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Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? - Family - Nairaland

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Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by salako: 11:46am On Nov 03, 2005
Wed Without Blessing?

How important is it to get your parents' blessing before you get hitched?

I know of a girl that didn't tell her parents she was marrying her husband. She said she didn't [care] about what others thought. Is she right? Did you elope without a word? Do you live to regret it?

And mums, dads, family what's it like being the last to know your little baby/sibling has gone and got hitched? Share your experiences.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by Oracle(m): 1:40am On Nov 04, 2005
Well there's very much tendency that you'll regret it, because God gave you to your parents. Its their duty to cater for you, so when you are leaving them for good (marriage), they ought to know about it and bestow their blessings upon you.

If this doesnt happen you may experience difficulties in your marriage. You may not just understand why.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by aloib(f): 5:41am On Nov 04, 2005
for me it all depends on the parents........., if they dont care about stuffs like that then its ok........, like my dad got married to my mom without his parents knowing her , and that was the best decision he made in his life. if i get a good husband here , i can marry him without my parenrs knowing him, cos my parents are very libral. wat they care about is ur happiness and its up to you, you know wats best for u.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by Seun(m): 6:32am On Nov 04, 2005
Naturally, I'll let my parents know before I go ahead and marry some lady. What's there to hide?

I think my marriage would be a thing of joy to them, and they will want to be able to share their wisdom with me. I see no advantage in robbing them of this privilege. Even a liberal parent will be very angry if her child got married without at least informing her.

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Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by abuguy64(m): 3:05pm On Nov 06, 2005
Ideally, one's parents should be aware of and sanction ones marriage.However,sometimes circumstances may make this rather difficult or impossible. My advice is once you take a decision,be sure that is what you want,and be prepared to face the consequence(s).I have been married since 1997 and neither of my parents have ever met my wife even though all are in Nigeria. I took that decision based on my previous experiences with my father especially,and my mum had been out of my life since age 3yrs. The early years were tough,now we have 2 lovely girls,and are doing much better as a family. Me thinks,if you have a family that genuinely cares and love you,then you would not need to do things without their support.If you have a family that has shown over the years ,that they are more interested in your failures,and their benefits,than your happiness-then you do not need such people in your life,and they should not influence your decisions in life.Since the year I decided to start to make my desicions without involving my so called family,I have been more successful,that the years,where the family made desicions for me. But if the family has geniune concerns about whom you propose to marry,please do a rethink,and investigate further lest you live to regret!
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by eveseh(f): 7:59pm On Apr 28, 2006
it's bad undecided undecided
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by stephanie7(f): 11:25am On May 09, 2006
i got married without my parents knowledge as i was afraid they would try and stop me as i was only 19 and was only dating him for 3 mts when we started planning to marry. they know now as immigration called to their house for my husband when we split
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by stephanie7(f): 11:25am On May 09, 2006
oh i regret not telling them!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by ThoniaSlim(f): 5:49pm On May 18, 2006
no matter how right a child thinks he/she is,if you don't get blessings from your parents such a marriage is bound to fail.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by blapo(m): 4:19pm On Nov 10, 2009
Parental support to wedding is the best. They sure know somethings more than you do.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by iice(f): 5:50pm On Nov 10, 2009
aloib:

for me it all depends on the parents, , if they dont care about stuffs like that then its ok, , like my dad got married to my mom without his parents knowing her , and that was the best decision he made in his life. if i get a good husband here , i can marry him without my parenrs knowing him, cos my parents are very libral. wat they care about is your happiness and its up to you, you know wats best for u.

cheesy Mad girl kiss tongue

@Topic

It's all about priorities and responsibilities.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by nicolac1(f): 12:13am On Nov 11, 2009
My parents knew i was getting married but niether of them gave their blessing or attended. Their main issue with it was because my husband is black (Im not). We were mean to be getting married in Scotland with both my parents invited, but because i knew how they felt about my husband & the fact they are divorced & hate each other it would have been to akward having them both at the ceremony, spoiling things for us so instead i decided that since we were going to Nigeria to meet his mum that we should get married there. Thankfully his family were lovely to me & we had a great day though it was slightly sad not having any of my family there, but hey if they want to be small minded enought to have issues over the colour of someones skin that's their problem, certainly wasnt going to stop me marrying him.

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Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by tRoOE(f): 1:10am On Nov 12, 2009
Sorry ooo i can not do it,i need my parent blessing especially mom kiss
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by Tanzos: 4:32am On Nov 12, 2009
ThoniaSlim:

no matter how right a child thinks he/she is,if you don't get blessings from your parents such a marriage is bound to fail.

Sincerely theres no proof to back this up
secondly most divorces we have today all had the parents awareness and even blessings, so whats your excuse for this?
Its a good thing when your parents are aware but what if theyre presenting a silly excuse like race and tribe or even because they just dont like the persons face?

what about that?
Abeg!

