Are you passionate he ask
Are you romantic he fired at me once more
smiles filled my face as I remember how crazy he was the first time we chatted....

Marry me he wrote to me
Like a mad man woken up from a sweet dream
Like a speed of air in raylight
Like hottest of the Sun in summer

Ahhhhh I said this boy is mad
His openness was loud for me to see
His careful attention was like eagle searching for prey

Ahhh I said this boy is mad
I look at him the last time
Like a soaked wool in spirit
He stood with me like the visible angel guarding me
Then I change my mind and say this boy is my

Read and review please
llaykorn and others

[size=15pt]not only the boy, but you also is mad
I think you should stop listening to much naija music [/size]

jaymejate:
[size=15pt]not only the boy, but you also is mad
I think you should stop listening to much naija music [/size]

You are like the witch that flies at night looking for the helpless ones .....
Showing how might and power you are
Going in and coming out from people home

What the Bleep do you think You are ?
The gods ,angels,demons ?
Do you think you are a better written?
Do you only go into people thread and comment what you like?
Are you high on some cheap drug?
I need answer to all my questions like a teacher waiting for the students to rise their hands up
Who the Bleep do you think you are?

Answer me oh answer I knock at your door
Like a desperate mother hen looking for the chick
Like a hungry lion seeing the existence of a human in the past three days
Like weeping parent when they lost their only child they had in thirty years of their life.

What the Bleep do you think you are?
Like you gave me the strength to write the poem
Mind your business as the trader who borrow money from bank
Like the child suffering from malnutrition.
Mind your business ooo

merit12:



You are like the witch that flies at night looking for the helpless ones .....
Showing how might and power you are
Going in and coming out from people home

What the Bleep do you think You are ?
The gods ,angels,demons ?
Do you think you are a better written?
Do you only go into people thread and comment what you like?
Are you high on some cheap drug?
I need answer to all my questions like a teacher waiting for the students to rise their hands up
Who the Bleep do you think you are?

Answer me oh answer I knock at your door
Like a desperate mother hen looking for the chick
Like a hungry lion seeing the existence of a human in the past three days
Like weeping parent when they lost their only child they had in thirty years of their life.

What the Bleep do you think you are?
Like you gave me the strength to write the poem
Mind your business as the trader who borrow money from bank
Like the child suffering from malnutrition.
Mind your business ooo

Hey easy o. Just chill.
And don't get yourself banned sweetheart

jaymejate:


Hey easy o. Just chill.
And don't get yourself banned sweetheart

Mind your business oh

merit12:
Are you passionate he ask
Are you romantic he fired at me ounces more
smiles filled my face as I remember how crazy he was the first time we chatted....
Marry me he wrote to me
Like a mad man woken up from a sweet dream
Like a speed of air in raylight
Like hottest of the Sun in summer
Ahhhhh I say this boy is mad
His openness was loud for me to see
His careful attention was like eagle searching for prey
Ahhh I say this boy is mad
I look at him the last time
Like a soaked wool in spirit
He stood with me like the visible angel guarding me
Then I change my mind and say this boy is my

merit12, nice piece but try to read the poem all over again. You need to correct some mistakes.

emaculate99:
merit12, nice piece but try to read the poem all over again. You need to correct some mistakes.

Grazie mele ....ho capito

merit12:


Grazie mele ....ho capito

I don't understand.

emaculate99:
I don't understand

provi Cerchi su google se tu capito
Buona festa

merit12:


provi Cerchi su google se tu capito
Buona festa

OK but can we communicate in English?

emaculate99:
OK but can we communicate in English?

Yes I answer to you my Lord
Your command only I execute
Like the supreme legend of my time
Like the only eagle that fly high.

Yes my Lord only you I can live with
Not like the supreme GOD above
But like a friend that comes at a time of need
Only your language I speak.

Hmmm Emaculate99 is now someones lord. .

Llaykorn.

emaculate99:
OK but can we communicate in English?

Yes I answer to you my Lord
Your command only I execute
Like the supreme legend of my time
Like the only eagle that fly high.

Yes my Lord only you I can live with
Not like the supreme GOD above
But like a friend that comes at a time of need
Only your language I speak.

You only came to my rescue
When jaymejate tries to oppress me
Only you my friend teach me my correction
Only you look through my poem
Like the mother hen protect her children from hawk
As God hears the oppression of the Israelite and save them..

Yes my friend your smiles as that of a child that sees his favourite candy
Your style my friend as the vision of a writer

Yes my friend when I remember your name

Yes my friend emaculate99

E383:
Hmmm Emaculate99 is now someones lord. .
Llaykorn.

speechless...

merit12:




Yes I answer to you my Lord
Your command only I execute
Like the supreme legend of my time
Like the only eagle that fly high.

Yes my Lord only you I can live with
Not like the supreme GOD above
But like a friend that comes at a time of need
Only your language I speak.

You only came to my rescue
When jaymejate tries to oppress me
Only you my friend teach me my correction
Only you look through my poem
Like the mother hen protect her children from hawk
As God hears the oppression of the Israelite and save them..

Yes my friend your smiles as that of a child that sees his favourite candy
Your style my friend as the vision of a writer

Yes my friend when I remember your name

Yes my friend emaculate99

Seriously, am blushing here... Me? A poem? Thanks friend. Nice to meet you.

E383:
Hmmm Emaculate99 is now someones lord. .

Llaykorn.

