Brugge:
I hope this coming generation will learn from the mistake of the past. I have traveled around (Thanks to God for His blessings) I have come to understand that in the West parents work hard to guarantee their future and that of their kids. Unlike in our country where people stop short of guaranteeing their future by starting a family hoping and believing that their kids will be under obligation to handle their (parents) financial situations in the future.

Do not see your children as an investment, rather parents should treat their children as human that should leave and freely work to take care of themselves in the future without the parents placing unnecessary expectations on them.

I have seen people whose career are barely off the ground, rushing into starting family, because they want to please society and at the same time they believe they will channel all their energy ( income which is barely enough) into their kids as an investment. There are a lot of issues that comes with seeing your kids as an investment- with the hope that the elder one will raise the younger ones and eventual take care of the parents.

To the young generation and to -be parents please stop putting your children through such psychological torture, moreover you did not consult any of the kids before embarking on such 'ventures' neither did any of those kids signed an agreement with you.

Please parents shoulder your responsibilities and stop mortgaging your children future, just because you don't want to be left out of the 'I am married' crew or the ' I got married early' crew.


As a side note, I used to laugh when I see people ranting on how much they love their parents because of the sacrifice their parents made to raise them. Yes it is true that your parents could choose not to raise you but at the same time it is their responsibility- a responsibility they willing took upon, most times even when it is obvious that they are not up for it financially or emotionally, to raise you. So I see nothing special in it, just parents taking care of their 'mess'.

Lols @"mess" nice one there.

oloyede252:
so in the case of the od.where the mother is sick,father is dead,two siblings are in uni.one is working to help the family while the other is not.oya what is wicked in this.the only wickedness is you people given excuse for abandoning her family.one even wrote maybe she was raped.like seriously.is it the mother or her siblings in uni that raped her or her dead father.if your family is wicked that doestn't mean everyother family is.

Has she told you what her family did to her...you may my family is wicked but my experience has thought me not to judge people in ds type of situation. If you came from a good, loving and understanding family doesn't mean everyone else did so learn not to judge people until you've walked in their shoes.

CHAIiii !!!!

Nigerian family life and MONEY !!

Leave your sister alone jare....

datigbogirl:


Has she told you what her family did to her...you may my family is wicked but my experience has thought me not to judge people in ds type of situation. If you came from a good, loving and understanding family doesn't mean everyone else did so learn not to judge people until you've walked in their shoes.

you keep saying what her family did to her.is it the dead father,the sick mother or her siblings.you all keep assuming the family did her bad.what if that not the case.once again have a positive mindset,not every family is wicked.
You also said dont judge but you pointed out that family are wicked,that they did something to her.nd you're telling me nt to judge

Sunseeker:
CHAIiii !!!!

Nigerian family life and MONEY !!

Leave your sister alone jare....

let them leave the sister alone bt her brother is using his money to take care of her..the mother shld just leave her children alone and die

If she's acting differently towards your mother...bro maybe she's not the problem I think you should ask your mum if she's hiding anything concerning your sister.

datigbogirl:


Lols @"mess" nice one there.

hahaha. My brother wetin u sey make I call am. Imagine mama wey dey sell akara and papa wey be ordinary carpenter, the type wey dey fix mosquito net or mend leaking roof, come get 6 children ontop of that they come live for city wey rent dey high. How them wan take train their pikin without going through 'hell' dragging those pikin with them. Tomorrow them go hit hand for chest sey all the sacrifice wey me and your papa do to raise una. Them for get sey their other option na to just one pikin less stress, better line for the pikin and better future for the pikin. In fact in the process the mama fit get some savings come begin do another business join the akara and the papa get saving rent shop by better equipment or even take time off go learn how to do this expensive future. But no they wan born full house with the hope sey one of the pikin go go carry their cross for them. Na only God go judge some parents ooh.

Brugge:


hahaha. My brother wetin u sey make I call am. Imagine mama wey dey sell akara and papa wey be ordinary carpenter, the type wey dey fix mosquito net or mend leaking roof, come get 6 children ontop of that they come live for city wey rent dey high. How them wan take train their pikin without going through 'hell' dragging those pikin with them. Tomorrow them go hit hand for chest sey all the sacrifice wey me and your papa do to raise una. Them for get sey their other option na to just one pikin less stress, better line for the pikin and better future for the pikin. In fact in the process the mama fit get some savings come begin do another business join the akara and the papa get saving rent shop by better equipment or even take time off go learn how to do this expensive future. But no they wan born full house with the hope sey one of the pikin go go carry their cross for them. Na only God go judge some parents ooh.

