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5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by eleojo23: 6:21pm On Jan 21, 2016
Do you often feel inadequate and “not good enough” to be friends, lovers, or business partners with certain people? You simply can't understand what others see in you. You are very insecure. You end many promising relationships because of insecurity. In your mind, it feels easier for you to end it before they did. Walking away rather than risking the heartbreak of rejection is how you justify this behavior to yourself. I have also been through this in the past. But after awhile, as I grew emotionally, I began to realize that I wanted and needed the comfort and support of long-term relationships (I am not referring to only romantic relationships)

So what did I do, and what can you do if insecurity is damaging your relationships? You need to understand that a good relationship is about sharing ideas and enjoyable moments with another, to help each other grow in healthy ways, both together socially and as individuals. If someone really does treat you poorly or lies and cheats you out of something, feeling insecure is a natural and reasonable response. However, if you’re actually in a generally good relationship with someone, then it’s time to…

1. Stop trying to read minds.
Most relationship problems and associated social anxieties start with bad communication, which in turn leads to attempted mind reading. Mind reading occurs when two people assume that they know what the other is thinking when they don’t. This process of wondering and trying to guess what someone is thinking is a rapid route to feelings of insecurity and stress.
If someone says one thing, don’t assume they mean something else. If they say nothing at all, don’t assume their silence has some hidden, negative connotation. Likewise, don’t make the people in your life try to read your mind.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Give the people in your life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable. It’s also important to remember that you aren’t suppose to know every little thing going on in the minds of others, even the people closest to you. When you stop trying to read their minds, you really begin to respect their right to privacy. Everyone deserves the right to think private thoughts. Constantly asking, “What are you thinking?” can provoke a person to withdraw from a relationship to find space.

2. Stop looking for perfect relationships.
You will end up spending your entire life hopelessly seeking the right lover and the right friends if you expect them to be perfect. Even worse, the process of doing so will drive you mad, as you feel more and more insecure with every failed relationship that doesn’t live up to your fantasy of perfection.
We’re all seeking those special relationships that feel perfect for us, but if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to realize that there are no “perfect people” for you, just different flavors of imperfect ones.
That’s because we are all imperfect in some way. You yourself are imperfect in many ways, and you seek out relationships with people who are imperfect in complementary ways. It takes a lot of life experience to grow fully into yourself and realize your own imperfections; and it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest imperfections, your unsolvable flaws – the ones that truly define who you are – that you are able to proficiently select harmonious relationships. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for imperfect people who balance you out – the perfectly imperfect people for you.

3. Stop judging current relationships based on past ones.
Think about those times when you passed an unfair judgment on someone merely because they reminded you of someone from your past who treated you poorly. Sadly, some people pass judgments like these throughout the entire duration of their long-term relationships. Simply because they were once in a relationship with someone who was abusive, dishonest, or who left them, they respond defensively to everyone else who gets close to them, even though these new relationships have been nothing but kind and supportive.
If you carry old bricks from the failed relationships of your past to your present relationships, you will build the same flawed structures that fell apart before. So if you suspect that you have been making unfair comparisons between your present relationships and a negative one from the past, take a moment and consciously reflect on the hurtful qualities of this old, negative relationship, and then think of all the ways your present relationships differ. This small exercise will help you let go of the old bricks and remind you that past pains are not indicative of present possibilities.

4. Stop inventing problems that don’t exist.
Inventing problems in our mind and then believing them is a clear path to self- sabotage. Too often we amuse ourselves with anxious predictions, deceive ourselves with negative thinking, and ultimately live in a state of hallucination about worst-case scenarios. We overlook everything but the plain, downright, simple, honest truth.
When you invent problems in your relationships, your relationships ultimately suffer. Insecurity is often the culprit. If you doubt yourself and you don’t realize your own worth, you will pass on any opportunity to let others care for you, and you will remain stuck with the insecurity issues that weigh you down.
The insecure passenger does not trust anyone else to drive. They feel out of control. They imagine that the driver is not paying attention. Or they may even fantasize that the slight jolting of the driver stepping on the breaks is a sign of doom via an impending collision.
They freak themselves out by assuming that the visions they have invented in their mind represents reality.
What you need to realize is that there are normal idiosyncrasies to any relationship. There are ups and downs and mood changes, moments of affection and closeness and moments of friction. These ups and downs are normal. Wanting to be absolutely close and intimate all the time is like wanting to be a passenger in a car that has no driver.
Next time you feel insecure, and you catch yourself stressing about problems that don’t exist, stop yourself and take a deep breath. Then tell yourself, “This problem I’m concerned with only exists in my mind.” Being able to distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening in your life is an important step towards self-confidence.

5. Stop focusing on the negatives.
There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even if it seems perfect now, it won’t always be. Imperfection, however, is real and beautiful. The quality of the happiness between two people grows in direct proportion to their acceptance, and in inverse proportion to their intolerance and expectations. It’s how two people accept and deal with the imperfections of their relationship that make it ideal.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you have to accept everyone into your life even when it is obvious that they are not right for you. But it does mean that if there are occasional difficulties in your relationships, you don’t have to jump to the bold conclusion that the entire relationship is bad, and become so distressed that the relationship ends, or so insecure that the other person questions your intentions.
No meaningful relationship will always work flawlessly all the time. Being too black and white about the quality and health of a relationship spells trouble.
There will always be difficulties present, but you can still focus on the good.
Insecure people constantly look for signs of what’s not working in their relationships. What you need to do is look for signs of what is.
Having an appreciation for how remarkable the people in your life are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So notice their strong qualities, cheer for their victories, and encourage their goals and ambitions. Challenge them to be the best they can be. Every day, acknowledge just how amazing they are.