It is unfair to enter a home without knocking
It's is unfair for you to think it fair
When the fair ones still thinks they are unfair.

No greetings no knocking
No bringing of peace in this house
Like a landlord looking for the debtors
As the eagles that takes the chicks without warning
As the air that fill the room without notice.

I still think it unfair to enter without knocking
With empty hand you came
Is there something fair for me
Yes ...No...Maybe I guess your mind maybe.

It is unfair for me to treat you this way
Without knowing what prompt you in my thread
Welcoming you is fair
Giving you a sit and water maybe is fair
I think is fair me to as you this
How far nah..wetin you bring for me e383

merit12:
Are you passionate he ask
Are you romantic he fired at me once more
smiles filled my face as I remember how crazy he was the first time we chatted....

Hi Merit. 'Ask in the first line should be 'asked' since you're narrating a story from the past. And why did you decide not to put his words in quotation marks even though you wrote in direct speech? 'Filled' and 'remember' should agree. If you remembered in the past, then your face definitely filled in the past. If you're remembering in the present then your face is filling in the present too. You get that?

Marry me he wrote to me
Like a mad man woken up from a sweet dream
Like a speed of air in raylight
Like hottest of the Sun in summer

I like the way you used your similes in the last three lines. A mad man woken up from a sweet dream should be angry and probably try to chase one - with speed. Is that because you felt he was too fast to propose? Your third line seems to indicate that. In your fourth line, there should be the word 'the' before 'hottest'. It would have been more correct that way.

Ahhhhh I said this boy is mad
His openness was loud for me to see
His careful attention was like eagle searching for prey

In the first line, did you decide not to deliberately use an exclamation mark after 'Ahhhhh'? In the second line, I'm not exactly faulting your usage of 'loud' with 'openness', but I have a feeling that it would have been more appealing if you had decided to use with 'openness' an adjective that appeals to sight rather than hearing. Noticing openness is closer to the work of the eye than the ear - or so I think. In your last line, do you think it is correct to liken his careful attention to an eagle or to the attention of an eagle? I mean, don't you think it would sound better if you had written: "His careful attention was like an EAGLE'S (i.e was like that of an egale) searching for prey. You forgot the quotation marks in this stanza too.

Ahhh I said this boy is mad
I look at him the last time
Like a soaked wool in spirit
He stood with me like the visible angel guarding me
Then I change my mind and say this boy is my

I love your similes, sincerely! I think you should just have written Methylated Spirit in full to help you readers avoid confusions. 'Change' should have been 'changed' in your third line. Isn't it funny how you forgot to write your last word? Your what? With all that suspense? Are you too shy to tell us?

You've written a very beautiful poem for your beloved. Merit, Is the guy black?

Thanks for all the corrections

Adesso sono capito tutti
Lui non e Nero
Lui e Blanco
Pero solo amici
Lui e pazzo
Fidami

llaykorn:


Hi Merit. 'Ask in the first line should be 'asked' since you're narrating a story from the past. And why did you decide not to put his words in quotation marks even though you wrote in direct speech? 'Filled' and 'remember' should agree. If you remembered in the past, then your face definitely filled in the past. If you're remembering in the present then your face is filling in the present too. You get that?



I like the way you used your similes in the last three lines. A mad man woken up from a sweet dream should be angry and probably try to chase one - with speed. Is that because you felt he was too fast to propose? Your third line seems to indicate that. In your fourth line, there should be the word 'the' before 'hottest'. It would have been more correct that way.




In the first line, did you decide not to deliberately use an exclamation mark after 'Ahhhhh'? In the second line, I'm not exactly faulting your usage of 'loud' with 'openness', but I have a feeling that it would have been more appealing if you had decided to use with 'openness' an adjective that appeals to sight rather than hearing. Noticing openness is closer to the work of the eye than the ear - or so I think. In your last line, do you think it is correct to liken his careful attention to an eagle or to the attention of an eagle? I mean, don't you think it would sound better if you had written: "His careful attention was like an EAGLE'S (i.e was like that of an egale) searching for prey. You forgot the quotation marks in this stanza too.



I love your similes, sincerely! I think you should just have written Methylated Spirit in full to help you readers avoid confusions. 'Change' should have been 'changed' in your third line. Isn't it funny how you forgot to write your last word? Your what? With all that suspense? Are you too shy to tell us?

You've written a very beautiful poem for your beloved. Merit, Is the guy black?

merit12:
Thanks for all the corrections

Adesso sono capito tutti
Lui non e Nero
Lui e Blanco
Pero solo amici
Lui e pazzo
Fidami

Tell me, Merit. What new language are you learning? Is this Spanish?

llaykorn:


Tell me, Merit. What new language are you learning? Is this Spanish?

Soon imparlare italiano anche cosi espanol

llaykorn:


Tell me, Merit. What new language are you learning? Is this Spanish?

Were do we start from
I want to learn poetry from you

merit12:



Were do we start from
I want to learn poetry from you

Hehe. Learn poetry from Shakespeare instead.

merit12:


Were do we start from I want to learn poetry from you

Llaykorn, Orijin? (Hope you code?)

Qaisar1:


Llaykorn, Orijin? (Hope you code?)

don't you sleep?have you close from that meeting?

merit12:
don't you sleep?have you close from that meeting?

It's you Dj!

Qaisar1:


It's you Dj!

Yes boss

merit12:

Yes boss

we're missing you oh.