apologizing, d way some men deal with betrayal u go think say na their mama u kill.
D last time we fought, after we calmed down I went to him with a bible to swear to me this issue will not cause trouble anymore cos I can't survive another one. He swore and since then we've bn happy.
I no c any family Wey go come meet me now say e don reach time to gv my son sibling o, dm no fit.
At d end of the day I suffered alone and just spoilt some precious months of our marriage . I regretted my actions and will do things differently if given another chance. We Nigerians don't really know the meaning of Trust and Betrayal.

TooNoisy:
Summary is that the man is useless. Tell me what crime she committed. They said they will stay for a year, what if it was a genuine mistake. How can you tell your wife to abort a baby? Does he know the complications that can come from abortions?

He is just looking for an excuse to cheat. Like seriously, how does cheating solve anything.

Honestly this world is getting more stupid......imagine a man telling his WIFE to abort their first fruit?

From the title of the thread I thought the story was that the man caught his wife wiith their driver or something.......

dinachi:

Uselesss woman, will you shut your Lesbian mouth make we hear word?

As you see me so,I be trouble wey dey waka for road o,mind ur biz o,don't wake the sleeping tiger,cos u are gonna be beaten.

iykedare:


Pretend to gave some class.

hmmmm do by understand,clarify

prettysassygirl:

As you see me so,I be trouble wey dey waka for road o,mind ur biz o,don't wake the sleeping tiger,cos u are gonna be beaten.

Just shut your hoe.

dinachi:

Just shut your hoe.

u get sense,ur type is so very empty,me no dey see u so get lost,I don't converse with ur kind,it makes me seem lower than I really am.

raumdeuter:


Or if you tell your husband to drop you at VI but he didnt like it but you "convinced" him to, midway on the trip is he free to go drop you at Magodo since he didnt want to agree in the first place but you convinced him.

I won't blame him if gets to Magodo and meets a terrible traffic jam (which he didn't for-see) and refuses to go any further, because I knew he never wanted to go in the first place.

But when I use that as an excuse to withhold sex from him or stop making him dinner, or stop doing his laundry, i'm not only being vindictive, but also incredibly childish!

prettysassygirl:

u get sense,ur type is so very empty,me no dey see u so get lost,I don't converse with ur kind,it makes me seem lower than I really am.

Buhahaahhaha! Is this all you gat? go on let me humor myself. Just fumigate your pussy okay, I have a handkerchief over my nose here because of how you stink.

dinachi:

Buhahaahhaha! Is this all you gat? go on let me humor myself. Just fumigate your pussy okay, I have a handkerchief over my nose here because of how you stink.

I knew it,u must mention kittycat,same with all your updates,sick man,go see a psychiatrist monkey

prettysassygirl:

I knew it,u must mention kittycat,same with all your updates,sick man,go see a psychiatrist monkey

Sorry, I HAD to mention it because the smell coming from you is so horrible! Nne go and clean up first before coming to nairaland,you stink so terribly.

cancerlib:
The wife never know anything. I was her some months ago.
When hubby and I got married our salary was less than 100k (both), tho he has a side biz. We had plans just like that only for me to proof like regular naija babe, went back on our agreement and proved smart. With d backing of his family of cos, they told me once he see his baby he'll thank me. I went through hell, went through morning sickness and all the aches and pains alone. Wen God go punish me join I had my baby through CS, hubby had only 60k in his account then. The family didn't add a dime, only one of his sis assisted.
One day I was going through his phone and saw his chat with a colleague asking her d cost n procedure of giving birth in d US, he has big plans for his family, never wanted his wife to suffer a bit. His dream has always been for his wife to gv birth abroad. He shut me out, cheated too, he also slept outside when I was 8months, there was always heat in our home. I destabilized him, he ended up working like a jackass, always looking for extra avenue to make money, he grew lean, many times caught him lost in thought, chai I felt so terrible. He hated seen me on bike, he got me a car tho not d type he wished! We went so fast from Romeo n Juliet to strangers. Even till recently, tho he loves his son madly, anytime we need to do something for the boy and he's broke we fight cos he'll be depressed.
My advice, don't get tired of apologizing, d way some men deal with betrayal u go think say na their mama u kill.
D last time we fought, after we calmed down I went to him with a bible to swear to me this issue will not cause trouble anymore cos I can't survive another one. He swore and since then we've bn happy.
I no c any family Wey go come meet me now say e don reach time to gv my son sibling o, dm no fit.
At d end of the day I suffered alone and just spoilt some precious months of our marriage . I regretted my actions and will do things differently if given another chance. We Nigerians don't really know the meaning of Trust and Betrayal.

