This virginity thing. It seems a big issue for you. And it’s generating awkward contradictions in you. It’s the hidden reason you’re struggling with your emotions. You’re conflicted inside because you know you have no standing.

Okay, here’s the thing: In life, you must learn to use appropriate yardstick to judge and determine issues. You don’t use a ruler for example to measure the purity of water. That’s an inappropriate instrument though a measurement. Neither do you use a stethoscope to measure the pressure of a tyre. It’s a wrong pressure gauge. In the same manner, you can’t use dutifulness in church as parameter to determine the suitability of a conjugal prospect. It can serve as corroborative factor or even corroborant, but it cannot be the primary basis of consideration. A good church worker is not necessarily going to be a good wife, though the word “good” is common. Two separate issues. I mean, that she can sing down the heavens doesn’t mean she will make you a good wife. Vocal dexterity is not qualification for coupling. Choir is not a marriage context. If you base your marriage decision on her ability to sing, you’re clearly using a wrong means of measurement. A singing voice for example cannot help you determine if she’s clean or a relative of Unhygienix of Asterix fame. That’s how people arrive at wrong marital decisions. They use wrong parameters. And such a mistake can prove very costly to a man in particular.

Now let’s come to your issue. You want to marry a virgin. But there’s an inherent contradiction in your quest. You can’t test her virginity unless you sleep with her, in which case she’ll no longer be and you won’t marry a virgin. The truth is, all you have is her word. It’s what she says she is that she is at this stage of your relationship. You can’t even verify her word without compromising your faith. Now, here’s the irony of your quest for a virgin wife: You’re not a virgin yourself. At some point before you embraced your faith you engaged in sexual congresses. In other words, you have a past. In the same vein, she also has a past. But you’re willing to embrace your past but not hers.


As per your wife you want to be the man who “hit it first”, but tell me, the women you hit first who’ll marry those? In essence you can’t take what you dished out. The idea of someone being there before you consternates you. You can’t handle it, ironically. The reason she’s not giving you the confirmation you want on her virgin status is probably because she’s not. She likes you, wants you, but you’ve put impediment on progress: demanded for something she can’t amend retroactively. And so she can’t lie about her past, and she can’t tell you the truth either. Stalemate. You somehow think that her non-virginal status is indicative of a colourful and flavourful past. Perhaps. Same applies to you I guess. But you’ve not told me who she really is, just her sexual history. You didn’t indicate if she’s a loving and kindhearted woman. Whether or not she’s caring. You’ve not told me whether she’s trustworthy, whether she’s someone you can entrust your life to. And it’s not as if you’re accusing her of promiscuity. So the broken hymen just indicates she’s had sex in the past.

What I’m trying to say is, virginity is really not a test of whether someone will make you a good wife. You’re using a ruler to measure tyre pressure. Now if virginity is a psychological barrier for you, I’d say don’t go into marriage with her. You’ll keep judging her in the present because you can’t deal with her past. I’ll advice you keep your imagination in check. Stop imagining someone in the past on top of her. It’s unhelpful. But you have to reconcile yourself to the possibility you may not marry a virgin. Being real! Learn to be real in life. Your generation is very experimental with sex, and sexual imagery is so pervasive. Your music videos are highly suggestive. Think Anaconda. You’re being conditioned to accept raw sexuality. That conditioning generates results. Makes kids want to experiment with sex.

Be careful that your quest for virginity doesn’t make you miss a very wonderful and loving woman. Perhaps the first thing you ought to consider is what you want in a wife, what should you want in a wife. If this woman meets your criteria of a good wife to you I’d say go for her. You don’t want to regret not marrying her. If you marry an alternate, note that the virginity qualification will end on your wedding night. Then the marriage begins. You don’t want a wife who qualifies for only the wedding night do you? What happens in the days and years ahead? The faith you avow is very much anchored on Paul’s immortal words: If any man (or woman) be in Christ, he or she is a new creature. Old things have passed away. All things have become new. It’s either you’re going to accept God’s word concerning this lady or not. The decision is yours.

