Rubbish, end time couple

sunnyking001:
I give the blame to the woman.she might have cheated on his husband and covering up. Am the man straight up send the stupid woman parking and forever never to come back again.[b][/b]

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Why do men always give themself the power saying is mens world? And why will the man send the woman packing if caught cheated? Why will he be jelous if his wife is having affair? This menterlity has to stop for men to feel they have the right to hurt their wife with no fear of God. How I wish lot of men realise the damage they curse in that wife heart, and u want unhappy woman to love u dearly. Hope u see reason why some women kill their husband.

[quote author=bobolizim post=41809150] Dear Bunmi,
I’ve been married to my husband for over 20 years and we have four lovely children. He’s always had series of affairs that I’ve lost count. I’ve stopped talking to him about them and when friends did, he told them smugly that he must be doing something right or I would have left.
He says his affairs are really for the sex and he would never leave me for another woman. Big deal!
I’m quite an attractive woman myself and still wear a size 14 dress. I have a good job and dress well and recently I started looking at other men the way my husband might look at other women and wondered what it would be like to have sex with them. You know what?
My husband was right, you can have good sex without getting emotionally involved as I’ve since found out. I don’t know if he suspects anything, but lately he’s been showing signs of being jealous, why should he have all the fun?
But are you a christian? I m sorry.

"Pushed" isn't the right word here. She swiftly placed the responsibility for her actions on the husband, but, ultimately, neither of them can be held responsible for the other's decisions. Furthermore, the reality of it is, her husband didn't push her to have sex with other men. The desire to have sex with [other] women/men is innate, natural. If anything, people "push" against that desire in a typical monogamous relationship, or try to, to the best of their ability.

Reality*: His persistent infidelity led to the realization she was the only one practicing restraint in their marriage, which caused her to make the decision to desist from further doing so.

Reality**: He didn't "push" her, she stopped pushing.

This may seem like drawn out semantics to some, but it really puts things into proper perspective.

The couple, which appears for all intents and purposes to be in a "monogamous" marriage to the wider community is actually practicing polyamory on the sly. This is an incredibly common and widespread trope of the so-called "monogamous" marriage. I for one see no reason to feign surprise, or pretend to feel aggrieved (per comments), or "sorry" for them. They're doing what they want and 'need' to do to stay sane and stay married.

It's funny how the whole letter reads like a statement, like she's using the advice column as a confessional or something.

RadicallyBlunt:
I won't advice u to cheat while u're still in his house cus if d alarm is raised, culture here would pounce on u more than him. So if u really wanna cheat or enjoy urself, ask for dissolving d marriage 1st..that will make him know d gravity of what he's doing afterall u have ur job too. Then u'll be free to have ur own men.

and who owns the house? do you know how the rent is paid? why do we always conclude the man owns the house? can culture pay rent? madam OP fire on jare nothing do you.

LastProphet:


and who owns the house? do you know how the rent is paid? why do we always conclude the man owns the house? can culture pay rent? madam OP fire on jare nothing do you.

If dat was d case she would have spoken out a long time ago. She's been quiet and enduring becaause she depends on her husband for d children's welfare. D husband must have been financially responsible for her and d 4 kids, dats why he said he must have been doing something right..dats why she's not protesting

Kudos to her..she's a good mother. If she has as much as u said, she won't endure such a humiliation.

99foxxy:
Serves the stupid man right.... One last advice! Make sure u sleep with all his friends. Useless men every where...

Madam, if u don't have anything 2 say, then keep quiet. Can 2 wrongs make a right?
If she's caught in the act of doing what u told her, will u b there 2 protect her?

@OP - All I have 2 say 2 Mr Husband and wife is - Whatever we do, we should know that GOD sees us and one day, we will all be judged by GOD. This should supersede any form of trying 2 pay sum1 back in his penny.

There is a proverb that “when a rat follows
the lizard to be beaten by the rain, if the
body of the lizard gets dried, that of the rat
will not dry.” This woman will sooner or later
realize her foolishness. They will need deliverance
before some calamity strikes.