These are things you should apply in your life everyday. Keep on practicing (as I am still practicing) until it becomes part of you.


The floor is yours… Do leave a comment.


Shared from marcandangel.com/2013/06/20/stop-feeling-insecure-in-your-relationships

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Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by eleojo23: 6:22pm On Jan 21, 2016
Feel free to leave a comment...

2 Likes

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by Nobody: 8:37pm On Jan 21, 2016
I wish everyone would read dis. I was guilty of some of them especially no. 1 until I read a similar post a few yrs back. Thanks for refreshing my memory and for sharing.

4 Likes

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by eleojo23: 8:44am On Jan 22, 2016
Alejhandro:
I wish everyone would read dis. I was guilty of some of them especially no. 1 until I read a similar post a few yrs back. Thanks for refreshing my memory and for sharing.
I was also guilty of number 1.
I was always trying to read the minds of my friends and decipher what they were thinking (feeling like a detectivegrin). But it usually led me to making wrong assumptions.

I have realised that everyone has a right to think private thoughts the same way I like to have my privacy. If someone is honest with you, he/she will tell you the things you should know. No need to probe too much.

10 Likes

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by fulfillbill(m): 8:53am On Jan 22, 2016
We are always tempted by the devil to leave relationships that, though not toxic but adds little or nothing to our lives or where we are headed.

But the points are agreeable anyways.
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by eleojo23: 7:31am On Jan 23, 2016
^Yeah
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by eleojo23: 10:58am On Jan 23, 2016
eleojo23:
^Yeah
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by dsquare33: 5:14pm On Jan 23, 2016
A very good write up, I had some of these problems, but I noticed the more I avoid been hurt the more people step on my toes. I have overcome these things now, I have come to realise, humans are different in terms background, character hence one has to treat people differently, then don't pour your life history to people because there will always be backstabbers.

2 Likes

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by eleojo23: 6:36am On Jan 25, 2016
^True
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by kennyman2000(m): 6:37am On Jan 26, 2016
Hmmmm
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by Smellymouth: 6:38am On Jan 26, 2016
The only tin dat keeps me going is NEVER to go into any relationship with over expectations...

1 Like

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by samx4real(m): 6:42am On Jan 26, 2016
That's true!
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by jordyspices: 6:42am On Jan 26, 2016
Nairaland tell em
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by slap1(m): 6:42am On Jan 26, 2016
No relationship now until I get some cash... I can't see myself for now.

5 Likes

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by kimond101: 6:43am On Jan 26, 2016
OP thanks for the post. It's brilliant.

We all have imperfections and wise is the one who acknowledges his imperfection and works on it if possible.
Happy is the one who finds a partner that compliments his/her imperfection in a good way.
No relationship is a bed of roses. If your relationship is always going too smoothly without any bump you should be worried. Misunderstanding, argument or disagreement may occur from time to time. One needs to know how best to resolve them without hurting each other feelings/ego.
Men of today are looking for a perfect lady same as women. But we can only make someone in a "My Mr/Mrs Perfect"

2 Likes

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by pulsa(m): 6:43am On Jan 26, 2016
relationships are overrated.
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by allthingsgood: 6:44am On Jan 26, 2016
Brilliant post...very helpful!
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by Wolfbrother(m): 6:44am On Jan 26, 2016
5. Dont think about going through his/her phone wink

6 Likes

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by rattlesnake(m): 6:46am On Jan 26, 2016
Stop relationships smiley
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by ladyF(f): 6:46am On Jan 26, 2016
Interesting. grin Stop being with partners that are a pain in the ass too. Get your freedom from that toxic relationship now. Relationship is not by force, all those parasitic relationships too angry

It's [size=15pt]LadyF[/size] again grin grin grin

1 Like

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by melodyirish(m): 6:47am On Jan 26, 2016
This early morning, mtchewwwww
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by lokotowers(m): 6:48am On Jan 26, 2016
Relationship hmmmmmm
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by bezimo(m): 6:50am On Jan 26, 2016
Somebody needs to read this
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by gentlesoul196: 6:50am On Jan 26, 2016
Bulsh!t write up... stay single n be happier
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by autotrader014(m): 6:50am On Jan 26, 2016
the only sure way to stop feeling insecure in life is to make money.. shekina. grin

2 Likes

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by chelseabmw(m): 6:50am On Jan 26, 2016
Hmmmm
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by Kreamie(m): 6:51am On Jan 26, 2016
* STOP NAGGING

* STOP ASKING FOR MONEY

* STOP COMPLAINING EVERY SINGLE MINUTE

* STOP THE FBI CRAP

* STOP LOOKING THROUGH HIS/HER PHONE AS YOU'LL ONLY GIVE YOU YOURSELF A HEARTACHE

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by Ndukings92(m): 6:52am On Jan 26, 2016
as far as d guy in question is broke, insecurity is his case. period!

9 Likes

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by Abatsam111(m): 6:54am On Jan 26, 2016
OP !
Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by Ameanux(m): 6:54am On Jan 26, 2016
Having a partner who understand you better is the best partner one need in any relationship. Do not cheat on her.
Treat her like a queen.
Always expres how you feel when you ae wit her.

2 Likes

Re: 5 Sure Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationships by kirchofff(m): 6:54am On Jan 26, 2016
Cool

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