If you don’t however, that will be most unfortunate. I’m sure you’ve read about Pharisees. They were fond of using differing standards- one for themselves, another for others. Jesus had a running battle with those guys. You’re not a Pharisee are you? You can’t judge this lady by one set of standards and use another for yourself. It’s pharisaic.

http://manly.ng/nigerian-man-marry-a-virgin/


Follow Leke Alder on Twitter: @lekealde

Babe this write up is too cumbersome na .... Abbreviation ati summarization ti take over na....

Where can I get the short version?

True

Verbose Piece of Poo

Virginity is one of the most overrated concepts of this modern day contemporary west african society.

It's so annoying when I hear guys say that they only want to marry a virgin, as if marrying a virgin guarantees having a happy marriage. Or as if marrying a virgin means you have married the best kind of woman.

Honestly, looking at it closely, what does one stand to again by marrying a virgin?
That you are the first to have sex with her? What else? Nothing, and in the long run the disadvantages that comes with marrying a virgin outweighs the only advantage which is being the first to have sex with her.

And what's more annoying is that most of the men who claim to want to marry virgins aren't virgins themselves, and have actually disvirgened ladies in the past.

So if I meet a woman who has all the qualities I need in a woman, but isn't a virgin, then I shouldn't marry her? Isn't that stupidity? Then if I see a girl who is a virgin then I should marry her?

And people have the mindset of associating decency and having a good character with virginity. According to them, any girl who is a virgin is decent and has self control and would be faithful in the marriage, but these people are wrong and the reverse of what they believe is what we see today in our society.

As for me, I would like to marry a lady who has some sexual experience. Not some sexual novice. Besides, I can't even marry someone I haven't had sex with.

Nice one op.

Wow, this write-up is on point. But sure, those guyz that were killed by virgin in their first being will come castigate you now.

This statement is so true "that she can sing down the heavens doesn’t mean she will make you a good wife". U may like ladies that sing, but that should not be the main reason for marrying her. The fact that she can sing doesn't even mean she's spirit filled.

Also, I've said this before now, what will last till wedding night should not be a determinant in going into marriage. That is juvenile. Virginity will expire on the wedding's night but her character and personality in general will last a lifetime.

Good for you if you found a lady, possessing all the qualities you want in a lady, at the same time a virgin. In fact cherish her. But don't let go, a lady possessing those qualities, all because she's not a virgin. The fact that u married her a virgin does not guaranty that she won't have extra marital affairs. Guyz wise up and see the big picture.

Decker:
Virginity is one of the most overrated concepts of this modern day contemporary west african society.

It's so annoying when I hear guys say that they only want to marry a virgin, as if marrying a virgin guarantees having a happy marriage. Or as if marrying a virgin means you have married the best kind of woman.

Honestly, looking at it closely, what does one stand to again by marrying a virgin?
That you are the first to have sex with her? What else? Nothing, and in the long run the disadvantages that comes with marrying a virgin outweighs the only advantage which is being the first to have sex with her.

And what's more annoying is that most of the men who claim to want to marry virgins have actually disvirgened ladies in the past.

So if I meet a woman who has all the qualities I need in a woman, but isn't a virgin, then I shouldn't marry her? Isn't that stupidity? Then if I see a girl who is a virgin then I should marry her?

And people have the mindset of associating decency and having a good character with virginity. According to them, any girl who is a virgin is decent and has self control and would be faithful in the marriage, but these people are wrong and the reverse of what they believe is what we see today in our society.

As for me, I would like to marry a lady who has some sexual experience. Not some sexual novice. Besides, I can't marry someone I haven't had sex with.

Decker,, i dae feel u oo. Nice one boss

i swear i no read dat tin finish......bros e too long nah et ur language im too bogus

Tear rubber. She must be a virgin, no negotiation.

A man with a brand new dick deserves a woman with a tear-rubber honeypot for marriage.

adepeter26:

Decker,, i dae feel u oo. Nice one boss

jmoore:
Tear rubber. She must be a virgin, no negotiation.

Why must she be a virgin? What's your reason for wanting to marry a virgin?

One person is there screaming tear-rubber... Lol.. How funny!
Lalasticlala.. Farano. Biko nu.