RadicallyBlunt:

If dat was d case she would have spoken out a long time ago. She's been quiet and enduring becaause she depends on her husband for d children's welfare. D husband must have been financially responsible for her and d 4 kids, dats why he said he must have been doing something right..dats why she's not protesting

Kudos to her..she's a good mother. If she has as much as u said, she won't endure such a humiliation.

you seem to skip the line where she said she has a good job. bros am a guy but please lets face facts and not those fictitious cultural things designed by men to favor only men. there are women that stay for the kids, not all stay to be fed and some are even feeding men, abeg enuf of this yeye male supremacy. if you cheat you have no right to condemn your partner and as you grow older you will understand what she has learnt that you must not have a fully committed relationship with someone just because you have sex, if couples understood this there would be few problems in marriages.

EnlightenedSoul:
"Pushed" isn't the right word here. She swiftly placed the responsibility for her actions on the husband, but, ultimately, neither of them can be held responsible for the other's decisions. Furthermore, the reality of it is, her husband didn't push her to have sex with other men. The desire to have sex with [other] women/men is innate, natural. If anything, people "push" against that desire in a typical monogamous relationship, or try to, to the best of their ability.

Reality*: His persistent infidelity led to the realization she was the only one practicing restraint in their marriage, which caused her to make the decision to desist from further doing.

Reality**: He didn't "push" her, she stopped pushing.

This may seem like drawn out semantics to some, but it really puts things into proper perspective.

The couple, which appears for all intents and purposes to be in a "monogamous" marriage to the wider community is actually practicing polyamory on the sly. This is an incredibly common and widespread trope of the so-called "monogamous" marriage. I for one see no reason to feign surprise, or pretend to feel aggrieved (per comments), or "sorry" for them. They're doing what they want and 'need' to do to stay sane and stay married.

It's funny how the whole letter reads like a statement, like she's using the advice column as a confessional or something.

Well said my dear. Happy new year in arrears

Yomieluv:
What's sauce for goose should be sauce forr gender.

Gander you mean

Tit for tat.Nobody is a tethered goat.End time started when the world began.

i love the nollywood story... when is it airing, cos i must watch it in the cinema before any nairalander check it out

EnlightenedSoul:
"Pushed" isn't the right word here. She swiftly placed the responsibility for her actions on the husband, but, ultimately, neither of them can be held responsible for the other's decisions. Furthermore, the reality of it is, her husband didn't push her to have sex with other men. The desire to have sex with [other] women/men is innate, natural. If anything, people "push" against that desire in a typical monogamous relationship, or try to, to the best of their ability.

Reality*: His persistent infidelity led to the realization she was the only one practicing restraint in their marriage, which caused her to make the decision to desist from further doing.

I wouldn't say he pushed her either but I think that their marriage has triggered the desire for other men in her.

Reality**: He didn't "push" her, she stopped pushing.


This may seem like drawn out semantics to some, but it really puts things into proper perspective.

The couple, which appears for all intents and purposes to be in a "monogamous" marriage to the wider community is actually practicing polyamory on the sly. This is an incredibly common and widespread trope of the so-called "monogamous" marriage. I for one see no reason to feign surprise, or pretend to feel aggrieved (per comments), or "sorry" for them. They're doing what they want and 'need' to do to stay sane and stay married.

It's funny how the whole letter reads like a statement, like she's using the advice column as a confessional or something.

@bold

Interesting perspective. I am not sure they do it to stay sane.

wickedworld:
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Why do men always give themself the power saying is mens world? And why will the man send the woman packing if caught cheated? Why will he be jelous if his wife is having affair? This menterlity has to stop for men to feel they have the right to hurt their wife with no fear of God. How I wish lot of men realise the damage they curse in that wife heart, and u want unhappy woman to love u dearly. Hope u see reason why some women kill their husband.

Sorry o, bt u shuldnt av wated ur tym quoting dt guy. Guess he dint read or undastand d post... So itz ok for d man to cheat and rub it on the womanz face, dtz no crime bah? And wen d woman cheats itz not cool? God save our generation... Dey are both wrong simple... People should watch out for peeps comment on social netwk it can define who dey are to some extent...

neoapocalypse:



Well said my dear. Happy new year in arrears

Happy New Year, Neo!