So the ones that cannot even to train one pickin must not have any by your logic abi?
So that they can become lonely and sad old parents in a country that does not care for its elderly.

I know you are still young and foolish that is why you reason like this.

I asked you before and I am asking you again, suppose you make all this wonderful plans while you can and in your old age your financial empire crumbles, what will then happen to you if your children would not help you out?

Well, like I said previously, let it be done to you according to your heart desire.

Demainman1:


So the ones that cannot even to train one pickin must not have any by your logic abi?
So that they can become lonely and sad old parents in a country that does not care for its elderly.

I know you are still young and foolish that is why you reason like this.

I asked you before and I am asking you again, suppose you make all this wonderful plans while you can and in your old age your financial empire crumbles, what will then happen to you if your children would not help you out?

Well, like I said previously, let it be done to you according to your heart desire.

It is not a must that one most have kids, more especially when it is obvious that you can't take care of them. Do you know that the worst thing any adult could ever do is to give birth to a child you are well aware that you can't cater for.

If you lived in Lagos am sure you must have heard about young boys robbing people at traffic. I am sure because their parents needed someone to take care of them when they get old, they decided to give births to kids, kids they never had the intention to raise properly. What are the odds that kids like that will not get killed in their prime while engaging in robbery, and live long to take care of their parents at later years?

If only you have visited the North and seem with your eyes the menace of almajiri to the society. The danger of giving birth to children you are not capable of raising over rides any benefit that you could imagine from situation like that.

At your age you should know it is one thing to plan and at the end it didn't work out and a different ball game altogether not to make any plan. It is quite a shame you still allow emotions to becloud your judgment, when I listen to people like you talk and base your argument on mere emotions and sentiment eugenic is the only thing that comes to my mind.

tpiadotcom:


you make no sense.

Hahahahaha
Tell that to lil wayne
Lol

Brugge:


It is not a must that one most have kids, more especially when it is obvious that you can't take care of them. Do you know that the worst thing any adult could ever do is to give birth to a child you are well aware that you can't cater for.

If you lived in Lagos am sure you must have heard about young boys robbing people at traffic. I am sure because their parents needed someone to take care of them when they get old, they decided to give births to kids, kids they never had the intention to raise properly. What are the odds that kids like that will not get killed in their prime while engaging in robbery, and live long to take care of their parents at later years?

If only you have visited the North and seem with your eyes the menace of almajiri to the society. The danger of giving birth to children you are not capable of raising over rides any benefit that you could imagine from situation like that.

At your age you should know it is one thing to plan and at the end it didn't work out and a different ball game altogether not to make any plan. It is quite a shame you still allow emotions to becloud your judgment, when I listen to people like you talk and base your argument on mere emotions and sentiment eugenic is the only thing that comes to my mind.

I understand the point you are trying to make bro, but remember also that this life is not all in black or white. The point you rightly raised is just one out of several other different situations that exist in african societies today.

And @Demainman did ask you one salient question which you'v continously ignored; & that is: What about instances where the parents were financially doing so well and adequately trained their kids through school; but unfortunately, their 'great' financial empire later crumbled, leaving them with absolutely nothing other than their now-successful kids. Would you then advise these kids not to assist their parents financially whenever their help is sought?

At least, we have been told that the O.P's dad is late; hence, It might be that the dad was the financial backbone of the family b4 his death, while the mom a fulltime housewife. And it might also be that most of the dad's saved-up money/investment were all spent on the deceased's medical treatments (thereby leaving behind next to nothing for the family).


Well my candid advise to the O.P is to ignore the sister's inconsiderate attitude and put more effort into making life easy for both himself and other family member cos you can only take a horse to the river, but you can never force it to drink water. I believe with God, nothing is impossible.

limamintruth:



I understand the point you are trying to make bro, but remember also that this life is not all in black or white. The point you rightly raised is just one out of several other different situations that exist in african societies today.

And @Demainman did ask you one salient question which you'v continously ignored; & that is: What about instances where the parents were financially doing so well and adequately trained their kids through school; but unfortunately, their 'great' financial empire later crumbled, leaving them with absolutely nothing other than their now-successful kids. Would you then advise these kids not to assist their parents financially whenever their help is sought?

At least, we have been told that the O.P's dad is late; hence, It might be that the dad was the financial backbone of the family b4 his death, while the mom a fulltime housewife. And it might also be that most of the dad's saved-up money/investment were all spent on the deceased's medical treatments (thereby leaving behind next to nothing for the family).