Alright...the epistle was long but i managed to read half of it...virginity matters but only virgin guys should marry virgin ladies so that no one feels left out cos the partner is a novice but as for the guys who have disvirgined ladies and are still screaming that they must marry virgins...their case dey for Devil hand

Zoe41:
i swear i no read dat tin finish......bros e too long nah et ur language im too bogus

Lol.. Goan finish it, joor.

Lalasticlala, come and read.. And pls, be patient enough to read to the end.

Decker:


Why must she be a virgin? What's your reason for wanting to marry a virgin?

jmoore:
Reasons why I will marry a virgin
1- Virgins are brand-new, untouched. I get to commission her.
2- No abortion, I don't want to marry the mother of dead children .
3- I don't want to see her ex releasing a new album titled "I hit her first".
4- Free from Stds.
5- It is a sign of self-control which means she has a higher chance to remain faithful when married to me.
6- An Incredible Wedding Day and Night + honeymoon.(A night of two virgins)
7- A great role model for our kids.

FYI: Virginity is not the only thing I seek, other good qualities of a virtuous woman are included too. But virginity can never be negotiated. My life, my choice

As usual, The Common Question: "The woman you deflowered, Who will marry her"


BUT what about the virgin Guys like me? How can I, After enduring The sexual urge now get married to someone whose Vagiina Has welcomed numerous dicks, Fingers & Mouths?


I Am not advocating for those with the desire to wed Virgins BUT threads like this make the Virgin Girl want to give it all up. When Sex has become like a virtue & when Most girls believe virginity Is archaic, Why will the virgin Girl cherish her chastity?


I have Long lost faith in the possibility of finding a virgin wife. It is unfortunately impossible to find a Virgin, Quote that anywhere!


So my Dear Olivia, Nobody is looking down on you for not Being a virgin. So don't discourage that Little girl trying hard to keep her chastity. If there's any message this thread is trying to send across, I think it will be this: "Virginty is archaic & Virgins are a Crazy bunch"

I swear I fell asleep half way, I'm gonna save this page for when I'm having sleepless night

johncreek:
Babe this write up is too cumbersome na .... Abbreviation ati summarization ti take over na....

I was wondering if she was the original writer of the piece until i saw the link. Why? Cos average nigerian girls (as her pix shown) are not that good in composing a piece of writing with such eloquent English.

Anyways, for the sake of such terms and confusions mixed altogether in the writing, ....

Lalasticlala, mynd44 bai 55 etc, come see food.

But wait a minute, I read somewhere that women don't like marring virgin guys, they want their men to be experienced in the field, which personally I think is bull sh!t because now we the women are the ones even telling these guys to go deflower other girls to get this experience. Isn't that contradictory and fvking confusing

today's virgin thread.

tpia1billion:
today's virgin thread.

theres a virgin thread everyday these days...i'm getting tired of it

[quote author=RexKex post=41752448]As usual, The Common Question: "The woman you deflowered, Who will marry her"


BUT what about the virgin Guys like me? How can I, After enduring The sexual urge now get married to someone whose Vagiina Has welcomed numerous dicks, Fingers & Mouths?


I Am not advocating for those with the desire to wed Virgins BUT threads like this make the Virgin Girl want to give it all up. When Sex has become like a virtue & when Most girls believe virginity Is archaic, Why will the virgin Girl cherish her chastity?


I have Long lost faith in the possibility of finding a virgin wife. It is unfortunately impossible to find a Virgin, Quote that anywhere!


So my Dear No one, Nobody is looking down on you for not Being a virgin. So don't discourage that Little trying hard to keep her chastity. If there's any message this thread is trying to send across, I think it will be this: "Virginty is archaic & Virgins are a Crazy bunch".[/quote.

jmoore:


Reasons why I will marry a virgin
1- Virgins are brand-new, untouched. I get to commission her. wink
2- No abortion, I don't want to marry the mother of dead children .
3- I don't want to see her ex releasing a new album titled "I hit her first".
4- Free from Stds.
5- It is a sign of self-control which means she has a higher chance to remain faithful when married to me.
6- An Incredible Wedding Day and Night + honeymoon.(A night of two virgins)
7- A great role model for our kids.