It's good to see ya. Explain what you mean by the expression, tho, lol. Is it a wish to have all the debts owed me paid in full this year? If so, I'd sooner give up now

Mindfulness:


I wouldn't say he pushed her either but I think that their marriage has triggered the desire for other men in her.

I would agree with you there. The state of their marriage exacerbated the issue, for sure.

@bold

Interesting perspective. I am not sure they do it to stay sane.

Plenty of people cheat to stay sane in relationships they can't escape due to familial, financial or religious circumstances. This is the letter of a woman who finally let go of all her inhibitions to cheat after having put up with it for so long, only to experience zero guilt post-indulgement.

I think this response from some other thread below captures the situation perfectly.

EnlightenedSoul:


To you, infidelity is not a good enough reason to leave someone, but in reality it's one of the most common reasons for breakups/divorces. It's up to wronged party to decide whether or not the offense warrants a divorce. If the person decides it does and leaves you, it matters not that you've 'replaced' them with the 'side' as they've already willfully left you, likely for someone else or their own peace of mind. As for guarantees, there are no guarantees on anything in life. That doesn't keep us from living life to the fullest, taking chances, and cutting losses wherever necessary.

If you're married and stuck (financially or otherwise) to a spouse who cheats, and you prefer the facade of that marriage to a divorce, you'll likely do whatever it is you need to do to stay sane as well. The wronged will eventually become emotionally numb to the cheater's transgressions as a matter of course, and start doing their own thing.

There are no two other ways about it. If the person stays, chances are extremely high that there will come a time when they'll eventually 'cheat' on the cheat and think nothing of it. The 'arrangement' may even suit them.
https://www.nairaland.com/2473033/why-some-women-never-happy#36203752

She did what she had to do..that's life.

Looking for an excuse to do what you were doing before marriage. Look woman, two wrongs can never make a single right. Stop deceiving yourself. My advice is please try to be satisfying your husband at home and give him the best attention , good and lovely companionship. Advice him to stop flirting outside when you have more than enough for his own consumption. Try to attractive and sexy in such a way that he will start to be doing away with dirty girls outside your home. Value him, value your marriage ...value the kids that God has given to you. Good luck&

The truth is: your husband's infidelity is no excuse for your actions. We are Africans irrespective of the religion We proffess, polygamy is still part and parcel of our culture. If your husband is caught pants down with another woman, he may say he wants to take her as second wife and trust me, nobody wife really blame him(it is men's world you know) . If you are caught wife you be able to say you wanna take him as your second husband? It is when you are caught that you will know how African culture frowns at woman's infidelity. Even your relatives will disown you as having brought shame to them. Nobody will listen to your saying that he started it first.

Two wrongs don't make a Right. Otherwise, they'll be nothing Left.

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Shut up. You're the brainless one for seeing nothing in the man's actions.

DamZik:
When they say women are confused being, you need not to negotiate it. How can two wrongs make a right? How will this your reaction solve the problem?
Women and their fish brains sha.

You don't even have sense, lmao.

pweetychyka:
Too bad!

Did u try asking em the kind of position d ladies out there gives em dat u don't? And if u can't ask em such question, av u tried watching adult videos wit new skills to improve on ur old skills?

U should know a man can cheat as he likes in as much as he's not hiding away from his responsibility!

But as a lady, u shouldn't have done dat! D fact he told u that " u can have sex wit a person without getting emotionally attached" does not mean he wants u to do it! U should know as a lady dat men are naturally jealous over a woman they luv

N:B - ain't supporting cheating amongst married men oooooooo!

#stillmaopinion

And the man is angel Gabriel right? Olodo.

arusoncd:
a harlot is a harlot even as a septuagenarian.

Amberon11:
You don't even have sense, lmao.

U r jez so ill mannered!

Oga use ur sense very well

Mind u, everyone is subject to their own opinion

I just don't get how people are so quick to throw insults to others,this is a public forum and decorum should be observed.
Manners and characters are like perfumes or bad odours,they just don't leave you
The sensible ones,everybody has rights to their opinions
Habaaaaaa...