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Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by spikedcylinder: 5:48pm On Nov 12, 2009
Risky.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by nannyo(f): 7:30pm On Nov 12, 2009
@abuguy64
i think am in support of ur statement, there are parents who are just wicked and prefer urb failure to ur progress, my parents are not like that, but ive seen it in 3 families

1 Like

Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by Fhemmmy: 7:44pm On Nov 12, 2009
Nice to get the blessing, however, you know your parents better.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by Sissy3(f): 7:04am On Nov 13, 2009
there must be some very good solid reason for not doing so
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by Fhemmmy: 8:58pm On Nov 13, 2009
~Sissy~:

there must be some very good solid reason for not doing so

True Dat, reason why i said, dem sabi dem parents than us.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by Nwamama1: 4:01pm On Mar 15, 2011
Fhemmmy:

Nice to get the blessing, however, you know your parents better.

I suport you.

It is a MUST to get your Parents' blessings.

MUST! VERY IMPORTANT.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by Blazay(m): 4:14pm On Mar 15, 2011
Wed Without Blessing?


Impossible. I am not an "akata"-strophe!
Only people from dysfunctional homes encounter such problems, where the parents are usually jealous of their own children and do not wish them any happinesss, since they lived miserable lives for the most parts.

I do not have such meddlesome, semi-illiterate canterkerous fish-wives/drunken sailors of parents anyhoo. cool

They only want our happinezzezzz. kiss
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by AlbLin: 9:55pm On May 23, 2011
This subject is still new in our lives. We found out one week ago that our daughter got married and never told us. We are very close (or so we thought), and had absolutely nothing against her boyfriend, we were looking towards a wedding, and discussed it together quite often. However, this is not the first time we've been "knocked to the floor" with a major life-changing event from our daughter, but we started relaxing because it seemed as though she was finally heading down the right track and thinking before acting. Aside from ignoring the need to have our blessings and allowing us to be an integral part of this very special time of her life, they do not realize that this is deception, immature, and blatant dishonor to her dad. Our plan was to give them $20,000 to start their "new life" off with (as a surprise) and definitely our blessings, when they got themselves financially stable and prepared to handle the challenges of marriage as well as her small children. He was still struggling to take care of himself (financially) and we were still semi-supporting our daughter and her children. It's very obvious to us that they have absolutely no clue of what they've done and have repeatedly said to us that they don't feel they've done anything wrong. Our family is a very loving and close family, but I'm afraid he has come into our family on a very sore note. The pain and hurt that we are all feeling is indescribable and the deep concern of what they're facing troubles us so much. But the answer to the question is, definitely not. It's unfair and disrespectful towards the parents who love and care and it adds so much unnecessary emotional baggage to carry into a new marriage.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by OAM4J: 11:26pm On May 23, 2011
Better do it with their knowledge and blessings.
Re: Marriage Without Parents' Knowledge? by Nekai(f): 12:35am On May 24, 2011
AlbLin:

This subject is still new in our lives. We found out one week ago that our daughter got married and never told us. We are very close (or so we thought), and had absolutely nothing against her boyfriend, we were looking towards a wedding, and discussed it together quite often. However, this is not the first time we've been "knocked to the floor" with a major life-changing event from our daughter, but we started relaxing because it seemed as though she was finally heading down the right track and thinking before acting. Aside from ignoring the need to have our blessings and allowing us to be an integral part of this very special time of her life, they do not realize that this is deception, immature, and blatant dishonor to her dad. Our plan was to give them $20,000 to start their "new life" off with (as a surprise) and definitely our blessings, when they got themselves financially stable and prepared to handle the challenges of marriage as well as her small children. He was still struggling to take care of himself (financially) and we were still semi-supporting our daughter and her children. It's very obvious to us that they have absolutely no clue of what they've done and have repeatedly said to us that they don't feel they've done anything wrong. Our family is a very loving and close family, but I'm afraid he has come into our family on a very sore note. The pain and hurt that we are all feeling is indescribable and the deep concern of what they're facing troubles us so much. But the answer to the question is, definitely not. It's unfair and disrespectful towards the parents who love and care and it adds so much unnecessary emotional baggage to carry into a new marriage.

sad

At least you have the satisfaction of knowing that they will regret it and it and the hardship your daughter will go through will be worth more than any advice you could even give her. She will grow out of this situation. Also, don't support them financially at all. They don't see this as that big of a deal, then it should mean that they have the means to fully support themselves. For the children, send things, not money and turn a deaf ear to any monetary requests or complaints coming from the newlyweds. Don't withdraw your emotional support or love. Life will soon teach them the lesson that they need to learn.

@Topic, I thik it's a bad idea in the vast majority of situations.

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