FYI: Virginity is nothing the only thing I seek, other good qualities of a virtuous woman are included too. But virginity can never be negotiated.

1. So asides the inconsequential psychological gratification you derive from getting her brand new, what else? After it phases off and reality sets in, what's then going to be the essence of getting her new? Would being a virgin make her fulfill her duties as your wife?

2. So all women who have had sex, have aborted babies? Really? And you feel justified thinking this way?

3)How many exes of married couples have gone about telling people that they hit someone's wife before? And even if somehow someone decides to tell the world that he had sex with your wife before you married her, which the chances of this happening is really slim, how does that change anything? You have married her and she is your wife. That won't change anything. Everyone has a past.

4) So all non virgins have as STDs? And aren't you supposed to do a medical test to assure that both you and your wife are free from STDs before you get married?

5) Wrong. It's not a sign of self control and it's not a guarantee that she would stay faithful during marriage. What's your guarantee that you would even be able to satisfy her when you eventually begin to have sex with her? Women change when they start to have sex. What if she starts having a high drive or demand for sex and you don't? What if she discover that you can't satisfy her sexually? What would she do in such case? Won't she begin to look for someone else to satisfy her? Isn't that unfaithfulness?

6) Lol. Who told you two virgins having sex for the first time on their wedding night normally have an incredible night? Or who told you that they would enjoy the sex more than if it's two non virgins? In fact, with all the blood and the anxiety and the noviceness, the sex is normally boring and fast and nothing worth waiting all that time for.

7) Role model for your kids? And what's your assurance that your kids would follow your footsteps? And would telling your kids that their parents were virgins when they married mean that they would decide to be virgins themselves?

I hope you find a woman who has those qualities you seek and who is also a virgin and I hope you don't grow old before you do.

AyamConfidence:
theres a virgin thread everyday these days...i'm getting tired of it

it's a regular nairaland feature.

they slowed down for a while due to some reasons, but are now back.

tpia1billion:



it's a regular nairaland feature.

they slowed down for a while due to some reasons, but are now back.

its sicknening these days

Decker:


1. So asides the inconsequential psychological gratification you derive from getting her brand new, what else? After it phases off and reality sets in, what's then going to be the essence of getting her new? Would being a virgin make her fulfill her duties as your wife?

2. So all women who have had sex, have aborted babies? Really? And you feel justified thinking this way?

3)How many exes of married couples have gone about telling people that they hit someone's wife before? And even if somehow someone decides to tell the world that he had sex with your wife before you married her, which the chances of this happening is really slim, how does that change anything? You have married her and she is your wife. That won't change anything. Everyone has a past.

4) So all non virgins have as STDs? And aren't you supposed to do a medical test to assure that both you and your wife are free from STDs before you get married?

5) Wrong. It's not a sign of self control and it's not a guarantee that she would stay faithful during marriage. What's your guarantee that you would even be able to satisfy her when you eventually begin to have sex with her? Women change when they start to have sex. What if she starts having a high drive or demand for sex and you don't? What if she discover that you can't satisfy her sexually? What would she do in such case? Won't she begin to look for someone else to satisfy her? Isn't that unfaithfulness?

6) Lol. Who told you two virgins having sex for the first time on their wedding night normally have an incredible night? Or who told you that they would enjoy the sex more than if it's two non virgins? In fact, with all the blood and the anxiety and the noviceness, the sex is normally boring and fast and nothing worth waiting all that time for.

7) Role model for your kids? And what's your assurance that your kids would follow your footsteps? And would telling your kids that their parents were virgins when they married mean that they would decide to be virgins themselves?

I hope you find a woman who has those qualities you seek and who is also a virgin and I hope you don't grow old before you do.

Bros. I have made my choice. Nothing you wrote up there makes sense to me. I am anti-premarital sex while you are pro-premarital sex, therefore we don't think the same.

If you want to marry a retired prostitute, I will congratulate you. But as for Jmoore, it's tear rubber all the way. As for growing old before I find a virgin, I got many to choose from. Don't worry about me. Thanks.

AyamConfidence:
its sicknening these days

they have to earn their pay.

If the boss says, spam the forum with virgin threads, they have no choice than to do exactly that.