Well my candid advise to the O.P is to ignore the sister's inconsiderate attitude and put more effort into making life easy for both himself and other family member cos you can only take a horse to the river, but you can never force it to drink water. I believe with God, nothing is impossible.

You are right that life is not black and white. About @ Demainman's questions, I told him in my last response to him,

Yes it is true that a times plan fails but it is better to make a plan and no plan at all. Of course you could make a plan and at the end this didn't work out as planned. Let us be honest with ourselves, take a head count around you and you will noticed that most families ain't even considering that. Most of us are still stuck in the mentality that children are investment, thereby we can afford to bring as many as we want into this world without recourse to their future and how our actions/inactions will impact them.

If you work in the health sector one especially in the rural area you will understand why am hammering on it. My brother it is time we call a spade a spade. Trying to do things just the way our fathers did when it is obvious that it isn't working is nothing but foolishness. That there exist a slight possibility that one may be unfortunate to loos all they have acquired and worked hard for does not mean we should not encourage others to plan for the future.

The Demainman sounds as if because a plan could fail, hence the needs to breed as many children as possible without recourse on how to raise, just so that parents would have someone to look after them at old age.

pbs4real:
why is she the eldest No mtr wat she's going thru,thats doesn't. Stp her frm calling them to knw wats up, for crying out loud, she has an aged mother.

Eldest does not naturally translate to being the most compassionate or being the one that must carry all the family burdens.

You don't even know whether its shame from not being able to meet the burden of expectation that is making her keep away. I know someone who was going through financial issue that reduced calling home because he felt bad when all this problems were outlined and he did not have the means to help.

I don't advocate that however. Yorubas say 'ajo ju owo lo' meaning ' care is sometimes more than money' So I agree she should at least try to call or find out about her mothers welfare and help in whatever little way she can.

However some families are not understanding and appreciative and have a sense of 'what you should be able to afford'. So if you do little that you can afford you are damned for not doing enough and if you don't do at all you are damned. So some people just damn all the consequences and not do AT ALL.

Like I said OP and the mother need to speak and have a heart to heart rather than just assuming.

Brugge:


You are right that life is not black and white. About @ Demainman's questions, I told him in my last response to him,

Yes it is true that a times plan fails but it is better to make a plan and no plan at all. Of course you could make a plan and at the end this didn't work out as planned. Let us be honest with ourselves, take a head count around you and you will noticed that most families ain't even considering that. Most of us are still stuck in the mentality that children are investment, thereby we can afford to bring as many as we want into this world without recourse to their future and how our actions/inactions will impact them.

If you work in the health sector one especially in the rural area you will understand why am hammering on it. My brother it is time we call a spade a spade. Trying to do things just the way our fathers did when it is obvious that it isn't working is nothing but foolishness. That there exist a slight possibility that one may be unfortunate to loos all they have acquired and worked hard for does not mean we should not encourage others to plan for the future.

The Demainman sounds as if because a plan could fail, hence the needs to breed as many children as possible without recourse on how to raise, just so that parents would have someone to look after them at old age.

My last question to you. How do you know the parent that planned and the one that did not?

What makes you think the parent in question did not plan?

Do you know how much it cost to train someone from year 0 through to the university?

Do you know if it was death and hospital bills that finished the parents life saving?

Someone's mother is down and needs help and you now conclude that the parents did not plan.

Thank God you have a choice having travelled out of that Nigeria. If push comes to shove you can declare yourself a refugee in your old age in order to avail yourself of free medicals. A lot of parents don't have that option and look up to their children for assistance when they become old.

Don't blame them. Blame the government that will rather loot all our common wealth than to look after the most vulnerable in the society.

Go to where pensioners they line up for verification after serving Nigeria for donkey years. You will weep my dear.

oloyede252:
you keep saying what her family did to her.is it the dead father,the sick mother or her siblings.you all keep assuming the family did her bad.what if that not the case.once again have a positive mindset,not every family is wicked.
You also said dont judge but you pointed out that family are wicked,that they did something to her.nd you're telling me nt to judge

