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The Day He Stops Beating Me Is The Day He Stops Loving Me - Family - Nairaland

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The Day He Stops Beating Me Is The Day He Stops Loving Me by TyLegal: 3:55pm On Nov 19, 2015
Ada and I had planned on going for an art exhibition and had eagerly been looking forward to it. On the fateful day, I stopped by Ada’s house so we could get going only to see Ada putting on big goggles at 7.00pm.

“Ada, ogini? Why are you putting on goggles at this time of the day”? Ada says she just feels like it. That didn’t make any sense to me so I yanked off the goggles only to behold a rainbow of colours on Ada’s face.

I pestered Ada for over 40 minutes before she eventually admitted that her husband had decorated her face because she kept him waiting at the airport for five minutes.

Several questions ran through my mind all at once:

…why was Ada so hesitant on sharing this piece of information?

…how long has Ada been receiving this type of treatment from her husband?

…why has Ada continued to stay in this abusive relationship?

…so many questions, so little answers.

And you need to see Ada’s husband o…Idris Elba has got nothing on him. Fine boy no pimples, soft spoken and friendly. How and when does this sweet angel of a man transform into a wife-beater? Did Ada, a PHD holder in Biochemistry, not realize that she was being abused?

And then I remembered…

I had once been in Ada’s shoes though mine wasn’t physical. He told me I would never amount to anything and I believed him. He called me foolish and I could barely see any sense in my actions. I faced these torments for years without realizing I was being abused. And then it dawned on me! Is this what people refer to as emotional abuse? No physical evidence yet serious damage is being done.

I always considered myself a smart person so I refused to believe I could be in an abusive relationship and not know it. Worse still, after realizing it, I could not bring myself to leave. I made myself believe it was my fault for getting him angry. My self-worth had been utterly damaged and I didn’t think I could get any better. And still, there were no physical marks to explain my predicament.

I remember sometime back when I was in the Niger Delta, I met this lady who insisted that the day her husband stops beating her is the day she will be 100% convinced that he does not love her anymore… say what? #wideconfusedeyes#

I could not imagine how beating a woman would prove how deep your love is for her. Or why a woman would consider flogging by her husband as Tender Loving Care … hmmmmm.

These and many more are what a lot of women face on a daily basis from their partners. It has become so rampant and happens almost on a daily basis. Some even regard it as a ‘natural’ thing. It gets worse when the abuse isn’t obvious such as emotional or psychological abuse.

Usually, victims of domestic violence tend to defend the violence and would rather keep the abuse to themselves or create some excuse. They hesitate to report the violence because of the supposed shame or the fear that they may be blamed for the abuse or that no basic action will be taken against the abuser. Some even consider it ridiculous to involve the police in domestic violence because they believe it is a simple family matter.

However, abuse goes beyond ‘family matter’ as lots of women have suffered miscarriages, lost body parts, valuables and even their lives due to domestic violence.

Some women remain in abusive relationships because of their religious beliefs or because of their children or what society will say. Some are financially dependent on their men and have no other source of income so they are forced to stay in the relationship.

It is advisable that the abused person should leave the relationship immediately. But really, how easy is it to leave? Where do they turn to, especially women who are financially dependent on their men and have kids? Are there functioning support groups or programs where abused women can turn to?

Have you been in an abusive relationship before? Are you presently being abused? What have you/are you doing about it? Please share in the comments section.

http://toyinomoniyi..com.ng/2015/11/the-day-he-stops-beating-me-is-day-he.html
Re: The Day He Stops Beating Me Is The Day He Stops Loving Me by SAMBARRY: 4:10pm On Nov 19, 2015
Mshewwwww

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