Shndy, I think you should read this and digest it...

There is no advice anyone here can give you that will surpass that of another woman who made the same mistake and somehow survived it. And good enough, she has been very detailed about how she regained the trust of her husband.

Like she said, the way some guys handle betrayal, you will think they just lost their mother. As outsiders and women who will never take the same route, we may never understand what goes on in their mind and how it plays out. I know some resort to drinking, drugs, hoarding, aggressiveness but cheating is almost strange to me but that won't make me deny it can happen.

Anyways, have a deep conversation with your husband and if possible, have him make a solemn promise to you that it is all over. Let him realise his attitude is also breaking you especially in this delicate situation of yours. Wishing your friend the very best.

Kimoni:


Shndy, I think you should read this and digest it...

There is no advice anyone here can give you that will surpass that of another woman who made the same mistake and somehow survived it. And good enough, she has been very detailed about how she regained the trust of her husband.

Like she said, the way some guys handle betrayal, you will think they just lost their mother. As outsiders and women who will never take the same route, we may never understand what goes on in their mind and how it plays out. I know some resort to drinking, drugs, hoarding, aggressiveness but cheating is almost strange to me but that won't make me deny it can happen.

Anyways, have a deep conversation with your husband and if possible, have him make a solemn promise to you that it is all over. Let him realise his attitude is also breaking you [s]especially in this delicate situation of yours.[/s] Wishing your friend the very best.

Shndy follow the two advices above except for the striken out part (sorry kimoni). He DOES NOT want to hear anything concerning the baby or your pregnancy now. Mentioning it to make him feel guilty or whatever will backfire very very badly.
Take this from a man's perspective pls. Thanks.

LewsTherin:

I thought the question was about if she could regain his trust.

The guy is as shallow as his wife. The cheating has nothing to do with what she did. That is just the excuse for it.

But fella trusted his wife and got skived in the gonads for it. Can she regain his trust? I don't know seeing the dude us just as weak as his wife. But she has to try.

For the cheating bits, well I still have no advice for anyone in similar straits especially as I don't subscribe to divorces.

100% on point.

If the husband decided to hands off the baby financially, fine'; but to cheat?

How do they even correlate?

Since you do not subscribe to divorce, how do you treat cheating or physical abuse in marriage

Your opinions please

Stillfire:

Maybe people especially MEN should respect their marriage vows and then we wouldn't be talking about divorce.

100% True.

I think the next statistics on divorce should give us a breakdown...

1. The % as a result of adultery/abuse. Out of the total percentage, the number who knew their spouses had those characteristics before marriage. (IMHO, a wife complaining of a cheating husband after fighting 15 ladies to be the grand winner or the husband complaining of a cheating wife when she has obviously been spending more than her income is a joker)

2. The % as a result of irreconcilable differences

Then we would know where the work is.

Shndy, you've heard from someone who went through the same.

Don't use the pregnancy to guilt him, it will make things worse. Let your friend say "I'm sorry, I screwed up, and I'm not. going to let this ruin our marriage". It will take a while. of careful rebuilding to get your marriage back to a good spot but it can be done.

dinachi:

Sorry, I HAD to mention it because the smell coming from you is so horrible! Nne go and clean up first before coming to nairaland,you stink so terribly.

Get lost nigga ,you lack creativity, u jes dishing out local and stale yabs,go find sumtin berra

5minsmadness:


Shndy follow the two advices above except for the striken out part ([b]sorry kimon[/b]i). He DOES NOT want to hear anything concerning the baby or your pregnancy now. Mentioning it to make him feel guilty or whatever will backfire very very badly.
Take this from a man's perspective pls. Thanks.

Lol...it's fine 5mins. You are right actually. During the conversation, she should avoid mentioning the pregnancy to avoid setting him off again.

Hmm, thanks so much for all the contributions. Cancerlib, bless u for sharing ur experience, a live one will sure help her.
Kimoni, onegai, my peeps from Newborn Thread bless u