You're saying positive mindset, what if the family were harsh to her? People will always paint their own story to garner sympathy that's why they say there are always 2sides to a story. I'm talking from experience my family dat did terrible things to me yet I decided to take care of them after trying to let them see d bad tinz dey did to me, little did I know I even worsened d situation. After dishing out up to 300k I decided to pause for a while and save somethings for myself too...they went ahead and told my relatives abroad I had abandoned them and was giving silly excuses for not helping them, during that time I got into trouble at work and became broke and decided to ask family abroad to even lend not dash me money they started telling me how I abandoned my siblings and didn't send ANYTHING home. Since den I've sworn never to send ANYTHING home cos I was at the point of starvation and my family members abroad told me I should learn the hard way over something I was innocent about. Tell me if I should give a fvck about such siblings. And my other brother working rarely sends money home yet they love him and speak good about him. What you need to know is there are usually favorites in d family setting and ds sister obviously wasn't d favorite hence d reason she's prolly behaving d way she is. Once again never judge people until you've walked in dr shoes. From my experience I will NEVER blame ds sister until I've heard ner side of the story. Someone like me is in a better position to listen to these 2sisters cos family can actually be more terrible dan outsiders.

oloyede252:
you keep saying what her family did to her.is it the dead father,the sick mother or her siblings.you all keep assuming the family did her bad.what if that not the case.once again have a positive mindset,not every family is wicked.
You also said dont judge but you pointed out that family are wicked,that they did something to her.nd you're telling me nt to judge

And mind you I never said d family were wicked please read wat I wrote again.

First things first, has the OP confirmed that the sister is actually doing well?, because most people we see outside are facing more problems than we can imagine. the part i dont support is the sister not giving moral support to them.

OP, you must also know it is not advisable to use all ur life working for family, you have to take care of your mother but let ur siblings also take care of themselves. at the end of the day, they will all be settled and you will still be trying to manage.

you also need to get settled in life.

AN IMPORTANT LESSON FOR NEW PARENTS TO BE
mostly in the past, parent make the children believe the younger ones are the responsibility of the older ones, its not supposed to be so, a parent should have the number of kids they can manage. this idea doesnt make the younger ones appreciate the effort of the elder ones cos they believe its their right.
My dad always told my younger ones that "i am responsible for all of u, if your elder sister does anything for you, its a privilege."
this made us very appreciative of the tiniest things we do for one another.

your sister might be very secretive and she doesnt want to bother you with her problems. be careful how you conclude on issues.

Brugge:


You are right that life is not black and white. About @ Demainman's questions, I told him in my last response to him,

Yes it is true that a times plan fails but it is better to make a plan and no plan at all. Of course you could make a plan and at the end this didn't work out as planned. Let us be honest with ourselves, take a head count around you and you will noticed that most families ain't even considering that. Most of us are still stuck in the mentality that children are investment, thereby we can afford to bring as many as we want into this world without recourse to their future and how our actions/inactions will impact them.

If you work in the health sector one especially in the rural area you will understand why am hammering on it. My brother it is time we call a spade a spade. Trying to do things just the way our fathers did when it is obvious that it isn't working is nothing but foolishness. That there exist a slight possibility that one may be unfortunate to loos all they have acquired and worked hard for does not mean we should not encourage others to plan for the future.

The Demainman sounds as if because a plan could fail, hence the needs to breed as many children as possible without recourse on how to raise, just so that parents would have someone to look after them at old age.

Yea very true. Being a northerner who has been living in the north since childhood, I completely understand the point you made.

However, lets give the O.P the benefit of doubt that his family's case doesnt fall within the situation you raised.
Considering that the supposed breadwinner of the house(the dad) is late and the mom is sick.
We all know that some sicknesses are capable of running dry an individual's entire investment; and thats where family support comes in. Remember no man is an island; thus, certain emergency circumstances do require all hands on deck for a headway to be achieved.
Infact just last week, we were sadly informed that a colleague of ours and his wife both died in a ghastly motor-accident on their way to their hometown. And this couple have 3 small children(the eldest barely 13). So you can only imagine the fate of these kids cos relatives can really be unpredictable.
Note that these couple are doing financially well in their respective fields. Thus, the wealth of any family can be lost unexpectedly at anytime. That is why we do need each other.

datigbogirl:


You're saying positive mindset, what if the family were harsh to her? People will always paint their own story to garner sympathy that's why they say there are always 2sides to a story. I'm talking from experience my family dat did terrible things to me yet I decided to take care of them after trying to let them see d bad tinz dey did to me, little did I know I even worsened d situation. After dishing out up to 300k I decided to pause for a while and save somethings for myself too...they went ahead and told my relatives abroad I had abandoned them and was giving silly excuses for not helping them, during that time I got into trouble at work and became broke and decided to ask family abroad to even lend not dash me money they started telling me how I abandoned my siblings and didn't send ANYTHING home. Since den I've sworn never to send ANYTHING home cos I was at the point of starvation and my family members abroad told me I should learn the hard way over something I was innocent about. Tell me if I should give a fvck about such siblings. And my other brother working rarely sends money home yet they love him and speak good about him. What you need to know is there are usually favorites in d family setting and ds sister obviously wasn't d favorite hence d reason she's prolly behaving d way she is. Once again never judge people until you've walked in dr shoes. From my experience I will NEVER blame ds sister until I've heard ner side of the story. Someone like me is in a better position to listen to these 2sisters cos family can actually be more terrible dan outsiders.

like you said there are two sides to a story.

oloyede252:
like you said there are two sides to a story.

Good to know you now understand.

limamintruth:



Yea very true. Being a northerner who has been living in the north since childhood, I completely understand the point you made.

However, lets give the O.P the benefit of doubt that his family's case doesnt fall within the situation you raised.
Considering that the supposed breadwinner of the house(the dad) is late and the mom is sick.
We all know that some sicknesses are capable of running dry an individual's entire investment; and thats where family support comes in. Remember no man is an island; thus, certain emergency circumstances do require all hands on deck for a headway to be achieved.
Infact just last week, we were sadly informed that a colleague of ours and his wife both died in a ghastly motor-accident on their way to their hometown. And this couple have 3 small children(the eldest barely 13). So you can only imagine the fate of these kids cos relatives can really be unpredictable.
Note that these couple are doing financially well in their respective fields. Thus, the wealth of any family can be lost unexpectedly at anytime. That is why we do need each other.

I am glad someone understood my point.

I totally agree with what you said and I am not in anyway dismissing the importance of rallying up to help our fellow human. I have been a receipt of such gesture likewise some other people.

limamintruth:



Yea very true. Being a northerner who has been living in the north since childhood, I completely understand the point you made.

However, lets give the O.P the benefit of doubt that his family's case doesnt fall within the situation you raised.
Considering that the supposed breadwinner of the house(the dad) is late and the mom is sick.
We all know that some sicknesses are capable of running dry an individual's entire investment; and thats where family support comes in. Remember no man is an island; thus, certain emergency circumstances do require all hands on deck for a headway to be achieved.
Infact just last week, we were sadly informed that a colleague of ours and his wife both died in a ghastly motor-accident on their way to their hometown. And this couple have 3 small children(the eldest barely 13). So you can only imagine the fate of these kids cos relatives can really be unpredictable.
Note that these couple are doing financially well in their respective fields. Thus, the wealth of any family can be lost unexpectedly at anytime. That is why we do need each other.

@Bolded

Parents with young kids should look towards taking out insurance to cover situations like this

The times of leaving your kids to to be catered for by relatives, without funds for that purpose may turn your kids to househelps.

As Brugge's has said, parents should give birth to the number of kids they can care for, or else, the society would be worse off for it.

I hope this coming generation will learn from the mistake of the past. I have traveled around (Thanks to God for His blessings) I have come to understand that in the West parents work hard to guarantee their future and that of their kids. Unlike in our country where people stop short of guaranteeing their future by starting a family hoping and believing that their kids will be under obligation to handle their (parents) financial situations in the future.

Do not see your children as an investment, rather parents should treat their children as human that should leave and freely work to take care of themselves in the future without the parents placing unnecessary expectations on them.

I have seen people whose career are barely off the ground, rushing into starting family, because they want to please society and at the same time they believe they will channel all their energy ( income which is barely enough) into their kids as an investment. There are a lot of issues that comes with seeing your kids as an investment- with the hope that the elder one will raise the younger ones and eventual take care of the parents.

To the young generation and to -be parents please stop putting your children through such psychological torture, moreover you did not consult any of the kids before embarking on such 'ventures' neither did any of those kids signed an agreement with you.

Please parents shoulder your responsibilities and stop mortgaging your children future, just because you don't want to be left out of the 'I am married' crew or the ' I got married early' crew.


As a side note, I used to laugh when I see people ranting on how much they love their parents because of the sacrifice their parents made to raise them. Yes it is true that your parents could choose not to raise you but at the same time it is their responsibility- a responsibility they willing took upon, most times even when it is obvious that they are not up for it financially or emotionally, to raise you. So I see nothing special in it, just parents taking care of their 'mess'.

you have said it all

[quote]this