Good day familylanders. I do hope your weekend has been splendid.
I followed a programme on radio last night, and this topic was discussed extensively by both married and single people for 1hour and another 1hour by only married men and women.

Here are some of the points from the programme:
1) Some of the callers argued that it is better to love someone before marrying him or her, because love makes it possible to tolerate whatever inadequacies the person might come up with later.
2) Others were of the opinion that it is better to marry someone before loving them, as removing love from the partner choosing process will help you to make clear judgements as to who the right person is without being clouded by emotions.
3) A particular man explained that what obtains between couples prior to marriage is "likeness" and not love, as much of that "love" is circumstantial, being based on the attributes, characters,and "haves" of the person. He maintained that it is only in marriage proper that true love is showed and it grows with time.

It is worthy of note that those who argued for love before marriage pointed out that they cannot marry someone they do not prelove, if you will. While those in favour of love after marriage said, many of the cases of divorce we have these days, especially among educated people is as a result of love before marriage, with a particular man saying that his marriage collapsed after 18 days because he was blinded by love before marriage. Others told their own stories to buttress their points.

So what is your take house? Lets talk.

I think love before marriage is better.

Although I will not pretend to be oblivious of the fact that many opt for 'love after marriage' as a way of saving themselves from possible heartbreak, my belief remains that waiting to love one's partner after marriage maybe too much a risk to take.

Many are suffering in their marriages today, because they took the plung on the wager that 'the love would grow', and to their surprise, years down the line, cupid simply refused to pay them a visit. And when the realisation comes that he may never visit, they start regarding their wedding rings the way they would handcuffs.

[quote author=Gaborone post=40050159]I think love before marriage is better.

Although I will not pretend to be oblivious of the fact that many opt for 'love after marriage' as a way of saving themselves from possible heartbreak, my belief remains that waiting to love one's partner after marriage maybe too much a risk to take.

Many are suffering in their marriages today, because they took the plung on the wager that 'the love would grow', and to their surprise, years down the line, cupid simply refused to pay them a visit. And when the realisation comes that he may never visit, they start regarding their wedding rings the way the would handcuffs.


The anchor of the programme asked those who hold this point of view, if it is right for single women who age is no longer on their side to keep waiting to marry the person they love and most of the respondents answered NO. Now can we say that a woman in this situation can not truely love her husband?

[quote author=JonTal post=40051735][/quote]

Ermmm, I may sound like a hardliner, but I don't really support a woman jumping into an unseemly situation because of desperation or the age issue.

Please family nairalanders come in and do justice to this thread. Don't let it turn to a chat session between @op and @Gaborone please. You will agree with me that the topic is an important one.

So, EfemenaXY, Dyt, ifyalways, Kanwulia, etc, pls come in here.

Thanks.

JonTal:
Please family nairalanders come in and do justice to this thread. Don't let it turn to a chat session between @op and @Gaborone please. You will agree with me that the topic is an important one.

So, EfemenaXY, Dyt, ifyalways, Kanwulia, etc, pls come in here.

Thanks.

Whatever swings anyone's boats o jare . It's not how far, but how well.

What's love btw when there's commitment, loyalty, respect and sweet kpekus?

Does love pay rent, school fees or retirement money? After 5 years of marriage with kids love gets another meaning ooo. Who want chop love? That's school girls rhymes biko

JonTal:
Please family nairalanders come in and do justice to this thread. Don't let it turn to a chat session between @op and @Gaborone please. You will agree with me that the topic is an important one.

So, EfemenaXY, Dyt, ifyalways, Kanwulia, etc, pls come in here.

Thanks.

Did I bore you as a chat partner?

Love is one thing people don't really know about.
Love is a DEFINATE decision, Likeness is a temporer thing. That's why you cannot say for instance you Love a particular Phone and later on you change it. That's not Love, it is called LIKE.
To the subject matter, the best thing is that point 1.

"It is better to marry who who you love. Mostly when the Love is Natural without any string attached (unconditional).

Love is a Seed, it grows when it's well nurtured.

So, my point is that it is good to love the person before you marry him/her because in marriage, as time goes on, you will begin to see some certain Character/Attitude from your spouse that you don't like and the question is will you still continue with that person? Of course YES because Love is in charge of the relationship. That's what people see when they say "Love is blind." No, love is not blind but it makes people reason, think and act blind when the love is unconditional.

Unfortunately, in this present age that we are, people are ruled by Emotions and they will say is Love. Love and Emotions are on different roads, if you mistake them, it creates a big problem in the future.
For instance, some guys will see a girl and just like her because she is Fair in complexion, has a curved shape, well dressed, attractive breast size and a wonderful backside as they call it and they guy will just go straight and approach her and the girl fall for his lies and tricks. 6months later, you will see the guy is getting bored because he has tasted/gotten enough of what attracted him and he is tired of her. That is a demonstration of like, infact Lust. But if it's love, he will never get tired of the lady.

So love is the process our Parents/grand parents experienced during their time and things went well with them then but now, gosh... The story has changed. Love still exist though but the people who genuinely manifest Love in this age are very few. That's why God is the first example of Love. Despite our deadliest wrongdoings, he still Loves us all. Love is HIS nature. So, love is a Decision, a Permanent way of life and a Nature.

I don't know about others but I have to be dizzy in love to get married in the first place. What happens if you marry and the love never came?

God shud just chose 4 us

Gaborone:


Did I bore you as a chat partner?

@Gaborone, no, you didn't bore me at all. I only tried to encourage others to comment. Sorry, if I offended you by that. I didn't mean to do so.

JonTal:



@Gaborone, no, you didn't bore me at all. I only tried to encourage others to comment. Sorry, if I offended you by that. I didn't mean to do so.

Noooo, I wasn't offended. I was just joking.

I would love to read others' comments too.

@ifyalways. You and kpekus eeeh. Hahahahaha. But those factors you mentioned are all ancilliary to love. Aren't they?

@Olasco93. How do people get it right in trying to ensure balance between the two and what do you believe a woman who age is no longer on her side should do?

Gaborone:


Noooo, I wasn't offended. I was just joking.
I would love to read others' comments too.

Okay. Thanks

Gaborone:
I think love before marriage is better.

Although I will not pretend to be oblivious of the fact that many opt for 'love after marriage' as a way of saving themselves from possible heartbreak, my belief remains that waiting to love one's partner after marriage maybe too much a risk to take.

Many are suffering in their marriages today, because they took the plung on the wager that 'the love would grow', and to their surprise, years down the line, cupid simply refused to pay them a visit. And when the realisation comes that he may never visit, they start regarding their wedding rings the way the would handcuffs.

The feelings of being in love can also wear out when the problems of unresolvable compatibility kick in.

Either a person chooses to delay emotions until marriage has taken place or pre-marriage; what matters is the compatibility to work together.

I necessarily do not think the emotions carried into marriage or developed through the marriage is what sustains it - there's a lot more considering with marriage comes the hard reality about the partner and life with the partner.

9jacrip:



The feelings of being in love can also wear out when the problems of unresolvable compatibility kick in.

Either a person chooses to delay emotions until marriage has taken place or pre-marriage; what matters is the compatibility to work together.

I necessarily do not think the emotions carried into marriage or developed through the marriage is what sustains it - there's a lot more considering with marriage comes the hard reality about the partner and life with the partner.

I know, trust me.

Love cannot sustain a marriage, and there are other factors to be considered more important, like compatibility as you said.

talking about just love And marriage, I would prefer to truly love hereafter marriage, Dunnt wanna cloud judgement before marriage



I wanna marry my friend And love my wife